The Equestrian Odyssey - A Tale of Two Worlds

by Kamahido

Chapter 5 - Arch-Enemies

Arc looks out the window for a few minutes before Kibitz enters the room.

“I trust your meeting with General Virtuous Lance was productive sire.”

“More or less. So, what's next on the list?”

Kibitz looks at a scroll and adjusts his glasses. “Raven reports there is a backlog of paperwork that requires your signature.”

Arc looks confused. “My signature?”

“Well, the Lord Regent's anyways. In any case, she's in the process of bringing it all to your office. It should be ready in short order.”

“Good. I'll meet you there shortly.”

"Sire?”

Arc walks toward the door. “I'm going to check up on the princesses. Say hi, I guess. If they’re somehow conscious of what's going on around them, they must be terrified at the thought of what's happening to Equestria!”

He leaves the conference room and heads for Princess Luna's room chamber. Upon seeing him the guards step aside to allow him to enter. The Hammers are visiting with her quietly.

“How is she?”

Steel Hammer holds one of Princess Luna's hooves and shakes his head sadly. “She's completely unresponsive, just like you said.”

Silver Hammer nods as she holds Princess Luna's other hoof. “This is terrible! How could something like this have happened?!”

Arc shakes his head as he approaches the bed. “I wish I knew.”

Silver Hammer respectfully steps back to allow Arc to take her place. He takes Princess Luna's hoof in his hand and squeezes it gently.

“Princess Luna, it's Arc. Twilight and Auriel are working on the problem as are Doctor Whooves. Now don't you worry about a thing. I just wanted to stop by and see you on my way to your office. Kibitz tells me there is a rather hefty backlog of paperwork that needs doing.”

Silver Hammer walks up behind her husband and puts her hooves on his shoulders. “We should probably let Princess Luna rest now dear.”

“Yes, you're right.”

Steel Hammer leans forward to whisper encouragement in his old friend's ear. He suddenly draws back with a strange look on his face!

“Well that can't be right...”

Platinum Valve looks to her father. “Dad? What is it?”

“That smell on her skin... Silver, can you place it?”

Silver Hammer moves to stand next to her husband. She leans in close to Princess Luna, sniffing. “Yes, you're right! It’s faint but so familiar...”

Arc nods. “It was there first thing this morning as well. I just assumed it was some kind of perfume.”

Steel Hammer puts a hoof to his chin. “Hmmm... flowery... but rather mild. I think I remember now. Arc, would you kindly open Princess Luna's mouth for me please?”

“Um... okay.”

Arc takes hold of Princess Luna's lower and upper jaw and very gently opens them a couple inches Steel Hammer moves his nose close to Princess Luna's open mouth and sniffs.

“It's on her breath too!”

Silver Hammer nods! “It's all coming back to me too dear! Are you absolutely certain?!”

Steel Hammer leans back and sighs. “I am.”

“Great! Finally, a lead!”

“No, that's bad Arc. Years ago, Silver Hammer and I found a patch of flowers in the Everfree Forest during a mission. They smelled identical to what is on the princesses’ skin and breath.”

“Do you think you could show us where these plants were?!”

Silver Hammer shakes her head sadly. “It was many years ago when we stopped an invasion of strange shadow creatures that were being led by some weird looking robed creature.”

Arc thinks for a moment. “I remember you speaking of this during your retirement announcement in Ponyville.”

Steel Hammer nods. “During our battle we found that the patches of these strange flowers were having a rather odd effect on our opponents. We led them into the thickest of them, hoping that our armor would protect us!”

“Luckily for us it did for the most part. We quickly found that any exposed skin quickly became inflamed when the pollen from the flowers touched it. That was about the time we knew we were in trouble!”

Platinum Valve looks nervous. “So how did you two win the day?!”

“We knew we had to end the battle quickly, so we decided to go for broke and attack the leader directly!”

Arc folds his arms over his chest. “All or nothing, huh? Sounds risky.”

Silver Hammer nods. “It was our best chance of survival at the time. Steel Hammer drew their attention while I stealthily positioned myself behind the leader. With all my remaining strength, I bucked him as hard as I could toward the flowers.”

“It looked angry as it rose from the cloud of flower pollen. However, it was soon moving as if drunk!”

Silver Hammer shudders at the memories. “I thought the creatures were taking orders from him. But it turned out he was directly controlling them somehow!”

“All of a sudden, his army started attacking one other! I grabbed Silver Hammer and together the two of us staggered away.”

Platinum Valve looks at them, wide-eyed! “How did you make it back to town?!”

“My vision was almost gone at that point. I was pretty much being dragged by Steel Hammer by then. The last thing I remembered was suddenly being all wet!”

Steel Hammer nods. “I had stepped in a rather large mud puddle and slipped. The two of us went down together. It was then that I started to feel a bit better.”

“That must have been some mud, eh?”

Steel Hammer shrugs. “Well, kinda. In our state we hadn't thought to try washing off the pollen. After I rolled around for a minute or so I was almost back to normal! As quickly as I could I pulled Silver's armor off and started dumping the contents of our canteens on her.”

“Although we were free of the flower's baneful pollen, the two of us had reached the end of our strength.”

“I fell to the ground next to Silver and we both blacked out.”

“And nothing came by and tried to eat you, or something?!”

Silver Hammer chuckles. “Well... fortunately for us, somepony DID find us!”

“Some time later, the two of us woke up in a small hut in the middle of the Everfree Forest.”

“My first memory of that time was the feeling of somepony rubbing salve on my back.”

Steel Hammer nods. “As it turned out, somepony actually LIVES in the Everfree Forest!”

Arc frowns. “As dangerous a place as it is, they must be quite strong. Either physically or magically!”

“Her name was Zecora. It was her who found us, brought us to her tree home and tended to our wounds from the pollen.”

Platinum Valve looks to her parents. “Was she a unicorn?”

Steel Hammer shakes his head. “She was an Earth Pony. But... her coat was unlike anything I had ever seen before. There were lines all over it... naturally even!”

“She didn't say much, but we could tell she was a kind individual. As soon as we had rested and regained our faculties, she pointed us down the path back toward Ponyville.”

“ But... neither of you ever said a word about this until now!”

Steel Hammer looks to his daughter, apologetically. “I'm sorry dear, but she asked us not to tell ANYPONY what she had done for us.”

“While she didn't go into detail, apparently, she's had her share of life's problems. I can only imagine she's been scorned because of her appearance.”

Arc nods. “Well, I can understand that much. Do you think she could advise us on how to treat the princesses?”

Steel Hammer shrugs. “It's possible. The only problem is we can't remember where she lived! After all... it's been years since we last saw her.”

“How about the general direction of her hut?”

Silver Hammer shakes her head. “Sorry, but we weren't exactly in the greatest condition at the time.”

Arc sighs. “It's okay. I'll have someone try and locate her.”

Steel Hammer looks to Arc with a smile. “Thank you for everything you're doing here Arc. It isn't everypony who would, or even could, take on the responsibilities of a Lord!”

“Do you think my husband and I could join the search party?”

“We may not remember where to look, but maybe seeing familiar faces would help convince Zecora that we come in peace!”

Arc nods. “Very well. When I send out a search party, you'll be part of it.”

“Thank you Arc! We'll do our best to not let you or the princesses down!”

Silver Hammer walks back over to Princess Luna. “Don't worry, old friend. We'll find a way to bring you back to us.”

Steel Hammer and Silver Hammer leave the room. Platinum Valve walks over to Arc.

“Um... Mr. Arc? Do you really think you can help the princesses?”

“I do.”

Platinum Valve looks back towards the door. “Please do! Whenever something bad was happening in the land, my parents would always talk to me about it! They wanted me to understand what was happening around me!”

“That's very wise of them. It makes you consider the larger picture, not just the four walls of your house.”

She nods back to Arc with a concerned look on her face. “Well... they would always end the conversation by reminding me that Princess Luna was watching over all of us, and that she and the other princesses would take care of it!”

“I'm glad they put so much faith in their friend and all. But... sometimes even those as powerful as the princesses need a helping hand.”

“Yeah... I understand. Thank you sir!”

Platinum Valve turns to leave.

“Platinum Valve?”

She turns back to look at Arc. “Yes?”

“I just wanted to say I think your idea to combine magic and machinery to help others is very noble. Never lose that spark! That zeal for wanting to help make this land a better place for everyone! You're gonna go far, kid!”

Platinum Valve silently nods and walks out the door, closing it behind her. Arc stands there, staring at the closed door.

“...all I have to do is ensure that Equestria continues to exist for you to make better, Platinum Valve...”

Arc walks back to Princess Luna and pats her hoof.

“Well, I'm off to face the onslaught of unfinished paperwork. Wish me luck, princess.”

He leaves the room and heads to his office. Raven meets him at the door levitating as large stack of papers.

“Good to have you back, commander... I mean, Lord Arc! Sorry!”

“Don't worry about it Raven. Methinks we have bigger problems to deal with other than my title right now.”

Raven looks over to the papers she is levitating. “Indeed commander. Shall we begin?”

Arc gestures to the papers. “Somehow I thought there would be more.”

Raven points a hoof to the desk as Arc opens the office door. “There is.”

Stacks of papers fill the desk, with several more piles next to it! Kibitz is busy organizing the piles.

“Ah there you are, sire! I was about to come looking for you! As you can see, we have our work cut out for us!”

Arc sighs. “Right... well, let's get to it. I wasn't planning on sleeping for at least a week anyways...”

He walks over to the large desk and sits down.

“What do I need to do?”

Kibitz points a hoof at a nearby inkwell. “All these documents need your signature to be validated. Just sign and move on to the next one.”

“What are these for anyways?”

Raven sets her stack on the floor and looks over to him. “Various matters ranging from continued authorization of tax collection for the lands you control to releasing funds for various projects around Equestria to maintaining various landmarks.”

Arc looks around at the paperwork all around the room. “How the heck do the princesses read all of these?!”

“They don't.”

“Beg your pardon?”

Raven nods. “They have support staff write up what is needed ahead of time to streamline the process.”

Arc makes a sweeping motion with his hand! “THIS is streamlined?!”

“Yes commander.”

“Oh boy... Kibitz, can you and Raven please go to the Kitchen and get us a pot of tea and some light snacks? This is going to take a while!”

The pair bow and leave to carry out Arc’s orders. Arc looks around at the insurmountable papers that surround him.

“There has GOT to be a better way to do this!

Arc sits back for a few moments, thinking. All at once he snaps his fingers!

“I got it!”

He carefully reaches around several stacks of papers to pick up his phone. A secretarial aide connects momentarily.

“Yes, Lord Regent?”

“I need to be connected to Sugar Cube Corner in Ponyville right away.”

“Right away sire!”

After a few moments on the line begins to ring.

“Sugar Cube Corner! Your one stop party shopping experience! Certified party-planner Pinkie Pie speaking!”

“Pinkie, it's Arc.”

“Hi Arc! How's the new job?!”

“Terrible. But you're just the pony to help me with a little problem!”

“Sure! What do you need?!”

“You remember that life-sized Coco Pommel doll that you had made for the Little Hooves Orphanage?”

Pinkie nods! “Yeah! Did the orphans like it?!”

“They were speechless! You're pretty good and getting impossible to acquire items quickly!”

“What can I say?! It's what I do!”

Arc nods. “Well, I need you to get something for me.”

“Whatever you need, I can get! When do you need it by?!”

“Now! Literally as soon as possible! Now... here's what I need you to do...”

Arc takes a few minutes to outline his idea.

“Now I guess the big question is... can you pull it off?”

Pinkie salutes! “Leave it to me! You'll have it in your hands before you can say ‘twitchy, twitch a twitch a twitch’.”

“...what?”

Arc attempts to inquire further but Pinkie has already hung up the phone. Sighing he hangs up his phone and smiles.

“I guess that's why she's the best. Well, I guess I better get started.”

Arc picks up a quill and gets to work. About fifteen minutes later Raven and Kibitz return with a tea set and a plate of cookies.

“Sorry for taking so long, commander. The kitchen was quite abuzz with activity!”

Arc continues to sign papers, not looking up. “Oh? Something wrong?”

Kibitz shakes his head. “Not... really. Sous Chef Saffron was just trying to teach the other chefs how to cook for you. I don't believe it was going too well.”

“I'm sure she has a handle on things down there. In any case, can the two of you help me organize these papers?”

Raven looks to him confused. “But, they're already in chronological order.”

“Indeed. The princesses always insist on things being laid out in order!”

“Well, let's try something a bit different, shall we? From now on I want these papers in order of importance!”

He holds up a couple pages.

“For example... authorization to send aid to a town experiencing a hardship should go in front of an order on what color to paint the dining room.”

Raven nods. “I suppose that does make sense.”

“It shall be as you desire, Lord Arc. I'll see to it personally that the secretarial aides hear of your order.”

“Thank you. Now... I've only been skimming over these documents, but I must say some of them appear a bit... redundant.”

“Oh?”

Arc goes over the papers in front of him.

“The first paper is orders to hire a contractor to maintain the Castle Gardens. Next is an order on how long the grass should be. And finally, the third order dictates what days and what hours they are to work! Why can't these three orders be combined into one?!”

Kibitz frowns. “That's rather strange. The secretarial pool is supposed to handle matters like these to take some of the burden! I'm not sure why this is happening Lord Arc, but I'll have a talk with the aides about it! You don't have time for this!”

Arc nods. “Thank you Kibitz. However, I have something coming later that should make this job a LOT easier.”

“What is it, commander?

“You'll see. Now how about we start going through this mess and see what other matters the aides overlooked?”

The trio begins work going over the paperwork. This time with a bit of scrutiny.

“I just don't understand it, sire! A good number of these forms are DUPLICATES!”

Raven is stacking the duplicate forms in piles. “But why would anypony want to make more work?!”

“Kibitz, how many days worth of paperwork is this?”

Kibitz sighs. “I'm loathe to admit it, but about a week. My apologies, but the princesses haven't been themselves lately and therefore haven't been taking care of their royal duties!”

Raven looks at the massive stacks of paperwork before her. “Grandfather, didn't it seem a bit odd to you that there's so much here?”

“I did think it a bit... unsettling, that the clerical load suddenly increased. When I inquired of this, I was told it was due to the increased turmoil in the region! Again, please forgive my ineptitude, sire!”

Arc nods. “It's not your fault Kibitz. We'll have to look into this matter more thoroughly later. But for now I need the two of you to bring me the forms that ACTUALLY need my signature!”

Raven walks over to him with a stack of papers about a foot tall. “Here is what we have compiled so far, commander. I know it's still quite a bit of work to sign all of these, but...”

There is a sudden pounding at the office door.

“Good heavens! What in Equestria...?”

Arc takes the stack of papers from Raven and smiles! “It's okay. I think I know who it is.”

He turns his head toward the door.

“Come in!”

Pinkie Pie bounces in the office door with her saddlebags and closes the door roughly behind her. Stacks of paperwork fly everywhere! Pinkie looks around at the carnage she has inadvertently caused,

“Oops... sorry about that!”

“Never mind the paperwork Pinkie. Did you get it?”

Pinkie bounces over to Arc! “I did, I did, I did! Here!”

She reaches into her saddlebag and pulls out a small package. Arc accepts the package and quickly opens it.

“Well, let's have a look...”

He pulls a small object out of the box and closely examines it. Arc picks up a quill and signs one of the papers. Looking the paper over carefully then back at the item in his hand several times!

“Perfection! But how did you pull this off so quickly, Pinkie?!”

Pinkie grins happily! “It was EASY!”

Raven appears confused. “That doesn't really answer the question, miss.”

“It's okay Raven. I'm going to just chalk this one up to ‘it's Pinkie Pie’ and not inquire further.”

“Okie doki loki! Arc, why don't you try it out?! I wanna make sure you like it before I leave!”

“Alright.”

Arc reaches into the box Pinkie gave him earlier and pulls out a small pad. He sets it on the desk next to him, picks up the inkwell and pours some of its contents on the pad.

“Lord Arc?! What are you...?”

Pinkie shoves a pink hoof in Kibitz’s mouth.

“Shhhh! Not while he's working!”

Arc presses the item in his hand down firmly on the pad then moves it over to an unsigned document. He carefully but firmly presses the item down on the paper. Setting the item down on the pad and looking between the two documents for a few moments before looking up!

“Excellent work Pinkie! This should greatly increase paperwork efficiency!”

Pinkie smiles ear to ear as she bounces around the room!

“Yeah! Who knew the princesses themselves never thought to use a STAMP before?!”

Raven looks over Arc. “A stamp?!”

He nods. “Yup. Like this...”

“Arc picks up the stamp. He pounds it against the ink pad then quickly pounds it into the top sheet, quickly picking it up and setting it to the side before repeating the process for several moments. Having made a sizable dent in the stack of papers he looks up!

“Much better!”

Kibitz looks flabbergasted! “But sire...!”

Arc interrupts him. “Kibitz, I think we can both agree that I have much more important things to do than sit here and write my name, longhand mind you, for hours at a time!”

Raven looks to her grandfather. “He does raise a valid point.”

“But, the princesses have ALWAYS...!”

Arc holds up a hand for silence. “Trust me on this one, Kibitz. Humans have been held back by a similar mentality throughout the ages. The idea that ‘it's always been done this way’ and ‘the old ways are the best ways’ will accomplish nothing other than to keep progress at a standstill!”

Raven nods. “Grandfather, you once told me that back in your day, all books had to be written by hoof. Today we have printing presses!”

She waves a hoof at the paperwork.

“Back then, these would have been written individually by hoof. Now we have typewriters!”

Kibitz appears unconvinced! “But what if the stamp were stolen! Anypony could affix your name to any document they wanted!”

“Easy solution!”

Arc puts the stamp in his ring.

“Now you see it, now you don't”

Kibitz sighs. “I understand. Very well, Lord Arc. We'll do it your way.”

Arc pulls the stamp out of his ring and smiles. “Good. Now that's settled...”

Pinkie interrupts! “Hey Arc! You want a hoof reorganizing all these papers?! I'm pretty good at organizing!”

Raven looks nervous! “Thank you miss, but I think you've done QUITE enough already!”

“Are you sure? I bet I could have these all organized in ten seconds flat! Just like Dashie's always saying about clearing the skies!”

Kibitz shakes his head. “That is not possible!”

“Hold it Kibitz! If Pinkie Pie says she can do something that sounds impossible, I believe she can do it. I mean, what do we have to lose?”

Arc turns to Pinkie.

“Alright Pinkie. Here's our problem. A lot of these papers are actually duplicates. We need all the extras in piles together on that side of the room. The rest of the papers need to go on my desk so I can sign them. Can you handle that?”

Pinkie rubs her chin with her hoof and looks around with a serious look on her face. “Hmmm... this might take a bit longer! Give me fifteen seconds and you've got a deal! Just do me a favor and look the other way while I'm working, okay?”

Arc looks confused. “Why?”

“I don't like others watching me when I'm putting things in order, okay!”

Arc sighs. “Fine. Raven... Kibitz... do as she says.”

The three turn to face the wall.

“Um... can you also cover your faces and close your eyes too?!”

Arc frowns. “What possible reason...”

“Your eyes might not be able to behold the awe-inspiring organizational skills of the Super Party Planner Pinkie Pie!”

“Very well. Cover your eyes you two.”

As Arc moves to do so Raven and Kibitz roll their eyes.

Arc looks to the pair. “That's an order.”

Raven and Kibitz obey as Arc covers his own face and closes his eyes.

“Okay! Now just count to fifteen and then you can turn around! Go ahead and start anytime you're ready!”

“1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... 11... 12... 13... 14... and 15.”

Not hearing anything behind them, Arc and company slowly turn around. What they see when they do so takes their breath away!

“What?!”

How?!”

Raven and Kibitz look to Arc dumbfounded!

“What? I knew she could do it!”

All the papers are neatly organized. Each pile neatly contains the duplicates! A much more manageable stack of papers sits on Arc's desk ready for his signature. Pinkie grins!

“Better?!”

Arc nods! “Much! I'd ask how you did that, but I know better.”

“Hee, hee! You know it!”

“Thanks Pinkie Pie! Now... how much do I owe you for the stamp?”

“Eh! I'll just put it on your tab at Sugar Cube Corner! Oh! That reminds me!”

Pinkie pulls another small box out of her saddlebag and sets it on the desk.

“I made some ‘Congratulations on becoming the ruler of Equestria’ cupcakes for you! Hope you like em! Now I have to get back to Ponyville! Bye!”

Pinkie Pie rushes out the door! Raven stares after her!”

“What a character!”

Arc nods. “That's why she's the best there is at what she does!”

Kibitz shakes his head in disbelief! “But how did she...

“It's Pinkie Pie! She just... does things!”

Arc sits down at his desk and prepares to get to work.

Kibitz steps over. “If I may ask, Lord Arc... why do you have a tab at a bakery?”

“Have you ever tried their cupcakes?”

“Well, no.”

Arc opens the box and pulls out a cupcake.

“Eat this.”

“Very well, sire!”

Kibitz takes a bite of the cupcake, chews it, and swallows. He looks down at the pastry in his hoof.

“It's heavenly!”

“Told ya!”

Arc stamps papers for the next hour or so.

“And done!”

Kibitz looks at the stack of papers, wide-eyed! “My word! The princesses have certainly never finished their paperwork so quickly!”

He pulls out the schedule.

“It looks like your finished just in time for the Town Council meeting.”

“Canterlot has a Town Council?”

Raven nods. “They mostly deal with the local day to day affairs of Canterlot and advise the princesses on the mood of the city.”

Arc nods. “So it's kind of ‘man on the street’ thing?”

Raven looks confused. “A what?”

“Never mind. So what do I have to do?”

“Just preside over the meeting. Introduce yourself and then listen to what they have to say. They should be able to give you valuable insight into how the citizens of Canterlot feel about your rule!”

“Good. When and where is the meeting?”

Raven points a hoof to the office door. “In the Audience Chamber. And right now.”

Arc narrows his eyes. “Some advanced warning would be nice you two.”

“My apologies sire! I'm used to the princesses pretty much knowing their schedule.”

“Who's on this Town Council?”

“The foremost member is Fancy Pants. As the representative for the city's aristocracy, his opinions have shaped policy on many occasions, commander!”

Arc sighs. “Please tell me he's more than just a stuck-up bureaucrat.”

Kibitz nods. “Considering his position in society, he's actually quite personable! Not to mention intelligent. The princesses have long relied on his insight to make policy for Canterlot!”

Raven continues. “Then there's Pony Joe, who represents the culinary artists of Canterlot.”

“Really?! His name sounds almost human!”

“While he does speak with a rather... strange accent, I assure you he is 100% pony!”

Raven nods. “The common ponies’ representative is Minuette. She's probably the most... down to earth of the bunch. You two should get along famously sir!”

“Glad to hear the rank and file have a voice here in Canterlot.”

“And lastly, there’s Hoity Toity. He represents the fashion and artistic side of Canterlot.”

“Anything I should know about him?”

Kibitz shakes his head. “Other than the fact he's a bit... stuck up, no. You really just have to get to know them yourself, sire. They may seem a bit different from what you're used to, but know that their primary concern is the well-being of everypony in Canterlot!”

Arc stands up and walking toward the door. “Thanks for the info. Well, here I go! Kibitz, I want you to go through these papers and make sure we didn't miss anything, okay? Raven, you're with me. Try to help me not make too big a fool of myself out there.”

Kibitz walks toward the desk. “You'll do fine out there, sire! I have faith in you! But aren't you forgetting something?”

Arc looks back. “Am I?”

He points a hoof at a small end table. “You left your Royal Scepter in the conference room this morning. When conducting audiences, you should always be seen with it! This will help show those whom stand before you that you are fully in control of the situation!”

Arc sighs and walks over to the scepter. He picks it up and mutters to himself.

“I'll have to do a better job of losing this next time.”

Raven gestures to the door. “Shall we?”

Arc sighs as they walk toward the office door together. “Okay… let’s get this over with…”

Comments

[HB_DS2013]

Ah, paperwork. The one thing that both good and evil love to hate.

[Kamahido]

9750463
I know it probably isn't the most glorious thing to be in a story, but one must assume that every country's leader has such dealings with that particular menace.