• Published 13th May 2019
  • 1,398 Views, 36 Comments

You’re Fired! - Twilight Glimmer



Knit Wit tries to find a job. No further explanation necessary.

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Quills and Sofas

Knit Wit walked down the streets of Ponyville, ready to start his second day of job hunting. He got a few nasty looks from some ponies, who had heard about how he got fired from his previous job, but he didn’t notice. After about an hour of wandering through town, he stumbled upon another ‘Help Wanted’ sign. This one was in front of ‘Quills and Sofas’. Knit Wit walked into the store and saw a periwinkle pony with grey hair selling a sofa to someone.

“Thank you for your patronage, ma’am. It was a pleasure doing business with you.” The unicorn levitated the sofa out of the store and walked over to Knit Wit. “How do you do, sir? Would you like to buy a sofa or a quill?”

“Do you sell jobs here?” Knit Wit asked.

“Huh?”

“I’m here for a job. Do you guys sell jobs here?”

The unicorn laughed for a while following that statement. “Such a kidder. Do you mind me asking what your cutie mark symbols?” She motioned to the black question mark on the stallion’s flank.

“My flank couldn’t decide which cutie mark it wanted, so it decided to be a question mark.”

“Erm, okay. I guess you’re hired then. Can you watch the store for 30 minutes while I go get some more quills from the next town over?”

“Yes, Ma’am! I promise I won’t let you down!”

“Great. Here’s a list stating what each sofa costs. Quills are 5 bits each, no exceptions. Don’t screw this up!” The mare said sternly as she walked out the door.

Just as the periwinkle mare left, another pony with a blue coat walked in. Knit Wit tried to remember what that mare had said to him when he had walked in. “Hello! Would you like to buy a sill or a quofa?”

“I’m here to buy a sofa,” the pony said with a confused look on her face. “What are some of your recommendations?”

“I don’t know, I started working here 65 seconds ago. They all look really neat to me.”

The mare motioned towards a burgundy-colored sofa on the far end of the store. “What about that one? It would go magnificently with my rug!” She looked at the tag describing the features of the sofa. “It says it was hoofmade from the finest velvet known to ponykind. This sounds perfect! How much does it cost?”

Knit Wit looked at the list the periwinkle mare had given him.

Hoofmade Velvet Sofa: 3k bits.

3k? What does that mean? Oh! It means it okay to pay three bits for it!” Knit Wit thought. “That sofa costs three bits, ma’am.”

“Three bits!? I heard you guys had low prices, but not THAT LOW! I’ll take it!” The mare said excitedly. She decided not to ask for help moving the sofa and got it out of the store before somepony else jumped at this amazing deal.

On the other end of the store, there was a young couple who had overheard Knit Wit sell a high-quality couch for three bits.

“Hey, Jade,” the stallion whispered to his wife.” Did you see that? That idiotic stallion gave that pony a hoofmade couch for three bits!”

“I know, right! We could score a cheap couch here after all!”

“Just follow my lead, babe.”

The stallion walked over to Knit Wit. “Excuse me, sir, my wife and I would like to buy a sofa. We’d like the highest quality one that you possess.”

Jade had to use all her self-control to not crack a smile at the whole situation. “Ooh! Look at that one, honey!” She pointed at a sofa in the far end in the store. It had a gold plated plaque by it that said

Memory Foam sofa with Taaffeit accents.

This marvelous sofa will make you wonder why you ever sat on anything else. This is the first piece of furniture in Equestria to use memory foam technology. As a bonus, the armrests feature real Taaffeite crystals! Available at the starting price of 8k Equestrian bits.

“Would you like to buy this sofa?” Knit Wit asked. The stallion looked slyly at his wife and nodded. “That’ll be 8 bits, sir!” The couple could hardly contain themselves as they handed Knit Wit the money and hauled the luxurious sofa out of the store.

The next pony to walk up to Knit Wit was a stallion who was a bit on the short side. “Good afternoon, sir,” Knit Wit said. “Would you like to buy a sofa or a quill?”

“One quill, please, good sir.”

“That will be five bits, please.”

“Oh, fiddlesticks! I only have 4 bits! Do you think you can let me go with an I.O.U.?”

“Okay! The customer is always right!”

The stallion payed and he walked out the door. As he walked out, the periwinkle mare came back. “Oh, hey, you. Did you sell anything?”

“Yep, I sold that hoofmade velvet sofa for 3 bits, that memory foam sofa with those weird crystals for 8 bits, and a quill for four bits!”

The mare’s left eye began to twitch. “THIS IS SUCH A SIMPLE JOB! HOW DID YOU MESS THIS UP?!”

“I just looked at the paper you gave me. I don’t know how I messed this up either. Those ponies just looked so happy with those sofas.”

“I don’t care about the sofas! Any idiot can find nice sofas these days! I can’t believe you sold a quill for FOUR BITS! I told you five bits per quill, no exceptions! I'm afraid I’m going to have to terminate your employment for this.”

“What does that mean?”

”IT MEANS GET OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK!”

“Aw, man!” Knit Wit said as he walked out the door. “Where am I gonna work now?”

Author's Note:

This was finished earlier than I expected. Hope you enjoyed it! Where should Knit Wit work next? Comment below and have a nice day! :twilightsmile: