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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Awww Family reunion
Cadance: You married to both my aunts (on your side)?! I knew they are not entitled to stay single! I need to hurry and find them (my version) a suitor!
Rarity: Ooooh, what a scandal~! Can you tell me what kind of lingerie they prefer to wear?
"A few hours to work." Not even five minutes and she's out.
Overall, a good one. Guess now that he prevented corruption, he has a chance to redeem the trapped Sombra... eventually.
Nuuuuuuu neeeeeeed more don't end there nuuuuuuuuuuu
I like this story, its a fun concept and the characters are done well, but the writing itself is pretty rough. Its full of a lot of early writer mistakes that tend to leave through practice writing.
For example, the tendency to tell the reader every single step. Mildred sat down with Sue for tea. She picked up the cup and poured the tea into the cup. She added sugar and grabbed a spoon.
Mildred and sue sat down to tea. They held their comfortably warm cups as they spoke about the garage sale. When the reader imagines the tea scene in their head as they read, they automatically visualize the making of the tea without having to walk them through it. When you tell them that the OC pulled out the ladies chair at dinner, the reader already visualizes him pushing the chair back in on their own. There is no need to walk the reader through the action. It also cuts down on those paragraphs full of repetitive character names. (The wolf picked up the wolfs bowl. The wolf walked over to the wolfs bed. The wolf laid down and licked the wolfs ba...You get the idea.) It cuts down on those as well.
Like I said, not a bad story, but it could use some cleaning up.
The Monk
“Heat? isn't that when... I took a whiff of air when I smelled a smelly smell that smells smelly.” -The Kitsune
9849478
Couldn't have said it better than myself. The writing is rough around the edges but it's got a lot of potential for refinement and doesn't seem to have any particular weaknesses other than the problem of telling and not showing.
9849478
Try atrocious.
But the story is interesting enough that I give it a very reluctant ignore. You know what inexperienced writers have that established ones don't? Ideas, and no fear of using them. It's silly, it's grotesque, but it's interesting and you don't know what'll happen next - likely because the author probably doesn't, either.
And you know what else I like about these - despite their horrible writing, and nonexistent sense of pacing? The fact that the plot actually moves along, sometimes at breakneck speed. ;] They have a zillion ideas a second and want to try each one out. I'm bored of reading shit that never goes anywhere because it's fairly clear the author had no interesting ideas moving forward...
i'll be sure to check out that story when im caught up with this one, and plz don't leave that story where it is. that story has 100+ chapters
When you know you've watched too much anime