And Scootaloo learns things she didn't want to learn
Scootaloo leaned her scooter against the steps of the Castle of Friendship, slung her helmet over its handlebars, and trotted up the stairs.
She took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. She raised her hoof to knock, hesitated, lowered her hoof, turned around, and started sneaking back down the stairs toward her scooter.
The door opened.
Scootaloo froze and hunched her shoulders, cowering against the blue crystal.
"Hey, Scootaloo!" shouted Starlight Glimmer. "I thought I heard somepony. What's up?"
Scootaloo's tail drooped. Her ears went flat to her skull. She turned around and looked up at Starlight.
Starlight frowned. "You've been crying, Scootaloo."
Scootaloo nodded her head. "I... I need to talk to Princess Twilight."
Starlight levitated the door fully open. "She's in her library. Need me to walk you there?"
Scootaloo trudged up the stairs and took a step into the castle. She looked up at Starlight. "No... no, thanks. This is kinda private. I know where the library is."
Starlight nodded. "I'll be in my room. You two come get me if you need me?"
"Thanks, Starlight."
Scootaloo sat at a table in Twilight's library. She slumped forward, head cradled on her forelegs. Her wings drooped down her flanks and off the edge of the chair.
Twilight levitated a cup of hot chocolate and placed it in front of Scootaloo.
"Thanks, Princess."
"Call me Twilight."
Scootaloo sipped at her chocolate.
"Scootaloo, are you ready to talk?"
"Can you lock the door?"
"Really?" Twilight raised an eyebrow, then zapped a spell at the door. It clicked.
"Tell me what's wrong, Scootaloo. Please."
"It's not... nothing's wrong... but I'm too nervous to talk to my aunts... and mom 'n dad won't be back in Ponyville for weeks." She sniffed and wiped her nose. "I miss mom and dad, sometimes. I mean, my aunts are great, but..."
"Would you be more comfortable with Rainbow Dash?"
Scootaloo said, "I'll talk to her, too, this afternoon, but I think you can help me with something that I need help with, first. Like, the sooner the better."
Twilight laid a hoof onto Scootaloo's. "Scootaloo, you're a good friend to me. I've spent years here in Ponyville, watching you grow up. I'll help you with literally anything I can."
"Thanks." Scootaloo sipped hot chocolate, and stared into the mug. "It's about... sex."
Twilight's wings lifted about an inch off her flank, her eyes narrowed, and her horn sparked. She growled, "Did somepony make you do something you didn't want to do, Scootaloo?"
Scootaloo looked up, eyes wide. Her jaw dropped open. "What? No! Princess, no, nothing like that! I'm just wondering if you can help me--"
"Thank Celestia! Now, it's LECTURE TIME!" Twilight squealed, leaping into the air and hovering above the table.
With a flash of magic, she summoned a dozen books and a white projector screen.
"No, Twilight, I--"
"At a certain age," Twilight began, projecting a cross-sectional drawing of a filly's insides onto the screen from her horn, "you'll find your body undergoing certain changes. Do you need a scroll and quill to take notes?"
"Twilight, no--"
"As your body gets ready for marehood, and foalbearing. Among the changes you'll notice are a monthly cycle, in which your body prepares for the implantation of a fertilized egg."
"I know that!"
Twilight fluttered down to the ground. "Oh, you do? Well..." She bit her lip, and projected a different image.
Scootaloo stared in horror as she recognized the new cross-sectional drawing as that of a stallion.
"Uh, Twilight, please, no, not right now--"
"When two ponies love each other, and they are adults, I cannot emphasize the adult part enough, certain things happen between them. During your monthly cycle, Scootaloo, you may find at certain times during your cycle, you have feelings. These feelings may be for colts, or for other fillies, but these feelings--"
"Colts."
"I'm sorry?"
"Colts," Scootaloo said. "My strong feelings."
Twilight blinked. "....really?"
"Colts!"
"Okay, Scootaloo, just, with your mane.... where was I?"
"Twilight, what I need you to help me with--"
"Feelings! Strong feelings for colts. When a colt gets to be about your age, well, changes take place in his body, as well. You're sure....?"
"Colts!"
Twilight charged up her horn.
"Twilight, please don't animate that drawing!"
"You don't want to see how this works? You're sure you... um... colts? Because, you know, colt parts. I mean, when I was your age, I kept practicing to teleport into the colt's... er, the restricted section of the library."
Scootaloo slammed her face into the table and tried to cover it with her wings, but her wings didn't reach.
"Twilight, please just listen to me. Please. I know about this stuff. Miss Cheerilee taught us in school."
"Miss Cheerilee? Really? I had to learn this from books. I'm impressed they teach it in schools now."
"I mean, Princess, really. This is a farm town. I watched ducks doing, you know, stuff when I was a toddler. And bunnies. And dogs. And pigs. This isn't what I'm here for."
Twilight made a sad face and then flashed magic at the projector screen. It disappeared. "Well... do Sweetie Belle or Apple Bloom need to know this? I've been looking forward to giving this lecture ever since I got all the new books with my new castle."
Scootaloo said, "Apple Bloom lives on a farm. They breed cows and pigs."
"The cows can talk," Twilight said. "The Apples actually decide.....?"
"And Sweetie Belle spends too much time at Rarity's place to not have trotted in on things she wishes she didn't know."
"Rarity? Really? Rarity?"
Scootaloo looked up, and quirked an eyebrow at Twilight.
"If you don't mind me asking..."
"Rarity?" Scootaloo said. "Stallions and mares."
"Well!" Twilight fluffed her wings and summoned the projector screen again, with a flash of magic. "Well! Okay! Maybe I should go through the whole lecture from the top, just in case there's a missing piece in your education."
"Princess Twilight! I know all about sex!" Scootaloo shouted, her wings fluttering.
"Then.... then why are you here?"
"I need an emergency contraceptive. And I'm too embarrassed to ask my aunts to take me to the doctor. I was hoping you would have a spell or something....?"
"Scootaloo, you had sex... today?" Twilight said, very slowly.
"About an hour ago. I boinked Rumble in the Crusaders' clubhouse. He, ya know, way all up inside me. I was having those feelings you talked about. So, I'm afraid my monthly cycle, is, you know, right now. Do you have a spell, or a potion, or whatever?"
"Scootaloo. You. Had. Sex?"
"Yes!"
"What's... what's it like?"
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Is the author's note a Monty Python reference?
9587186
Yes. Glad you noticed! The whole story is a Monty Python reference.
9587188
Ahh. Now I see it.
Okay, nicely done.
The last line especially.
9587203
Thanks!
As usual, it's Rumble...
9587207
Would you be willing to edit that comment and wrap the quote in a spoiler tag?
Many thanks!
Monty Python. Greatest comedians of the 20th century, followed closely by the Marx Bros.
Carlin aint got shit.
9587216
Monty Python is the best comedy group ever!
I'll be in Eindhoven next month, I'm making a pilgrimage to the Silly Walks Tunnel.
9587212
I think the biggest spoiler in this story is the lack of the actual sex, instead it's just a talk about sex.
9587238
Well, I didn't want the moderators to come punish me for mistagging.
Poor, innocent Twilight...
Sweet, (albeit highly educated on the subject) unboinked Twilight...
Jesus, this was hilarious
Twilight you have GOT to get yourself laid
you’re as tense as a furnace.
9587448
Yes. A princess needs a boinking, stat.
Me thinks Rarity's been a little too generous with local stallions if you know what I mean. She should at least learn to lock her door.
9587719
Somehow I don't picture locks stopping unicorns. Pop the tumblers without even noticing when you grab the knob with your spell?
This made me laugh harder then I've laughed in a long time.
cdn3.whatculture.com/images/2013/11/rsz_maxresdefault.jpg
9587238
Well, I kind of figured that from the story's description. Although, it might be worth putting "Not a foalcon" (or something) in the description.
That sounds exactly like how twilight would react to this. Nice job on the story!
9588251
Thanks!
Twilight makes me want to scream into my pillow, like just please shut up.
All of that to set up a Monty Python reference?
I love you.
Giggling through the whole thing.... i died at the end
9588440
9588437
Thanks!!!
Thanks. I came
9588487
We aim to please
Well, I enjoyed it, until the end.
Fuck it got weird.
But why was Scootaloo against animating that picture?
Ah, virgin Twilight. A good gag, AND believable.
Story:
Me:
Yaaaah!
Story:
Me:
Best take on the ol’ nudge I’ve seen in a long time. Thank you for the
.
Hmm... If there are no shotguns in Equestria, what do they call a shotgun wedding?
Oh, Twilight.
9588881
Because she had just experienced the animation a few minutes before.
9589154
Hopefully Scootaloo will get the prescription and we don't have to find out!
9588853
Sorry it didn't work for you. The ending was actually where my whole idea came from, and then I built the rest around it.
9588949
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! Say no more, say no MORE!
9589208
That line always bothered me. A nudge is way better than a wink to a blind anything. I always wondered if the line was flubbed and they thought it was fun to leave it in or if it was always meant to be nonsensical.
9589255
I assume Eric Idle was ad libbing his lines and using the script as a vague guidepost...
9589257
Makes sense. I often wonder how much of Python was improv.
Take your blasted upvote you absolute madlad!
9589302
Thanks!
Oof, that ending.
This is in the foalcon group? Why? There's no sex in it, it's not even erotic.
The only thing about this story that kind of feels foalconish is: Maybe it could do a better job at creating a feel that it takes place in the future, that it's not about the child-aged Scootaloo we see in the show.
But that's forgivable. Because this Scootaloo has obviously reached puberty. The story is comedic, not erotic. And to be frank: It's possible that something like this could happen in Scootaloo's near future (depending on how old she is in the show). It's possible to hit puberty, suddenly have some strong urges, and then get into trouble.
I guess my point is: When I hear “foalcon”, I think of pedophile stuff. Stuff for people who get their rocks off to pre-pubesent or barley pubesent kids. This story hardly qualifies.
9589875
Well, Scootaloo got boinked. The "T" rating should make it clear how much happens on screen vs off.
9589201
Well, it's not like there are diminishing returns there
9589897
But Scootaloo getting boinked doesn't, in and of itself, make it foalcon. If she's aged-up anyway.
There's another story about Scootaloo getting boinked that I like: “After Hours” by Rinnaul. It's about young love, between a teenage Scootaloo and Rumble. Young love is adorable. Foalcon, pedophile stuff: It's a perversion of that adorableness.
"Foalcon" is short for "foal complex," and I think how the term/tag works is that the reader has the foalcon for reading about an underaged pony in any sexual situation, and not the adult character what's boinkin' the underaged pony.
So I agree with you that this offscreen boinking doesn't count towards the foalcon tag.
9589964
First, unless Sockpuppet put it in the group themselves, simply asking blindly on here is kind of moot.
Second, looking back through the story, and a quick look over the group, and I can see why it would end up there. For one, they have a Safe For Woona folder. So the stories don't necessarily focus on sex between two minors, or a minor and an adult. Indications of a romantic or sexual relationship is enough, and Scootaloo does outright state she had sex with Rumble. Second, there is often an assumption that a minor character in the series is a minor in the story, unless indicated otherwise. However, in this case, that's rather moot, because there are indicators that Scootaloo is indeed a minor in this story. To start, this seems to be set in the present point of the series, which picks up during the summer break from the last one, and last season showed The Crusaders were still in elementary school. As for in the story itself, we have Twilight Sparkle thinking that Scootaloo is at the age where she should be hearing "the talk." That strongly indicates that she is around the age where a pony would start to wonder about their sexuality and such (although it is admittedly late since Scootaloo points out she knows her sexuality, has had the talk in school, and seen animals being sexually active). Additionally, Scootaloo says she's afraid to ask her aunts to take her to the doctor. That means she needs her aunts to take her to the doctor, which means she can't set up appointments and take herself.
So, I would say the Foalcon group makes sense.
9590122
9590136
I have my doubts that he's the one who put it there. But if authors can take their stories out of groups: I'd take it out if I were Sockpuppet. I wouldn't want my story put in a pedophile club.
But the way I see it: Stories about teenagers having sex are okay, for the same reason it's okay for teenagers to have sex. It's a natural normal part of life. Children, on the other hand, do not have sex. If you sexualize children, that's messed up!
And that's what I think of when I hear “foalcon”: Sexualizing children. Not “is some fictional teenager 17 or 18” (if that's what you mean, with your talk about minors).