Captain_Hairball
Joined 20th Oct, 2015 ·
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A bit short for my taste but great last chapter though!
Oh man! I wish there was more, but it was still a great ride and ending too!
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9596996
Clearly I need to stop messing around with short stories and indulge in some longer works. Of course I get confused and distracted after 20K words or so but, you know, practice makes perfect.
9600380
More would be better, but only if that is what you want. I'm just one reader, but I thoroughly enjoyed your work. Especially since it was about Twi, Shiny, and Cady all together. Please continue to follow the path that you want to follow, but if that includes branching out into longer stories or not, I will be waiting here. Hungry for more.
This is fairly good buildup-wise. A bit dramatic, what with the characters all going overboard on various things, but it all kinda' fits, because you're at least consistent about it. And the characters take breaks from too much zany, which is good.
Looks like you missed closing an italic. It bled over into several more paragraphs.
9609383
Thanks! I do my best. Hopefully I'll do better in the future. Or stay on my bullshit, IDK.
Thanks for catching the tag. Fixed, I think!
You've definitely got a good eye for interesting setups and scene progression, and your details are all there. Just needs to be expanded on a bit - really give us some evocative descriptions - but you're very close to something truly glorious.
9609404
Aw thanks!
Yeah, I have attention issues. Gotta slow down a little.
Contest judge.
I liked it. I particularly liked the character building and the scene setting. At first I was a little unsure when you spent so much time focusing on her getting to Neighpon, but it paid off by being an interesting locale. Didn't expect that. (I'd still have trimmed some of the first parts though).
While it doesn't tickle my specific interests in incest, it did tickle me in other areas.
At first I was a little unsure if I liked how casual Cadence was, but in the end I wound up liking her portrayal and attitude. This is definitely Cadence.
Thanks.
Well Twiggles, you're off to a great start.
First three chapters were so full of over-the-top silly performances that I couldn't bring myself to care about what happens in the fourth one.
9689611
Oh, wait, though, this is actually a totally legit reason not to like something. Thanks for having the stones to leave a negative comment!
9617465
Oh, thanks! Just noticed this! I was like, 'wait, this was for a contest'? Then I'm like, oh, incest, right!
Thank you for your feedback! If I enter another one of these I'll be reading all your favs so I can see what you like! And then writing whatever I want anyway. 
9689665
You're welcome!
I found it weird that I'm willing to drop a story just as it gets to 'the good part' (this is a clop story, who does that?
), so I decided to let you know.
9690339
For the sake of data: have you read much of my other stuff? I’m wondering if it was a problem with this story or if you just don’t like my style. (Which is fine; I am a very silly writer.)
9690890
I loved 'Perfectly not perfect'. 'Dusk Shine's Latest Experiment' wasn't bad, either.
I guess it's all about the amount of dialogue and how over the top the ponies are willing to get. I kinda lost the will to read when Cadance said fuckbrother.
*Back To The Future theme starts playing*
*Twilight disappeares with a trail of fire behind her*
Did.... did you just.... elevate Cadence from Princess to Queen?
11297390
FINALLY someone is noticing some of my references!
11297407
What can I say?
I'm OLD. (^_^)
This was really good. I like your writing as much as I like your art! The way that you capture the relationship between all of them is really well done, as is the way that you give hints and touches of sexuality throughout the story, but in a largely casual and conversant way. I like the way that you make sure to engage all the senses, and you have a great sense of rhythm and prose in your writing; you also do a wonderful job with the personalities of all the characters, especially Twilight, and the way she develops through the story. The way you craft the story makes the sexy stuff that much deeper and more enjoyable once you get there, and it stands very nicely as a story in its own right that explores this sexually-liberated Equestria really well.
11857451
Ah, I'd know your commenting style anywhere! Thank you!
I did enjoy writing these stories. Probably also the highest level of cultural relevance I'll ever attain, too.