• Member Since 11th Apr, 2018
  • offline last seen 36 minutes ago

Distressing Prose

Lachesism against vemödalen and exulansis.


It's been a long time since Twilight Sparkle took you in, transformed you into a little green filly, and tried to make you understand friendship. Though you're now a grown mare and surviving life on your own, some of her lessons have stuck.

Dedicated to all of you who can relate. Pre-read by Penalt and HiddenMaster.
Contains OOC, abuse, brief allusions to rape and self-harm, and bitter irony.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 60 )

"You can't hide anything from me," Twilight says. Her tone shifts to one of undiluted contempt. "I told you this would happen. What are you doing? You're just proving me right."

Twilight don't you dare do this:twilightangry2:.

Your mouth opens to reason with her. Maybe if you say the right thing, she'll realize how much it hurts. Maybe if you can appeal to her moral character, she'll give you a break. Maybe if you can tease out her maternal instincts, she'll smile and speak gently.


Please Twi, Anon is begging you:applecry:!

"This is what you do, Anon. You hurt, you lie, you steal, and you break. Somehow, everything to do with you always ends in ponies' tears. I thought making you one of us would help you. I thought welcoming you into my home, out of the goodness of my own heart, would help you. But you just can't help yourself, can you?"

Well, not in the way that she thought you were Twilight:ajsleepy:. Now look at the poor girl...:applecry:...somepony help her:fluttershbad:!!!

She did, didn't she? Even when she turned you into a little girl horse. Ponies were suddenly huge by comparison, and even Sweetie Belle was bigger and stronger, but everypony was still adorable even when they were mad. Twilight was unrelenting in her "friendship is magic" approach, but being small just made you angry that she changed you. You didn't want to be her friend, let alone her "daughter."

Oh Anon...my poor sweet little Anone:fluttercry:.

Something snapped. You remember waking up in the hospital with her apologizing in a panic about something. You were too busy floating somewhere above your body to care. They must have trotted out the really good painkillers.

At home, she must have slipped you a little magic. Maybe she was trying to erase the memory of what happened, but you didn't forget that she did something. Maybe it was because it kept happening. She would hurt you, then apologize for the rest of the week with an extra bit of sweets in your lunch bag or going out for ice cream or even, one time, following your directions to make a pretty damn good pizza.

Then she would do it all again.

Sweet one moment, then venomous the next...:twilightangry2:.

"It's better to let go," Twilight whispers in your ears.

Her magic worked—you don't remember the beatings directly, thank goodness—but over time, other things started to slip. You lost so much you're not even sure what you started with. Your entire pony childhood is like the inverse of swiss cheese. Some of the holes are filled in, but they're the only things left.

You know you were male because it's apparent from the stories Twilight tells. You remember the Internet because you tried to troll ponies by telling them your name was Anonymous—your online handle. By the time you realized that was a perfectly ordinary name in pony land, it was your entire social identity. Now it’s a question mark on your butt, a symbol of your social invisibility.

“Even destiny hates you!” Twilight says.

Oh yeah:ajbemused:? Well I bet destiny hates you even more for doing this:flutterrage:!!!

Your real name and real, human parents are gone. You must have had a dog, but the dog is gone. You barely remember what having fingers is like. You used to get angry instead of breaking down in tears all the time, but nothing else about being a man has stayed, and with Twilight's erratic anger and the landlady’s tantrums you're not even sure that's a guy thing.

Probably not:rainbowderp:...

You know you weren't well off mostly because of how comfortingly familiar it is to organize a system of which bills to evade each month and live in fear of tax audits. Your "first time" as a pony is the only "first time" you remember, and your only memory of it is the sick smile on his face. Your whole body shudders in revulsion.

It's better to let go.

No please, don't give up Anyone:raritycry:!!!

You rush to the toilet and throw up. You didn't eat anything today, so after bringing up a little acid you go through a series of dry heaves that leaves you trembling all over and your muzzle streaked with tears.

"Oh, quit feeling sorry for yourself," Twilight sneers. "You got what you deserved."

And soon, you will too:pinkiecrazy:.

Who would believe your stupid lies, anyway? Spike knows whatever really happened, he saw so much, and even he doesn’t like your “stories.” Maybe he is as infatuated with Twilight as every other pony in this cursed land. Maybe he’s just afraid that he could be next.


As you cry yourself to sleep yet again, you pray tomorrow will be the day you never wake up.

And hopefully, never suffer through this abuse again...:ajsleepy:.

You go to the sink and turn on the tap, sticking a hoof into the bitter cold stream of water that comes out. It hurts, but it helps you focus. Better to feel your body at all. Hot pain lances through your core. Three miscarriages is where that idea got you.

Given the context of the rest of this story and Anon's implied age, this is incredibly disturbing.

Dirty mud pony magic pulses like your heartbeat, overpowering the cheap stoneware. You pull back against it, but it's too late. Your mind's eye imposes its view over reality. Every plate shatters between your incapable hooves. Spoons and skewers bend into weird and unusable shapes. The tines of forks twist into a tangled rat's nest. The easy-rinse containers develop holes. Color leeches out of the sink in front of you; there is only the white of your dishes and the grey of everything else.

I'm honestly not certain exactly what is happening here, and if this isn't a sign of Anon being utterly insane, trapped in a nightmare, or if this is a very real Twilight acting this way.

After reading this, it seems like Anon's trapped in a dark magic enchantment similar to Sombra's trap regarding the Crystal Heart. She's in a constant state of despair, everything is against her, and there is no hope, even from individuals that should otherwise inspire it.

I'm also leaning toward the dark magic enchantment because this story does not seem grounded, at least in regards to Twilight. Twilight, to put it bluntly, doesn't seem like she's actually there. This seems like some sort of horrible conditioning and/or hallucination Anon is having, as much of what she says in the context Anon is in just doesn't make sense, but no focus is given on it.

it was written well. and it makes my life seem a whole lot better than that but, what a sad story.

Damn, we need a story where Celestia finds out what Twilight has done--and then she stomps Twilight hard for it and rescues poor Anon. This story is awful!

Victims of abuse often report experiences like this. But I wouldn't know anything about what it's like to hear someone's voice in your head screaming that it's all your fault.

Well, this was something.
The worst part is that Anon can't easily end it all.

When I was pre-reading this it was my rage at Twilight that got me though to the end. When a story can inspire emotions, that's when you know you have something particularly unique on your hands...

well goddamn.

Please make a sequel. I really want to see Twilight get stomped. Like, really badly.

I appreciate the compliments! Thank you!

Ain't surviving grand?

Err... Yes? Thank you? Please pass the yams? Response here?

Maybe some day. Right now Anon has enough on her plate, don't you think?


Err... Yes? Thank you? Please pass the yams? Response here?

No problem:twilightsmile:.

i feel conflicted. anon was taken from his home. sent to another world turned into a girl pony and is physically and emotionally abused to the point of self resentment and begging in his/her mind that they would go to sleep and never wake up of thinking of committing suicide. and all self loathing this was caused by twilight sparkle who caused the abuse. OK i'm no longer confused i'm down right furious :flutterrage: i know what its like to go though something like that. so this hits me in very VERY sore spot for me so twilight of this fanfic you better watch your step or (demon voice) you will have me to deal with.

I'm glad you can connect with the story. Or maybe not, because that implies some unhappy things. The author's note is for you. Thanks for reading!

your welcome and if you do write a sequal i might have an oc that use can use to teach this twilight a lesson >:)

3 miscarriages Damn that sucks

Sequel: A Fighting Chance. Anon fights back

Or throw in Nymous in as another foal Twilight kidnapped to attempt the same thing but nah Nymous ain't having g it and helps Anon cope

It does! Sadly, Anon's situation does not exactly encourage reproductive health.

Well now, this is something... I can relate to the verbal abuse ( cruel step-father) and unfortunately the rape ( one time thing) but damn, Twilight needs a beatdown! Either by Celestia or Cadence, maybe her own mother too while we are at it?


I feel very conflicted.

That was a powerful, extremely effective read, and fittingly heartwrenching in its visceral depiction of trauma and gaslighting..!

This just occurred to me but what if anons mind is simply to old for her body. What I mean is she has developed some magical form of depression or dementia

Well, you live up to your name. Feelsbadman

That could be an interesting idea to play with.

Thank you, I tried. 💜

What if all the abuse Annon suffered was an illusion caused by a combination of guilt and faulty spell work? Certainly leaves room for an interesting sequel idea, given the main character's mental state.


I suppose I should thank you for the lovely bit of inspiration, but I won't, because fuck you, you sadistic cunt/bastard.

A very good word to describe what we all just read:raritywink:.


You're welcome! I actually have a huge soft spot for anything Filly Anon, and my feelings are decidedly on Anon's side here. But I am rarely able to write anything resembling happy. The author's note is for you! And me. And a lot of people.


You're welcome! I actually have a huge soft spot for anything Filly Anon, and my feelings are decidedly on Anon's side here. But I am rarely able to write anything resembling happy. The author's note is for you! And me. And a lot of people.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who wants to hug Filly Anon:pinkiesad2::fluttercry:.

i can just imagine how high and mighty this version of Twilight might feel "I can convert ponies into doing what i believe is Friendship, and nopony can do anything about it."
*insert my profile pic*
.......Well hello there.

I want to hug her. and then take her home, give her a nice, warm, soft bed, and something to eat that isn't alcohol. and then I'll be getting her some therapy.

Same here, and treat her like a real friend and surrogate mother would:twilightsmile:.

and then I'm going to eat and murder Twilight.
Yes, in that order

This is one of those stories that always splits me. On the one hand, it's portrayal of a cruel Twilight and Anon's hellish life adjusting to Equestria filed into a lot of Filly-Anon tropes I find either overused or just unpleasant. But I think where the story saves itself is the sheer passion in Anon's voice. This is an individual utterly destroyed by their experiences, and whereas many Filly-Anon stories would use the character in her youth, this story examined the long-term consequences such an upbringing would create. It almost feels like a deconstruction of other Filly-Anon stories, showing that an abusive Twilight turning a man into a filly (whether played as drama or black comedy) would not bode well. The child is father to the man, and this story examines that idea head-on.

I can't say I "liked" the story in the traditional sense of the word, but there's definitely a strong artistic vision here I have to respect.

You are a gentleman and a scholar, and I know and greatly appreciate those feelings!

Even legitimate friendship lessons are poisoned when you aren't giving them a choice, or when you represent something else toxic in the person's life--such as whatever the hell this was.

--oh. :twilightoops:

Don't think I don't see you there, Sparkle! You can run and hide all you want, but I'll catch up to you eventually, alicorn or not!

Wait, does that make this kind of like the Dark Souls of fanfiction?

Well. You certainly live up to your name.

Not sure if "Dark Souls", but definitely akin to "Spec Ops: The Line" for me.

Thank you, I try!

Why thank you. I know and appreciate that game.

I am two centimeters away from pure orgasmic bliss.

And I am depressed

And you're both idiots

Short and very interesting indeed 👍


I am two centimeters away from pure orgasmic bliss.

Self harm is one hell of a drug.

I'm glad you found it interesting. Enough to comment, even!

Certainly would highlight that while many victims of abuse are stuck in their situations, some are found, and rescued, and can begin the process of healing.

And some escape. And some "escape." And some... escape.

It's a messy world. :ajsleepy:

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