After Rainbow Dash meets with Soarin, the Wonderbolt she starts to develop feelings for the stunt stallion. And does Soarin return the feelings.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd Aug, 2012
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Steve Ott
I too once thought the radio played, let's act like children while we sleep paralyzed.
Steve Ott
Joined 3rd Aug, 2012 ·
Offline
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FIRST COMMENT AND HAVENT EVEN READ IT
now ive read it and its simply delighting i cant wait for the next chapter if there is one
1058595
Need moar SoarinDash!
1058615 XD
SoarinDash FTW!!!
Nice!! I like it!!
You. Must. Finish this dude
This has potential, but a few things need to be fixed.
Firstly, New speaker, new line.
This...
She pulls her hoof up to her eyes a pain. "Are you okay", Soarin asks seemingly caring for her. "Yeah just some light got in my eyes", Rainbow responded while trying to look as cool as possible.
Sound read like...
She pulls her hoof up to her eyes a pain. "Are you okay?", Soarin asks seemingly caring for her.
"Yeah just some light got in my eyes", Rainbow responded while trying to look as cool as possible.
That's just that, I think you may have also missed a word or two as 'She pulls her hoof up to her eyes a pain.' doesn't quite make sense. Also, I don't know exactly how to say it but your use of tense seems a bit... awkward. There's nothing 'wrong' with it, it's just not how I'm used to reading stories as most are written in past tense rather than present tense. Combined with the third person perspective the story seems to end up "She did X. Then she did Y" which gets boring rather quickly.
Pacing could also use a bit of work as well I think, try not to make everything happen at the start as you will quickly run out of steam to fuel the story.
As I said before, you have potential and I'm always a sucker for straight Dash fics (Which they aren't hardly enough of, let alone ones with Soarin.) so I'll keep an eye on this.
1059059
You know what?
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTKTbDW4KODBkq8YCpGcyCJMiBXEDzPRQltnQokHBCcjOy5rMpB
Thanks for the advice everypony. Some people pointed out that I tend to use the same sentence structure so I'll try to change it up a bit in the next chapters. I only wrote this because of the lack of straight Dash fics. It gets me angry when I see another twidash fic.
Anyways, be on the lookout for upcoming chapter.
YAY!!!! FIRST COMMENT!!!!
1059398 nice
1062957
Really?!?!!?
18 hours later?
XD sry
1063249
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1063452
1063498
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1063547 not much
1063581
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQtBPwNQ7OYMYBBidyecsn_-1EUGjbcSdd9M7jiiJ55deczgE6V
1064288 sry so late got off and went to bed
I.Need.MOAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What was soarin dreaming about?