A new hero is in town to get rid of criminals and evil magic. Only he doesn't spare the user's. The main 7 teams up with her pony doubles to know if this new hero is really a hero or something more sinister.
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 13th Mar, 2019
- offline last seen Apr 30th, 2022
red reaper
What is mob to a king, what is a king to a god, and what is a god to non believer?
red reaper
Joined 13th Mar, 2019 ·
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I like it, but it needs work. I made my own story about this very concept called The Pony of Vengeance (you'd want to take a look at it) and the pacing of this first chapter is very, very fast. It starts off essentially the same way, but I had three separate chapters for the events of the initial attack, the Mane Six finding out about the attack, and the Mane Six discovering the scene of the crime. Pace yourself. You want to take these readers on a ride, don't you?
Also, your grammar regarding quotation marks needs work. Bad grammar can turn off new readers. I only powered through this one because I liked the concept. Next time, proofread your text for errors in quotation marks and past and present tense changes. I favorited this, but I expect more from a talented writer like you.
9603766
thank you and i have a bad grammer im not from america but from israel and i have hard time with grammer.
9603766
and please read my other story the hybrid
Awesome chapter, you are doing an amazing job. I can't wait to read the next one.
Is that Noob Saibot? This kind of fatality (internal chuckle) can be only matched by Mortal Kombatants. Although the webs and stalagmite are new.
9604278
yeah the webs are for a good reminder for whats to come
9604218
Hope you enjoyed my second chapter
I’m enjoying the story so far so I hope you keep writing but I have one question. Is the shadow character Noob Saibot? It would be pretty cool if it was.
9607399
yes yes it is and i hope when you hear shadow you will think of noob saibot
I think that was meant to be shirt.
Oh
9611135
thank you so much
More
9617460
More what?
im not submissive sweet heart and more chapters
9617871
Very well my little bird, but as you know good things take the effort of mind
9617871
Have you enjoyed my last chapter little bird
I don't think it was the intention, but this line made me smile.
9628355
No but I can see the humor
Hope you enjoyed this chapter and until next time I will give a question who lies behind the mask of the shadow?
A person in love that will do anything for a girl
9668544
exactly
Do I detect some tease?!? I do!
I'm here because you asked. I will say upfront that I don't like EQG very much, but I'll put that on hold.
Opening scene was top notch up until 10 bullets. It just felt too clinical... maybe unleashed a barrage... or began spraying bullets... something with more zing.
The rest felt a little rushed to me. Ominous ending... not a bad start.
9775760
Thank you
9775760
Hope you will enjoy the rest of the story
Does anyone have any guesses on who is the shadow?
They better hurry before rock shadow dude gets everybody.
9802536
I guess you like the story
She didn't deserve magic? Or she didn't deserve what he did to her? The ambiguity in this case is good.
9803025
She didn't deserve what he's done to her
Stygian had to show up... it's an EQG necessity to do the duplicate thing...
I'm calling it... it is Flash Sentry.
9803029
You're crazy man
9803029
wait do you think Flash is the shadow?
Jumping to conclusions won't be helpful for the girls.
Sassy old man. I like him.
9804273
I based him on obi wan and yoda
The battle... it is a bit lackluster for a moment that should be filled with excitement.
A dark turn of events, and the plot thickens...
Flashlight ships...
Suspects are red herrings... it is definitely Flash.
The storyline is nice and consistent - always good to have that in a story.
There were some spelling errors, but those can be easily fixed with a reread or two.
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men, The Shadow knows.
9803028
I have only one question, why do each and everyone of your comments have thumb downs when they've done nothing wrong from what I saw?
Hmm, no no. There are far to many obvious suspects here. Like Luna and Stygian it makes sense and obvious while Flash it just feels like a build up for something that isn't there. It has to be someone else they haven't met yet. Or maybe I am wrong and it is Flash
Whom is the mass disliker?