5 - Of SDS and bananas
As Twilight has found out numerous times by now, being an alicorn had it's perks. For instance, this time she got over a cold in under a day! That was amazing! She is amazing! Twilight was all Ryan could think about in his current state, a little sad about the lack of said alicorn princess by his side, but she had duties to perform. Important princess duties as princess of friendship! If anyone told Ryan he'd be dating a pony princess from another world... Well, I don't know. How would you react? I, personally, would brush it off as a joke, probably because Luke was high as a kite when he'd tell me, and continue my work. I guess I'd be a little freaked out upon arrival but hey, land of magic and I love myself some D&D, Skyrim and so on.
Anyway, back to our sick protagonist.
Ryan's been lying in bed for what seemed like hours, even though the clock said it was only ten minutes. Time slowed to a crawl and life was slowly leaving him. Everything ached like a bitch and his nose was running like those rainbows from Cloudsdale. Now that was an experience. He'd need to ask Rainbow to take him there again. Cloudsdale needs to see the return of Cloudjumper, the strange human that's making dragon noises.
"Get up, come on get down with the sickness... " ah sweet music. How he misses you "Madness is the gift, that has been given to me... " his Bag of Holding, as he called his backpack, was currently in Canterlot and it's contents studied carefully by the lands greatest minds. One of the things in their possession was his MP3 player, some unknown brand that could hold a 64GB card and Ryan had 3 of them all filled up "That one's a bummer... " Ryan swore the wrath of hell will descend on Canterlot should anything happen to his MP3 player and after hearing music from Earth, Luna joined in on the action "You need cooling... Baby I'm not fooling... " what's with HiE and music? I'm noticing a pattern here...
"Coming right up! " the voice of his adorkable angel snapped him out of his dream of living in the 70's and he saw her carrying some tea, various fruits and cooling pads. She put the tray on the nightstand and sat beside him on the bed "You're really burning up. " Twilight said as she felt his forehead.
"I'll be phine... " Ryan waved off and then spread his arms "Gimme' a kissh! "
"Oh no. I know where this is going. " she quickly kissed his forehead instead "You need to rest, and when you're all better, then I'll kiss you all you want. " Ryan felt instant relief wen she put a cooling pad to his head.
"Ooooooh, that's the spot... "
"I have to go now. " Ryan looked at her with pleading eyes "Duty calls. But Spike is here if you need anything and I promise I'll be back as soon as possible. " Twilight rose from the bed and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, Ryan being too slow to turn his head to steal a real kiss "Be good and rest. " before Ryan could protest, Twilight was out the door and down the stairs "Are humans typically this affected by a common cold? Is it just the stallions? " Ryan has been sick before, just colds and some food poisoning, but nothing serious "What if he got something serious? I know too little about human biology! " you're certainly interested about a certain part of his biology "Get a grip Twilight! Your coltfriend is sick! " that didn't stop her from remembering all the times she saw him naked "Oh no... " her wings fwooshing to the side didn't help her situation either "Logarithmic equations. Law of motion. In and out... " her cheeks flushed furiously and Twilight shook her head "Bad Twlight... "
"That's what he said. " her head snapped to Spike who was casually sweeping the floors.
"Spike! Not cool! " the dragon shrugged his shoulders and continued with his duties "You're hanging out with Ryan too much. "
"He has taught me great things. " then he lowered his voice "Terrible, but great. " Twilight looked at him in confusion "I'm still not getting his references though. " the young alicorn sighed.
"I don't think anyone does. " then her ears perked up "Except Pinkie apparently. " yep, Pinkie knows things. How does Pinkie know things? Nobody knows for sure so they just chalk it up to Pinkie being Pinkie "Well, anyway, I have to go. The school won't run itself! "
"I'm hot for teacher... " Spike hummed and Twilight facepalmed.
Twilight got ready fast. Like, magically fast, and was out the door in seconds wearing a white button-up shirt and a skirt that reached her knees. She always got up early to prepare for the day and since the school was practically next door, Twilight used every second she could spare to make sure she was ready to deliver her knowledge of friendship properly. So with a bag over her shoulder, Twilight made her way towards the school. Everything was going fine until she heard that familiar voice.
"Morning Twilight! " she turned to the side and sure enough, Lyra was waving at her with a big smile.
"Hey Lyra. Early day? " Twilight knew this day would come. She had nothing against Lyra, she was nice enough, but her constant romantic overtures to get Ryan's attention were getting more exhausting by the day. Now that they're officially dating, Twilight really didn't like the idea of someone trying to woo her coltfriend.
"Eh, not really. " the mint coated mare shrugged her shoulders before speaking, her ears drooping a little "So, the news spread fast. " there it was...
"Yes. Ryan and I are dating. " Twilight said a little harsher than she wanted but a statement had to be made.
"Well, it was kinda' obvious you two would end up together. " Lyra sighed "You've won, fair and square, though you barely tried...
"What was that? " Twilight eyed her suspiciosly.
"Nothing, nothing! " Lyra chuckled awkwardly before noticing something "Speaking of, where is Ryan? He's usually escorting you to school, lucky whorse... "
"You should really stop mumbling to yourself. " Twilight said, really hoping she didn't hear what she thought she did "And he's sick. "
"Oh? Is he alright? " Lyra asked with great concern.
"Just a cold. Rainbow thought it would be romantic if she made it rain on us. " the sniffles aside, it was a romantic moment.
"Oh, that's good. " then suddenly Lyra looked like she was deep in thought "Wait, this is the fifth time he's having a cold, right? "
"Umm, yes? " Twilight said with a skeptic look.
"Oh no... " Lyra's ears went flat and she looked at Twilight with concern etched on her face "Twilight! This is not a common cold! It's SDS! "
"What are you talking about? And what's SDS? "
"Sexual deficiency syndrome! " Twilight took a step back from shock, her lavender cheeks tinging red.
"What? There's no such thing as- " Lyra took a step closer, her face a mask of complete seriousness.
"I'm the foremost expert on humans Twilight! I think I know what I'm talking about! "
"I'd say Ryan is the expert. " Twilight deadpanned but Lyra shook her head.
"Listen to me, humans are extremely sexual creatures. " now even Lyra's cheeks were getting a little red "If they don't have sex on a regular basis they could die! "
"I don't think that's true. " Twilight waved her off but Lyra was persistent.
"Is he masturbating on a regular basis? " the question came out more lustful than it should have.
"WHAT? "
"You know, beating his meat? Celebrating palm Sunday? Paddling the pink canoe? "
"That is not an appropriate question! " Twilight's wings were threatening to go fwoosh again.
"Twilight- " Lyra put her hands on her shoulders "-have I ever been wrong before? " and as much as Twilight wanted to say yes, she really couldn't. Lyra was right about human practices so many times even Ryan thought she lived there before "I care for his well being, you know that. " debatable "And I want him to be healthy. " she took a step back and sighed deeply "When humans don't engage in regular intercourse, or have a date with Palmela Handerson, the sexual frustration piles up and manifests in symptoms similar to a common cold. The extra heat they build up has to go somewhere. It also affects his psyche. You have noticed how his behavior changed through the time he's been here. " now Twilight was deep in thought. Fact was she didn't know much about human biology and she could bet all her bits Ryan didn't have sex ever since he ended up in Equestria. And his behavior did go from a calm and cautious to a more carefree and sometimes reckless. She shuddered at the memory of how he confronted Tirek "He probably didn't tell you about it since he's such a nice guy and didn't want to worry you, but this is serious. " Lyra then stared hard into Twilight's eyes "You're his marefriend now and it's your job to keep him healthy. " then she lowered her voice "And alive. "
"I... " this all sounded like a lot of horseapples but Lyra was being very convincing.
"The best way is to just jump him so he can't protest. Better yet, don't even tell him you know about SDS. Trust me on this one. " Lyra leaned back and looked pleadingly at Twilight "Please. "
"I... I have to go... " Twilight stormed off towards the school, completely missing the smug grin on Lyra's muzzle.
"She doesn't have it in her. All I have to do is wait. " and with a sinister chuckle she teleported off to do whatever it is stalkers do.
The students could tell something was distracting their principal. She barely focused on the lectures and got lost track of what she was saying half the time. Lyra's words really struck a chord. He he... Umm, yeah, Ryan wasn't really and expert on his own biology, just some basics he learned in school. But this SDS sounded serious, if it was true anyway. She'd have to do more research on the subject before-
"Did you two do it yet? " she was snapped out of her thoughts by Smolder.
"Excuse me? " well that got her attention.
"You and Ryan. Did you do it? "
"That is hardly any of your concern, Smolder. " Twilight replied a little harsher than she wanted "Now, as I was saying- "
"You don't even remember what you were saying. " Silverstream commented offhandedly, her game of paper hoofball with Gallus in full swing "Score! "
"Hey! Stop that! " Twilight grabbed the piece of paper in her magic and threw it in the bin without even looking.
"Nice. " Gallus whistled at her display of accuracy.
"We're waiting. " Smolder tapped her claws on the table.
"That's private information. " Twilight huffed, her cheeks tinging red again.
"They didn't. " Ocellus said shyly "But she really wants to. "
"Stop reading my emotions Ocellus! " Twilight said flustered.
"So what's the hold up? " Smolder crossed her arms with a smug grin "We're obviously not going anywhere with this lecture so let's see what all the fuss is about you two dating. "
"Yona wants juicy details! " the yak bellowed from her chair and Twilight clapped her hands.
"That's enough of that class! "
"That's a no then. " Smolder said almost disappointed "Is it because it's small? "
"Smolder! " Twilight blushed furiously.
"Too big? Yak have that problem. " Yona said matter-of-factly.
"Yona! "
"Hippogriffs like to do it in water. "
"That's not part of the curriculum! " things were getting out of hand and Twilight had to stop it "You're all getting detention! Write a hundred times I will not ask my teacher about her sex life! in cursive! "
"Meh... " Gallus shrugged his shoulders and continued his game with Silverstream.
"We just want you to be happy. " Silverstream said and completely missed her shot for a point "I like to think we're more like friends here than teachers and students. Hey, we're all almost the same age for some reason. " all the other students nodded in agreement.
"Sharing is caring is what Miss Fluttershy says. " Ocellus added quietly. All eyes were now on Twilight who fidgeted on her spot. She finally relented and sighed in defeat.
"I guess. " she scratched the back of her head, a habit she picked up from Ryan "And if you must know, no, we hadn't done it yet. " everyone nodded in understanding "Although... "
"Yes? " Everyone leaned in, curious of what was coming next. Twilight's brow's scrunched up in thought.
"This is between friends, right? " all students nodded "And you won't tell Neighsay about this? " everyone shook their head furiously "Alright. " she took a deep breath "Have you guys ever heard about SDS? "
"Sexual deficit syndrome? " Gallus asked with a raised brow and Twilight's mouth went agape.
"That's a thing? " Twilight asked in shock.
"Yeah. " the young alicorn went completely pale.
"Teach? You alright there? " Smolder asked with a raised brow.
"Class is dismissed! " and with a glow and a pop, Twilight Sparkle was gone. Smolder turned around to face Gallus.
"SDS is real? " she asked with a raised brow.
"That's what my mom says when my dad gets all grumpy from time to time. " Gallus said shrugging his shoulders and then went on to score the winning point against Silvertream. Smolder facepalmed so hard she almost hurt herself "What? "
"I think we just doomed Ryan for some reason."
Ryan was blinded by a sudden flash in his, well, Twilight's room. Once his eyes readjusted he saw Twilight leaning against the door, her head hung low and face obscured by her mane.
"Wow. You said you'd be back soon but I wasn't expecting this. " Ryan chuckled but got no response from his marefriend "Um, Twilight? " his jaw almost hit the floor when Twilight started unbuttoning her shirt "What are you doing? " the shirt dropped to the floor and the skirt was next, leaving her in only her black underwear, nothing fancy mind you. Her head was still low but Ryan could see her cheeks were red and she was breathing heavily "What's going on? " Twilight marched over to the bed and jumped on top of Ryan, landing them in a cowgirl position "Is this some weird pony custom I'm unfamiliar with? " then another thought hit him "Are you in heat? " oooh this could get problematic.
"NO! " she startled Ryan with her outburst but it finally gave Ryan the chance to see her face. Her cheeks were definitely red but her eyes were on the verge of tears "I mean, I'm fine! But you're not! "
"Look, I know they say sweating out the cold is good but- "
"Don't lie to me! " Ryan winced at her tone, more tears forming in the corners of her eyes "You don't have a cold! "
"I don't? " now Ryan was confused.
"You have SDS! Why didn't you tell me anything? " Ryan stared at her with a blank expression before sighing.
"Okay, I'll bite. What the hell is SDS? " this seemed to only anger her more.
"Don't play dumb Ryan! This is serious! " Twilight scolded him but Ryan was unamused "SDS is short for Sexual Deficiency Syndrome! " Ryan blinked several times to process that information "And don't even try to deny it! I've spoken with Lyra and it all makes sense, even if it comes from her, and even Gallus said it was a thing. " now Ryan understood what was going on. He sighed and looked Twilight straight in the eyes.
"Twilight. Get off. " he said in monotone and Twilight felt like crying. He was rejecting her while she was trying to save his life.
"But- "
"Now. " the mare reluctantly removed herself from her coltfriend and sat on the edge of the bed. Ryan soon joined her, still not believing what he was hearing. It also made him sad to hear his new marefriend trying to suppress her crying "Twilight, there is no such thing as SDS. " Twilight shot him an angry glare.
"There is! I had trouble believing Lyra but Gallus wouldn't lie! " Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Honey- " ooooh first pet name "-if there was a medical condition that required me to have sex regularly, don't you think I'd be jumping on mares left and right since I got here? "
"You could've masturbated to suppress the symptoms! " Ryan almost burst out laughing but he managed to keep his cool.
"While the notion of you thinking about me masturbating is pretty hot- " Twilight turned to head so he wouldn't see her flustered reaction "-I am one hundred percent positive SDS doesn't exist. For any species. " still no response "What's it take to convince you? " she then looked at him with her most serious look, the one she did when you messed up her papers and she demanded you put them back in order.
"Make a Pinkie promise. Promise that you won't die from SDS. " she thought she had him now. If you break a Pinkie promise the consequences were.... What were they anyway? All he knows is everypony takes them very seriously and make a religious effort to never break them. To her surprise, however, Ryan simply shrugged before speaking.
"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. " Twilight covered her mouth in shock "There. All good? "
"Oh my Celestia... " yep, the wheels were beginning to turn and perhaps Lyra was making the whole thing up, now that she thought about it "I'm so, so, so, so, so- " Ryan hugged her and she continued to babble into his chest while he gently stroked her mane.
"It's okay. "
"It's not okay! " Twilight shot up from the bed "I almost raped you! "
"Death by snu-snu. " he shrugged before a pillow encased in a purplish glow hit him upside the head "Seriously though, don't listen to Lyra. Ever. " Twilight's shoulders slumped and her wings hung down lazily.
"I'm sorry. " she took her spot next to Ryan again "It's just... I mean, you probably are sexually frustrated and, your behavior did change over time and- "
"My behavior? " Ryan cocked a curious brow.
"Yes. You weren't always this cheerful self in the beginning. "
"Maybe because I ended up in magical pony world? " he said sarcastically and Twilight rolled her eyes.
"You know what I mean. You underwent a drastic change in behavior compared to the first few weeks. "
"You ever thought that this is the real me? " Twilight glanced at Ryan to find him smiling lightly "Twi, my world is very different from yours. Back there, I couldn't really be, well, me. But here, I've never felt so free and relaxed in my life. " he took her hands and gently caressed them "I guess, the more time I spend here the more like myself I feel. And I like that feeling. " he gave Twilight a surprise kiss on the lips "And from here on out, if there are any human related questions, please, come to me first. "
"Okay. " Twilight nodded and then gave Ryan a surprise kiss of her own "Thank you. "
"Well, now that we've established I won't be dying from lack of sex- " Ryan laid down on the bed and patted the space next to him "-I would love it if my marefriend joined me for some cuddling. "
"I should really go back to class... " she scratched her cheek in thought "Then again, my students think I'm probably rutting your brains out right now so- "
"Wait, what? "
"Nothing! " hurrying up to end this line of conversation, Twilight was soon the little spoon in this cuddle session, having a little trouble to get her wings comfortable, and felt something hard poking her rump. She giggled before looking over her shoulder at Ryan "Is that a banana in your pants or are you just happy to see me? " she felt so smug in that moment.
"A banana. " Ryan actually pulled out a banana between them and put in on the nightstand "Breakfast in bed I guess. " he then returned to his cuddling position and Twilight felt something much bigger and much harder poking her in the same spot. Ryan leaned closer to her ear and whispered "Not a banana. "
Work has been excruciatingly hard for the last month or two. I'll do my best to publish more often!
Special announcement!
Starting today, August 22nd, the My adorkable marefriend refrerence competition begins! Each spotted reference brings one point and the winner will be PM-ed first to have their OC appear in ch11 and also made public in the same chapter. You can even go back to chapters 1 through 5 to collect points!
Leave your findings in the comments and I will keep track of them.
If it's a tie for the win, which I suspect it will be, for like, everyone, I'll... Think of something 
And try not to use google too much 
Let the games begin!
P.S. you can thank FirewaspRambo for this
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Is that the man that describes Voldemort's power? The guy at the Leaky Cauldron? The first book of Harry Potter?
I should stop laughing so hard but I wont!
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No the guy who says that is the one who gives Harry Potter the wand.
9791827
Ah, so close.
Well this was Intresting
9791796
That means I'm doing it right
9791838
I should make a competition out of this. Who can spot the most references?
9794044
IT. IS. ON.
9794682
Special announcement!
Starting today, August 22nd, the My adorkable marefriend refrerence competition begins! Each spotted reference brings one point and the winner will be PM-ed first to have their OC appear in ch11 and also made public in the same chapter. You can even go back to chapters 1 through 5 to collect points!
Leave your findings in the comments and I will keep track of them.
If it's a tie for the win, which I suspect it will be, for like, everyone, I'll... Think of something
And try not to use google too much
Let the games begin!
i.imgflip.com/2/2dfqvu.jpg
The real sad thing is, is that collage classes really do get derailed like that. Just completely go on some tangent unrelated to the class subject.
Anyway, this was just hilarious. As for that announcement, might try to give it a go. Don't know how well I would do though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
1. Ugh, I got over Disturbed ages ago.
Harry Potter 
2.
3. I got it bad, I got it bad, I got it baaad!! I'm HOT FOR TEACHER!!!!
4. Death by snu-snu: Futurama
And that's all I got here.
Also, it's been implied in canon that Gallus is an orphan.
And I was convinded that SDS stands for Safety Data Sheet and Twilight would do some experiments.
….I've never heard of those second two descriptions being used to describe jacking off but hilarious!