• Member Since 13th May, 2012
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Comments ( 20 )

Originally written for the April 2019 Sibling Incest Contest. Needless to say, I did not make the deadline on this one. I'm not too torn up about that though. I wanted to take the care to make sure I did this to the best of my ability.

This was not easy to write.

The extra time certainly paid off.

Maybe I'm just showing my (lack of) age here, but in high school we did
plus i think there's a db tag for it?


According to the oh so reliable urban-dictionary, it is. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snail%20trails


well that started off dark.... and got darker....

I like

I rarely ever leave a comment on a story, but this time... let me just say, that this story made me feel... Something.

I'm a bit mixed.

Jesus, kick straight to the gut... But Cadance isn't wrong, entirely. Flurry is in danger from him.

I just hope she figures out that she's only increasing the odds of a 'mistake' happening by keeping him close to her.

Shining's relationship with young Twilight is pretty sickening, but you're pulling facts out of the story that aren't there. Flurry's danger is an assumption of Cadance that has no hard supporting evidence. It's just the top of her list of lies she uses to convince herself that casting the spell is morally right, I think it's pretty clear she casts it now primarily out of the fear that Shining will leave her for Twilight.

Down to read later.

Not a lot of stories bring up how people with pedophilia don't necessarily want to feel the way they do. Although that he only accepted help after being caught detracts from that, his willingness to keep going through with the mind-change after all this time mitigates a little bit of the "this Shining is a terrible pony" feeling you'd normally get after finding out a character molested their younger sister.

Gotta agree with ascendant. The story description was pretty explicit about why she does this, and it's to keep Shining (although how big a roll losing him to Twilight plays is something I won't try to measure). But there is one thing I disagree with--her statements at the end of the story suggest that she's largely given up the idea that casting the spell is morally right at all.
Although I would say that there's a fair indication that Flurry could be in danger from how he's behaved until he got the spell (although brother/sister and father/daughter are both very different dynamics of incest). And... well, he's gone all this time without any experience confronting or controlling his own desires. It would be a disaster.
What she chose to do isn't good, but I don't think there's any good resolution to this.

Nope, not really! Not unless it really is Twilight-specific. Another thing they can't really figure out like this.

Roll tide.

At the beginning, the story refers to Shining as "her husband," but then states that Shining is "getting too old for this" since he is fifteen and Twilight is eleven. Are you going by typical horse lifespans or is the "her husband" bit a mistake?

In any case, bravo. Dark but brilliant.

that was absolutely an error, a vestige from a previous draft that I must have missed somehow
allow me to fix it
thank you for catching that and thank you for the praise :twilightsmile:


No prob, and you're welcome!

don't know what to make of this one: on first read, it seemed like the description of the deed was meant to be actual foalcon porn material for that fetish despite the rest of the story framing it as disturbing and disgusting, and that the story was an attempt to have the cake and eat it too in that sense, but rereading it made it seem like the scene's explicity was there solely to be a viscerally disgusting depiction of what was going on, not to titillate or satisfy foalcon interests.

that aside, the rest of the story _did_ achieve a psychological drama and horror that I could appreciate.

Yeah, that’s something I’ve been kinda not super happy about how it came out the more time goes on; the idea was to use the descriptions to appeal to those who read foalcon as a sort of Trojan Horse of sorts; I don’t think I executed it very well, however. I’ve since learned in the time after writing this fic about the value of not using direct or vivid description of rape/sexual abuse because that is mere fetizishization, regardless if that was the intent

Thank you for the honest representation of p3d0ph!lia. They hate having the attraction and the urge. It's wrong and they know it's wrong on most levels. I pray one day people could talk to Thier psychologist about this sexual disorder without the threat of being reported on sight.

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