The Line Between Fire and Light

by Stolenalicorn

62 An Uncomfortable Talk

James and Lucca quietly walked through the forest near their home once the girls had left, with the promise that they would visit the ponies soon, particularly the CMCs. James silently enjoyed the company of his wife while Lucca had more on her mind. There had been something eating her up inside for a long time now and she needed to confront it. If she didn’t it was going to continue to fester and possibly make her hate herself, her husband, and their friends.

This was going to be uncomfortable for them both. Her own feelings on it were mixed and at times tumultuous. She knew she should have told him much sooner, they talked about everything, that's how they had to work. He kept to that and had never kept secrets that they hadn't already agreed on, she knew about everything that happened in Washu's time chamber the day James and Rainbow Dash got out. But this she had held close and private. She was worried about telling him, and about what she might say.

It was a cool night with no wind and a cascade of stars shown brilliantly down through the clear domed canopy of the space station. They could see the ever extending arm of the galaxy stretching out like a road into the unfathomable distance, providing just barely enough light to see by. Slowly the lake came into view, even the lights in Sean’s house on the opposite shore were off. Out here they were alone.

Lucca took off her shoes as they got to the end of the pier and sat with her feet dangling in the water, James followed suit, sitting next to her looking up at the sky.

“I know you want to ask what’s wrong.” Lucca said with a sigh.

“You usually tell me when you’re comfortable enough to talk about it. All pushing the issue does is make you upset and I don’t want to make things worse.” James answered as he turned to look to his wife.

Lucca nodded. Now or never, and she couldn't live with never. “Well, a while ago Liara sent me this.” She said as she brought out her omnitool and sent James the message. “It happened while you were in that coma thanks to Cozy Glow. It … made a few things clear to me.” She wanted to tell him, but knew that if she talked about what she saw she would get upset again.

James nodded and watched the video on his omnitool as Lucca stared out across the lake. James’s mood visibly sank as he got to the part in question.

“She really did that?” James asked as he watched the clip again. He felt a mix of emotions, some of which he couldn't place, and others he all too easily could. One that he recognized all too easily was guilt that he hadn't thought anything of Rainbow Dash's attention, or just how she might feel.

“Yeah, she did.” Lucca continued to stare out across the lake, she didn't want to look at James right now. “… You going to run away from her too?”

James shook his head. “No, you know how that goes.” James vividly remembered how much he had hurt Tali when he ran after she confessed her feelings to him. Even Lucca pushed him to talk to her again, which inevitably led to their current situation.

“So what are you going to do?” Lucca asked. She focused on the cold water as it reflected the galaxy making it almost look like she was standing on a road of stars.

“What do you say? She’s doesn't need me, we both know that. I just don’t want to hurt anyone.” James said, his omnitool blinking out as he too looked over the lake.

Lucca groaned as she heard James speak. “It’s crap like that that broke up Asgore and Toriel.” She sighed as she shook her head. “So what’s your plan?”

“None.” James said. “If she does nothing about this, then that’s it. If she decides to pursue …” James went silent as he considered just what it would mean. “Then we all need to talk.” Of course she already had done something.

“That prank was the first relationship she’s ever had, real or not.” Lucca eventually said, as much to herself as to James.

“She told me as much and about how her parents would overreact to every guy she got to know.” James said. “I know the pressure that can put on someone.”

Lucca nodded. “It can be tough. And her relationship with you is probably the closest she’s gotten to romance without any pressure. I mean just look at Fluttershy’s brother, calling him a creep is being nice.” She tried to joke, but it wasn't helping.

James could see where Lucca was going with this. It’s a conversation they’ve had before. “You think Lady Seto locking us up had nothing to do with the prank.”

Lucca nodded again. “You were locked up with her for a month and came out closer than any of us could have expected. I trust you too, with everything you told me about what happened in there. But you acted like a couple so naturally after that that I honestly got jealous.” Lucca reached over and took his hand. “And then Scootaloo started showing up … for the first time since Amber was born it really felt like our family was growing again. Then there's her parents … the only grandparents Sara or Amber have ever known. Because of Rainbow Dash we have a family again.”

Lucca began to tear up as she talked. “And it was like nothing at all had changed with you. I never missed any time alone with you. You were the same father as ever to Sara and Amber, even spending more time with them thanks to her. And letting them grow on their own too. … But you've changed. You have …” Lucca took a moment to wipe her eyes. “They’ve all helped you be more like you used to be. Before we were married … before you left and came back to me broken.”

“I’m so damn angry that I’m happier for their influence on you. I’m mad that it’s taken them to bring you back to me … and I will not give this up.” Lucca’s voice broke as she spoke. Still she looked out to the lake, not wanting to see James’s face knowing all too well the guilt that was now plainly spread across it.

James leaned over and held Lucca close as she tried to calm herself. They sat for minutes in silence staring into the reflected stars.

Lucca swallowed the lump in her throat as she finally spoke again. “I don’t care if they all want a piece of you. I can share you if it means finally getting you back.” Her glasses were fogged from her tears as she cried just thinking about what she had lost before she even truly had it.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so terrible to you.” He whispered to Lucca.

Lucca just shook her head. “Give me enough time and I can fix any machine, any technology. But a person … I couldn’t fix you. No matter how much progress I made I could never fix you.”

James kissed the top of Lucca's head before resting his forehead against her. He listened to the water gently lap against the shore for a moment before speaking up. “I never can be fixed. But it was you who brought me back. Every good thing I’ve done and everything good in my life is thanks to you even if someone else is pushing me along.” He kissed her head again before looking back out to the lake.

Lucca nodded as she put her head on James’s shoulder. “It's not fair to her to make her wait. And if they want to try … let them try please. For me, let them try.”

They watched the water quietly, neither thinking as to how long. They just stayed with each other on the pier before walking back to the castle. Lucca was still conflicted, but happy that she had finally gotten this off her chest.

Author's Note:

While writing and reading this I would often listen to this, just in case you want to give it a go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or_kmUu5P4o
Just touching on a few little things. Their relationship works because they don't keep secrets from each other. But even with the best of relationships that can be hard to do. She's held onto this because she didn't know just how she felt about it, but she couldn't keep doing that. She needed help to figure out how to move forward with this knowledge, even if that help was just James quietly listening to her.