Epilogue
Light Step never did make Twilight the coffee maker she promised. Instead, she took the money from her art, and commissioned a book. She drew the cover herself.
It was a biography of Twilight, written like it was a novel. It began thusly:
Once upon a time there was a pony named Twilight Sparkle, who was eternally young. She had no use for her years, and where other ponies hoarded them, she gave them up freely.
But sometimes, when she was feeling sentimental, she’d go look at the years she left behind. She kept them in a book in her library, with a little yellow sticky note on the cover.
When she opened the book she could remember all the ponies she helped. She forgot them again as soon as she shut the cover. But they never forgot her.
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Bittersweet...
Uh, what? This feels rushed. We go from Twilight wanting to date Rarity's son to Twilight having a secret spell to war? This felt way too fast, and I wonder if you are just trying to push this out so you can get to the last story.
These four chapters feel like they could have been put into a chapter or two.
I am a bit lost but, if nothing else, thank you for not making this go as dark as I thought it was going to. First few chapters had me scared pretty good this was going a dark rout.
Communists: ruining the world one revolution at a time.
D***. Twilight has the moral fiber of legends. I could never sacrifice myself for that. Hopefully this is the start of an upword swing in emotions for this story.
Immortality may have purpose, but the payment plan is Tartarus Incarnate.
It does explain Celestia, though. Whatever her eternal-frozen self has for it's flaws, she realized others could cover. All it takes is finding some incredibly selfless ponies...
I believe that might just be the best thing Light could ever do for Twilight. Something to remember her by through the centuries, something to remember Twilight of what happened, of who she is.
The last chapters had a specially interesting pacing, kudos for that.
And thank you for giving this glimpse into eternally teenager Twilight. Showing she does indeed know, even if only rarely, what she is and why she's still like that. It was powerful.
I do wonder if one day she'll allow herself to grow older. Or preserve Light for the ages - I severely doubt she couldn't, considering the spell she managed to create.
Why must you hurt me this way?
Sorry to say, but I'm really disappointed by this ending.
This was painful, in a bittersweet way.
The point about these ascended alicorns really puts their right to rule into perspective, and explains so much why Amerylis pushed to resume her annexation of the Crystal Empire, if she saw her fellow ruler as unable to change in any significant way. It certainly puts her plan with Cheval into perspective, and raises all kinds of questions about Flurry Heart as well, and her decision to actually call Amerylis' bluff.
Ouch! Yikes...
Drops a literal bomb.
"Happy Ending."
Well, I guess we'll get to find out if Equestria actually has the strength to do anything on the national level, or if they're just a bunch of children protected by demigods with exploitable character flaws.
As for Twilight, it seems she's influenced by her own recent experiences. It's just that those experiences fade fairly quickly, so I guess somebody could twist her terribly if they could influence her daily life strong enough for long enough. I wonder, in 100 years will she have changed with the times or will she be unable to relate to even the other teenagers?
This reminds me of the ending of hunger games part 2.
9592262
CiG is a bad influence lol
This was a clever way to go. We were so primed by the last stories to take the asides as jokes or hints for future stories we lost perspective of what was actually important and of Twilight's real relation to the world, not just this one deficient part of it that was teased. Very appropo that this happens on the same day an episode about an overdue library book premiers, in the season that opened with all the most evil powerful villians uniting to destroy Equestria. Although I do worry about Twilight, it's good to know she has an escape hatch. But after seeing the plights of two alicorns, I do worry about Celestia's perspective and willingness to make sacrafices. At least it's canon that Luna cares about security...
some like it, some hate it. the mark of a good story.
Thanks I hate it.
But seriously though, sixteen year olds don’t forget important things that easily, especially gifted students who can speed read, complete magical formulas, and save the world on their own.
Rarity remembers stuff in your story, even though she is old, and there’s every reason for Rarity’s memory to be worse.
Also, Twilight (and he main six) are in their twenties during the show:
https://www.equestriadaily.com/2019/01/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-2020.html
This was painful to read.
Not in a "this is sad" way.
More like a "I literally took a sea urchin and rubbed it all over my stomach" way.
I don't know why, but every word of this story felt like it was "snarling" at me. Like it hated my guts and wished for nothing more than to watch me die a slow and agonizing death. Like that death was supposed to be revenge for something it blamed me personally for, when I don't even know what I've done to incur its wrath in the first place.
And then it just... ended.
I'll admit I haven't really looked at the earlier installments, so maybe I'd have gotten more out of this if I had read those first, but for now something about this just feels terribly wrong, and not in the way a story's supposed to.
9592502
You probably wouldn't, at least I didn't. This is kinda just Twilight is suffering in a weird way from turning into an alicorn, the end, nothing much comes of it. There's the political stuff that's a... mess leading to the bombing but since it's a mess it's whatever for me. The Third Wheel was pretty good and was a fully contained story though.
9592505
I think they mean Cold in Gardez? Perhaps?
My heart hurts
9592424
That would entirely depend on what kind of crystal the castle is comprised of, and to what, if any, fire mitigation is in place. You know, in a fictional world containing talking animals, where friendship is literally magic, it would be safe to assume that anything is possible.
Here in the real world, diamonds are crystallized carbon and they burn very well. Heat up quartz with a torch and it will burn, and large enough crystals detonate.
"Everything will burn if it gets hot enough but not everything will melt. " -Paul Gobat
Well, wasn't expecting all of these together!
Chapter 4:
"sketch of a Double flew"
"sketch of Double flew"?
If it was just one of Double's forms, that might justify the "a", but then I'm not sure how Twilight would tell. Might be missing something, though.
"It’s really the best."
And Double's just fine, if you were wondering.
"some notes awhile ago"
"some notes a while ago"?
"Celestia doesn’t fuck her servants, Twilight."
...I mean... Not to muddy the issue at hoof here, which is indeed important, but, ah.
How would you actually know that? At this point, is there much visible difference to most of the world between a Celestia who doesn't have sex with any of her servants and a Celestia who only does it discreetly?
So unless she's actually told you, probably via Twilight, that she's asexual or something...
"parted from her side. “Ewww"
"parted from her sides. “Ewww"?
"And how many teenage dates end that way?"
...Er.
I'm not sure whether you should or shouldn't look up some relevant statistics, Twilight.
Assuming Equestria's collected them. (And these ponies are similar to humans on that point.)
"flicked a mane with"
"flicked her mane with"?
"Not so you could snipe at my one chance in life of finding actual love."
...So, Twilight, remember when you asked whether you were having another teenager moment?
I mean, this probably isn't even your first chance for an emotionally-speaking-the-first-date, with the way things reset for you. Why, you might be able to have an awkward teenage first date every five years for the next five hundred, probably, and still not get used to them or change your distance from finding actual love!
So obviously you have nothing to worry about.
"Light looked between Twilight and the door to the house."
Is that referring to the studio balcony doors? It sounds more like this means the front door, but I had the impression they couldn't see it from where they were here.
edit a bit later in the reading:
Oh! From the studio to the rest of the house!
Then perhaps:
"and the door to the rest of the house.", if you think this could indeed do with clarification?
This is such a weird conversation. :D
"You wanted to date an intelligence operative of a nation we’ve been at war with five times in the last twenty years."
I mean, to be fair, some of the warfare was only after they started dating.
"back towards the porch door"
"back towards the balcony door"?
"the door to the house opened"
(And this is where I realized what you meant before; I thought I'd note it for that and in case you wanted to do something similar here.)
"low by her side. “Hey"
"low by her sides. “Hey"?
"making sure there’s nothing"
"make sure there’s nothing"?
"pretty sure she’s not seeing"
"pretty sure he’s not seeing"?
"And I know he plans to stay in Ponyville forever. I mean, of course he does. I’m planning to stay in Ponyville forever, so, you know."
Of course, that word means a lot more for one of you than it does the other...
"worming it’s way into"
"worming its way into"?
"And in any case, that’s not what this story is about."
The words "I think they're going to have a very good try at applying to us" come to mind...
(I also wonder just what his Order of Boreas was for...)
"“Light Step, darling, you can make her coffee if you like,” Rarity flicked her tail like a whip. “I’m making tea and scones. Double, I shall think affectionate thoughts about you as I do so.”"
:)
"If one substituted the word “You” for “Twilight,” Rarity could have been talking to a group of young fillies."
...Not sure I understand this. And isn't she already using "you"? ("You see, you and I met in front of the town hall…")
"buried her face her her hooves"
"buried her face in her hooves"?
"You’ll all trapped in"
"You’re all trapped in"?
Though, of course, Flurry Heart isn't; she's still growing and learning, and very enthusiastic about alicorn rule if it's the right alicorn. Why, just look at how eager she is to help her neighbors understand that.
"My niece overthrew her mother and sent her into exile"
Ah, and there's another detail we didn't have. Well.
"It bounces off the hard"
"It bounced off the hard"?
"All she could see were vague black dots against the sun. The dots flew in formation."
...I wasn't expecting them to have that rapid and direct a try at applying to us. :)
Huh, fast airships. And I wonder how many other watch posts they passed on the way here... and whether there were some compromised ponies carefully positioned just for this.
Chapter 5:
"Fire shot out of every one of the castle’s first floor windows, and sheets of flame licked up towards the second floor."
Huh. At least the walls stayed up? For now? Wonder how flammable it is.
Also, I suspect these aren't purely dropped gravity bombs, if its initial impact went through so much of the castle before exploding but its detonation did so little apparent structural damage; some sort of launcher would also allow the airships to fire at targets not directly below.
Though I don't really know enough about Twilight's castle, the bombs, the other damage done to the castle, etc., to really be sure...
Anyway, though, continuing reading. :)
"She appeared over Maud’s bed, landing directly on top of her and Mudbriar."
...
How do you even make that precise a targeting mistake? :D
Chapter 6:
"the town itself burned to the ground"
"Fortunately, this was only slightly unusually high damage for Ponyville, and the biggest difficult was getting in replacement supplies for the town's large and experienced population of (re)construction ponies."
(Probably doesn't apply so much to this Ponyville, but some of them out there in the multiverse of fics... :D)
"But the interior decorations—the wooden fixtures, the cloth banners, books—they were all gone."
I mean, it's not the first time an enemy burned down Twilight's library in the course of attacking Equestria, and this time it didn't even take her entire home! So it's fine! Right? :D
"“I have a spell that can turn an alicorn back into a regular pony,” Twilight said."
Well, that fell like a... um. Okay, not the best time for that comparison... :)
(But I'm guessing that's... oh. Uh. If that was what you were about to show them, I hope you had a backup copy, or "have a spell" is now the wrong tense. Unless you made that book bombproof.)
"The real book had burned."
Ah. But she's aware of this, and still used the present tense. So... memorized? But then why the note...
"Her voice barely above a whisper, Light asked, “Why?”"
...Because Unicorn Twilight was powerful, but I bet putting her in that battle instead of an alicorn has it go much, much worse.
Oh, but that works too. :)
(And given the context, I should probably clarify that that smile is more genuine. I mean, for the actual direct meaning of the words, rather than a subversion. :))
[applauds] Very nice there, GaPJaxie. :)
But of course, there is still the
Epilogue:
Aww. Nice. :)
(...And I wonder if Light Step actually drew the note into the cover image. :))
Anyway, very well done, here, I think.
9592317
What do you mean?
9592424
Weeeell I'd guess it's flameproof, but being crystal doesn't necessarily mean that. It depends on the properties of the particular crystal. Diamond is actually relatively flammable, for instance (being carbon).
Ah, right, as 9592544 also says.
...Though I'm surprised by quartz. Are you sure? I'm not finding much in the way of sources on that, and it's already silicon dioxide; I wouldn't expected it to further oxidize in a standard atmosphere.
Not like it's the first time Ponyville's been razed to the ground.
In any case... I have very mixed feelings on this one. Twilight's stance on her mental state is a beautiful sentiment, reminiscent of some paladins' stance on being forced to sense all that's awful in the world all the time and rendered incapable of feeling the very concept of fear. ("Why would anyone do that to themselves?" "So no one else has to.") But the cost-benefit analysis feels... shaky. Extremely so. Is this worth trapping Twilight in this nightmare? Maybe, when her friends and family fully understand what she's dealing with. No one says they can't hire a new assistant for her. To say nothing of Light's present.
But yeah, this was a great story, but it stretched the definition of a happy ending to the point of spaghettification. Though I can't help but wonder if the anti-alicorn spell will come into play with some other princesses...
What happened to the pacing? It just shot from 0 - 100 real quick.
9592639
I wonder if they have their own burdens that keep them alicorns.
I'm gonna have to agree that this felt rushed. The bomb dropped and then everything ended so fast, and so many questions remain open. Can Twilight reconstruct the spell? Will Diamond actually go and date Twilight? Did Light Step's house survive?
I would include "What's Equestria's reaction to the attack?" But I'm pretty sure that'll be in the next story (and it'll probably be Pearl Harbor-esque)
I think it feels like setup for the next story more than being a good story independent of the others.
I hate this version of Equestria you've made... When's the next one coming out?
Mixed feelings about this story. I do appreciate the moral sentiment Twilight made at the end. And I can't say you aren't allowed to ruminate about the nature of immortality.
But this is such a bizzaro version of Equestria and alicorns I just can't take it seriously. Abe Lincoln is more plausible as a vampire hunter, than Equestria and Twilight being this version of themselves.
And no, I don't think any plausible immortal would behave like Twilight. Unless the immortality spell was flawed to begin with.
I'm going to be honest. I was wrong about this story.
I thought this was a horrid grim look at eternity but you were right in saying this didn't deserve a dark tag.
I actually found this ending sweet. Twilight knows what she's given up but she's given it up for Equestria and the ponies in it rather than her own desires. Is it a heavy burden yes, but if she can bring joy to ponies and impart what she knows, Twilight is willing to carry it no matter the cost, it's the definition of a great leader. I loved that hypothetical 'I could change back'. In that moment Twilight was no longer the forever 16 year old alicorn to Light but suddenly her older sister again, if only briefly, to impose wisdom on what sacrifice and leadership means.
Only complaint is the end seemed a bit rushed but I thoroughly enjoyed this story in the end after coming in with strong doubts. Your writing is actually really addictive hahah.
Wonder what this all means for Flurry Heart. I'm assuming her getting her cutie mark has "stopped" Flurry Heart's development at this moment in time; a moment in time when she exiled her mother, imprisoned her sister, seized power, and prepared to go to war. What happens if she ever wins the war? She's stuck in a moment where she's going to war--who is she preparing for war against then?
Too bad Twilight's lesson will be forgotten shortly after the smoke clears. The story made clear early on: she remembers events, but not how she's supposed to feel about or react to them. She'll remember the attack and comforting her friends, but she won't remember why that should matter. Not for long, anyway. She has to start from scratch and her new "normal" is such a dark world that she'll have no chance to remember why any of this matters. She might at best remember that friendship is important (and that it's magic), but in a stunted, season-3-ish way.
This Equestria is so crapsack, and everyone in it so damaged, that I can't imagine wanting to see how much worse it'll get. This is the "happy ending"? Twilight has one hope-spot speech in the burning ruins of her hometown, a speech whose meaning she'll forget come morning because all her sticky notes are ashes?
Who knows? Maybe Light's biography is the only sticky note she'll ever need. It's all I can hope for.
What a very mature outlook Twilight has on her life. :)
This is whole story is amazing, especially in the context of canon Twilight and that she had seemingly been statically neurotic, wings or not, for much of the series. Events happen, lessons are learned, and then forgotten to allow another, not quite identical, either to happen and repeat the process. This story, its obviously more mature nature aside, is an interesting take on how being a repetitive storybook character could be fate worse than death and, how even in that state, Twilight is a hero for it.
Also, it was breddy gud. Thx GaPJaxie.
You know, it would be interesting to see more of Luna and Celestia in this Equestria. From their own PoV, or maybe the PoV of their staff, or something.
Happy ending...
If you pump enough morphine into a man with crushed legs, he will be happy, too.
It's not that I don't like bittersweet resolutions (I added A Foreign Education to my favorites list, after all), but this story describes an absolutely horrific situation and the "happy" ending is only a hollow, grinning mask over that horror. You resisted adding a Dark tag when this story really needs Horror and Tragedy ones.
You writing is excellent as always, and you wisely leaven the darkness with a bit of fun here and there, but this is too much for me. I would have to give it a lot more thought to articulate exactly why I have such a strong negative reaction when I can easily tolerate other Crapsack Equestria fics, but I don't want this story in my head any more than it already is.
9593031
It's because you can see every good intention which paved the way to Hell. Each one seems right and good in isolation. Then you look up, and see where it led.
pbs.twimg.com/media/C4lMzWEVYAIpf_6.jpg
9593088
Aaaargh! You're making me think about this again!
The thing is, I don't admit that every action taken was with good intentions. The main action I have a problem with is Celestia making Twilight an alicorn at such an early and immature age. If she did it with full knowledge of what effect it would have on Twilight, then she essentially sacrificed and broke her student because it was generally beneficial to Equestria. (And also possibly to insure that Twilight never became a threat to her own rule.) That makes her ruthless and amoral. If Celestia did it because her own damage made it impossible to recognize what a horrible fate she was dooming Twilight to, then she's essentially a macro disease.
We can debate which is worse, but neither is good.
I see so many sad notes on this fic, but I wanted you to know that I appreciated it. I tend to have a thicker skin then most, so maybe that is why, but I really like your stories. I like how they seem to reflect real life. We don't necessarily get what we want, but sometimes it is all that we need. It's nice to see that reflected in an entertaining story that actually makes me feel satisfied with the way it turned out. (Most of the time I quit reading those kinds of stories before I hit halfway). Anyways, a round of applause to you and your writing.
P.S. I love the whole 'that's not the point of this story' and the continuing plot through all of these stories. Oooh! I'm excited for your next book in the series!
9593114
Depends on which system of ethics you subscribe to. If you accept that evil will happen, the goal is to minimize evil, and that allowing a small evil to prevent a greater one is not in and of itself an additional evil, then provided that lobotomizing Twi prevents more evil than it caused, Celestia did a good thing.
(I subscribe to the meta-ethical view that humans are just working backwards from instincts, personal preferences, and (given enough time to sit down and think about it) educated guesses about what would allow people similar to them to work together in a society, therefore morality is just a post-hoc rationalization, so I'm neither defending nor attacking that view, just putting it out there. No idea how the metaphysics of this particular version of Equestria actually function.)
I wouldn't want to live under her rule, though, because I think the rights of the individual should have more weight than that. If I were transported into a universe with easy mind-rape available to anypony with a horn, I'd be putting considerable effort into coming up with something equivalent to this:
Since the previous story every time griffon communists are mentioned I remember how Griffonstone looked like in the show and wonder what they revolved against
I honestly not sure what griffon government was thinking. They're not whole nation of super-spies, like Amaryllis' changelings --- alicorns know where they live and can pull out things like that. Or is Celestia ok with playing StarCraft with her ponies too? (like there's not enough things to make her look bad already)
Well, last "never" was only until they're dead. I probaly understand what that phrase supposed to mean, but it could be worded better.
9593204
I admit I am applying my own moral/ethical judgement here. Of course you can come up with an ethical system that makes the sacrifice of an innocent (or all innocents... or everyone) morally "good."
I'm also in agreement that morality is often just a post-hoc rationalization, but consciously crafting a guiding system of ethics is the only way to escape the brutality of primate instincts. Realpolitik thinking produces way too many corpses for my tastes.
Agreed about the... oh suffering Celestia , while I appreciate this little back-and-forth, do I not want to get into a philosophical discussion right now. I'm depressed enough as it is. Forgive me if I don't respond.
9592505
Aha, sorry. Cold in Gardez came out with a story last week where commenters also got mad after the fact for claiming it would have a happy ending. To be fair, it was happier than this.
Wow, this is... not great.
I've read worse, for sure. But you set this up as though it was its own thing, and then turned HARD when you realized you needed to connect it to the plot. Seriously, off the top of my head:
* Twilight forgets relationship woes and friendship lessons within a few years if not months. However, she instantly recalls the reflexes and reaction to teleport incredibly rapidly and accurately three times in a tiny sliver of a second, as well as an enormous shield spell that surpasses Shining Armor's wedding shield. Both of these things would've been learned after her ascension, and thus should logically have been forgotten as easily as her memories.
* Twilight is stuck at 16, but retains no memories. Having existed for under 40 years, she struggles to remember prominent events with her best friends of several years during a jarring and (literally) transformative period of her life.
* For a pony who's supposed to be mentally and emotionally 16, she sure does speak well under intense military pressure.
* In the last 4 chapters (epilogue included), the story changes from focusing on an internal conflict in Twilight, to focusing on an external conflict against the commugriffs. Sure, Twilight's arc is "resolved," but it's resolved like that Rainbow Gets Prank'd episode - events happen because the plot demands a conclusion, and had one of a few dozen things gone slightly differently, the whole thing would unravel.
* Commugriffs are really fucking boring, and seem almost as dull and generic a force as Red Scare propaganda painted commies. Except this, apparently, isn't propaganda against them, it's actually how they act.
* Because it's introduced in the bombing, the anti-alicorn spell is definitely a Chekov's Gun to be used in a sequel - I'd guess that the commugriffs discover the spell, Changeling Queen Machiavelli uses it to dethrone the Princesses, and abloo bloo bad end except the author has a hardon for ruthless, effective dictators who somehow skipped the whole "happiness is good to have sometimes" life lesson most experience by the age of two.
* Either the commugriffs are strategically idiots, or the narrator is - you don't waste big resources like dozens of high-grade bombs on something that "wasn't a strategic target" unless you're incompetent, laughably hubristic, or genuinely trying to lose. The castle, though, is a great strategic target, because its destruction is a huge motivational weapon.
* Light Step isn't just a pony Twilight knows pretty well, she's apparently Twilight's #1 confidant. Twinkle Sprinkle doesn't go to her friends, old or new, nor does she try to correspond with Celestia, nor does she even ask her past self via notes and books. Nope, emotional stuff about relationships goes right to Light Step, at all hours of the day. And that's really strange for somepony who (canonically at least) didn't exist before her alicornification. She's a walking plot device.
* The author has no idea how war works, or Twilight and everypony in Ponyville has literally zero regard to their safety. Wars usually last at least a couple years, unless they're incredibly one-sided. For the changeling kingdom to be at war with Equestria an average of once every four years? Double should have to be so far off the radar, transforming anywhere near what might be a non-shuttered window would be unthinkable. Wars create grudges and prejudice that can last generations, so either Equestria won those four wars before the general public really had time to hear about them, or everypony is really dumb. Twilight being so blase with her is the equivalent of someone in the US govt being introduced to someone who was a member of Al Qaeda and Isis - oh, but they left a couple years ago, trust them - and thinking "golly, this looks like a new best friend."
The story starts really well, and it contains a good narrative arc. It's just... really bad when it tries to pull a Reality Ensues.
9593511
There's a lot to unpack here, but I'm going to start with the real-life events that inspired that part of the story.
The Doolittle Raid
This is a pretty good demonstration of someone having an idea for a story but then losing interest.
Welp.
You...basically wrote a story I've wanted to write ever since the end of Season 3. I'll send you more in a PM.
I don't think you lost interest towards the end. I think the more serious things got, the fewer words you used. This is exactly what you ought to do.
I think this is a good story. The unhappiness you see in the Comments section is just people being upset that you did bad things to good characters. I can't blame them for that. I feel that way too. But I know that that's your job. And you did your job and you did it well.
9593729
I certainly did not lose interest. The story getting more terse as it goes along was an intentional stylistic choice. I think from the comments, I may have gone too far on that, but I'm glad to hear somebody noticed.
Yay. I'm so glad to hear you liked it!
This story was really well done. Thanks for sharing it.