I'm not normally into the vore thing.
TBH, the only reason I even considered reading your story is because the cover art was just interesting enough that I needed to check out the story. You did very well here in my opinion, and I look forward to anything and everything else you have written.

9602266
Quite understandable, it is definitely a fetish most people are either into or just don't get at all. I'm glad you gave it a try though, and that you liked it.

9602264
At least it went somewhere?

I came here just for the size play, and was pleasantly surprised by the depth this story had to offer. It's exceptionally done, with top-notch descriptive prose, an intriguing setting, and a varied cast of well-defined original characters. My one criticism is that it's very heavy handed with exposition, especially in the beginning, but at the same time the exposition is dense enough and written in such a way that only drew me in further by the world you were building.

9602394
Thank you very much for the praise and the kindly worded critique. I do have the agree, the opening exposition kind of got away from me, but I wasn't sure how well it could have worked spread out more through the action or if the story would make as much sense or have the same feel without it. Definitely something I'm going to need to work on in future writings. But I'm glad to hear the exposition didn't turn into a slog. Appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

Gets pretty long in the beginning but, help made a world which I would not mind reading other ideas with it or if Cross ends up taking the offer for an eventful evening be interesting. Could add little food play maybe like it did with Dare lol

9602620
Yeah, the narration did kind of ramble on for a bit, but I did kind of want to develop the setting. I think I need to work on spacing that kind of thing out. I do have some other ideas for the setting and the characters though, so hopefully all that exposition will prove useful down the line. As for Cross taking Aki up on her offer, it is a consideration. Especially since in the original draft, Iso didn't end up saving him. As for food play, I've never gotten much into that, but I've never tried writing it either so...that might be something to have a go at maybe.

9602649
Could separate them with chapters maybe with the first being the prologue that doesn’t really have anything beside a background to have it set up while the next chapter picks up shortly after for the more action like events.

Although it’s not bad and I personally think it was paced fine as a story wise instead of just skipping the build up of a world.

Although I wasn’t expect the little taunt Aki did with Dare so it was a nice chuckle from an outsiders experience and just makes you wonder now with it added to the mix some. Or instead of a fish it’s another pony mixed in seeing how they tumble around. Was mostly males doing the offering or really the main pony characters I think so M/M, M/F, or etc. could spice it up. Not very many good story’s like this with out some getting crazy or they don’t finish what they started.

Which ever you decide if you do another chapter or sequel I’ll keep an eye out lol

9602703
Having a set up/background info chapter might have worked, though I'm also not sure if it would have been all that interesting, or that is to say, I'm not sure how well I could have written it up. I don't know. I do know that since so far both comments I've gotten about the exposition at least assured me it wasn't a slog or detracted from the story, I'm not terribly inclined to go messing with it now. It is definitely something I'll need to keep in mind for any future world building though.

Certainly do have some ideas for multiple participants, both on the pred and prey side of things. Considered some of them for this, but I felt I really wanted to focus on Aki and Cross's story, and I didn't want to use up those ideas on a quick background event. If and when I do another story, that'll probably be something focused on. And it will definitely be a new story. One thing I have learned about my writing is that I'm terrible at committing to long, multiple chapter pieces with a single overarching plot. Singular, self contained works are much more my pace.

Mrm.

Well, this has got to be my all time favorite vore story on this site. The bit of lore was interesting as hell, the characters weren't cardboard cutouts, and it somehow managed to seem wholesome throughout the entire thing. Incredibly well done. Thank you for such a wonderful story.

9602943
Mmhmm...

9603172
You're quite welcome, and thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and that the lore and the characters were of interest as well. I honestly hadn't had much thought put into either when I got started, and it all got pieced together bit by bit as part of writing (and rewriting and rerewriting) the story out.

9602754

If and when I do another story...

I really like this story because you did a very good job of making it feel like a done-in-one. But the prospect of further stories in this setting is very enticing!

Syntax and storywise this was very well done. You write in other fandom, or else write SFW somewhere else? Because this does not feel like a your first fanfic at all.

9608619
Good to hear, making the story entirely self contained was a goal, because I have a terrible habit of starting grand, overly ambitious projects and running out of steam on them. That said, I do have ideas for sequels and side stories related to this one, but they would also be single chapter works like this, with their own definite start and finish in one go.

And yes, I have written for a couple different fandoms over the years. I made this account because I was not comfortable connecting this particular fetish with the online identity I use for pretty much everything else.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and hope any future works I put out are enjoyable as well. Thank you.

I do appreciate the cleverer predators.

Those that simply throw their weight around wantonly are mere OOCs for prototypical powergamers, and thus exceedingly boring and repetitive.

9610633

I'm with you there. I do like my preds to be proper characters and not just an element necessary to the plot. If they can also outsmart the prey in the process, that can be an amusing bonus.

9610826 Considering the predators in most vore stories are either central characters or primary antagonists, yeah you'd think people would spend time giving them something more than a stock character veneer.

Really, even a basic villain like Napa from DBZ had more personality and complexity than most preds in vore stories.

From my many years of Furaffinity experience (since the site began!) I can state without any hyperbole that over 90% of predators in vore stories ARE VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL in their personality construction and behaviors. They're beyond predictable and less than one-dimensional in most cases.

But that's what tends to happen in fetish-based stories. The characters exist not to serve the narrative, but the hormonal impulses of the writer. As such, they tend to be a metaphor for the impulse: hastily thrown together, having the same rising action, and leaving all the lasting impact of wanking to Internet pr0n or having one-night stand with a prostitute. (lol, vore whores... which itself can be a hilarious plotline when it's done satirically).

9611301
Vore whores...pretty sure that's what this story ultimately boils down to actually. Hmm, hopefully the preds (well, Aki at least, the others weren't really in focus enough) came across with having some personality and development.

9611473 Aki definitely had a great amount of personality. She's not merely a massive creature that eats everything she can fit down her gullet and stuff herself absurdly... like most vore story preds.

9612102
Yeah, she is definitely not just something big and hungry, and I'm glad that came through in the story. She has eaten her share of prey, but she takes her time to enjoy each one each time.

9612642 I tend to feel that if a predator is going to be driven by nothing but hunger, it might as well be merely an animal in the story. Giving a stomach with legs a voice adds nothing and only causes it to feel actually shallower than would be a comparably mindless creature just satisfying its impulses.

9612895
I agree, but at the same time I can understand the impulse to go with making the pred intelligent instead of an animal, if for no other reason than this is a fetish and it might make some uncomfortable to have an animal in the middle of something they want to get off to. This can be a strange enough fetish as it is, and there are so many variables involved in terms of what pred and prey are like and how that might affect each individual's taste towards it.

Also, making deep, complex, and engrossing characters is difficult, and porn often goes for the path of least resistance, regardless of fetish.

9613252
They don't even have to be really 'deep', just pick from any one of the many stock character types.

It's just that so many vore stories fail to even manage a basic level of characterization.

I also get annoyed by the incredibly stupid cliche of a predator in a society where it's frowned upon doing exactly nothing to clean up after his many vore crimes, being blatantly out in the open afterward, and apparently that otherwise totally modern world having no concept of forensics or any investigative tactics whatsoever. It's not even Plot Armor when it's that poorly written; instead it's the ENTIRE WORLD of the story being Idiot Balled.

And, even in the festish, it's clearly wearing thin. As I said, I've been on FA since it was created. These terrible vore fics almost never receive even a single comment. Most people who've been around a few years quickly grow bored with such sloppy, uninspired writing.

9614028
Huh. I'll admit, I've not read many vore stories, just mostly looked at the artwork. Sounds like it's a lot of wading through the terrible and the mediocre to find anything worth reading.

9614537 Oh it is. It really is.

But that's the same with furry art in general if you're just scrolling through postings with no filter.

At least half is just plain bad, and the majority of what's left is derivative and uninteresting.

I mean, how much scribbly Sonic porn can one stand?

First: This is too much setup and backstory for there to not be more stories in this setting. I'll be expecting things from you.
Second: What would Aki do if two or more of her "little morsels" came to her at the same offering?

9623306
Well I do have some ideas for a sequel or two, so it probably is just a matter of time. How much time is hard to say, because life, but it is very likely to happen.

As for Aki getting two offerings from her chosen morsels...break down into a panic attack? Okay, seriously though, she would pick whichever one she was most interested in at the time, play with and then eat them, and then spend the rest of the evening taking Offerings from any and everyone else other than the second of her little morsels, forcing them to wait until such a time as she could get away with eating them.

Very descriptive.
I have accounts with different sites and I haven't seen this level if description in a long while. Will be on the look out for a possible sequel.

Not normally my thing, but this was really hot. I liked the worldbuilding and the interplay between the characters. It's also almost believable too that a set up like this could happen with the (relatively) low risk and the power of idiot boners.

It would be interesting to see how a more mundane offering would go, or explore the different kētas and what makes them tick. Would also be interesting to see how the mares react to this, since it seems to be only stallions going to these offerings.

Could we ever get a final end story to this? Like a second fic but with her finally offer ?

Jesus dick on a cracker, I came for porn and found myself more interested in the other 90% of it. This may be one of the most tense stories I've ever read, and I can't! Recommend it! Because it's still porn! That outsmarting and hubris was fucking Odyssean, and I doubt even Nobody could beat this.

My compliments to the chef.

I want to let you know I come back and read this story every once in a while because it really is just that good. Do you have any other works up anywhere?

10374885
I would like to continue this and indeed work towards that kind of ending. However as much writing as I do, most of it is not for entertainment purposes, and it makes it hard to find time and motivation to write for fun. So...maybe...eventually...but I can't promise anything.

10436675
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and not just for the porn

10491331
Happy to hear you're still enjoying it. Sadly, I have no else to share right now. There used to be stuff, but the websites got nuked long ago and I have a bad habit of not saving my stuff, largely because I find my old work so cringe inducing to look back on.

10494130
I highly recommend a sequel when you have time. Believe me, this deserves one.

10491331
I also come back every once and a while. It's the best MLP vore there is. Though, granted, I haven't seen much good MLP vore.

F-fuck. How did I miss this for the last year and a half. I got stuck halfway through the story imagining myself there, dejected that Aki had refused me every time. I feel what she feels at an emotional level, all the way down to my soul. This was beautiful, and a FUCKING TEASE! Damn you have a talent. I almost don't want to read the next chapter because I've got a damn good guess what it contains and if I'm right, you've ruined it. This story should have ended right here. It's perfect. Right. Here.