Scootaloo can't fly

by Miles Barbara Jewel

Exactly what it says on the tin

I slammed the door shut behind myself as I entered my miserable house in the city of Ponyville. I came to this realm about a week ago after I crashed my car into a tree during my drunken mindset. I am still not quite sure if this was some sort of dying dream or if it was truly reality, maybe that's why I messed up so hard tonight; it's hard to take things too seriously when I am expecting it to end every time I go to sleep, especially due to the fact I was living in a world that was a cartoon show I may or may not have followed from time to time back in 'my world'.

But that's the problem, it's all too real. I am very awake, lucid. I have dreams when I go to sleep here and I am honestly starting to regret some things I've said and done.

After making sure my door was closed and locked, I took off my coat and left it on one of my chairs in an extremely lazy fashion. I went for my fridge, pulled out the half-empty bottle of vodka I had kept there (which is something that apparently transferred over with me when I arrived) then headed off to my couch and slumped down onto it, exhausted both physically and mentally. I began drinking the throat-burning beverage like water, my body was already more than used to the sensation and I drank as if I hadn't already had a more than fair share of drinks earlier.

Why did I say that to Rarity, and more importantly, why the hell did I touch her like that? I mean, I know she's the Element of Generosity and all, but still...

I took another swig.

"Ehhh, I still don't think I deserved a burnt arm..." I muttered to myself as I glanced at my left, bandage-covered arm that had been treated by Princess Twilight herself. That little green and purple trash-child of hers deserved the smack after he had the audacity to spew fire on me, even if I was forced to apologize and make up later; doubt she'd have given a damn about my arm if I didn't, even if it was boiling and melting let alone the low degree burns I've got.

I took another swig.

Alright, maybe she would have given a damn if my skin was literally melting off of my bones. Well, at least I left them to their own devices for the rest of the day.

I took another swi-

Huh, time flew by fast. My bottle was empty and I didn't even notice it when I went for another drink. Whoa, since when does the house move like that? Yup yup, that's a drunk Anon, time to sleep this off before I do something to out-stupid myself tonight. It took me a good effort to get off the sofa, specifically because I could have sworn I had already gotten up from it about two times. Walking up to my stairs to the second floor was an easy task, now it was time to climb them. Wibbly-wobbly feet ascended me in a very slow manner as I took caution to not get too relaxed and break a bone or ten.

After a few minutes of stumbling climbing, including going on all-fours, I made it to my bedroom while giggling drunkenly about my success. Just as I was about to hit the hay (quite literally, considering the bed I had was filled with it) I heard a yell from the outside.

"Anooon! You in there?" It was the voice of a young filly, Scootaloo to be precise. What the hell was she doing here so late?

"You won't believe what happened today!" her words muffled and mixed up in my mind as I tried to stay awake, while also trying to sober up with a few slaps. I opened my window and looked down at her from it.

"Can't ya just... I'unno, fly up here? I just got up the stairs and the door's locked."

For a moment, Scootaloo looked sad as she glanced at her wings. "Why are you such a mean, lazy butt?" she asked in a slightly whiny tone.

After a brief consideration, I let out a sigh and told her to stay right where she was before I made my way down in a less than careful manner. I didn't fall down or anything, thank God, but I sure as hell lost my balance at the last step and ran straight into the wall. With a little groan and a newfound hatred for the filly, I grumbled a bit as I made my way to the door, unlocked it, let her in, closed it behind her and locked it again.

"Mr. Anon, you smell kinda funny, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I'm just reeeeeeeeeaaaaallllllllly sleepy, lil' filly." I muttered the reply to her as I weakly made my way up the stairs for a second time. She followed me without a beat, the absolute madmare.

"So, me and the girls helped some other fillies get their cutie marks today and it was super awesome!" she jumped up to the top step in an excited manner as I barely reacted to her speech.

"It was like we were superheroes or something! They were so happy, Mr. Anon!" she smiled, yet, I frankly couldn't give a damn about her day. Not because I had anything against her or because I really did not care, God forbid, but after tonight I just wanted this day to end.

"That's great, Scootaloo. But I am really-"

"And then Applebloom did a really funny speech about how with us around nopony in Equestria will be left with a blank flank, but I guess that was also kinda cool!" she was clearly really excited about this, but all I could do in response was collapse against the bed involuntarily.

"I'm sure it was a fun day, Appleb- I mean ScootalOOF--!" I felt sudden, slamming weight land upon my belly as she unexpectedly hopped up onto me and promptly forced out any air I had in me.

"Mr. Anooon, you aren't listening!"

God. Dammit.

"Scootaloo, please. Mr. Anon is not feeling so good tonight-"

"B- But you told me I could come over today after I was done with Applebloom and Sweetie Belle!"

I... Did? I honestly could not remember. I wasn't that depraved, was I? Yeah, no, I probably was not planning on doing anything like that.

"I'm really sorry, Scootaloo. I just really, really need to sleep right now. Listen, how about this? I promise you that tomorrow I'll hear all about your adventures, and we can have fun and play around, how does that sound?" I asked her with a small smile, anything to just get this over with.

"Eh... Ah, alright Mr. Anon, but if you break your promise, I'm not gonna forgive you!" she put up a frowny face and crossed her forelegs over her chest in a grumpy manner.

"I promise." I reassured her weakly in a slightly grumpy and annoyed manner. After barely hearing what Scootaloo said and grabbing the aforementioned pegasus in my hands under the armpits (Legpits? I dunno.), I got off the bed with her in grasp and began approaching my window; tired, drunk, and with an unclear mind.

The next few moments were a blur to me, and I felt like I had forgotten something really important, but it would have to wait until morning. Scootaloo wasn't there, and that's what mattered to me, she could go bother whoever else was still awake at the hour. I closed the window and just laid down in my bed, letting out a content sigh before starting to drift off to sleep.

Just as I was about to feel the sweet velvety touch of the dreamscape, it turned out it wouldn't be able to wait until morning. A realization came breaking through my thoughts and it made me sick in the gut.

I took a deep, shaky breath as my eyes snapped open, an irremovable grip of devastation and guilt taking hold of me.

As any possibilities of sleep disappeared from my mind, I found myself recollecting something important...

"Scootaloo can't fly..."

Comments

[Ralfil]

Oh boy, that's going to cause trouble.

[Miles Barbara Jewel]

9604186
Remember kids, don't handle little ponies when intoxicated!

[Black moon]

How to be a good citizen step by step guide:
Step 1: Get drunk
Step 2: Say something rude to someone
Step 3: Drop a small, pony out of a window in your house that you realise could not fly much later on
Step 4: Go to slee~ realising you done the mess up and sleep the rest of the night

[Imperial-Arstotzka]

9604202
Bro I'm not even allowed around them sober