• Member Since 21st Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Grimm


Mostly harmless.

Comments ( 60 )

Ocellus thought she was going to become a broodmare, when in reality, she is just gonna end up turning Thorax into her broodstallion XD

that was hot,
oh and the plot was good too

Haven't read it yet and I already like it. There is not nearly enough Ocellus porn on this site

I was kinda hoping for an ending where chrysalis was right all along. But this isn't too bad.

I hope there more chrysalis, ocellate and thorax series their dynamic is certainly something I would enjoy reading about more the little dark truth in chrysalis words to true not to ignore it a bit of advice and her being nice enough but she still angry maybe one day she be with the swarm but her life of a thousand years might make someone jaded like the time Celestia sealed the changeling swarm in a volcano once so out of her experiences in life surviving it well enough gonna be tricky but maybe her daughter and the king will eventually reform her eventually in actions for the good of the swarm.
ocellate being young and inexperienced is certainly interesting dealing with ponies and the future politics lucky she doesn't have to provide for a love-starved swarm but that legacy and ponies problem are thankfully future problems are a thing for later and it seems like thorax and his brother sounds like there butting heads a little more each time maybe thorax brother needs a good mating, hmm maybe chrysalis shall give it?

Huh.
...
Huh. Well. People really like their supervillain Chrysalis I guess.

Honestly I think this would have been a great story if it DIDN'T have the sloppily thrown in sex scene at the end. It's like you just put it in there for the sake of having a sex scene. If it had just been implied I think it would have worked. Because after the coming to terms with what she had to do as queen, encountering her evil mother and then fighting againt her, the sex scene becomes fluff compared to what was way more interesting.

9623912
Sorry you didn't like the ending. I do understand where you're coming from, and while I actually did (very briefly) consider not having a sex scene I think there's important characterisation for both Thorax and Ocellus which would be missed without it or in a 'fade to black' scenario. And I'll respectfully disagree with it being 'sloppily thrown in': the entire story is structured around Ocellus' decision regarding her mate, and while the sex scene might be a bit gratuitous for your liking it's there for a purpose, not just because I wanted to write it.

9624312
Well purpose or no purpose, I'm just saying that a porn scene would have the least interesting thing about the story. Everything else was more intriguing and I personally think your story would have been a lot better had it stretched those scenes a little more. Because once I read that Ocellus turns into an evil Changeling bug queen, that's what draws me in. I start wondering what's Thorax going to do, does he deserve to lose Ocellus for putting such a huge burden on her?

If I was in your place, if there HAD to be a porn scene at all - though really it would have been so much better without it - but if it HAD to have it for whatever reason, why not have Ocellus say she'll do her duties as queen, but romanticize on HER terms? After all the time she has spent with ponies I would imagine she has developed new insight on how love and romance works outside of the hive. You could surely do something with that instead of that 'shag my daddy' segment. That really drags your story down, it does.

Everything before that though? Got me hooked and interested. I wanted to see where it was going. I'm just disappointed to find out where it led me, is all.

First story was good. Despite my hate of Ex-lings I can't disput that. This one is one I HATE with burning passion without even reading most of it. It's even feels worse as a sequel than an separate thing. Damn shame.

Choosing a particular MC and a plot is a main reason for that, unfortunately. *shrugs*

It wouldn't be that bad if there would be at least a few decent stories of Chryssie getting her way and EX-lings put down hard, but I got used to be disappointed most of the time.

GLHF, thanks for your work. Hate works wonders for my motivation lately after all.

I can’t believe I read this. I can’t believe I upvoted this. I can’t believe I like this. But all three of these things are true.

Oh, I skipped the sex part. Father/daughter incest, or incest in general, is not my thing. But I badly need to see fics with a competent, caring Thorax and other canon characters right now. In particular Thorax. So I noticed the lack of a non-con tag, the presence of a drama one, the length of the fic, and took a risk. And I'm glad to say that the risk paid off.

Dear God you nailed (ha!) the situation for the Hive, and managed to pull off, more or less, the best possible way that Thorax could have handled the whole thing. And sure, he made mistakes with Ocellus, but they were believable mistakes for the world he lives in and the information he had available to him. And ultimately Thorax’s goodness helped Ocellus remember her own before it was too late.

Speaking of, Ocellus was great too. She felt completely in-character with what we've seen in the show, albeit in a darker world. While her descent to embracing the Bad Old Days did seem rapid, considering her emotional state when she encountered Chrysalis it was plausible enough, and her basically good nature, nurtured by Thorax, stopped her from doing anything unforgivable.

Thorax is one of the kindest, most noble, most well-meaning beings in the show, who took incredible risks all for the sake of his people, to find a different, better way for them. And I have a feeling that this story - a friggin’ father/daughter incest porn story - has handled him better in the awful situation the Hive was in and the awful choices that he had to face to ensure his race's survival, than most other authors would have.

One in particular, but that remains to be seen.

My hat’s off to you, Grimm. Good job.

9623912
I feel the same way. Even though this was a sequel to a clopfic, I much preferred the story element over the sex. Not big on the incest stuff either, even if it is kinda how real insects reproduce.

Poor Thrips. Died simply because Ocellus attempting something really poorly thought out.

9624839
There's a fanfic called For the Hive. Changeling story, obviously. I haven't read it, but I do know through various means (reading YouTube comments sections) that it contain a reference to the Brunnen-G Battle Hymn from the sci-fi series LEXX.

It's probably as good a funeral dirge as any for the changelings, so let's play it in memoriam for Thrips.

Oh, um...you're gonna have that stuck in your head for the next three days. Sorry.

9624729
I'm glad somebody agrees with me cause' it seems that four other people think I'm a douchebag for having an opinion. You can have a Follower.

9624928
I don't think you're a douchebag...I'm just wondering why you didn't do what I did, skip the sex part, and just enjoy the story. Oh, and for the record I'm not one of those downvotes.

9624388
Ex-lings are great man. Chrysalis is a bitch who literally doesn't care about anyone but herself.

9624388
Nobody fyaying cares and there's no need to bitch about a story you almost certainly knew you would hate before reading it.

9625470
Learnin’ to write ‘n read would help ya in life.

9624928
Thanks for the follow, though I am not one to really produce any content. I just comment these days.

9625513
Literally where did you get that? All I said was 'shut up'. Are these words so hard to understand? If so, that's a hilariously hypocritical comment.

9625613
Nah. No one f-ing cares - that’s a hypocritical comment. Also wrong. There would be neither downvotes nor any answers otherwise.

I’m writing the initial comment for the author first and foremost, and any other replies only as long as it amuses me and as long as I have nothing better to do at work. Don’t like it? “Shut up cause I disagree with you” approach won’t help ya, thats for sure.

And, btw yes your words about “bitching about the story you knew you would most likely hate” do indicate a failure in reading my first comment.

Bleh.
Hurting the father that did everything he could to control her is bad, trying to kill the mother who stayed behind alone to help her is good.
Filthy traitors.
Also nice story, congrats.

9624939
Well to be honest I was expecting the cliche porn to happen early, but when I got a pretty interesting story instead I just carried on. Like I said in a previous comment, I was hooked. I kept reading because I wanted to see what happened next. Most porn-fics can't wait two minutes, let alone two seconds, to jump to the sex scene, so I was caught by surprise when I reached the third chapter because until then I didn't really think this was meant to be a porn fic. The writing just didn't imply that at all until the third chapter.

Another reaon I'll give you is that if I didn't read the whole story, what would have been the point? I can't just ignore a big chunk of the story just because it might be boring or awful. You don't start at Chapter One and then jump to Chapter Five because you want to get the story over with quickly.

9624939
By the way, it wouldn't bother me if you were one of those downvotes - you're entitled to disagree with me as much as you are to agree with me. And besides, if I let downvoters keep forcing me to change my mind every time I said something they didn't like, I would never get to have MY opinion at all.

Take that as a life lesson, sir or madam - NEVER let other people dictate your opinion. If you have something to say or type, do it, and don't let the backlash change your beliefs if you truly believe what you put.

I really like the way you wrote Chrysalis in this. You nailed a characteristic of Chrysalis that I think really defines her, that of an evil manipulator. Chrysalis doesn't need to tell the truth, she just has to make Ocellus 'believe' it's the truth.

It felt so great to have Ocellus spurned into anger by Chrysalis, into attacking Thorax for what Chrysalis convinced her was true, only to find nothing but love and more love for her.

While Thorax is a 'king' for the hive currently, I do love how much his 'drone' self shines through. He's willing to lay down his life for the hive, for his daughter, without a second thought, just as expected of drones. Even when he leads the hive, he doesn't consider himself as more valuable than any other of them.

In the previous story, I figured we'd be getting the beginning of a Chrysalis redemption, with her actually giving them a queen, but it looks like she was just playing 3D chess the entire time :ajsmug:

9625722

You don't start at Chapter One and then jump to Chapter Five because you want to get the story over with quickly.

True, but, to me at least, it seemed like the main thread of the story was done by the time the fucking begins. So I didn’t feel a need to indulge in a fetish I don’t have anyway.

Still, to each his own.

9624388

This one is one I HATE with burning passion without even reading most of it.

Well, don't let willful ignorance stop you from voicing your opinion about something.

After all, nothing bad ever came from prejudiced hatred, right?

Good sorry with amazingly hot porn. But oh boy still those conversations be weird. With her friend's the princesses later, explaining that matting with her father/brother to have a brood of children/brothers is not effectively illegal should be rather complicated. And hilarious :rainbowlaugh:

The sequel should involve Chrysalis again, and Ocellus teaching her the family traditions for a nice grandmother/mother/daughter bonding time :trollestia:

I was hoping for Queenified Ocellus having lasted longer than a whole of two minutes. It felt like a squandered opportunity, having her snap out of her primal instincts so quickly. Perhaps it's because I like me some victorious villain arcs, but I believe that we could have had a sex scene with an OG Queen Ocellus somewhere in this story that would have both complemented and contrasted the sex scene that we got.

Ah well, it was interesting to see Ocellus' paradigm shift, brief as it was.

But I do believe that this verse is not quite yet done. Going from the previous story, we can infer that Chrysalis has laid more eggs beyond Ocellus, the beginnings of a new hive. Can we expect a sequel that would explore that angle? Because as much as I enjoy the clop, the idea of a changeling civil war/inter-hive war is very appealing to me.

Feel sad for Thrips he only wanted to serve his queen. Maybe she will call someling in her first clutch. Anyway great story. Have a like.👍

9625569
I guess you skipped the part where Thorax was being completely truthful in his claim that he would give the hive to her when she came of age.

9625626
You're a major dick btw

9626162
I too want to see Ocellus and Chrysalis have some sexy fun.

It'd be hot, even more so if Ocellus would be the dominant Queen (and maybe even add Thorax in there to have both parents under her hoof at that moment)

It'd be very interesting to find out what Grimm'd write to make it happen, under which circumstances.

And I can just imagine Chrysalis' dialogue. "Why? It's not like you can fertilize eggs"

9625569

Where she's used as a political bargaining chip.

Is she? While Ocellus thinks so at first and Chrysalis certainly encourages that line of thought, what about Thorax's thoughts and actions give off that impression? Does it really seem like he'd be the sort to send her to Ponyville just to put the other races at ease? Or does he seem like the sort who'd send Ocellus to Ponyville because he genuinely thinks she'd like it there?

She kind of just went back and nothing changed, nothing was resolved,

Actually quite the opposite. The conflict stemmed from Ocellus feeling crushed by her Responsibilities and feeling that Thorax only ever wanted her to do one thing and that she wasn't important to Thorax aside from her ability to fulfill those Responsibilities. She tries to run away from her Responsibilities, both under her own volition and with Chrysalis trying to guide her away from the Hive.

In the course of confronting Thorax, however, Ocellus realizes that Thorax really did always love her as a daughter, not merely as a tool for the Hive. And she realizes that she does have Responsibilities but those Responsibilities are not solely what defines her, there's still space in her life for her to be Ocellus. She can still hang out with her friends in Ponyville, she can still read books, she can still cuddle up with pillows, etc. She's Queen Ocellus, and both parts of her name are important, she doesn't have to choose.

The sex scene ended up feeling a bit too squicky for me personally, but the plot and especially the characterization were excellent as always. Nice story.

9627547
That sex scene is as vanilla as it gets, I think. I enjoyed the story, even if I thought Ocellus should have stayed with bestbug Chrysalis

Why must we corrupt everything good and pure?

Still, well written.

9630565
Yep! I'm not as pleased with it as I am with the play on words in the first one, but coming up with one for Ocellus that also fits the theme of the story is easier said than done.

Ocellate yourself tonight
When you're in your bed
Assimilate the dopamine
Passing through your head

When you get back on a Saturday night
And the room is caving in
Do you look like me, do you feel like me
Do you turn into your effigy
Do you dance like this forever

awww that was cuter than i had expected. a great ending. part 2 is needed.

Hot diggity dad-gum, that was riveting!!!
8D

She nodded again. “A queen has to pick the best drone as a mate. That’s her duty, right? And I know who the best one is, now.”

>.>
<.<
>.>
*Stares at the bottle of BrainBleach™ on the counter.*
"Hey there old friend" he says, slowly taking off the cap and pouring a tall glass, "I have a feeling I'm about to need you real bad"
T_T

This was amazing. I can't believe I read the whole thing in one go but it was so incredibly good I don't think I had much choice. You've done a great job at hooking in your readers and keeping it engaging. I really envy that writing power.
The scene in chapter 2 near the end blew my mind. Rarely do I become enticed by action sequences in fanfiction but this was just superb.

In fact by chapter three I'd forgotten I clicked for a quick clop. You've weaved the actual sex into the story so well that it's neither porn with very long exposition or a drama with a sex scene slapped on. They go hand in hand as valuable assets of the story. Honestly even the sex scene had me super envious of your writing as you've done such an excellent job of starting it out so slow and gentle, mostly focused on Ocellus's fears and turmoil, until it takes its natural course into becoming lustful, raunchy sex, but you take the reader on that journey so masterfully that you make them feel it, too.

Just an amazing piece of work. Did I tell you how much I liked it?

But how was she ever supposed to choose? At random? That wasn’t very queenly; she was supposed to ensure that her offspring would be the strongest, most successful changelings possible. That meant picking the best drone she could, somehow finding one out of the entire hive.
Yeah, right.

Just make an Battle Royale.
Last Drone standing wins.

There was a pregnant
STOP THINKING ABOUT IT
pause.

:rainbowwild::rainbowwild::rainbowwild:

Forget the throne, forget all of this – Ocellus was going to leave it all behind. Thorax’s story may have been an attempt to convince her, but all it had done was give her a plan.

Smart. She would make an good Queen...
Ocellus: "Shut up!"

There were loud cheers at that, and a little surge of guilt rose up inside Ocellus at the sound. They were all so hopeful, so relieved, and she was going to stomp all over that. But then that guilt was replaced by cold anger, as she chided herself for even feeling that way. It was their fault, not hers, as they tried to force her into a life of mating and laying eggs, nothing more than a tool for the hive. Ocellus didn’t want to be queen if that’s what it meant. She refused.

Chrysalis reached out, and Ocellus flinched, until Chrysalis placed her hoof so gently beneath Ocellus’ chin, lifting it to look her in the eyes. “You are my daughter,” Chrysalis purred, “and you are so much more than the eggs you will bear. You are the changelings, you are the hive.” She was leaning in so close now, as Ocellus stared at her, transfixed. “You are the queen.”

Later Ocellus will be like that:

“Chrysalis never cared about an audience.”
Thorax’s tone grew icy cold. “My daughter isn’t Chrysalis, and you should be as thankful of that as I am.”

Not yet..

“That’s not going to work, Chrysalis,” said Thorax. “You’re not going to pit us against each other.”
Chrysalis shrugged. “I don’t need to. Your refusal says more than I ever could.”

Thorax’s quivering stopped. “No,” he said. “You’re my daughter. I could never be scared of you.”
Her scowl deepened. “Maybe you should be.”

Now it will get very interesting.

Thorax didn’t even blink. “You’ll always be Ocellus to me,” he said. “No matter what, even if I’ve failed you. You’ll always be my daughter.”
With a snarl of anger, before she was even really aware of what she was doing, Ocellus’ horn burst alight, a flare of green in the darkness. Thorax crumpled as her magic enveloped him, collapsing to the ground before her, shivering and grunting in pain as she began to tear the love from him.
Behind her, Chrysalis cackled. “Yes, daughter. Give the grub the ending he deserves.”

Chrysalis: "Good! Your hate has made you powerful! Fulfill your destiny and take your father's place at my side."

And she also wondered when she would next see her mother. She would see Chrysalis again, of that much Ocellus was certain. The old queen wouldn’t let this lie, wouldn’t ever give up on her hive or her revenge. And Ocellus knew that because she knew first-hoof what being Chrysalis was like.

Maybe/Probably in the sequel?

Also, what happened with Thrips in the end?
They did manage to put him back together, right? (Not even Chrysalis would waste a drone like that. I think.)

An excellent read!

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