After centuries of fighting in the wake of Nightmare Moon's banishment and the genocide of one of the night tribes, the remaining have retreated outside of Equestria. After a few centuries of peace, one has returned and has another awaked. Together they stand alone fighting two fronts as they unravel almost a millennium of deceit, learning about their limits and what makes a monster.
Editors: ShadowSpider (Ch 1 to 3) and Dark Rose 777 (Ch 4+)
Cover Art Artist: Lionel23
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like the start. Hope to see more.
I'm looking forward to more.
I swear as soon as I started reading this, the rain began pouring down.
It's pretty interesting, didn't see any spelling errors or misplaced words, a bit of a grammar fix is needed and a few details here and there and it'll be good. Jumps around a bit to much from scene to scene, try drawing it out a bit.
Besides that it's alright so far, the introduction was nice and with a bit of work it would be a great prolouge chapter
The Reports chapter needs some dialogue distinction between Cadance and the mystery stallion, it was kinda hard to distinguish who was talking.
Like in my previous comment, I'll say this is actually really interesting so far, this Equestria seems to know more about demons and other dark creatures.
All this needs really is some more description to pad it out a bit, scenes go by a bit to fast and it's hard to digest what is going on sometimes.
“The tendrils guarded Twilight. Unfortunately, I was only able to get them to Canterlot General. Something lingering here made teleporting a lot harder. Took about two hundred percent more magic than it usually does, and that was only half the range. The magic in those tendrils is impressive. It was able to withstand a strike from Princess Celestia’s maul and still tose her like a rag doll.”
I believe that's "tossed her"
“Yes, sir. Good luck, and my Faust smile on you.” Is it "may Faust smile on you"?
All in all, good story.
9899615
Thanks. I was starting to lose faith in it. An editor position is currently open. Please pm me if you are interested.
CrimsonWalker, Thanks for the offer but due to limitations, I'm not able to fulfill that position. I'll continue to "edit" from the comments if you'd like. But here's a tip: Proofread before you submit, if you can. Really helps catching errors! Still great story! When is the next chapter coming out?
<3
This is an interesting start, I am looking forward to seeing where you take this.
IT LIVES!!!
Things of gotten interesting.
Looking forward to seeing what happens next.
Interesting.
...wat?
If the main OCs in this story had voice actors, what would they sound like?
I'm... not the only one that thinks that the Church of Light needs to face the fate of Cult Solar and have it's influence curbed right?
The story seems quite interesting, looking forward to read new chapters c: