Stains
The pale door shut with a gentle click.
Again, she was alone.
For a moment, she simply stood there, hand still on the doorknob, forehead against the door. She breathed in, she breathed out, and she listened.
The house was quiet. Far quieter than it should have been. Was Pinkie still there?
“...Bye Pinkie!” Sweetie Belle called from below. “I love you, too!” The front door shut with a thud.
Pinkie really was gone then.
Pinkie normally tumbled down the stairs in her own comically chaotic way. Yet today, she was so quiet that Rarity thought that she was still outside her door.
‘That was my fault, wasn’t it?’ Rarity sighed. That was precisely the case, Rarity knew. Pinkie already gathered that Rarity wouldn’t be able to bring herself to come. ‘Magic emergency,’ ha. The magic has been gone ever since Sunset left. The magic, the energy—the everything has gone the way of Sunset Shimmer. The rest of Rarity’s friendships were soon to follow, no doubt.
Rarity dragged her feet across the carpet to her bed, but hesitated.
No. No, something was bothering Sweetie Belle. If she let herself fall into that bed, she knew she wouldn’t be getting up again for some time. But still...
A shower—no, a bath. Yes, that was what she needed.
Goal in mind and with a spurt of spirit, Rarity set about collecting a fresh set of clothes from her drawer. Nothing too elaborate would be necessary; it would all be covered by her bathrobe, anyway. Did she have another bathrobe—? Ah, she did.
Good.
Fresh change of clothes tucked neatly into a fresh robe, Rarity carried the bundle to the door. But with one hand on the doorknob, she hesitated.
What if Sweetie was outside? Rarity’s heart clenched. She hadn’t even thought of what to say. Should she broach the issue right there in the hall? No, that would seem too cold, no doubt. Sweetie Belle was Rarity’s sister; she shouldn’t feel like she’s being reprimanded for something she had no control over. But she couldn’t just ignore the issue. Last time she ignored something like this, Sunset—
No. Not this time. Not Sweetie.
With little thought other than to deal with it as it comes, Rarity opened the door.
Nobody was on the other side.
Rarity sighed in relief—fatigue, she sighed in fatigue. Goodness, when did she get so tired? She’d practically been resting for days now! Such sloth was disgraceful. She was glad that Sweetie wasn’t there to see her like that.
Yes, that was it. She wouldn’t want to set a bad example for her impressionable little sister, right?
Blue eyes—
—closed, expression blank—
—stared at the ceiling as Rarity rested her head against the doorframe.
Role modeling, ha. It was far too late for that.
“Rarity?” Rarity blinked. Was Sweetie there? She quickly glanced down the hall towards the stairs to find them empty. “Rarity, is that you?” The small voice distantly called. Sweetie was still downstairs, but Rarity could hear her getting closer.
“Y-yes, dear, but don’t come up here please!” Rarity’s heart clenched painfully as she heard Sweetie’s faint but rapid footsteps falter. “I’m...”
What was she? Gross? Ugly? Unseemly?
“...indecent.”
How polite.
“Oh...” Sweetie sounded so disappointed and Rarity hated it. Just through the single sound of her voice, Rarity already knew the expression on Sweetie’s face—
—brows furrowed, eyes to the floor. "...None taken.” Surely, she’ll come around soon enough—
“—will you be eating lunch?”
“What?” Rarity blinked. “O-oh, yes!” Rarity called down the hall. “Yes, I will. Right after my bath.”
“Oh! Okay!” Excited. Happy. Just as Sweetie should be. Just as she should have been. “I’ll see you then!”
“Yes, dear! It won’t take long.”
Sweetie Belle’s steps padded their way back down the stairs.
Was Sweetie Belle happy? Rarity pondered this as she shuffled her way to the bathroom. Sweetie was always her little gem, if a bit troublesome at times. Her little sister who was so eager to please, who always wore her heart on her sleeve.
Was that still the case? In Rarity’s self-imposed isolation—no, her failure to socialize with even her own family—had such innocent honesty been buried under pragmatic repression? What if Sweetie’s emotional state was all her fault?
Rarity didn’t do enough. Just like last time.
Rarity shook her head clear as she shut the bathroom door behind her. Why was she thinking like everything was over? No, Rarity was just being overly dramatic again, surely. She just needed to freshen up a bit so that she could cheer Sweetie up.
Rarity ran the water in the tub and, after a moment’s thought, activated the showerhead. She hadn’t quite earned the luxury of a bath yet. Besides, a shower would be much faster.
Rarity would normally just bask in the soothingly hot water for some indeterminable amount of time after washing, so she was rather proud of the scant twenty minutes that it took to wash herself. After only ten minutes of drying and ensuring her hair was cared for, Rarity exited the bathroom with purpose.
“Oh Sweetie!” Rarity sang, sauntering down the stairs, wrapped in clean clothes and freshly cleansed, “I’m all done!”
“Rarity!” Rarity had barely made it to the bottom step when the very topic of her worries happily barreled into her chest, wrapping small arms around her with surprising force.
Surely she hadn’t been tucked away that long, right?
“Good morning, Sweetie!” Rarity smiled, hugging her sister back. “Have you already eaten?”
Sweetie Belle shook her head. “I was waiting for you!”
“Oh, how sweet of you.” With a pat on the shoulder, Rarity relieved herself from the hug, already walking towards the kitchen. “I don’t know about you, dear, but I am in the mood for an omelet.”
“Yes, that sounds great! Can I help?”
Rarity almost shook her head, but caught herself.
Sweetie only wanted to help. She only wanted to be useful. Surely that would help cheer her up, right? The girl was an absolute disaster when it came to any form of cooking, but it would be cruel refuse her at that point...
“Actually,” Rarity recovered from her barely noticeable pause, “that sounds like a splendid idea.” Ah yes, all of Rarity’s apprehension melted beneath the beaming grin of Sweetie’s face. “Why don’t I get the eggs and cheese,” Rarity issued as she opened the fridge, “while you get the other things that you want in our omelet ready?”
“Okay!”
“And pepper and mushrooms,” Rarity smirked, retrieving a whisk and a bowl from the cabinets.
Sweetie Belle could only sigh. “Fine...”
The time passed easily between them, the only sounds being Sweetie’s gentle humming and the clatter of utensils being put to use. The eggs for a hearty brunch had been cracked and just needed a proper whisking. Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle had all of her favorite ingredients lined up by the cutting board. Onion and garlic, a thick slab of ham because of course she would, spinach and tomatoes. She even got the peppers and mushrooms.
Onion in hand, Sweetie Belle pulled a knife from the block—
“Err, Sweetie,” Rarity began, setting down the whisk into the bowl, “I’ll take care of the knife work. Why don’t you start mixing up the eggs, hm?”
Sweetie’s brow furrowed for an instant. It was so brief that Rarity almost missed it. Was it in annoyance? Frustration?
Rarity discreetly glanced at the seemingly undisturbed knife block.
No, Rarity was overthinking things. Sweetie was just offended. She’s always been somewhat insecure about her inability to handle food. Yes, that was it. Rarity was just being cautious. A little more cautious than she needs to be, but for a good cause.
The sisters worked in silence. Rarity chopped up ingredients as Sweetie mixed.
A drop of egg splashed onto Sweetie’s sleeve—
—Shouldn’t be too much trouble. It’s only a simple addition. It was just another stitching of fabric, just don’t think about—.
“Sweetie,” Rarity gulped, “you should take care of your clothes, you know. Why, you’ve gotten our brunch all over your sleeves!”
“Yes, Rarity,” Sweetie sighed, grumbling under her breath. Sweetie Belle curtly tugged at the sleeves of her sweater until they settled just a short distance from her wrists. Clean, as she should be.
Rarity nodded, not quite satisfied, but pleased enough for now.
The silence returned, but not for long. Eventually, Sweetie’s humming resumed, interrupted only by the occasional splash of egg or playful bump and laughter. Soon enough, Rarity was left watching over the slowly solidifying omelet, adding in the ingredients while her sister was cleaning up what chaos didn’t make it into the pan.
“So,” Rarity began, “I want to apologize for how...”
Selfish? Yes, but no. Perhaps neglectful?
“...Absent I have been lately.” That would do.
“It’s alright,” Sweetie chirped as she bathed the utensils with soapy water. “I’m just glad you’re here!”
“Oh, how precious.” Rarity couldn’t stop the smile even if she wanted to. “Well, I’m glad to be here. How have you been?”
“I’ve been fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Sweetie scowled for a moment; Rarity was sure of it. Should she not have asked twice?
The bowl was dropped onto the drying rack with a bit more force than necessary. Sweetie froze for a moment, before resuming her chore at a much more sedated pace.
“Yeah,” Sweetie nodded, voice small. “I’ve just been tired is all.”
“I see.” Rarity didn’t see. Not at all. Tired of what? Sweetie Belle didn’t seem tired.
Then again, her eyes were looking somewhat heavy and dark. And upon closer inspection, Sweetie was standing with something of a slouch. Maybe she really was tired, how could she have not noticed? Sunset looked rather tired too, didn’t she?
Not Sweetie.
“So...” Subject change, Rarity needed something to talk about. “...How are the others doing? Apple Bloom and Scootaloo?”
“Fine, I guess.” Curt. Uncharacteristically noncommittal.
“’You guess’? You haven’t been doing anything dangerous on your little adventures, have you?”
“No.”
Rarity waited for elaboration. She received only silence.
“That’s...” Rarity had a bad feeling. Perhaps they had a fight? “...that’s good to hear.” Rarity cleared her throat. “Well, what kind of adventures did you and your friends get up to while I was indisposed?”
“I—we didn’t do anything. Apple Bloom is busy working with Apple Jack.”
“And what of Scootaloo?”
“I don’t know.”
“I...” None of that was right. “Did you have a fight...?”
“N-no.” Sweetie Belle fidgeted in that way that Rarity knew so well.
They did have a fight. That wasn’t right at all. They endured everything together. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were as close as sisters to Sweetie Belle. Why would they suddenly distance themselves like this?
Could it just be something simple as a childish fight? She fought and reconciled with her friends all of the time when she was young, but this felt so different, and Rarity couldn’t figure out why—wait.
Sweetie Belle lied.
That was what was wrong: Sweetie Belle lied. Why would she lie about such a thing now? Sweetie never lied about her many grievances with her friends in the past. Those three were supposed to be inseparable.
Then again, so were the Rainbooms.
It couldn’t be...
“Sweetie, is... all this...” Rarity gestured vaguely at Sweetie Belle’s averted gaze, her hunched shoulders, “about Sunset?”
Sweetie Belle's eyes went wide as she froze. That was the only answer Rarity needed.
“Sweetie, I...” What could she say? Was this touching? Sunset was Rarity’s friend, not Sweetie’s, despite how much she wished that Sweetie would accept her. No, this wasn’t touching—it was just sad. Sunset would never have wanted Sweetie’s friends to fall apart.
Rarity sighed, flipping the omelet and turning off the heat.
“Sweetie Belle... this is about Sunset.”
“N-no!” Sweetie stepped away from the sink, desperately shaking her head. “It’s not!” Such an extreme reaction...
Rarity moved to comfort her sister, but froze as Sweetie Belle flinched before she could take a single step. Sweetie Belle was scared? Of her?
Why?
“Sweetie Belle, it’s alright.” Rarity was floundering. She wasn’t ready for this. “I-I’m not angry at you, dear. Sweetie, please,” Rarity pleaded, arms open in invitation, “come here?” Sweetie Belle didn’t step any closer, but she also didn’t step away as Rarity coaxed the girl into her embrace.
“Sweetie, please, would you tell me what’s wrong?” No response. Only Sweetie trembling in her arms. What could she say? What should she say? “I’m so terribly sorry about your friends. I don’t know what happened, but I hope that things get better soon. It’s horrible that this had to happen so soon after...” Rarity swallowed, “w-well, in the current circumstances...” Ugh, that sounded too callous. There were too many things she could say. Too many options, and so many could be so wrong.
“I know you miss Sunset.” Sweetie tensed up in her arms. “It’s okay. I miss her, too; we all do. I wish...” A deep, steadying breath. It did nothing to calm her nerves. “It’s so cruel of me to appreciate her this much now, of all times. She tried so hard—."
—Anger. Grief. A steady posture betrayed by a shaking voice. “We should have done our best—.”
Rarity shook her head, holding Sweetie even closer. She was just talking for herself now when she should be trying to help Sweetie. Think, Rarity, think. “We never talked about her sudden turn-around on that night of the Formal, but I can tell that she truly cared about everyone. More than that, she truly wanted to help everyone. I’m certain she wouldn’t want to be the reason you, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo—.”
“You don’t...” Sweetie sobbed—sobbed—raising her arms to clutch Rarity in a surprisingly strong grip. Her sob faded to whimpers which grew again into anguished cries, all of which were muffled as she buried her face into Rarity’s robe. “Please stop. You—you don’t know...”
“Nonsense, Sweetie,” Rarity reassured with as much confidence as she could muster, idly adjusting small imperfections in the younger girl’s hair, wanting nothing more than to cry herself. “I would know better than anyone. I’m—,” Rarity nearly choked on the word, “was one of her best friends, after all. Though she never admitted it, she was even somewhat envious of the relationship you have with your friends.” The words hadn’t left her lips before her heart clenched.
Should she have said that? She didn’t want to guilt Sweetie into making up with her friends, and it wasn’t fair to Sunset to use her name in such a way. Yet, that was what Sunset would want; Rarity was sure of it.
Rarity tried not to remind herself of every other time she was certain about Sunset’s wants or needs.
“Please stop, Rarity!” Rarity flinched at the hoarse cry. “I don’t want to talk about S—about...!” Rarity felt so helpless. All she could do was rub Sweetie’s back and pat Sweetie’s hair. “I don’t—I just—Sunset’s gone, and I...”
Was this her sister? Was this shuddering ball of tears, grief, fatigue, loneliness, and misery Sweetie Belle? “Sweetie, I—."
“I’m sorry, Rarity,” Sweetie Belle wheezed. “This-this isn’t real, it can’t be. I-I don’t want this to be real. I-I didn’t think Sunset w-would...!”
As tears streaked down Rarity’s face, she realized that she understood her sister’s pain, and she hated herself for it. It never occurred to her that Sweetie Belle could be suffering as much as she had throughout the whole ordeal. The whole time, she could only think of herself. ‘Oh, my friend is gone,’ or ‘oh, it’s all my fault!’ or ‘I’ll miss Sunset so much!’
Did Rarity ever stop to think of anyone but herself? Did she think of Sweetie Belle, who Rarity knew Sunset had tried to bond with? Did she ever think of her other friends for that matter, who were just as close—no, even closer to Sunset than she was? Did Rarity ever stop to think about Sunset?
Obviously not. The last draft in her portfolio was proof enough of that.
Rarity wept as she led her sister to the living room couch, realizing that nothing she could say could help her. She’d already done enough damage, after all. She never stopped to realize that, by locking herself in isolation for days on end, she’d inadvertently isolated her very own sister as well. Both sisters left to their own thoughts, guilt, and regrets for days on end with nobody to relieve them. The sisters truly were alike, both suffering in the same way, and it was all Rarity’s fault.
“I’m s-sorry,” Sweetie sobbed as she curled up against her sister on the couch. “I’m s-so so sorry.”
“Me too, Sweetie.” Rarity adjusted herself so that Sweetie could rest in a more comfortable position. She knew that they would be there for some time. “I wish I’d realized you were hurting so much sooner. Sweetie, I’m so sorry.”
“N-no! It’s m—it’s not your fault!”
Don’t disagree, Rarity. That’s not what she needs.
“Let’s not blame anyone, dear. Let’s just...” Just what? Just cry? Just sob and moan about the injustice of the world? Lament that nothing—not Rarity, not Sweetie, not CHS or Canterlot or the world or both worlds—will ever be the same, because now Sunset’s gone.
“...I miss Sunset,” Rarity found herself whispering into her sister’s hair. It was something she whispered many times, and it never failed to tear her heart apart every time. “I’m so sorry, Sweetie. I miss her so much.”
“I’m sorry, Rarity. I’m so, so sorry.”
“I know, Sweetie. I am too.”
For what seemed like hours, the sisters laid on the couch, crying, apologizing, mourning. Even as Sweetie cried herself to sleep, Rarity continued in her place. She apologized to Sweetie, to Sunset, to Pinkie, to Rainbow and the others, to anyone and everyone that she made suffer.
How did the meeting go, she wondered? Was it—?
—Cold and bright. A soft, peaceful smile that Rarity knew was out of place. Piercing cries and strangled screams of grief. Unreadable stoicism. Disappointed gazes. Accusatory glances.
Don’t meet their eyes, Rarity. Say nothing and cry. You’ve lost the right—
Rarity bit her lip to stifle the loud sob that nearly tore through her throat. No, it would be nothing like that, surely. Not with Pinkie there and in her prime. Yes, with Pinkie hosting the get together, she’d be doing her best to make the meeting a pleasant one—
—Sunset was so happy, sitting there in her pajamas and smiling into the noisy room over her journal. Sunset was almost too happy. Perhaps Applejack wasn’t exaggerating about Sunset’s past.
Well, the past didn’t matter much anymore. Seeing that grin filled with such infectious joy, Rarity decided that Sunset wouldn’t spend the holidays alone again—
Sweetie stirred as Rarity wailed. As the sun dipped below the horizon and daylight faded, the sisters mourned.
It was strange how something could be so sad, but so warm.
“Umm... phone number?”
Inhale. “I d-don't have a ph-phoone.” Exhale.
“Uh... Oh! What about e-mail?”
E-mail, e-mail... Ah, electronic mail sent over the ‘internet’! And she had one!
Inhale! “Y-yesh!” Sunny combed through her mind, trying to will the knowledge of her e-mail to the forefront of her mind. To send such a letter, she’d need to go to the mailing site, type in her name—no, her address—and password...
Sunny’s face fell. She’d need to type, and she was sorely lacking in both the equipment and dexterity.
In. “I donn’t haave a c-c-com-comp-pu-comp-pu...” A furrowed brow. “...laaptop. Orr innternet.” Exhale.
“Oh...” the thick arms of glasses bent under nervous fingers. “...uh, mailing address? I mean I never had a pen-pal before, and I’m pretty sure that those are supposed to be further away, but...”
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale...
Sunny didn’t know what to say. No letter that Twilight could write would find her unless it was sent by magic—.
Her journal.
Her journal!
And Twilight had its copy!
Wait. Twilight had its copy, right?
In. “W-wwhat about th-the journal?” Out.
“What?” Twilight adjusted her glasses. “I… w-what about a, um, a journal?”
What about a journal? It’s their journal, that’s what!
In. “Th-the jourrrnal,” Sunny insisted. “O-our…”
Twilight’s clueless face looked anxiously back at her.
“…M-mmy…”
Why didn’t Twilight have her journal?
Did she not want it?
Was it too much of a burden?
“Oh, uh, do you mean…” Twilight played with a strap on her backpack. “…like a, a shared journal or something?”
Oh! Maybe Twilight just forgot!
In! “Y-yesh!” Out!
“Oh! Well, I think that’d be fun!”
What?
“I’ve never done that before, sharing a journal. But that could be a good way for us to keep up with each other! I’ve got plenty of notebooks, too,” Twilight clapped in excitement.
Sunny was just confused.
“Oh but, uh, we’ll have to meet again to trade! Uhm,” Twilight bounced her head in thought, “oh! What about this Saturday at the library? I should be available after three.”
What was Twilight talking about? Is she… is she making another journal? But they already had one, right? Maybe it was full…?
Wait.
Where was her journal?
“…alright with you?” Sunny blinked. Twilight was beaming at her expectantly, excitedly. Did she just ask her something?
Sunny smiled and nodded.
“Great! I—oh gosh, I need to go write some things down. I’ll see you later, Sunny!” Reaching between the seats, Twilight’s warm hand took in Sunny’s and squeezed. “I’ll see you next week, I promise. And I’ll see you later, too, Shiny!”
“Sure thing Twily.” Shining smiled. With her things gathered and a single box of donuts in hand, Twilight exited the car, shutting the door behind her. Shining lingered, watching as Twilight walked up the path, unlocked the door, waved back to them one last time, then disappeared into the house.
Again, Sunny and Shining were alone.
Shining quietly backed the car out of the driveway, turning back onto the road.
Silence.
“So...” Shining began. “What was that about a journal?”
In. “Mmy jourrnal...”
“Yeah, that,” Shining nodded. “Is it special?”
“It’sh...” Yes, it was special. It was hers and Twilight’s. “Yessh. It’ss special.”
“What’s so special about it?”
In. “It’s ourrs. I w-wriiite in it for Tw-Twilight.” Out.
Shining opened his mouth as though to speak, but closed it again.
A beat.
“How long did you have it?”
How long did she have it? Sunset stared blankly out the window in thought. She couldn’t really remember how long she had it. A few months? Perhaps longer?
In. “L-long.” That sounded both right and wrong, somehow.
“Where is it now? I’m pretty sure we’ve got time to get it.”
“I-it’sh...” Come to think of it, where was her journal? She normally had it in her... backpack? Or was it her locker? No, the last time she had it she was touching it, holding it, hugging it to her chest—
Sunset felt a chill run through her spine.
“I donn’t know.” Out.
In.
Out.
In.
Silence. Scenery passed.
In. “Wwhere are w-we goinng?” Out.
Shining Armor opened his mouth, but closed it. His brow was furrowed, and his mouth was drawn into a tight line. Shining shook his head as he sighed through his nose.
“That’s the question isn’t it...” he muttered. With practiced ease and grace, Shining took a lazy left turn.
In. “Mhm,” Sunny nodded. Out. That earned her a scoff, which was better than a glare, so that was nice.
A moment passed. Shining didn’t want to answer, she supposed.
“...Since when were you, uh…” Shining cleared his throat. He cleared it again. "Well, uh, how long have you been...” He gestured vaguely to Sunset’s whole self. That brought a smile to Sunset’s face.
In. “D-differrrent?” Out.
“Uh... yeah. ‘Different.’ Yeah, we’ll go with that.”
Inhale, but then Sunset paused. “It’sh y-yourr turn.” Exhale.
“What?”
In. “I s-s-saaid somethingg firsht last t-time. It’sh your turrn.” Out.
“C’mon, really? I’m trying to help you out here.”
Was he, though? He didn’t seem malicious, but he was still too hard to read.
In. “Then h-help mme out.” Out. Ooh, that got his teeth grinding. That clench in his jaw and grip on the steering wheel told Sunny that she was well under his skin. Maybe he was done playing along then. What a shame.
The car ride continued in silence. Sunny felt physics apply her to the door as her driver turned left.
“...Sunset Shimmer was in a band.” Sunset blinked. “Not a big-label thing, but popular enough at her school.”
A band? Like a musical band—yes, yes! She was in a band! She played with those girls, didn’t she—yes, she did!
Inhale! “I p-plaayed guitarr!” Shining Armor twitched, causing her to lurch a bit as the car quickly realigned itself with the road. “And saang! W-was good, too!”
“Y-yeah, you did. You knew that?”
In. “I j-jusht rememmbered. You reminded me! I p-p-played guitarr, and s-s-sang, and wrrrote songsh—!”
—many songs written, yet so few can be played.
Each piece is a moment had, but never finished.
But Music goes on, even if the song has to end—
“Sunny?” Sunset blinked, her body pressed against the door as Shining took another turn. “You alright? You spaced out there.”
Sunny used the rest of her air to clear her throat in embarrassment, coming out as a stuttered wheeze. Inhale. “S-sorry. Got too ex-cited. B-but! I remembered! I c-can't rememberr the s-s-shongs themselves, but I rememberr how they feeel.” There was an audible rush of air as Sunny took in an excited breath through her broad smile. “Th-thaanksh Sh-Shining Armorrr!”
Shining scoffed, his eyes carefully on the road and pointedly away from Sunny.
Internally, she smirked.
“Right, sure,” Shining grunted. “Now about mine?” Ah, right. Fair is fair.
In. “J-jusht today. Thish mmorning...” Sunny paused. That wasn’t right. Inhale. “...B-before thish morn’, ackt-tually. But only u-uup th-thish mornn’ng.” Exhale.
Shining blinked. “Wait, just this morning?”
In. “Nnno. Before.” Out.
“Then what did you mean by ‘this morning’?”
In. “I g-got up. Got oout.” Out.
“Where were you before?”
In—
Cold, so cold, so dark, so alone, need to get out, need to get out—!
“—B-box. Small and dark and c-c-cold.” Out.
“Cold how? Like the air or something you were touching?”
In. “Jusht cold. A b-b-bed, but c-cold.”
“You mean like...” Shining cleared his throat. “I mean, if you described it—.”
“W-want to shtop tahlking ab-b-bout it noww. Pleashe.” Out.
Silence reigned in the car. Rather than saying something else, Shining said nothing. That left the cold car in an eerie state of silence, broken by the occasional rev of the engine or bump in the road.
Sunny didn’t like that. No, she didn’t like that at all. The library was a nice quiet. It was big and warm and just as quiet as it should have been. The library was just quiet enough to lose herself into a good book. But in the car, despite Shining sitting right next to her, Sunny felt so alone.
Shining turned left.
Hm.
In. “W-where are wwe going?” Out.
"We’re...” Shining scratched his chin. “...well where would you want to go?”
In. “Shomewherrre that ishn’t a c-cir-circle.” Out.
“A-ah, well...”
A beat.
Inhale—.
“Okay, okay.” Shining Armor exhaled sharply. “Look, there’s no real easy way to decide that. By rights, I should bring you in. If you’re impersonating Sunset Shimmer—hear me out,” Shining held up a placating hand as Sunny inhaled. “If that were the case, then I’d have to bring you in to the station, and we’d hold you for questioning. There’d be medical exams, blood tests—everything. We’d do whatever it takes to prove you wrong.”
Shining took another left turn.
“And it’s not like that would stay quiet. No, the force can be as bad as a high-school cheerleader team, and the local news already has eyes and ears wherever they want them. From today, more and more of the story would get out. Eventually, this whole incident’ll start all over again. All the pain, the tears, the confusion, the anger—two weeks of recovery—all for nothing. Hearts get broken, chaos reigns, and we start over.”
A beat.
Inhale. “Wwaht about m-me?” Exhale.
“What about you?” Shining scoffed.
What? What did that mean?
In. “I j-jusht ashked thaaht?” Out.
“No, I mean—okay, just…” After a moment of deliberation, Shining flicked his turn signal and pulled off to the side of the road. Car parked, Shining gave his arms a lazy stretch before dropping them onto his head. Was Shining stressed? That looked like one of those things people did when they were.
In. “Shinn’ng?” Out.
“I don’t know what’d happen to you.” Shining would sigh. “I mean, obviously you’d get in trouble. I’m pretty sure this could count for identity fraud and theft if you’re not who you say you are. Then you get locked away and everybody hates you and all of that other etcetera.”
Sunny didn’t like that.
In. “B-but I’m not…!” What could she say? He already knew she was Sunset Shimmer, right? Sure, he insisted otherwise, but there was no way that—.
“Right, but who in their right mind would believe that? Several people saw your body, and many more handled your report. Even if you really are Sunset Shimmer—which you’re not, of course—,”
Could Sunny find the dexterity to slap him?
“—but If you were, then you’d still be treated like that until they could prove it. You’d be nobody’s friend. And then, even after, you’d probably not be anybody’s friend. I mean, if you were Sunset Shimmer, then you’d be dead.” Shining shook his head, rubbing the space between his brows. “Dead people don’t come back. I mean, sure, we’d question you about your, uh…” Shining cleared his throat again. “…your death, if you remembered anything about that?” Shining asked, brow raised.
In. “N—"
—so cold. Hurts so much. So cold. Make it stop, I want it to stop. So much, too much, please don’t go. Come back. I’m scared. It stopped hurting; I’m scared. It’s so quiet and so cold. Please, don’t leave. Please, come back—
“—Nno.” That didn’t sound right.
“Are you sure—?”
“No.” Sunset didn’t care.
“…Right…” Shining opened his mouth, as though to say more, but apparently reconsidered.
Silence.
Too quiet.
In. “I-I am Sunshet Shimmrr.” Out.
“Right.” Shining nodded. “So you say.”
In, deeply. “I amm.”
“But if you aren’t—."
“Wwhy havenn’t you b-b-brought mme in?” Out.
Silence.
In. “W-why—?”
“If you are,” Shining began, scratching the side of his face. “If you are, and I brought you in, nobody would be happy. Not even you. Especially not you.”
“Wwhy?” Out. She’d get what she wanted. She’d learn more about herself. Everybody would know that she wanted to know. Wouldn’t that only help?
“Just… Think for a second, okay? Dead girl comes back to life. That’s great, but how did she do that? Is she a miracle or a monster?” Sunset twitched. “I can’t imagine that things would be easy for you. You’d never have another moment to yourself, you know. Lots of people trying to ask or explain how you exist, or why you exist. Constant letters and requests that you donate your body to science. People clamoring to realize their ‘magical potential’, if that even exists.”
Sunny nodded as she took in air. “It doesh—.”
Shining offered a single mirthless chuckle. “Yeah, no shit. But even then,” he continued, “that comes after all of the outrage—the accusations, the outcry of hatred—all directed at you. Even if you say you’re not an imposter, and even if you could prove it, there would be a time where nobody would believe you. They would treat you like a criminal because that’s the most reasonable and convenient explanation—.”
“Shtop pleash.” Out.
That… Sunny didn’t like that. That sounded bad. Bad in a way that one would remember the first time they touched fire. Maybe…
…No.
Shining was wrong. No one person could predict the actions of a community.
Inhale.
“But…” But what? Sunny scoured her frazzled mind for a counterargument. Surely somebody would believe her, right? If she was good and kind and helpful, she would earn somebody’s trust, right?
Yes.
Yes!
If she did her best to prove herself, people would have to see that she was a good, honest person! Then they’d apologize, and she’d forgive them. They’d hug and share hot cocoa and sing songs and have sleepovers and she’d never be alone again.
…Right?
Sunny clutched her blanket tighter as a chill ran through her body.
“…Right,” Shining grunted, rolling his shoulders. “Well, that’s what I’ve been thinking of.”
Conversation. Just follow the conversation. Don’t think about it.
Inhale. “S-sho wwhy? You don’t belieeve me. Prrrobbly.” Sunny frowned. It took less effort than she expected to not smile. “And you kn-know what you should do,” she continued, undeterred. Inhale. “Sso w-w-why aren’t you?” Exhale.
“I just…” Shining wrung the steeringwheel for just a moment, before pulling back onto the road. “I didn’t swear to just ‘catch the bad guys.’ My oath is to protect and serve. ‘Keep the peace and bring order to chaos,’” he recited dutifully, proudly. “I just need a moment to figure out what the right thing is. Just need to think…”
In. “You thiiink when you dr-drive?” Out.
“You don’t?”
In. “Nnneverr drove a c-c-carr.” Out.
“Why not?”
Why didn’t she? They looked pretty cool, if weird. Sunny thought about cars and solely about cars, but she couldn’t remember much beyond that they’re powered by explosions, let alone how to operate one.
Ah, maybe that was it.
In. “I donn’t know how.” Out.
“Really? Huh.” Shining scratched his chin. “I’d normally expect something like ‘I’m too young,’ or something.
Sunny took a breath through her smirk. “W-wouldn’t shtop me.” Out.
“Have I mentioned I’m a cop?”
In. “W-wwatcha gonn’ do?” Sunny raised a sly brow. “Turnn me in?”
“Why did I even talk to you?” Shining groaned. “Friggin smart alek…” Despite his complaints, he couldn’t quite hide the quirk in his lips.
Sunny smiled.
“C-caushe I’mm…” Sunny blinked. “…Wwait, you ch-cheeeated.” Out.
“Hm?”
In. “You ashked ssshomething. Youu have to sssaay shomething.” Out.
“Listen,” he sighed, “conversation’s not going to work if you run me out of things to say.”
In! “Nno fair!” Out!
“C’mon you didn’t even tell me anything!” Shining shot back, gesticulating wildly, incredulously. He tilted his nose to the air and spoke in a voice equal parts stuffy and high-pitched whine, “’Oh, look at me, I’m a rebel who can’t drive!’ What am I even supposed to do with that?”
In. “G-givve me shommething!” Out.
“Oh, you’re gonna get a somethin’ at this rate…”
In. “Yy-you wouldnn’t hit a c-c-cute kid. Wwould you mmishter?” Sunny hoped that her smile was suitably funny, she already knew that her eyelashes didn’t flutter how she wanted them to.
“Nooo, of course not—"
Shining quickly stepped on the brakes. The air was pushed out of Sunset’s lungs in a wheeze as she was constricted by the combined efforts of her seatbelt and physics.
“Wow, did you see that squirel?” Shining shrugged nonchalantly. “‘Pesky tree rats’ ‘re what those are.”
In, raggedly. “Y-yyyou j-j-je-j-jerk!” Out. Why did everybody keep doing that? Did humans have some kind of foot reflex?
He didn’t bother hiding his satisfied smirk, that dirty little…
In. “So ww-where arre we goinng?” Out.
“We’ve literally just talked about this.”
…Eh, Shining was alright enough. So far.
In. “Okhay.” Out. Sunny ran out of things to say. So did Shining, apparently.
A comfortably warm moment passed. A quiet moment. For some reason, this quiet felt better. Sunny lounged in her seat, letting the passing scenery and gentle rocking of the car ease her mind into an idle trance. She could probably fall asleep like that.
Wait, could she sleep? That was a living thing, right?
Hm.
Shining turned left. Sunny lurched to the side, stopping suddenly with a thud.
“You alright?”
Sunny lazily spun her head towards Shining. In. “Hmwha…?” Out.
“You just ate glass.”
She did? She didn’t remember doing that. Sunny worked her jaw, drily licked the inside of her mouth, expirimentally chewed—there!
No, wait, that was her tongue. Was the glass on her tongue?
“What’re you—?” Shining’s palm met his forehead, grumbling as Sunset just stared at him, tongue out and mouth askew. But why…
…Oh. That was a figure of speech. Right.
Sunny quietly pulled her tongue back into her mouth.
A beat. She could explain, but it would be funnier to leave it be.
Sunny got an idea.
Inhale.
“Wwe therre yet—?”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Wwhy—?”
“Still thinking, Shunny.”
“S-ssshtill?” How long could it take to think? The ‘right thing’ couldn’t be that hard to figure out, right? “H-h-howw long ‘rre we dr-dr-driiving?” Out.
“It’s been, uh…” Shining’s eyes flicked down, but were back on the road before she even realized. “…A while. Huh. Well.”
In—wait, what was she going to say? There was a question in there, but—
“Hhmm…?”
Good enough. Out.
“Well, I guess doing something is better than just thinking and doing nothing. But…”
Shining’s face twisted in… distaste? Or was that disgust? No, that’s too extreme; it’s some kind of mild bad.
But if he was so hard to read before, did that mean that this was really bad?
Shining sighed, seemingly ignoring the way Sunset nearly fell into him as he turned the wheel. “Okay, so this is going to sound pretty weird, but hear me out.”
Uh oh.
In—.
“So, if you’re really you,” Shining started, killing Sunny’s words before they left her lips, “you’d be in for a…” Shining pursed his lips, leaning his head side to side in thought, “…a pretty bad time, if you were just dropped into the station. But I’d also be wrong if you weren’t you and I just let you go, obviously. Especially since that’s the most likely case, here.”
Ha. Really? “Shining—.”
“So, the only thing I can think of is to keep an eye on you. I mean, if miss imposter would tell me where she’s been staying…” Shining shot Sunny a pointed look.
What the heck? What did he want her to do about that?
Sunny pointed in a random direction. “Sh-sh-sshemetary’s that way, b-bud.” Out.
“Right,” Shining huffed, fiddling with some knobs on the console. “Well anyway, we both need to figure out where you’re gonna hide out. So… uh… hm.” Shining coughed into his fist. “I guess I need to head home for a while, if only to make some calls and work some things out. It’s doubtful I can find a place for you within the next few hours, but I can try.”
That was all well and good, but what was he…
…Oh. Oh.
Inhale. “W-wwee’re goingg t-to yourr h-h-hhouse?” Out. Maybe she misheard him or something—.
“Well,” Shining cleared his throat. “Yes.”
Or not.
“If you’re okay with that, that is.”
Inhale. “Y-yyeh,” Sunny nodded, “p-preeetty wweird.”
“Oh shut up, that’s the best I got right now, okay?” Shining huffed, expression still neutral. “It’s not like I ever planned for something like this, so I can’t just pull a proceedure out of my a—,” Shining coughed, “—my back pocket.”
That sounded fair enough, but...
Sunny lay still in thought, watching the sky over the buildings as the sun slowly crept towards the horizon. Something told her that that was a bad idea. Well, maybe not bad, but… questionable? Definitely not good; that much was for sure.
‘Unless it could be good later…’
But wait, how did that work? It definitely wasn’t a good idea, so—?
—Sunset quickly shook her head, tears in her eyes as she gazed up at the shocked expression of the concerned, trusting, and tragically naive man sitting in front of her.
“I don’t know how they got that picture!” she urgently whispered. “They must have been following me or something. We know you were just showing me your model train set; I bet even they know that you wouldn’t—th-that we didn’t—we’d never… you know.”
It was a struggle, keeping her thoughts in order while her heart was racing as fast as it was supposed to be. Just stick to the script, Sunset. Eyes on the prize.
“I’m not a little kid.” Sunset carefully kept the smirk off her face. “I know what that picture looks like. Th-they said they’d give me the negatives if I gave them some money, so m-maybe if you gave me—"
Oh.
Oh, that’s how. Right.
Right!
That probably could be useful later, especially since he’s gotta be pretty well—.
—Disgusting. Manipulative monster. He only wanted a friend. She made him a ‘job well done.’ She did it and smiled, why did she smile?
He didn’t know. All those years, and he still didn’t know. She could have told him. She wasn’t good enough.
She hated this. She’s such a hateful failure of a—a whatever she was.
It’s no wonder Celestia hated her. She deserved everything—.
“—Sunset? Hey, Sunny.”
Sunny blinked, before twisting again to face Shining Armor. He wouldn’t stop shaking. No, the car was shaking—no, everything shaking.
No. She was shaking.
When did it get so cold?
“Oh hell…” Shining started rummaging around the car. “Are you alright? You’re kinda...” eventually reaching across her to open the compartment by her legs.
Tissues. He was looking for tissues.
Wait, shouldn’t he be looking at the road?
No, they’re just off to the side of the road. When did they park?
“Are—wait…” Shining was holding the tissues out to her, but his brow was furrowed as she stared at her face. Staring at her mouth? It wasn’t open, a test of her trembling jaw proved that.
“…Is that coffee?”
What? Coffee? Where?
Sunny inhaled wetly—
Wetly?
Her mouth tasted like… coffee? It was hard to taste, but her mouth was wet.
“Wwha—?” A small-but-significant amount of brown liquid spilled from her open mouth, forming a small puddle on her lap—
“M-my dressh…!” Sunny slapped her hands to her lap and slid them forward, repeating the process over and over, hoping to push away as much of the brew as possible.
“Shit! Just, uh!” Shining threw tissue after tissue onto Sunset’s lap. “Here, use these while I…” His tissue-stuffed hand hovered uncertainly by Sunny’s face, but she could care less.
Sunny whole-handed grabbed the now-damp wad of tissues in her lap and wiped at as much of the mess as she could. She patted, pressed, and scrubbed as much as she could for she didn’t know how long. All she could do after wiping as much as she could was stare down at the dark streaks leading to the blotch staining her dress.
Coffee stains. She just remembered that.
Stains never go away.
Permanency.
If she could cry, she would. She didn’t even have the dress for a single day, and she had already managed to irrevocably ruin it. Those ugly streaks and blotches would be there, taunting her.
Forever.
Typical Sunset.
“So, uh…” Shining turned the car back onto the road, his brown-soaked tissues discarded in a cupholder, “…well, I knew it’d be pretty creepy, but I wasn’t expecting that strong of a reaction.”
What was he…?
Oh. Right.
…Ha.
That was pretty funny actually.
In, wetly.
“Ha.” Her laughter felt so slow, so dull and muted. “Ha. Ha ha. Heh. That’sh… ha. Hmhm. Mmm.”
Sunny held the blanket around her shoulders even tighter.
In. “N-no. It w-wwas ju-jusht…” What was it? She didn’t want to talk about it. Did she really think of using Shining like that? She didn’t want to think about it.
“…It w-wwas nn-n-noth-noothh-th-nnn…”
She hoped he got it.
Shining nodded. “Right. Well, we don’t have to go to my house if you don’t want to. We could find a lot somewhere; I’ll just make some calls from out there.”
In. “N-no.” Sunny shook her head. “Wwe can go. T-t-to yourr houshe.” Out.
“Uhh,” Shining Armor scratched his chin, sniffed, and awkwardly pulled his hand away from his face with a small grimace. “Are you sure? We don’t have to.”
Surely, he didn’t mean any harm with his offer. No, he could only be trying to do something right, right? He had to have already known that there wouldn’t be much she could do if he wanted to lock her up somewhere.
Wow, wait, was she dumb for getting into the car without Twilight in the first place?
She should probably be more careful about that.
In. “It’sh fine.” Out.
“Alright. We should be there pretty soon.”
Sunny nodded.
A beat.
“…Sorry about your dress.”
In. “Mme too.” Out.
“Dry cleaning will probably get that out.”
Dry cleaning. What was… that was some kind of chemical wash? For delicate stuff, right?
Maybe that’d work.
Hopefully.
As they rolled to their destination, Sunny kept her eyes to the skies, watching as the sun slowly crept towards the horizon. She kept them there, and dutifully not anywhere else.
Sunset held her blanket close. She didn’t want to see the stains anymore.
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Every time I read this "In" and "Out" and in between the mutilated language Undead Sunset tries to bring out in the beat of a single breath, it gets creepier the more that happens.
Wonder when Sunset thinks of the possibility that this Twilight isn't her Twilight, but, well, she has suffered a sort of brain damage so that could take a while.
Now, Princess Twilight would be funnier, she would go all mad scientist to bring Undead Sunset back to life. Maybe, most likely. She needs the necromancy beginners guide.
Poor Shining Armor
ETA on cutie mark crusader grave robbers YAY?
This gets more haunting with each chapter. It's amazing.
This just gets more and more layers layered on top of it
On the one hand, I want the CMC to confess or be discovered, so that they can pay for their crimes....and because, to be honest, it's ultimately inevitable. If the guilt doesn't do them in, a deeper investigation will. On the other hand, I can tell that Sweetie Belle - and likely the rest - are deeply traumatized by all of this and feel like they can never be forgiven. Sweetie's pain was apparent, as was Rarity's, but again, the inevitability of the truth coming out makes it all that much more painful.
Then there's Sunset and Sci-Twi: you know that's the wrong Twi, I know that's the wrong Twi, but Sunset doesn't know and apparently neither do the Humane Five, so it's probably gonna cause a lot of confusion until everything gets cleared up, which is also inevitable. The question is 'how?', but the question itself holds a clue: does Princess Twilight know about Sunset's death?
You write a wonderful, rich and haunting tale that I just can't put down. Really hope to see more soon
10178190 Not even that. Necromancy is talking to the dead, specifically for purposes of fortune telling. However, it's become the catchall term for any magical messing about with death. Sunset is already a revenant of some sort, an intelligent undead. That means her soul's still there even if her body is running on magic and not biology. She's self aware, her internal monologue shows this, so she's more than just a zombie.
We need high level Conjouration [Healing] and Abjuration spells. An anti-posession spell to free Sunset's soul from her body, maybe a sanctify corpse to clean up any negative energy buildup, followed by a raise dead or resurrection to restore her body to life and put her soul back in it the right way up and Bob's your uncle.
Sci-Twi could probably build an android body then transfer Sunset's engrams from her 'corpse'.
Alternatively just blast her with the Rainbow Friendship Fix-it beam.
Wait so did they girls not confess about anon a miss?
Another great story!
There’s so much mystery in all of this. Especially in those last few lines. Was Sunset imagining a scenario with Shining or was it an old memory coming forth?
Between last chapter and the beginning of this chapter, man, your depictions of the Humane 5 have been incredible.
I also feel like the story's just getting started, yet we're 48k words in. Oh me oh my, I can't wait to see where it goes
How the heck did I beat Scampy to the comments?
10179363
Well heck, thank you very much.
Also, woah you're right! Congrats! Don't tell her I said so, but feel free to brag about it at your leisure.
10179087
Sorry, the only CL 13+ clerics are in another plane and about to retire.
10178863
Thank you very much. I'll do my best!
Love how you make me just as lost as Sunset is during the confusion scenes. It really makes you feel as though you are Sunset. Look forward to seeing what you do with her.
HOLY FUCK I WANT MORE
This is a fantastically original idea with so much thrilling mystery that I'm left at the edge of my seat with each new chapter. The emotional intensity is so spot on that I feel like I'm personally sampling the characters' tears straight from the tap.
mmm
Delicious stuff.
I just realized something, what made Sunset come back? I mean sure its necromantic in nature but not in a dark magic sense I am guessing seeing as Sunset has her own free will. But what crazy magic diggidy bob could of brought her back.
Hi. I'm sorry to bother you. I want to translate your work "Rise Again" into my language (Chinese). I hope to get your permission. I want more people to see this excellent work. I will indicate the author and link to the original article. If possible, thank you very much.
10312292
You have my permission. Thank you very much!
Well her subconscious may need real life clues to snag drifting pieces of information, but no one can say that Sunset has lost any of her sass.
Breaking up the narrative with flashbacks is chilling every time...
... Every. Time.
Amazing job with the tension in the scene between Sweetie and Rarity. You're an expert at guiding us through these twists and turns of emotions. This is where the backdrop of canon makes things all the more heart-wrenching. We know what's going on, but Rarity doesn't, and that's what makes this scene almost like some sort of tug-of-war. Not only between the sisters, but between the painful truth and the facade of keeping it together. Sweetie is clearly being consumed by her guilt, and Rarity is so close to knocking down that wall. I'm glad that Pinkie's concern led to Rarity finally leaving her room and Sweetie being able to unleash some emotion, but I can't help but be worried for both of them (along with Scoots, Bloom, and their sisters) when that dam is finally broken.
Not only did this tug at my heartstrings hard, but now I'm starting to wonder... Why is the journal still back in the coffin? Why did everything else (including Sunset) come back? Was it the journal itself that did it? Maybe Sunset had written Princess Twilight a goodbye letter before jumping, and Twi did something to reach through the journal and revive her? But then why wouldn't she and/or Celestia have come through the mirror already? I feel like I should have been asking these questions before, and maybe they were in the back of my mind then, but, now, it seems more pivotal... Hmm. In any case, you're making Sunset's confusion between the Twilights all the more real with lines like that. :(
Little bits of levity here with Sunset and Shining's "game". Their dialogues have been super engaging to read. This bit got a much-needed chuckle out of me:
And then, conductor of my heartstrings that you've been throughout this masterpiece, not too long after:
—so cold. Hurts so much. So cold. Make it stop, I want it to stop. So much, too much, please don’t go. Come back. I’m scared. It stopped hurting; I’m scared. It’s so quiet and so cold. Please, don’t leave. Please, come back—
Is she remembering the aftermath of her fall? Is this Sunset, as she lay dying, in the snow? God, Duck... God.
I'm glad to see that some of the concerns I raised about where Shining might take Sunset have been addressed. He's one of the rare good cops out there, trying to actually do the right thing, not just the procedural thing. He's been one of my favorite parts of this story for sure.
Damn, she's really starting to remember...
Okay, so the flashback with the guy with the model train set... Did Sunset blackmail someone using falsified sexual photos? Was that man Shining in the past, and he just doesn't recognize her? (I had to re-read this section, thinking maybe it was something Sunset did as a pony, but you specifically say "man" at the beginning.) That flashback comes after Shining mentions "having something in [his] back pocket for later," so is the memory being triggered by Sunset having leverage over someone, or having leverage over Shining in particular? This is the only flashback so far that's left me confused... I'm sure you'll elaborate on it more later, but it sticks out to me here.
Seeing Sunset regurgitate the coffee she had earlier shouldn't have surprised me, but it still did. It's not like her digestive system is working, but... I dunno, it just really drove home what her actual physical state is right now. Though it was doubtlessly magic that brought her back, there's no telling how long she'll stay back, or what life can possibly look like for her now.
Something about the repetition of the stains, and Sunset's fixation on them, makes me think she's remembering blood, and not coffee...
Just kick me one more time, why don't you?
10178190
Yes, it's rather... sunset-tling.