• Member Since 26th Apr, 2016
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Foal Star


Im like a Baby Discord with a crazy imagination

Sequels1

T
Source

This story is a sequel to The Diaper that Trapped Twilight


It has been almost a month since everypony in Equestria has been caught in a curse making everypony incontinent and having no bladder control. However, ponies in Ponyville are still trying to adjust to the new situation. Pinkie pie decides to help the process along trying to show ponies that wearing diapers shouldn't feel bad or emberassed. In fact she is trying to get ponies to love their diapers in various emberassing ways. However, her efforts will prove if Ponies in Ponyville can learn to live with their new padded rumps.

Cover artist: Kurikia

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 37 )
Comment posted by Marvinlando deleted May 6th, 2019

9606652 Then why are you here, commenting on it? If you're so repulsed by it, then don't read it and don't comment on it. No one's forcing you to do either.

Comment posted by NerdExtrodinare deleted May 6th, 2019
Comment posted by Aurora Dimmet deleted May 6th, 2019
Comment posted by NerdExtrodinare deleted May 6th, 2019
Comment posted by Aurora Dimmet deleted May 6th, 2019

9606687 So, again you are not required to read it. If you don't like the content that's fine, but you shouldn't post comments that are clearly just about you being repulsed by the content despite the title and the cover image making it perfectly clear what it is. If you choose to read on anyway knowing all that, that's your decision.

Comment posted by NerdExtrodinare deleted May 6th, 2019

9606809 Then it's no one's fault but your own if you don't like the content. And commenting on stories just because of that doesn't do anything.

If you hate the content so much, why show up to comment instead of reading anything else?

Comment posted by NerdExtrodinare deleted May 6th, 2019

9606819
Lol this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen on this website.

Also, keep going with this story. We need more writers like you.

I rather dislike it when people downvote something merely because they don't like the fetish found within. Not terribly fair, in my opinion, and every story deserves a fair look. This author worked hard and put effort into this! It deserves a fair chance just as any other story on this site!

As I'm not a fan of diapers in general, there are some quirks about this story that could use some work. Just the opening paragraph alone requires attention, so I shall be looking over it regardless of the concent. Keep in mind, dear, that even if I'm not currently a fan of this particular fetish, a truly well-written story has the potential to make me a fan.

Pinkie Pie woke up one lovely morning blushing to see that Mrs. Cake was standing overhead and was busily changing her diaper. Pinkie Pie blushed to see a new diaper was over her rump with balloons printed all over the fabric for wetness indicators with two pink tabs sitting square on a bright yellow landing zone, and pink leak guards lining around the mare's thighs.

Yes, she's blushing. There's no reason to state this twice. It's simply repetitive and brings nothing new to the story as a whole. Why do we need to be told she's still blushing, when you never established her stopping?

The mare despite being used to being in embarrassing situations found this a bit than usual as she looked up Mrs. Cake was also wearing a giant thick diaper with little cupcakes printed all over the fabric along, two pink tabs taped over a bright baby blue landing zone with leak bright pink leak guards surrounding her thighs.

Ok. The mare despite being used to being in embarrassing situations found this a bit than usual? A bit more than usual? A bit more usual than what? A bit unusual? I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say here, but I'm going to assume you mean unusual as that would provide some context to what you're going for.
I think.

Pinkie couldn't help but blush and whispered, "you don't need to change me everyday Mrs. cake."

Yes. She's blushing. She was already blushing. She's STILL blushing. We get it. Enough. You have used this verb three times in your opening paragraph alone. You may need to consider branching out into different adjectives. In addition, for some reason, you're overly descriptive of the diaper. Does it matter that she has pink leak guards in the description above? Does it matter there is a bright yellow landing zone? Does this in any way benefit the reader to having this knowledge? Will you bring this up again sometime in the future? If not, why bother with the descriptors? Mind you, this is only a minor nitpick, if anything, but basically, you could tone down the description and still keep the punch of what you're trying to go for.

She gave the padding a few pats making it crinkle quite loudly. Pinkie Pie couldn't help but kicked her back legs creating clouds of foal powder and loud crinkling noises.

Pinkie couldn't help but kicked? You mean kick, do you not? You may need to run this through an editor darling, as it may prove rather difficult to read if it's riddled with errors such as this one. In the first few lines no less. Did you give this a once over before posting?

Pinkie Pie couldn't help but kicked her back legs creating clouds of foal powder and loud crinkling noises. Pinkie Pie then jumped off the changing table in her room and landed down on the ground with a cloud of foal powder bellowing from her leg holes as she asked, "so how was Mr. Cake this morning?"

You really needn't address who's doing the actions if you've already established who is doing so in your first line. Pinkie couldn't help but to kick her legs. Alright then. We are under the impression Pinkie will be doing whatever she does next, unless otherwise stated. To tell us, once more, that Pinkie is doing these actions is awkward and does not provide a smooth transition between sentences.

with a cloud of foal powder bellowing from her leg holes

bil·low
/ˈbilō/
noun
a large undulating mass of something, typically cloud, smoke, or steam.
synonyms:cloud, mass
"billows of smoke"

bel·low
/ˈbelō/
verb
(of a person or animal) emit a deep loud roar, typically in pain or anger.
"he bellowed in agony"

Simply change the E here to an I and you'll be fine.

Mrs. Cake burst into laughter as she waddled over and hugged pinkie pie so close their diapers smashed into each other creating a symphony of crinkles. "If anypony can get him to love this new Equestria it's you my little Pinkie Pie!"

Why is crinkles in italics? You've been using crinkles non-stop for most of these opening paragraphs, which erases any emphasis, that word may particularly have.

Notice in the next few lines your characters are only giggling or laughing. Giggled. Laughed. Giggled. Laughed. Giggled. Laughed. Repetitive, Repetitive Repetitive. Consider perhaps trying "Chortled. Snickered. Snorted. Or, you needn't have them constantly giggling at each other. They could be thoughtful, or, frustrated, or dismissive. Constantly giggling may end up boring your readers.

"now stop fussing over your diapers and resume your breakfasts and have fun! Remember no pants, and show off your diaper rumps off and don't be mopey!"

You didn't edit this at all, did you? "Show off your diaper rumps off " doesn't make sense, darling. Is this an alternate universe where ponies wear pants for some reason? Is that established? Anywhere? Perhaps I'm missing it, but I've been wondering why they were wearing pants in the first place, considering your cover art used depicts a quadruped Pinkie-Pie instead of an Anthro/EQG Pinkie Pie. That would make a little more sense.

Unfortunately, darling, this requires quite a bit of editing. If ponies don't particularly care for this story, that may very well have something to do with it. The premise, however, is an interesting one. Is Twilight working on a cure for this curse? Where did it come from? How is this happening? (Aside from the meteor that fell) Is this simply temporary? Are there additional consequences from forced diaper wearing. This could go into a lot of different places.

9606893
Glad to see there are still good people on this website.

9606713
Well, to be fair, you can have stories you've written that you don't want comments/votes on. That's not against the rules. I've written some stories that I knew weren't going anywhere, but I wanted to post all the same. Just little snippets of conversation, that didn't necessarily need to be voted on simply because there was nothing of any true substance of value within the tale. But it was still something I worked hard on and wanted to see it posted with the other tales I've crafted.

9606984
Hmmm, I was simply trying to offer some advice and constructive criticism. Good and evil are subjective, as such I'm rather sure the down votes I've received on that comment were made by people who are under the impression I'm quite the evil mare. :derpytongue2:

9606893

9606687
I made this for fun and I didn't write this for any other reason. Thanks for the advice

9607030
You are welcome. If you're simply writing for the sake of writing, and you don't care for any pointers, I'm sorry to have butted in. Feel free to ignore everything I've said and have fun building your world. :heart:

9607069
well, thanks anyways. I appretiate it

9606687
Have you read all the stories in this site? Have you left a comment on every story in this site? Just because something is publicly available does not mean that you must comment on it or even read it. There are plenty of stories that have never seen on this site and never will, but you take the time to come to this particular one to bitch and moan.

9606781
You are complaining about not being able to express your opinion on a story...by leaving a comment on said story?

Also, since you seem to have such clear views on how things should be regarding ratings and such, perhaps you should inform Knighty that he's actually doing things wrong, and he should change it around.

9606866
And here we have a perfect encapsulation of everything that's wrong with people like you and your arguments. You are likening the act of disliking a story and leaving petty comments on it to fighting evil. Good job.

9607113
I agree, If you don´t have anything nice (or somewhere along that) to say don´t say anything at all.

Comment posted by NerdExtrodinare deleted May 6th, 2019

People are allowed to have opinions, and people are allowed to dislike things and people are allowed to be vocal about the things they dislike. Provided said person isn't an ass about it, if an author is willing to leave a comment section open for comments, then they surely have the strength of character and courage to handle comments given. (Provided, again, people aren't being mean or cruel.)

That being said, Foal Star is being very brave (as all authors must be) to share their hard work with the site and leave comments open. They are smart enough to be fully aware, that some people here will not like their work. They left comments open anyway. Thusly, I suspect that Foal Star can handle whatever praise or criticism they receive. White knighting here may not be required. Foal Star has got this. People needn't come to their defense.

You have the right to critique a story, as such, the author left the story open to critiques. It would be doing a disservice to said author to only give praise. Even if they said it was 'just for fun' leaving the comments section open to anyone, suggests they can handle whatever is tossed their way. Otherwise, why not disable comments entirely?

9606893
Your critic is pretty solid, I have to say, except for some things you said that aren't accurate because of your lack of knowledge on this kind of story (Im not saying anything bad about you, don't worry), so that's why Im gonna make a critic of your critic. :derpytongue2:

In this "community", we have a like on cuteness, that's one important part in the story to make it interesting to read (besides the diapers), and blushing, crinkles, giggling, laughing are some of the keywords, that's why it gets repeated several times. Of course he could diversify a bit, but words like chortled, snickered, snorted. aren't... how can I put? Fancy. Its not a comfortable word to use in this particular scenario if you get my point, believe it or not, lot of people in this community love these terms, so when they are used, they are very well received.

Also, in these kind of stories, sometimes you can't predict how it is gonna end, but it can end by the ponies still needing to use diapers, but not caring because they got used to them, but that's not a problem, because it would be a story of social inclusion as well, showing how the ponies lifes were changed now that they live with diapers.

Some of us can make lot of grammar errors in the "emotion of writing", so these kind of errors are acceptable, since we all want to put all those ideas into paper ASAP, without editing. :twilightblush:


Anyway, I think that's about it. Don't get it wrong, really, Im just saying you don't have the knowledge of the whole thing. :raritywink:

9607540
Long time no see! thanks for the comment and I love your profile pic.

9607540
um...
If you say so, dear.
I'm glad you like your trigger words, but cuteness aside, I was speaking from more technical aspects and syntax but after reading your spirited argument:

Some of us can make lot of grammar errors in the "emotion of writing", so these kind of errors are acceptable, since we all want to put all those ideas into paper ASAP, without editing.

I came to the conclusion my time and energy could be better applied elsewhere. If you're not willing to put in the effort to make your story readable or have the passion to fix your errors and mistakes there is very little I can do to persuade you otherwise. I may not have knowledge of your 'community', but I damned sure have knowledge of writing.

If you want to write purely for the sake of writing, though, do it. I hope you all have fun. :heart:

9608201

I came to the conclusion my time and energy could be better applied elsewhere

Woah there! I didn't mean to make you feel attacked, neither make your critics useless! :pinkiegasp:

I said, the errors were acceptable, but in the sense of "I can see why that is this way", but not that it was perfect (I even used the blushing emote meaning its a shameful sin), neither that it was okay if it continues that way. Also, not all of us do that, that's why I said some.

I didn't mean to throw away your critic, I said it was solid, you really pointed out all that could be fixed, and that's not bad at all, I just added a new factor to help your criticism, really. I never said I was the kind of just writing for the sake of writing (you assumed that, and please don't refer to me like that), I myself have an editor that helps me in this subject.

What Im trying to say is, don't stop crticizing these stories, continue criticizing the stories that you happen to bump into it, your critics very much help the communities to improve! :heart:

9608493
Tis fine, darling. I just think it would be better if I were no longer apart of this thread of comments.

Quite interesting. Pinkie would definitely be the one who would find a way to brighten up even the darkest of days.

I liked all the build-up to making her Diaper Changing Booth. Make something more socially acceptable and people will be more inclined to accept it.

Great job! I'm definitely interested in more as you get to it.

Well things seems to be normalizing for ponyville, I wonder how the capital?

9668804
Also based on what dash said I would like to see the Wonderbolts as well.

Definitely a lot of fun and silly things going on in this chapter. Pinkie is certainly great at finding the best in even the most awkward of situations.

I liked the scene of the statue reveal. Trixie using the massive stash of foal powder to create a kind of fog effect prior to the big announcement. She's certainly quite versatile when it comes to using her illusionist skills.

The idea of helping every pony embrace being a foal over fighting the fact they are stuck in diapers is good. It's another example of Pinkie finding the best in the situation at hand. She wants everyone to smile and not be sad.

Mayor Mare's responses made for good comedy during the chapter. So did Mr. Cake's objections.

9698600
thanks for the comment. I am happy to see you again! thanks for reading my story I hope your doing okay

Definitely an interesting tale unfolding here. I'm most interested in learning how I missed where Buildy came from along with the event that made all the ponies in Ponyville need padding. I think it was a mix of Chaos Magic with Unicorn Magic but I'm not sure if that is the right situation that caused this all to happen...

It's neat seeing Pinkie Pie get close to a draconaquus. So this would make Discord & Fluttershy along with Pinkie Pie and Buildy. Maybe they'd have tea together sometime?

9712944
Oh well the chaos magic is soreading from a meteor filled with raw chais magic which absorbed into flurry heart. As for Buildy he was obly intruduced into this story.

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