My name is Jacob and I live in Maryland. I never liked reading until my little pony and I’ve been a brony since the April of 2017.
Cozy Glow - a small pink Pegasus filly orphan who can be playful, yet manipulative at times.
Tirek - a big red centaur who feeds on magic to gain power and is bent on world domination.
Becoming roommates with a big evil Centaur was not at all what Cozy had in mind when she thought of becoming the “Empress of Friendship”. And frankly, Tirek feels the same way about Her. Will the two be able to get along? Or will they end up annoying the crap out of eachother?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is quite impressive for a first story. There were a few very minor 'hiccups' with regard to tense changing but nothing bad enough to break a reader's train of thought.
You genuinely succeeded in creating a dialogue between both Tirek and Cozy Glow. Of the two, I think you really did a great job with Cozy as you convincingly developed a back story that got told in a fairly natural way. Back stories are often kind of just thrown in, or spoken for exposition. You had Cozy share hers while making it a genuine part of how she was seeking to show her talents to Tirek.
I do hope you got a good grade for this. I'd expect nothing short of a "B" and that is if your teacher / professor is extremely picky.
Great job!
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You have no idea how much this comment means to me. I don’t typically write stories. It took me a long time just to write this story so I really appreciate this comment. I looked at your page and as it turns out, I actually read some of your content and liked it before. It’s a small world out there. But anyways, i got an A- so, Yay! My teacher Mrs. Petersen was actually the first person I opened up to about me being a brony. Since I go to a private school, I have deep connection with all of my teachers which is why I felt comfortable writing my story about My Little pony. Imma be honest, I probably wouldn’t have written this story if I wasn’t assigned to do one. I have the utmost respect for these FIMFiction writers. It’s extremely time consuming to me so, to hear comments like this, makes it all worth it. Thank you so much!
This is a solid effort. You need to work on getting more consistent with your style, but it's hardly incomprehensible. You managed to introduce the characters of Cozy and Tirek such that even someone unfamiliar with them could appreciate their natures and dynamic. Keep practicing your writing; it will get easier and faster as you do it more.
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Thank you so much for the feedback! ☺️ I’m not exactly a writer, so it’s comments like these that make my day.
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I know what you mean. It can feel a bit like shouting into the void when you post something and get zero feedback.
I ended up finding your fic in the 'similar' list while working on my own Cozy Glow stories. I can appreciate someone who gets her voice and behavior right.
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Aww... well thank you! I really appreciate it! 😊
I just looked at your content and my god. You’ve written a lot more than me! 😂 I have this awesome idea for a story revolving around how cheese Sandwhich and Pinkie got married and had a child, but no matter how much I try, I’m never satisfied with my work. i can’t get past the first page because of all this self doubt.
My point is, I just wanted to let you know that I have the utmost respect for writers such as yourself. You’ve just earned yourself a follow from me man. Keep up the good work! 👍🏻
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It's okay to ask for help, you know. If you want an editor to help you get past that opening hurdle, just let me know.
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Wow, really? That’d be awesome! Though I don’t think my problem lies with opening up my story. I can write dialogue just fine, but I have alot of trouble finding the right words necessary to portray what the characters are feeling. That, and giving background information has been a bit of a struggle for me. That’s why this story mostly consists of two villains talking to eachother in cages. It makes it easier for me.
I will say though that my story idea is really freaking awesome. Maybe I’m biased, but I really like it. It’s segmented into different storylines that all later intertwine with eachother somehow. I said It was a pinkieXcheese story, but Tbh, that was only one story arc. I have like 6 more arcs written down. I just wanted to work on one story arc at a time, That way if I ever give up, it could still work as a standalone story. I have the concept of it all down, but my problem is the execution. I’d tell you more about the story, and why I think it could rival some of the classics on FIMfiction, but that’s only if it can have good writing which again, I’m not very good at. I don’t even know if it’s gonna happen anymore. Mostly because, I don’t think I could pull this off on my own. I’m sorry if I’ve been babbling, I’m just really passionate about this idea.
That was pretty good. Nice little one-shot.