Winning Her Heart

by AnonyMiss

A Handsome Stranger

Rainbow Dash waited anxiously at the door, fidgeting with the envelope in her hands. Debating whether or not to go through with her plan, or to just head home. "Come on, Rainbow! You got this." She muttered to herself. Trying to gain some confidence. "No need to be nervous..she'll say yes! I know she will. But..what if she doesn't? What if she says no? I'll never be able to show my face again! Celestia, that would be embarrassing."

"Should I call it all off?" Rainbow hesitated for a moment, she inhaled, then exhaled.

" No, I can't back out now! I can do this!" Rainbow's hand was just inches away from the door. She knocked gently. She heard a familiar voice, "coming!" And a few moments later, her eyes met with a familiar face.

"Oh! Hello Rainbow, I didn't know you were coming. If I did, I would've made you some tea, or something!" A warm smile greeted Rainbow, and it put her at ease.

"No worries, Twi. I don't even like tea that much anyways. I'd prefer coffee." Rainbow stepped inside. She had been at Twilight's place multiple times before, and every time, she'd always take it all in. Twilight's place always had a faint scent of old books. She liked it.

"So, what could I help you with? Did you want to borrow another one of my Daring Do books from my collection?" Twilight asked her.

"No actually..." Rainbow looked for the right words to say, when suddenly, there was another knock on the door. "I wonder who could that be.." Twilight reached for the door knob, and turned it.

A boy who looked to be around the girls' age stepped in. Rainbow could tell he was good- looking, but of course she'd never admit it. After all, she was here for Twilight. Not some handsome stranger.

Twilight however, took in the veiw. She had never met anyone so...breath-taking.

"Good evening, I'm here to deliver a letter to..Miss Twilight Sparkle?" He said. Twilight wasn't even paying attention, she was too busy starring.

"This is Twilight." Rainbow pointed over to Twilight, and when she did so, she saw her dazed expression.

"Twi? You alright?" Rainbow said, totally oblivious to the situation. "Oh! Um..yes?" Twilight broke out of her trance.

Rainbow pointed her head towards the stranger. "Right..how may I help you?" Twilight said, with a cheerful tone and smile.

" You are..Miss Twilight Sparkle?" The stranger repeated.

"That's me!" Twilight chuckled nervously. "So..um.."

"I have this letter, it's for you."

"Oh! For me?"

"Wait a second, why didn't you use the mailbox? It's not like she doesn't have one, you know." Rainbow pointed out. After hearing her own words, she winced. It may have come out a bit rude. She wasn't trying to be mean.

"Rainbow Dash! Be nice." Twilight shushed her.

"Well, uh.. this letter was requested to be given to Twilight Sparkle directly." The stranger said.

"Yeah, whatever." Rainbow rolled her eyes. Twilight glared at her.

"I'll just leave this here." The stranger put the envelope on a nearby table, and headed for the door.

"Wait! I didn't even catch your," Twilight called after him, but it was too late, he was already gone. "Name." Twilight sighed.

"Wasn't he dreamy?" Twilight turned to face Rainbow. "Wha-dreamy? As if I'd ever date someone like him. He's not even that attractive.." Rainbow didn't look impressed. "Wait a second...don't tell me you..." Rainbow was finally catching on to what was going on, and she didn't like the looks of it. "You can't like him!"

"Why not?" Twilight looked confused. "B-because, I said so!" Rainbow blurted out. She realized she sounded pretty stupid.

"What? You can't tell me who I can or can't like! I would never judge you for something like that!" Twilight was now annoyed, and a little angry at Rainbow.

"Hey! It's not like that! I'm just saying, he's...not good enough for you." Rainbow didn't like where this was going. She didn't want to start a fight.

"How would you know?" Twilight snapped.

"I just...do, alright?" Rainbow shot back.

"Ugh... Look, I'm not going to fight with you. So if you don't mind, please just..........go." Twilight pointed towards the door.

"Go? You can't just kick me out!" Rainbow looked very upset, she still hadn't told Twilight about her feelings towards her.

"Rainbow, please." Twilight once again, pointed towards the door.

"Fine! I'll leave!" Rainbow stormed out of the house. She ran to her own home, and jumped onto her bed. She didn't even bother to change into the proper attire.

The tears she was holding back before, trickled down her face, as she cuddled up with Tank. Maybe, Twilight and I aren't made for each other...after all.

---

"Have y'all seen Rainbow t'day?" Aj asked everyone at the lunch table that day. Rainbow Dash was the only one who didn't show up. Everyone just shrugged and shook their heads.

"No I haven't. She wasn't even at PE today." Rarity said. "We were even doing dodgeball! It's one of her favorites.

"Ah know, it's weird ain't it? She loves PE. Especially when we're playing dodgeball that day. She'd never miss it." Aj commented.

"You think she's sick? She was acting kinda...off....yesterday." Sunset pointed out. Everyone silently nodded in agreement.

"I hope she's alright! What is something bad happened to her? Something absolutely, dreadfully, awful?" Fluttershy shivered at the thought. "Ah'm sure she's fine, no need ta worry Fluttershy!" Aj assured her. "Oh I hope you're right, Aj. It would be awful if something did happen to her. I can't afford to lose a friend! Especially one I've known since before I could walk and talk!"

"Fluttershy is right, darling. It would be just awful! I mean, I wouldn't have the remaining person I need to model my new clothing line! And I made it to fit her personality, too! That would be just terrible!" Rarity said. Her comment received glares from each of the girls. "I-I mean...I'm concerned about her own well being, too!" Rarity gave a nervous laugh, and soon made the rest of the girls giggle along with her.

Author's Note:

Hello! This is my first story ever, so forgive me if It's really bad. I plan to add more chapters. Hopefully they will be better than this one. Hehe. Anyways, let me know what you think. Don't be afraid to point out any mistakes I made. Enjoy!

Comments

[pandaxxus]

Ahhh this is a good start omc! I can't wait until the next chapter

[AnonyMiss]

9640311
Thanks! I'm done with the next chapter. Got any idea's for the third?

[Quantum Logic]

So just from a mechanical standpoint for your writing when different characters speak it should be separate paragraphs. It gets jumbled up when everyone is speaking in the same paragraph and there is no break making it significantly more difficult for the reader to determine who is speaking when.

"Wasn't he dreamy?" Twilight turned to face Rainbow. "Wha-dreamy? As if I'd ever date someone like him. He's not even that attractive.." Rainbow didn't look impressed. "Wait a second...don't tell me you..." Rainbow was finally catching on to what was going on, and she didn't like the looks of it. "You can't like him!"

Things like this where I had to step back a second, breaking immersion in the story, to figure out that Twilight said the first line and that Rainbow was responding break the flow and add confusion for your reader. Story concept seems sound so far and, while I don't have a lot to go off of, the characters seem to be more or less acting in ways that I could believe. Time to continue on to the next chapters to see how this unfolds.