The Bells of Notre Mare
It was a bright day coming to the lands of pony-kind, as the streets were slowly, yet brightly filled and illuminated by the light of the sun, that only the deity Celestia herself could rise, in the city of Pearis, a remote, yet very grand and religious town in the lands of Prance. Now, the town in question in the city of Pearis that our story begins is a town by the name of Notre Mare. Not many knew of this town, other than the massive, spectacular cathedral built in the very heart of the town, and its massive golden bells echoed loud enough for the whole of Pearis to hear. In this very town, a massive spectacle occurred, not only a few days back. And it all began on one night, when a pony met a monster…
The town of Notre Mare slowly awoke as the bells tolled to and fro, echoing all over the sleeping city of Pearis as the villagers awoke one after another, and set out on their daily chores. A small group of fillies and colts, however, were galloping right towards the market squares in front of the cathedral as they knew who would be there. Who, do you ask? Why, none other than the Spectacular Jester and Magician, Trixie, of course! She and her carriage had finally decided to settle down here in Notre Mare, only a few days before the Festival of Fools, where all of Pearis would literally be turned upside-down. She could not wait to get it started! After all, she was the head jester of it all. Still, as the foals reached her carriage, she smiled brightly as she welcomed them all.
“Come one, and come all, brave little pony-folk!” she cheered her juvenile crowd on. “Behold, the great and marvelous stories of Trixie, the Magician! Whom, or what, should we enlighten you with today, hmm?” she asked, and one of the colts chimed up;
“Oh, oh! Please Trixie, tell us more about the cathedral!” he asked her. Trixie grinned with joy at the question.
“Very well, I shall!” she declared, and held a hoof to her ear, smiling softly. “Listen. They’re wonderful, no?” the foals all looked a bit confused, but the bells were still ringing loudly. “The bells, my children, the bells! Can’t you hear them? So many colors of sound, so many changing moods!” she leaned over the ledge of the open carriage window. “Because you know, they don’t ring all by themselves.” A sock puppet was suddenly floating beside her while her horn glowed brightly, and began to move its ‘lips’ while Trixie spoke in a very squeaky tone; “They don’t?” and she just shook her head and chuckled. “No, you silly filly!” she unveiled a curtain that would let her look right up at the bell towers. “Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower, lives the mysterious…” a breath of pause was taken, as if she tried to shock her young on-lookers. “Bell ringer.” The foals did indeed gasp quietly, interested of who... or what it could be.
“Who is this creature?” Trixie continued, and the sock puppet repeated;
“Who?”
“What is he?”
“What?”
“How did he come to be there?”
“How?” finally, Trixie batted its head with a stick, as it groaned a squeaky, “Agh…”
“Hush.” Trixie demanded, and the foals all giggled a bit as Trixie continued, smirking a bit to her crowd. “And Trixie will tell you now, another story of how it came to be there… it is a tale of a pony… and a monster.”
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"But.. But Celestia, what do you mean I can't keep him?!" Twilight Sparkle demanded as she was in Canterlot, the violet unicorn standing in front of her Alicorn teacher with a small baby's cot in front of her, where a baby dragon was resting, its scales being purple and green as it was suckling its tail. "I hatched him, princess! What do you mean by-"
"I'm not saying that you are not allowed to keep him as its mother, Twilight Sparkle." Celestia finally spoke with a sigh, looking over the cot again where the dragon baby was just drooling happily over his tail tip. "I am just saying that Canterlot can not hold him for the time being... not with what happened just a few days ago..." Twilight cringed a bit. She remembered what had happened, that she had turned the dragon into a rampaging giant, but it was averted thanks to Celestia. "The court of Canterlot has judged both you and me guilty of the damages made, and even if they are all repaired now, we can not afford to keep him."
"B-But I..." Twilight muttered, sighing a bit. "It's not fair. Why can't I keep him when he's just been hatched... it's just not fair." she looked up at Celestia. "Is there not some kind of loop-hole in the Equestrian laws that says I can keep him? Even after what happened? There has to be!" Celestia had a look of hurt on her face, equally as much pain was going through her body as Twilight's body. She thought for awhile, in silence, before she spoke up.
"Well..." she declared, and Twilight looked up with hope gleaming in her purple eyes.
"Yes, yes?" she said excitedly.
"There is one way to keep him safe... but you still have to let go of him." the Alicorn declared, making Twilight frown again. "But do not worry, as long as you play your cards right, then you are allowed to meet him every once and again. It is very risky though, Twilight. You have to promise me not to be detected, and stay underneath suspicion as much as you can. Understand?" Twilight was a bit shocked at hearing the princess' plan. What was she thinking of doing? Not something... dangerous, right? She was Celestia, for bucking out loud! She would not put her favorite student into danger's path! ... Would she?
"You have to bring him to the city of Notre Mare..." she spoke up again, making Twilight snap back to reality as Celestia pointed out on a map where it was. "It is in the country of Prance, a small town in the city of Pearis... but I warn you. The residents of Notre Mare are led by one of my older sisters.... Queen Chrysalis. She is very... spiteful of us Canterlot ponies, especially because we banished her due to the dark magics she practiced. It was necessary, though. Now, I have a friend in Notre Mare, who would be able to take care of Spike. If she is still hidden from Chrysalis and her Changeling Guards, she'll live in the cathedral of Notre Mare. Take the dragon there, if you want him to be safe. I am sorry, but there is not much else I can offer." Twilight understood, however. To keep her "son" safe, she had to let him go for now. But she would be able to visit him, if she just kept her head low. She smiled, however. It was narrow, yet good odds. She nuzzled her teacher affectionately, and nodded to her.
"I understand, Celestia... I will be careful." she assured her, before she began to levitate the cot next to her, and walked out to begin packing for the long journey that was ahead of her now. Celestia smiled as she watched her walk out, and she just nodded, returning to her duties.
"Stay safe, Twilight... for both our sakes."
-.-.-.-.-3 Weeks Later-.-.-.-.-
It was a dark, cold winter night, and a boat was seen with a boatspony leading the narrow wooden carriage through the rivers of Notre Mare, underneath the docks, and towards an unused port area of the docks. The four ponies onboard were three stallions, and one mare, who was cradling a small blanket cloth near her chest, the content of said blanket wailing and crying as its mother tried to hush it down. Her coat was bright purple, and her mane and tail were dark purple with a streak of pink down her mane. Twilight Sparkle hugged the clothed child closer to her, trying to calm it down.
“Shut him up, will you?!” one of the stallions demanded, having a dark brown coat of fur with a blonde mane and tail, and another, having a blue fur coat with dark blue mane and tail, followed suit; “We’ll be spotted!” Twilight Sparkle nodded as she tried her best to hush the child in her arms, giving it soft nuzzles and kisses.
“Hush little one…” she begged of the child, praying that they would not be found. She knew far too well of the city’s reputation and disliking of Canterlot ponies like themselves, having been taught by her teacher Celestia before she left. But now she felt it was a lost cause. She had been traveling for weeks now, and she just felt, in the back of her head, that something was to go horribly wrong... When the boat finally came to a halt, they all quickly stepped off, the blanket and its precious cargo being carried on a small, comfortable weaved basket on the mare’s back, and the boatspony held out his hoof.
“Four gold Bits for safe passage into Pearis.” He demanded, and as the oldest stallion of the three in the company, a light brown one with black mane and tail, prepared to pay the generous stallion for helping them into the town… an arrow shot right into the butt of the boatspony’s oar, and several armored stallions appeared, wearing the armor of the Changeling Guards and armed with pole-axes and crossbows as they all rushed up to surround and trap the ponies.
"Canterlot ponies!" the captain declared. "You are all under arrest by order of Queen Chrysalis herself, under the restriction of trespassing onto Notre Mare without permit!"
"Without permi- Are you insane?!" the leader colt demanded as he'd push and struggle to get the pole-axes away from them. "That ugly mare would not let us in even if we had a thousand permits! We are just simply passing through, let us go!"
"Do not dare to dirt-talk our Queen, outlander!" the captain bellowed as he'd smack the butt of his lance into the colt's chest, making him groan and fall onto his front hooves, gasping for air. "Now then, you are all to be taken into custody and interrogated for possible intent of overthrowing the Queen! Any more words uttered, and your sentence will be two-folded!"
"Y-You damn... monsters..." the colt groaned as the other two tried helping him up. "You're all nothing but a bunch of rotten-"
"Yes, you ungrateful brute? What are we?"
No... that cold voice... the sheer amount of void emotions, and bitterness that was in it... it could not be...
“Queen Chrysalis…”
The moment the leader colt uttered that name, all four of them froze in instant fear as the foul, dark-coated mare was seen standing before them in her towering posture, her crooked horn radiating an aura of dominance and power, her deformed, hollow hooves trampling into the snow and dust as she walked up towards them, glaring down at each of them as they were all chained up, except for the mare. All of them silent by now.
Twilight was shaking with indescribable fear by now. So this was Chrysalis? The queen who was banished from Canterlot, and now hated them all to the core... the sole ruler as Queen of Notre Mare... she was frightened. Unable to move as her fear almost froze her to the snow of the ground, but she just looked on as the dark-coated mare strode up to them.
"Canterlot ponies... you are all the same." she jeered at them, before spitting one of the colts in the face. "Judgmental, cold-hearted, and cruel. You'd serve better off in your country than coming to mock our beloved town. You can go right back to Celestia, and kiss her royal flank while telling her to-" Just then, the being in the violet mare’s cradled cloth whined anew, and it brought up the attention of one of the guards that grabbed at the cloth.
“You there, what're you hiding?!” he demanded and almost ripped the cloth off, but Twilight resisted as she pushed the guard off of her.
“Let it be!” she begged, almost demanding the guard, frowning upon them, but instantly cowered as now, even Chrysalis was intrigued of what it could be. But she already knew what was in it…
“Stolen goods, no doubt…” she declared, leaning up towards the mare with a grin. She had heard the whine clearly enough, and knew it was no gold or treasures, but a child. And while she was to act as a leader for her town, she was not below seeing other ponies suffer, and to see a mother being separated from her child was such a delight.
“Take them from her.”
Cornered, and with no other thought running through her mind than to protect her child, the violet mare made the only decision she could do at the moment.
She ran.
Barging right through the guards in a sudden charge, Twilight tightly held onto the cloth before she was able to strap a few leather leashes around it on her basket as she then ran in full gallop, but hearing the trampling of hollow hooves behind her suggested Chrysalis was hot on her heels. She ran through alley-ways, over fences, and even ran straight across a garden, trampling down the frost-coated flowers laid there, but Chrysalis did not give up her chase on the mare trying to avoid her sentence. Finally, the violet pony found a slim entrance too big for the blackened mare chasing her to follow her through, and she slipped right through, as Chrysalis neighed in annoyance, and took an alternate route.
Finally, the mare thought, as she reached the vast, empty marketplace in front of the towering stone parapets of the cathedral of Notre Mare, rushing right across the cathedral square, her cloth bundle still strapped to her back as the crying of an infant was still heard loudly in the night. Finally, she would be able to secure her child, if they only could open up to her! She finally reached the reinforced doors, tears of pure fear and desperation welling up in her eyes and her heart beating like thunder, rapping her hooves against the iron doors, clutching onto the great brass rings and banging it against the cold steel of the door as well.
“Sanctuary! Please, give us sanctuary!” she cried out, begging the higher powers that anypony who would be present would hear her pleas of mercy. However, the thundering hooves were heard anew, and with a gasp and whimper of fear, she saw Chrysalis storming for her anew, finally catching up with her little escapee as she have had it with her games. Justice was inevitable. She sunk her sharp, predatory teeth into the cloth and dragged it, trying to rip it from the violet mare, but she resisted, pulling it back as she tried defending her child, and even rammed her shoulder into Chrysalis’ side to get her off her back. But this instant, she left her neck exposed, as in that moment, Chrysalis swung her sharp, crooked horn towards her, and a streak of crimson later stained the pearl-white snow upon the steps of the cathedral, as the violet pony sunk into the cold, grim ground, defeated in her struggle, and with the pool of vermillion red staining the snow even further. Twilight's life was depleting from her body ever-so quickly, and she merely looked up at Chrysalis with a weak look.
Letting a self-satisfied grin cover her face, the Judge finally went up and snapped the restraints off the crying bundle of cloth, as she’d lift it with her magic, looking over it. “Now, let’s see why she was so protective of her-…!” when she unfolded the cloth with her hoof, even she gasped, and folded it up as quickly as she had undone it. “A monster!” she exclaimed, looking frantically around for a way to dispose of such a behemoth. Finally, her cold, ice-blue eyes locked upon the only thing in her current power that could destroy such a fiend; A well. Trudging up to it, she saw that it was only half-frozen, and the thin veil of ice below would surely break if he tossed the demon down there. Dangling it over the open mouth to its abyss of death, she was about to let it drop and fall down to its certain death…
"Wait..." Twilight called out weakly. Whilst Chrysalis would not bother about her calls or pleas, she did look back at her with a slight frown, but as she realized how she could take advantage of this situation, she smirked.
"Yes?" she said in a sugary-sweet, venomous tone as she walked back to her, stamping a hollow hoof in front of her now pale face. "What is the matter, my sweet little mare? You want your child to die alongside you? Did you really think that Celestia's sweet little friend would be here to receive it? Well, too bad, she's not... she is just as dead as you will be, soon enough." Twilight have had a scenario like this before; She had been found out, and executed for being a Canterlot pony. Sighing, she just sunk her head back, and Chrysalis took it as a sign of defeat. "Very well then... just die quicker, and let me dispose of this monster..." she scowled, looking back at the child in its cloth cradle. But as she looked again... she saw a window of opportunity open up for her. If this creature was to be sent to be raisied by a Canterlot pony... then maybe, just maybe...
"Well... seems like you are not to die today, young being..." she said, a venom-filled grin filling her lips as she held the child and went towards the cathedral. Twilight's body was now numb and life-less, her blood finally having been drained to the point that the chilly night alone had killed her, and her eyes were closed. Her body would be gone by morning, however, as the citizen ponies usually buried bodies who were found on the streets in the graveyard. It was something normal they had learned to live with... being under Chrysalis' rule.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Coming back to Trixie and her now spell-charmed fillies and colts, she smirked as she saw them being very, VERY intrigued of the story she was giving them of the bell ringer, seeing him as a most mysterious being. “And Chrysalis gave the child a cruel, savage name…” she said, as a small shadow play was turned on for the children, using a paper figure of Chrysalis holding the cradled baby and walking up the stairs of the bell tower, with a small, lizard-like being following her steps. “A name, not one of us ponies would ever wield with pride or honor… she named him… Spike.” As the shadow play progressed, the paper figure of this ‘Spike’ was swapped to a slightly older-looking version of him, finally ending with him reaching the top of a tower, pulling a small rope as a little bell began to chime.
As the story came to an end, inside the bell tower, a strong, bigger-than-average-pony sized being clothed in shadows was pulling and tugging a thick, strong rope, as all the bells were ringing and echoing all around him, but he dutifully carried out his job, whilst finally letting himself be dragged upwards along the rope’s recoil, and swung back and forth between the swinging, thundering bells, the wooden support beams, and numerous ropes hanging around them, and finally landing with a sound ‘thud’ on the wooden floor of his living place. A new day had begun for Notre Mare.
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'Pearis'? I'm curious, what's the pun for that? I feel a little stupid that I don't get it...
Either way, it's a little borderline plagiarism if you just copy the movie's dialogue and paste it into the character's mouths. If anything else it makes for a really surreal experience when it comes to certain characters that you picked for those particular roles. I can definitely see Trixie as Clopin, but Chrysalis as Frollo? Ehh... It just doesn't fit unless you change the dialogue and, ultimately, the story as well.
Hunchback of Notre Dame is so religiously charged that this crossover really doesn't hold up well unless you twist the story to fit pony standards. Could it work? Oh, certainly! But not by taking Disney's script and placing prose over it.
1057896 It's supposed to be a pun for 'Paris'.
And I will try my best to spice up the dialogues between the characters. I wanted Trixie as Clopin from the beginning, she just seemed to fit with the role so well. And as for Chrysalis being Claude Frollo, well... it was either her, or Discord in my mind. You make the choice.
Again, will do my best to make this story work, and spice up the dialogues a bit. I do already have a twist planned for the end, however. Might be a little obvious one, but it'll be funnier if you discover it yourself, and don't spoil it.
But ultimately, IF the story does not fit up to your standards, I am terribly sorry in advance if it disappoints you. I just write to bring my readers something interesting from my point of view, as well as doing it because it is fun. If I have to spend, let's say, an hour just trying to figure out how I am going to 'fit the story to pony standards', then it would not be that much fun, now would it?
However, if you do have any suggestions to what I could do, just PM me here, or even better, send me your IM address on either Windows Live Messenger or Skype, and we can chat it down.
it is only a copy of the movie with changed names , the themes of my little pony and the hunchback arent mixing at all .you should just do a novelization of the film.
1057938
Nah, you're fine. I was just offering suggestions.
Like the fellow above mentioned, I think that a novelization of the concept of Hunchback with ponies could be really dang awesome. It'd take some effort, yeah, but that's writing. Writing is a pretty unforgiving hobby in the grand scheme of things. BUT the rewards that you gain from it are always pretty awesome in the end if you take your time and do your research.
I'm a little busy right now with college starting up and my own projects looming over my head, so my brain is a little fried of ideas to begin with... but I would recommend taking the bare bones of the original and molding around it to fit the pony world. No religion, no gypsies, no archdeacons. But you can make a story about a shut-in outcast like Spike and make it really special.
1058076
*sigh* Looks like I have to rewrite the whole first Chapter then.
I am really sorry for having been disappointing right off the bat with this story... I just thought it looked really good to me, and what I think is good, I usually go for. I usually don't care what others tell me because I think they can all go...
Okay, I will not bring it up here. Buck it. *goes to make a depressing Blog post instead*
1058105
)
Dude, dude! Don't beat yourself up! Everyone starts somewhere, and EVERYONE has a writing style that has to develop through practice.
You've got good prose; all you need now is a spark of an idea to make a good adaptation.
You're doing good. Don't give up out of frustration, rather you should try and keep going. Just don't force yourself. Write only when you feel a desire to.
(by the way, thanks for your watch
1058183
Look, I... don't want to sound like an idiot, but I have no idea what you mean when you say that I have good prose. If you're referring to the slabs of bold text in the chapter, that's basically just the lyrics of the first song played in the original Hunchback movie, that I remade to slightly fit more to the story. Nothing more. It's not good prose. It's copy/paste'd lyrics.
It's easy for you to say 'Don't give up out of frustration', and 'Don't beat yourself up'. I do that all the time. Even if I make the slightest mistake, I just constantly blame myself for it. I know it's a really bad habit, and that it just make things harder on me... but I just get so bucking mad for no reason when things don't go the way I want it, and instead of taking out my anger on others, I take it out on myself.
Anyhow, I will try and re-make the first chapter... when I get a god-damn idea of how to start it off, that is. *sigh* And I was almost done with the second chapter too... now I have to re-make THAT one too...
I have only one thing to say:
You could improve the title: The Dragon of Notre Mare! Because "mère" means mother and it sounds like "mare" plus they're both feminin nouns so they have the same lexicon as "dame". Not only that but it I believe it will something very exquisite to the story.
1058285
The prose is the 'meat' outside of the dialogue, the actual writing and descriptions.
You just have to learn to build from your mistakes. We all make them, and only a few of us really take the time to stand back, acknowledge our fault and move on.
Rewriting chapters is tedious, but think of the rewards that you'll reap from editing it all up! You'll end up with something that you can be proud of, maybe not completely, but enough to tell you that you're skill has grown.
Alright everypony, re-writing of the first chapter is complete! Now, if you still do not like it... this is what you get. Sorry, but this is the only adaption I can make so far.
Just read this, and I can you right now that this is leagues better than your first attempt. This is good work, and it'd be cool if you kept going at it.
I'd say more, but my brain is pretty much dead at this point... bleh
1062757
Well, I am very glad you liked the re-make. I will try and keep it like this, and re-make the original story as good as I can, yet keep it as a good adaption to both the movie and MLP alike.
Just wanting to ask for your opinions, how should I do when I get to the Festival of Fools?
1062809
Hnm... Maybe just have Trixie doing a bombastic magic show? Or, to keep with the costumes, you can make it Nightmare Night. Just to name a few.
1062825
Hmm... maybe a combo of Trixie's bombastic magic, and Rarity (Who you all OBVIOUSLY know will be Esmeralda, no shit Sherlock!) having a costume challenge for the one to be crowned King of Fools (instead of the one having the ugliest face)
Im a little disapointed that you took out the arch decon scean. That played a big role in the movie in terms of Frollos character and his guilt vs want.
1322577
Yes, but it had to. As GingerNutGin stated numerous times in the comments above; This will be an MLP adaption to the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Meaning religion would ruin the MLP element of the story. The scene with the arch deacon is indeed one of the most moving scenes, but it would just not fit in here. I apologize for the disappointment, but I beg you to think about what I've just said.
1323483
I still think the casting is really good. I also understand why you let that character out. I still have the story in my wach list. I'll see how things play out. Don't give up.
1323535
The more you know!
And yeah, the reason Spike's name is bad is a little simpler. Because most ponies (not all, but most) have names consisting of two parts, whereas Spike only has one part in his name, same with Rarity, they are often shunned and seen as outcasts in this video. Chrysalis doesn't care though, since she's a Queen.
1329242
Glad you like it! Do not worry, I will update and write whenever I can.
Well, i can tell this may be good. Can't wait to see what you have in store for Shining Armour and Rarity. Who will be Spikes friends like the gargoyles though?
1395123
Well I guess you already know which roles Shining Armour and Rarity will replace, but I will keep you guessing!
Also, I've decided to leave that part out. The gargoyles from the original Hunchback were a very comical relief to the movie, yes this is true, but for the sake of simplicity and keeping it smooth and going for my own good, I've decided to leave them out here.
Interesting, continue.
I think Clopin would be a mix of Discord and Trixie.