• Published 28th Apr 2019
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Twinkle Twinkle - Speaker to Dragons - Georg



Twinkle Twinkle was a very strange unicorn who other ponies thought was defective, but when she is stolen away from the freezing pony nation by a hungry dragon, can she survive, and in the process bring friendship to both ponies and dragons?

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4. Inflation

Twinkle Twinkle, Speaker to Dragons
Inflation


“The Future is just history that has not happened yet.”
— Starswirl the Bearded


A sliver of golden sunshine had just begun to slice across the green valley when Ruby slipped out of her inner lair and moved with great care to sneak up behind Twinkle Twinkle. The little unicorn was sitting on the edge of the sharp dropoff at the cave entrance between the two ‘doorway’ slabs of stone that provided some privacy, but it did not look as if she were attempting to escape. Instead, she had her horn lit up with a faint glow of magic and was looking at the distant rising sun.

“Good morning, Ruby.” The little unicorn did not even turn around to look at the cavern of teeth and dragon breath directly behind her, but remained facing out across the valley. Ruby craned her neck to look over Twinkle, then turned to look at the valley.

“Blasted eyes,” grumbled Ruby. “They’re bigger in the sunlight. What’re you doing?”

“Helping raise the sun.” Her horn went out, and Twinkle Twinkle slumped at the edge of the cliff with a short gasp for air. “A little. I’m not very strong.”

“Well, stop messing around and get out of the entrance.” Ruby reached out with one wing and moved the unicorn further back into the pebbled floor of the main cave. “The fight was last night, so the braggarts will be along shortly.”

“Braggarts?”

“Yeah.” Ruby scanned the sky through the narrow slot of the cave entrance. “Bunch of stupid males who think they can show off and get me to mate with them. Happens every time dragons raid. The stupid males come by with their gems and gold and act all huffy and bigger than they are.”

“Oh, that make sense.” The annoying little unicorn peered past the bulk of the dragon with her head angled up to catch the sight of wings. “My bigger brother used to do that. When my parents found a prospect, he would dress in his best clothes and take flowers to the female unicorn they had identified.”

“Flowers?” Ruby wrinkled up her nose. “So they would mate with him?”

“No, he was having sex with Willowbark, the oldest daughter of our upstairs maid. They were…”

Twinkle Twinkle paused with a look of intent concentration as she thought. After talking to her yesterday, Ruby knew she was weird, but suspected she was weirder to the other ponies than she admitted. She had no natural social cues, could not be frightened even by a dragon, and occasionally stopped cold just like this when she was having trouble coming up with words to describe her own kind, who she obviously viewed as something even weirder than being captured and eaten. As Ruby expected, after a minute or two the little unicorn found whatever she was looking for inside that strange pointed head and started talking again.

“Many unicorns have a mate and have somepony to have sex with. Although the stallions are expected to have sex with their mates in order to have foals, at least once. And sometimes they have sex with other stallions’ mates, but they’re careful not to have foals then. And mares do that too, but they keep it quiet and only tell other mares while giggling about it. I tried to graph it out once, but my parents found out about it and made me burn the graph and all the tables.”

Ruby listened to all of it, but she made sure her expression showed that she did not believe a single word. “Dragons mate for life, and any dragon who mates with me and tries to mate with another dragon is going to die. Horribly.” She eyed Twinkle. “Are you sure you haven’t mated?”

“No. My parents were trying to find a suitable spouse for me in one of the lesser Houses, but I’m defective, and none of the other noble houses wanted to contaminate their bloodline. Even the lesser Houses turned them down, which I thought was fine, but my parents did not like it.”

“Your parents?” Ruby wrinkled up her nose again. “Why would you want your parents to pick out your mate? How are they supposed to tell if you like back ridges with spikes, or if he can beat you in tail wrestling?”

“They choose desirable matches for their children as early as our Marking. We don’t get a choice.”

“Well, you’re mine now, so I’m giving you that choice. You can mate with whatever other pony you want.” Ruby gave her a glance over the shoulder and licked her lips. “Then I’ll eat you.”

There was a pause, then Ruby rolled her eyes. “That was supposed to be a joke.”

“It was?” Twinkle seemed to be seriously considering the odd concept, but Ruby just turned back to the outside air with a sigh.

“Forget it, hatchling. You sucked all the fun out of it.” Ruby squinted into the light. “Wait. Here comes one of the idiots now. Just stand there and shut up.”

The ruffling blast of dragon wings blew a gust of wind through the cavern, scattering small bits of sand. The dragon responsible landed on the edge of the ledge with his wings spread wide to keep from falling backwards, teetered for a moment, then got his balance. He was — to say the least — less of a dragon than Twinkle probably expected, barely a quarter the size of Ruby with his scrawny chest stuck out so far he was in danger of falling backwards off the ledge. He was a long-necked type, much like Ruby, but with a shorter spiked tail and a pebbled chrysoprase coat of thin scales and big googly eyes, although his teeth were just as sharp as any of the other dragons who had ever attempted to mate with her before.

Just as Ruby had promised to Twinkle, the new dragon launched into a grandiose explanation of his latest exploits against the swarm of ponies sweeping across the northern plain and his own role in fighting them, along with the wealth that he could barely carry away. His stream of lies had been obviously practiced for some time with the ponies wedged into the story where they would fit, but his hissing and whistling voice abruptly cut off when he spotted Twinkle peeking around the bulk of Ruby.

“Hey! What’s that?” The dragon’s long neck darted to one side only to meet Ruby’s face blocking his line of sight. “Is that a pony?”

“No,” said Ruby, but only a fraction of a second after Twinkle had said “Yes.”

“How did you get a pony from the raid too?” The smaller dragon leaned the other way to try to get a look at where Ruby had scooted Twinkle, then took a brief step backward to the edge of the sharp dropoff when Ruby took a snap at his face.

“None of your nose,” she growled, then paused. “What do you mean, too?”

Taking a moment to balance himself so he would not fall, the smaller dragon fluffed himself up again and said, “Some of the other dragons got ponies too during the raid. I didn’t. There were more gems there than I could carry back—”

“No,” said Twinkle from behind Ruby. “He’s lying.”

“I know that,” huffed Ruby. “I was there, remember? We just haven’t gotten to the point where he shows off a section of his hoard yet. Then I chase him away and he drops some so I don’t kill him. It’s traditional.”

“Oh,” said Twinkle. “Does he have a name?”

Ruby let out a fierce growl. “Of course he has a name! We all have names! We just don’t let other dragons know them! Names have power!”

“Oh,” said Twinkle again. “So can I call him Teakettle, since he whistles when he talks?”

“Whatever!” Ruby turned back to the newly named Teakettle, who was looking more than a little baffled. “Yeah, I got an annoying one,” she huffed. “My brother and I split our takings. He got a whole wagon for this one.”

Teakettle let out a low tweeting whistle through his nose. “Whoa. Maybe I should get one next raid.”

“They’ll kill you. If you attack the ponies, they will be ready, and you will die.” The little unicorn came the rest of the way around Ruby so she could use those infernal big eyes on the stupid male and continued just as plainly as if she were saying the sun was bright. The way she spoke in such a casual manner about killing brought a cold chill up Ruby’s spine in a way that Twinkle’s mention of the Windigo’s had not even come close to. Dragons would at least put some emotion into their voice to discourage the action she was describing. Twinkle sounded ever so slightly as if she were looking forward to it.

Teakettle puffed up as if he were about to breathe. “Did she just threaten me? I think she just threatened me.”

“You touch her and I’ll kill you,” huffed Ruby. “That’s a threat. What she told you was a prediction.”

After a short period of careful examination of the small creature, Teakettle asked, “She’s serious?”

Dead serious. Which you would have known if you were anywhere around that last raid.” Ruby cuffed the other dragon around the head solidly. “Stop looking at her like that or your big eyes will burn out.”

“He doesn’t believe me,” said Twinkle. “He’s stupid, and shouldn’t breed.”

“Hey!” snapped Ruby, turning her head to glare at the unicorn. “No pony tells me who I can breed with.”

She turned back around and looked at the suddenly alert and wide-eyed Teakettle.

“Okay, maybe she has a point.” Ruby glared at the obstinate male. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see how many dragons got killed in the last raid. They’ll be ready next time, and kill even more of us.”

The little unicorn poked her head around Ruby’s flank and added, “If you get killed, you won’t be able to mate with anydragon.”

Teakettle was flummoxed. Ruby rolled her eyes. “Try getting any of the treasure you own to mouth off like that,” she muttered.

Later, after Teakettle had been properly chased away, Ruby fluttered back down to a landing in her cave entrance with a laugh. “You know, I may keep you around for a few more days if you keep that up.”

“Promise?” Twinkle was using those big, dark eyes again, which were easier to ignore since Ruby had been serious. She nodded.

“Swear to it?” asked the little unicorn.

There was being cute and aggressive, and there was getting too pushy. Ruby snaked her head down to look directly into the little pony’s eyes from nose-touching distance. “Do you actually think I would keep a promise to food?”

“Yes.”

Ruby blinked first. “Why? You’re not that stupid, even for a pony.”

“You obviously keep promises to some creatures,” said Twinkle. “You promised to split my family’s goods with your brother. You have an oath that you promise to. You have traditions between other dragons that keep you from just killing each other until only the strongest remain. You have rules that all of you follow.”

“Rules. Ha!” Ruby ruffled the little unicorn’s mane with one claw. “Rules don’t apply to food.”

“Your brother could be food too, if you killed him.”

Despite her best efforts, Ruby recoiled. “We’re not little whelplings any more,” she spluttered. “We don’t try to kill each other, and we certainly wouldn’t eat each other.”

“You did at one time,” said the little annoying pest. “And now you don’t. What changed?”

“We got older and smarter,” snapped Ruby.

“And now you’re even older and smarter because you’re not eating me.”

That was too much. Ruby lunged forward with her jaws open…

And did not close them.

She drew back and regarded the little unicorn, who had her eyes closed. Twinkle finally opened one eye, took a long look at Ruby, and nodded. “See, you’re keeping your promise.”

“I’m arguing with food,” grumbled Ruby.

“And losing,” added Twinkle.

Ruby hunched her neck to bring her head down directly in front of Twinkle again. “Tell anydragon and I’ll mash you into a pulp.” She paused for a breath as something twinged in her treasure-sensitive mind. “How much treasure will your sire and dam give me to get you back?”

“Well, they don’t have any now,” answered Twinkle, which made Ruby drool a little despite herself from the taste of pony still on her tongue. “But once they get settled in the green valley Princess Platinum talked about, they’ll be able to earn bits again. My father is a banker, and does a very good job managing money, so he will regain his net worth at a fairly rapid rate. By my best estimate, when he can afford to buy me back I’ll be well within my prime breeding age. Since so many ponies died during the journey and from the dragon attack, I would actually be an asset to his house instead of a liability. That means another household would actually pay for me so I can be bred to one of their lesser sons despite my flawed blood,” she explained. “Once the ponies settle down and start to built homes again, they’ll want foals, even ones as weird as me. Since I’m a unicorn, that would make me worth more.”

“Wait a minute,” said Ruby, scowling as she tried to absorb the sheer weirdness of pony mating. “Before, you said there weren’t any other male ponies who would mate with you… Or would be permitted to mate with you,” she corrected. “Now, you say you’ll be worth more later when you can clutch?”

Twinkle nodded.

“Humph.” Ruby snorted out a cloud of smoke and considered the value of her mobile horned treasure. “So you’re not worth much now, because the ponies would have to feed and take care of you until they settle down and they don’t have any treasure now, but you’ll be worth more later. So… a year or two?”

Twinkle nodded again.

The idea of a treasure that became more valuable as time went on appealed to Ruby. “So you’re not worth much now, but you’ll be worth a lot more in a few years. If your parents would surrender a few hundred pieces of gold for a piece of cloth with some paint on it, you’re worth what, a few thousand?”

Twinkle nodded again, but this time she talked afterward. “If they’re still alive, and they know about me. And the rest of the ponies survive. And if they find deposits of gold and gems to mine in the new home.”

Now that was something to think about. “All those ponies gathering up gold and gems—”

“And building crossbows and spears and preparing combat spells,” added Twinkle.

It irritated Ruby to have reality breathe fire all over her nice dreams of a gemstone bath. “You make them sound more dangerous than minotaurs.”

Twinkle nodded. “Some of the weapons our artisans put together were made from their designs.”

Ruby grunted, but she was saved from having to come up with a clever response by the sight of another male dragon gliding toward the cave entrance. This one carried a wooden chest under one arm and engaged in the same chest-fluffing, ego-bellowing display of dragonkind before she chased him away and recovered the chest he left behind.

“Pony clothes. Couple of gems. Some gold. Goblet of some sort.” Ruby held up the golden vessel and admired her reflection in it before scowling at a very silent and obedient Twinkle. “What, did you run out of words?”

“No,” said Twinkle, but did not utter another word other than her breathing while watching her captor.

Ruby paused before asking, “You sure?”

Twinkle nodded. Ruby huffed out a cloud of smoke, then gauged the non-expression of the little unicorn with suspicion. “Was that a joke?”

“No,” said Twinkle.

“I should have eaten you,” grumbled Ruby before she caught sight of another male dragon gliding in her direction. “Oh, joy. Here, take this and put it in my hoard.”

Twinkle used her magic to float the chest down to the ground with a thump, but she did not scurry off for the back room of the cave as ordered. Instead, she watched the incoming male dragon and the object it had clutched in one claw. “You don’t sound happy.”

“Wheezy is annoying,” growled Ruby. “Even more than you. Watch.”

The blueish-grey dragon, who was actually larger than Ruby in bulk if not in length, flapped awkwardly down to a landing on the ledge in front of her cave. He was a rounder type with a shorter neck and stubby wings, and made a wheezing noise much like he had just flown at top speed from the other side of the country rather than just the other side of the river valley. His constant rasping for breath was why Ruby had stuck that nickname him, and used it in front of the pony. After all if she had not, Twinkle would have probably picked something even more annoying to call him.

“Hey, good looking,” gasped the male dragon. He braced himself against the ground with his unencumbered clawed hand and gasped for breath, seeming to be exhausted by the flight and his few words so far. With every breath, a set of frilly orange spines down his neck waved in sequence, giving him an impressive exterior even if the interior gasped and wheezed.

“What do you want, you old windbag?” grumbled Ruby. “I’ve told you before, you’re not getting any emeralds out of my hoard, and I don’t want any of that purple trash amethyst you keep trying to tempt me with.”

“What fine spines you have today,” wheezed the old dragon regardless. “That was one heck of a fight last night. Good to see you’re not hurt.”

“I asked you what—” Ruby caught a glimpse of the grey legs with hooves sticking out from between Wheezy’s fingers and gave a snort of intense derision. “Oh, no. Another one? Does it talk as much as mine?”

Wheezy held up the limp pony in his clawed hand and gave it a shake, causing its head to lol around. Most of the fur had been burned off of the pony’s body, but enough was left to identify it as such, and the unicorn horn showed what kind it was. “No, mine just groans. I thought you might want to eat if fresh, and then we could—”

“Yes,” said a small voice to Ruby’s side.

Wheezy looked down, then back up again.

“NO!” snapped Ruby. She glared down at the little unicorn, who was just ignoring her.

“Do you like emeralds?” asked Twinkle.

Wheezy lit up with bright eyes and half-spread wings before nodding so fast all of his neck spines wobbled.

“I’ll give you five emeralds, each as big as a hooftip, in exchange for your pony. Alive.”

“Yeah! Gimmie!” Wheezy held out an open clawed hand, which Twinkle only looked at.

“If I give you the emeralds, you’ll keep them and the pony,” said Twinkle.

“Yeah,” said Wheezy, looking a little conflicted. “So?”

“I want the pony,” said Twinkle.

“I want the pony too,” said Wheezy, holding the limp unicorn to his chest. “It’s mine. Gimmie the emeralds!”

“Do you want the pony more than five emeralds?” asked Twinkle very calmly, ignoring the grasping clawed hand less than a body length away from her. Ruby did not say anything despite the male intrusion into her cave, because she was trying to figure out just where the little purple unicorn had managed to hide that many gems, when she did not even smell the least bit like a gem at all.

“Yeah!” Wheezy nodded vigorously, and the pony in his grasp bobbed in response.

“I swear by the First Egg, by the Dragonlord’s Name, and by my Magic that I will give you five emeralds after you give me the pony. Alive,” added Twinkle. “And you must swear the same in return, and not to hurt any more ponies.”

After considering the odd statement for a few breaths, Wheezy looked up at Ruby, who scowled back and snapped, “Only the emeralds.”

Licking his lips first and taking a short, asthmatic breath, Wheezy looked down at the little unicorn and said, “I swear by the First Egg—”

“Swear to her,” said Twinkle, pointing up at Ruby.

Wheezy, who looked obviously disappointed, slowly picked his way through the oath with only one or two brief hesitations. Then he allowed the limp unicorn to be gently floated out of his grasp to Twinkle, who promptly began to walk deeper into the cave to where Ruby’s hoard was stored.

Ruby followed, of course, and growled once Twinkle had placed the unconscious unicorn down just out of sight from the front of the cave and in one of the drier spots. “Do you have five emeralds?”

“No, but you do.” Twinkle rearranged the injured unicorn to be more comfortable, and draped his half-burnt cloak over him.

“I should eat you,” grumbled Ruby.

“I’m worth more to you alive than eaten,” countered Twinkle, seemingly oblivious to Ruby’s presence directly behind her. “So is he.”

That gave Ruby reason to pause. “How much more?”

“I don’t know yet.” Twinkle turned around and looked up at Ruby with those dangerous dark eyes. “You know I’m right.”

“Where’s my emeralds!” bellowed Wheezy from the front of the cave.

“Keep your fire in!” bellowed Ruby straight back. “I’m talking to Food!” She lowered her voice and returned to her most withering stare against the little unicorn, along with a grim grumble. “I’ll pick them out.”

“You’ll pick the worst ones, with rock still stuck to them,” said Twinkle.

“So?”

Twinkle put on an expression that was probably supposed to mean something to a pony, but Ruby only thought it made her look like she was about to sneeze. “If he gets good emeralds, he will tell other dragons. They will bring any ponies they captured because they are greedy. They do not know how much their ponies are worth, so you will be able to buy—”

“Don’t use that word,” snapped Ruby.

After a moment to think, Twinkle continued, “I will be able to exchange smaller, less valuable portions of your treasure for them. The value of your treasure will be greater afterward, and since you are considering keeping me alive for a few years in order to claim your profit, it will be actually easier for you to keep several ponies because we can help care for each other. The ponies will not see you as a threat if you… exchange your captive ponies later for a larger amount of treasure, particularly if you did not capture most of them, treated them well, and did not eat any of them.”

“Well, what if I just go capture a bunch of ponies myself?” asked Ruby. “Wait a minute. I know what you’re going to say. They’ll kill me.” She blew out a puff of smoke from one nostril while thinking. “Are any of the other ponies as annoying as you are?”

“No,” said Twinkle.

Ruby gave the burned unicorn a brief sniff. “If he dies, I’m eating him.”

“If he lives, he is worth far more,” said Twinkle.

“Humph.” Ruby scowled in the direction of the cave’s front entrance and the impatient dragon waiting there. “Mother always complained that I thought too much. Go get five emeralds, small ones, and I’ll look them over before we g-g-give…” She swallowed and scowled some more. “Yeah.”

Twinkle was smart enough to pick out a collection of emeralds that Ruby had not considered sparkly enough to keep at the front of her hoard, and cautious enough to stay out of swiping range when she floated the collection over to Wheezy. He gobbled down one of the gemstones, complained a token amount, then promptly stuffed the rest in his face. It looked for a moment as if he was going to ask about mating, but after a good, long look at Ruby, he thought better of it and flew out the cave entrance and back into the valley.

Since there were no more male dragons within easy eyeshot, Ruby gave a snort of disgust and followed back into the cave. Twinkle was tearing the pony clothes from the chest into long strips, then wrapping them around the worst of the burns, which seemed like a waste of time and would just stick in Ruby’s teeth when the pony eventually died. She looked at Twinkle’s impassive face, then the burned pony, whose head had been wrapped up enough so that only his horn and nose stuck out.

How much more is this one worth?”

Twinkle did not stop her work, but answered, “I don’t know, but he’s a unicorn, and from a wealthy house due to the quality of his cloak.”

“Is he going to die?” asked Ruby, just in case the little unicorn knew something she did not.

“I don’t know,” said Twinkle again while tearing what was left of the cloak into thin strips.

“Well, at least this one has more meat on him,” grumbled Ruby before turning and stomping in the direction of the cave entrance where the growing sound of wings could be heard. “Hey! What do you want!”