• Member Since 1st Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Claud Melchior


Twilight and Spike find themselves doomed after their time travel landed them into Nightmare Moons Equestria. Twilight's daredevil idea let her become Nightmare Moon's student. But the new Queen of Equestria is not as easy to handle as expected and soon her revelations make Twilight question everything she stands for ...

Chapters (30)
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Comments ( 11 )

Sounds interesting, lets give it a read ay.

An interesting read. I am wondering what could happen next? Will Twilight find her armour and get her memories back?

Read the story today.

Tbh my strongest impression would be viewing it as one big mess fueled by overabundance of improvisation added by lack of planning. As if ya had little idea of what would go next and/or changed you plans constantly. Adding some random details with little or no follow-up (most of your worldbuilding is a good example of that, as it often seem to just be added to exist on its own, rather than adding something to the story. Source of ALicorn immortality looks unnecessary edgy as well, there were likely better ways to approach the issue
Getting a few bits character development ya got going either trashed or turned into a idiot-ball in the end, when NMM, Twi, Celestia and Luna all seemingly all go very hard towards behaving Stupid and Evil didn't help either


thx for the critique
i noticed myself that my story is sometimes unnecessary complicated. But Nightmare Moons reaction at the End where because she actually never changed but maybe that part got lost between the lines.
The Alicorn immortality is a bit edgy but even if ... i just tried to make some sense out of this Lore XD
Celestia actions to twilight are quite overkill but i had to to make the story go full circle
big mess hmm? guess 2 years of occasional writing during life stuff plus translation into mediocre english shows XD

was my obvious sequel idea but I'm not going to write another

Я так и не понял почему в этой временной линии в библиотеке никого не было.
I never understood why there was no one in this timeline in the library.
P.s. sorry for my English

Почему при прочтении этой главы я слышу музыку из звездных войн?
Why, while reading this chapter, do I hear music from star wars?

Ваша история довольно интересна, но я не согласен с вашим взглядом на концепцию мультивселенной. Согласно парадоксу убитого дедушки вы не можете меняя прошлое повлиять на своё будущее. Таким координально изменив событие вы скорее всего создадите альтернативную временную линии которая будет проходить своим путём не зависимо от того что позже вы отметили свои действия.
В этом беда большинства путешественников во времени. Они всегда попадая в плохое будущее убеждают местных жителей помочь всё исправить бросив последние ресурсы тем самым даря ложную надежду после чего сбегают в своё родное измерение оставив своих друзей как обычно ещё худшем положении и надеющихся что вот-вот всё изменится :(
Your story is quite interesting, but I disagree with your view on the concept of the multiverse. According to the paradox of the killed grandfather, you cannot change the past to affect your future. By coordinating the event in such a way, you will most likely create an alternative timeline that will go its own way, regardless of the fact that you later marked your actions.
This is the trouble of most time travelers. They are always falling into a bad future, convincing local residents to help fix everything by leaving the last resources, thereby giving false hope, and then they run into their own dimension, leaving their friends as usual even worse off and hoping that everything will change: (
P.s. sorry for my English

the fun thing about time travel is its not real aka it can be whatever someone imagines i went along with the multi verse theory because it made most sense to me for this story (past gets changed in the cutie remark so had to put it in too) so yeah feel free to disagree :)

"P.s. sorry for my English" your written english is actually fairly decent and not worse than mine XD

because youre watching star wars while reading a my little pony fanfiction? nothing unusual XD

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