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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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....so many errors in grammar that I'm beginning to wench. Heck, even putting 'nervous' where you meant 'nerves'. That's just... ouch. The fight could be better if you split it into paragraphs too, by the way.
I really suck at grammar okay. If it bothers you that much don't read the story.
I'd suggest you getting an editor to help with the grammar. Don't have to if you don't want to.
9633386
I'm more than willing to get an editor
9633414
Just no luck in finding a good one?
9633416
Just no luck period
9633428
Shame to hear. I think there are (meaby) some groups that have editors that are willing to help. Not sure really.
9633414
I'm willing to try editing for you though i make no promises on how well I'll do.
A good story but a one hundred foot crater from Rainbow Dash doing a sonic rain boom? Sorry but the numbers don't add up, at most taking in her size, mass and speed I just don't see it I mean look at this
9633741
Thx i'll send ya a link via pm to the next chapter once I reach a good point.
9633906
Yea I realize this but its also anime and cartoon logic you have to factor in as well. Rainbow easily breaks the sound barrier at mach 5 to.
9633938
Even in cartoon logic that's to much the shockwave for a sonic boom is a around 761.2 mph (1,225 km/h) at sea level and in a world of magic with a high level of ambient magic like MLP a sonicrain boom is possible. If she was moving at Mach 5 in the air the time it takes to change direction is longer at that speed she would over shoot all the time, she easily move at hundreds of miles and hour which is well within what she dose in the show,
But still great story want to read more
Great story, can't wait for the next one.
I freaking love this story!! Keep up the great work
9633964
It was also in a park so the ground was likely soft.
That is the most retarded line I’ve ever read in my life. This shit only works when the hero refuses to kill, because is morally wrong.
What happened? Hurting the guard it’s ok for him but if they hurt one of his friends he gives them a pass???????? In the future Is he gonna let sombra go if he manage to hurt one of his friends because “he is better than him”. Sorry mate but this is it for me, your logic is anime protagonist stupid. I wish you luck and I hope this fic ends up great but am bailing out of this boat right now.
10114781
you really should keep reading
Enjoying the story so far but I see that some of the concerns about the story have already been voiced. If you are ever in need of an editor or another proof reader then I'm more than willing too. I've done it many times before and usually am able to find better ways of expressing thoughts and whatnot.
"I'm not going to hurt you cause I'm better than you"
You could at least try to give a good explanation author that's just plain bullshit.
DONT TELL HIM YOU IDOT
(yes i said idot on purpose to not insult the author)
10726590
Keep it up and see what it gets you
my nerves
into his face. Fell to the ground
dangerous
*nerves
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/jjba/images/5/57/TheWorldDonut.png/revision/latest?cb=20150612183029
Asta be like
10794288
Its way funnier as nervous though haha
I give this man the purple heart and every other highest's honor. for once I can say this for a character, not because other aren't deserving, because it feels genuine
First of all this guy survived the hit from a Sonic rainboom and a cup of guards were able to take him down seriously 😒
11238111
Yes just like dragon ball he can still be hurt by weapons. Saiyan are more durable than humans yes but even in this show humans could still be hurt bY conventional means Iike guns and knives. Later on in the story thanks to a butt old of train Asta i able to push passed his humans limits and gains the ablitity of iron skin so normal weapons like the spears won’t be able to affect him unless they being our person is outlandishly strong or note her displaced, in this cause it was also a surprise attck