Light Step and Twilight talked for hours after that. Light had all sorts of questions about how Twilight was doing, about her friends, and about how she missed Spike. Twilight was happy to have her sister over, though she did wonder where so many questions had come from.
It was flattering, but a little annoying. It almost felt like Light was afraid to leave her alone.
They talked past sunset. Twilight still couldn’t cook, but Light offered to make something, and they chatted while hay fried in a pan. One advantage of a teenager’s metabolism was that Twilight could wolf down three hayburgers in one sitting—and she did. Light had half of one.
“So Linden and Flash Bang are both crying,” Twilight said, mouthing the words around her fries, “and Rack Spin starts crying just because they are. And everypony is glaring at me because I’m not crying, and I’m all, ‘I don’t do that.’ And then Pinkie Pie of all ponies shouts over from the next booth, ‘It’s true she never did!’”
Light Step gave a polite chuckle, and Twilight grinned, pausing a moment to swallow. “And then Flare shouts, ‘Stay out of this, old mare!’ And I’m all, ‘You did not just call my friend an old mare.’ And Flare is all, ‘You think I can’t take you just because you’re a princess?’ And we’re both doing that pegasus dominance display thing. You know, with the…”
Twilight reared up and flapped her wings. Light smiled and nodded. “I know the one.”
“Right.” Twilight settled back down. “So three of us are crying, two of us are fighting, a huge crowd has gathered to watch, and in the middle of it all, Kizmet bursts out of the crowd and shouts,” Twilight mimicked her voice, “‘Oh my gosh, what the heck is wrong with all of you!?’ And we explain this all started when we wanted to get her the best birthday gift, and she screams, ‘So don’t get me anything you crazy horse.’”
Twilight couldn't stop laughing, her smile affixed to her face. Light Step only nodded. “So,” Twilight continued, “it’s like she broke the spell. Suddenly all of us stop crying or shouting and we look at each other and go, ‘we’re all friends. This is completely stupid.’ So we have a good laugh and hug, and go to the malt shop to write the friendship report.”
“Oh,” Light tilted her head. “You still write friendship reports?”
“Only when I learn something.” Twilight twitched her ears -- a little sign of delight. “We all learned that we should take friends’ worries seriously, even if you don’t think they have anything to worry about. And you shouldn’t let your worries turn a small problem into an enormously huge fighting-in-the-town-square ponies wonder if you’re all crazy problem.”
Silence hung between them. Light frowned. The smile didn’t quite fade off Twilight’s face, but the flick of her eyes over her sister made it clear she’d noticed the change. “What’s wrong?”
“Didn’t you learn that lesson already? I remember… wasn’t that back in the day?”
“Oh.” Twilight paused to think for a few moments. “Oh, no. I’ve learned that lesson four times. Once with the original girls, twice with Silver Cordial and the rest of the Canterlot crew, and now with the new group.”
“Do you… you know?” Light gestured vaguely, “Remember…”
“Yeah, of course. I remember all of it. First time, I thought I had to write Celestia every week, want-it-need-it spell, her arriving to save Ponyville, all that.” Twilight finished her fries. “I just didn’t remember it until you reminded me. It’s like how, if I asked you to name every pony you’ve ever met in order of the number of letters in their name, you couldn't do it. But if I showed you a pony you knew you could tell me their name and how many letters it has.”
With her magic, she gathered up all the crumbs and ate them. “The information is all there. It’s just not indexed. If that makes sense. So, I know it, but I didn’t think of it at the time. It didn’t strike me as relevant until you asked.”
“I can make more fries if you want.”
“I would love that.” Twilight’s tone was bright, but she glanced at the clock. “But don’t you have a definitely-not-wife to get back to?”
“Oh, frick.” Light hopped from the table. “I didn’t realize how late it was getting. I should not have run off for this long without telling Double. I need to go.”
“I’ll teleport you back,” Twilight said, trotting up to Light’s side. “It’ll be faster.”
“Thanks,” Light said. But before Twilight could transport them, she went on. “Twilight? I’m… I’m sorry. I know this is intrusive. And you probably get asked a lot. But the story you told. Learning that same lesson over and over. Does that not… doesn’t it bother you?”
“Well,” Twilight laughed, though it was a thinner sound than it had been. “Of course it bothers me. But I fixed it! That’s why I have sticky notes. And binders upstairs for the more substantive things. I have every friendship lesson I’ve ever learned up there, and a lot more things besides. So when I’m being forgetful or having a teenager moment, I can just pop upstairs and check my notes.”
Light bit her lip. “That’s why you say they’re your thoughts.”
“They are my thoughts.”
“And you’re…” Light let out a breath and stared at her hooves. “Are you happy?”
“Heh.” Twilight looked at her own hooves a moment, then laughed at how silly they were both being. “I’m the Princess of Friendship. I get to hang out all day with wonderful ponies who care deeply about me. I don’t ever have to worry about money or getting a job or getting old. I read and I play and I sing in public. And if I do the right thing and believe in the ponies around me, it ends well for me. Every time.”
“That’s not the same thing as, ‘yes.’”
“It’s all I know. And it’s all I’m ever going to know.” She fiddled with her hooves. “But it’s pretty good. So I think I’m happy. Are you happy? With the art and the garden and that bug you refuse to marry?”
“Are you going to bring up the marriage thing every time?”
Twilight twitched her ears. A slight playful note entered her tone. “That’s not the same thing as, ‘yes.’”
“Ah, you got me.” Light offered a weak smile. “Yes, Twilight. I’m happy. I love my art and I love Double Time.”
“Then I’m happy you’re happy.” Twilight’s horn glowed. “Let’s get you home.”
That night, Double Time couldn’t stop screaming. She transformed into ponies that were twisted and terribly wrong, and when Light hugged her anyway, she shook like a leaf in her lover’s embrace. Shouting, crying, she warned that she was probably going to kill Light during the night, and begged Light to kill her first.
But Light refused, hoping that Double would recover by morning.
And in any case, that’s not what this story is about.
The next morning, Twilight woke up precisely on time, hopped out of bed, and read the collection of sticky notes on her vanity mirror. They reminded her not to overbrush her hair (so her OCD wouldn't ruin her schedule), not to blow off her government responsibilities because they involved talking to social ponies (she had anxiety), and not to freak out if she got a little teenage acne.
She never got teenage acne. That was a perk of being an alicorn. But she always worried she would. The note reminded her not to.
Then she read the instruction list taped by the door, considered the sticky notes on the dresser, and went downstairs to make breakfast. She hesitated in front of the coffee machine, and glanced at the tea cabinet instead.
But she had to trust her system. She made coffee, smiled when she drank it, and then made some pancakes to go with it. There was a note on the pancake plate, but she frowned and put it to one side. She didn’t have time to deal with it. She needed to go hang out with her friends.
It was while hanging out with her friends that Twilight discovered a serious problem. That problem’s name was Diamond Shoal.
He was everything a sixteen year-old wanted in a stallion. He was handsome, had a shiny tail, and tousled his mane so it looked wild. A faux-leather jacket gave him a “bad colt” air, but one more associated with adolescent rebellion than actual criminality. While he was far from academic, he was very intelligent, and could usually be found with a book in his pockets. He favored books of poetry, of the sort that made stallions sound deep. And he liked magic.
Diamond Shoal was Rarity’s son.
Of course, Twilight knew better. She had known better. It wasn’t any malice, ignorance, or selfishness that lead her to ruin, but simple misfortune.
She’d had to deal with a friendship problem that day. Some jerk of a stallion from Saddle Arabia had gone off on Kizmet as a “drug pusher” when she tried to sell her special brownies at the bake sale to rebuild the Ponyville clocktower. She was devastated, and was going to give up on her dream of opening her own store. But Flare ran and got Twilight, and together, the two of them sang a proper magic pony musical about hard work and standing up to bullies and responsible cannabis consumption. It was a jaunty little tune, and all of Ponyville sang the chorus.
At the end, Twilight felt amazing. Nothing melted her cares away so much as helping a friend. Kizmet sold out her entire stand, saved the clocktower, and even saved one brownie for Twilight. Twilight pretended to nibble on a corner while avoiding consuming any of it. She fooled nopony, and both of her friends laughed and gave her a hug.
Then, Diamond Shoal walked past their group and said: “Hey, Twilight.” No title. No princess. Just Twilight. “Anypony ever tell you you’ve got a beautiful singing voice?”
“Um.” She blushed hot under the sun. “I mean. Probably. I sing a lot of musicals. I mean, ponies say they like them. Which kind of counts. But I don’t think anypony has ever said that. Exactly. Eh heh.”
“Oh.” He thought it over a moment. “Well, they should. Cya around.”
He flicked his tail behind him as he left.
“Oh, this is bad. This is very bad.” Twilight shoved open the doors to her castle with both hooves and flew into the main entrance hall. She drew in a breath and bellowed at the top of her lungs: “Spike!”
But Spike wasn’t there.
“Agh. Stupid.” Twilight rubbed her face with a hoof. “Stupid stupid.” She flew up the steps, zipped through the empty halls, hurried past the main library doors. The main library was for research, pleasure reading, and hanging out with her friends. She flew to the special library at the end of the hall. The one with the door that locked.
It was filled with binders. The binders themselves were covered in sticky notes, as were the pages within them. Yellow paper stuck out in all directions. First, she picked up the binder labeled “Family.”
Spike isn’t your assistant anymore, read the first page, in large print characters that were impossible to overlook, he went to the dragon lands to learn pyromancy from Ember.
Stuck to that first page was a sticky note, You were very sad about this when it happened, but you cried a lot then and got over it. You don’t have to be sad about this now if you don’t want to.
Under that was another note, It’s what you wanted for him. He has to become his own dragon, not just your lackey.
Twilight drew in deep, panting breaths. She stared at the page and the text upon it. “I don’t need a note to remember that,” she snapped at the air.
So she put the family binder away, and picked up another one labeled “Romance.” The white pages within were full of mature, sensible advice on healthy relationships. Every sheet was pasted over with yellow.
Do not flirt with teenagers! No matter how young you look or feel, you are THIRTY THIRTY-TWO THIRTY-FOUR OLD. It’s creepy!
I know it feels like you’re in love but you’re not. Your brain hasn’t matured enough to feel true romantic love. You have teenage hormones. Remember Cadence talked to you about this?
Any pony who falls in love with you will eventually get bored. No matter how good the act is, the show never changes.
DO NOT IGNORE THE OTHER NOTES. Remember what happened when you kissed Koipur?
She read the notes. She thought about what they said. She remembered her life, and her adventures, and every colt she’d ever kissed. She remembered Koipur, a seventeen year old colt who she thought was so mature.
And then she thought about Diamond Shoal when he smiled at her, and how he kept his tail cut short. Like a little brush.
She screamed and threw the binder against the wall. It exploded into a shower of white and yellow paper.
You said she'd be happy at the end, but I can't help but be afraid that she's only happy because she was happy when she ascended, and is now frozen in that emotional state.
And the happiness has gone up in the air, just like a bunch of sticky notes.
This story makes me incredibly sad for Twilight. Was this what Celestia wanted for her? Doesn’t she regret putting Twilight in this state?
Oh damn.
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Good point, though it does make it tricky to determine what is and isn't canon. Also what's up with these downvotes?
You better write that latter, because damn now I'm curious.
Well, shit. Curiously, I think Rarity would be a nice pony to talk to about this. And all of The Girls. No matter how long it has been, no matter her mind's still of a teenager, they are her friends. And I doubt they'd ever leave her hanging.
Always so sad in this universe. If Twilight says screw it and tries to hook up with Rarity's son I'm sure that's going to be an interesting friendship problem with Rarity.
I think her system is going to break down on herself. She's slowly realizing just how unsustainable this all is. I think the war may break her. It will be such a mature concept that she will crumple under the pressure, and everything will become worse.
O O F
Memes are the only safe response when you unsure of how to emotionally process something
Ouch. So she can remember things, just can't index them properly. That's why she still instinctively calls for spike, why she can't keep the friendship lessons she learns from needing to be relearned.
This has scary implications for both Celestia (is she a figurehead or does she actually rule effectively while crippled) and Luna (was turning evil the only way she could see to actually change herself?)
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I think it's mostly Double Time having a bit of a personal crisis what with her queen being at war with Equestria and she likely still hasn't used the "I'm free" option she got from Cadence back in Courteseans.
Double Time knows she can be evil; just look at what she did with the cookies. But she doesn't want to be evil. She's afraid that she's still evil anyway, and wants to push Light Step away because of it.
Well this is a special kind of hell
Jaxie what the fuck you can't just drop something like that then blow right past it
Additional detail of her constantly throwing that note away and rewriting identical one next time she opens that binder for years is completely necessary here. Otherwise that's all too light-hearted.
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oof to that.
I honestly don't know why I keep reading this. Maybe some, small, INSIGNIFICANT hope that this will eventually get better? Because dear lord, I'm tired of every part of this universe being a sad, depressing mess with no hope of fixing it. Every time something possibly positive comes around, it's quashed and ruined all over again. Kinda like Twilight's mental state; permanently stuck in a tone for sadness and desperation in a world to screwed up to be happy in. This is the epitome of stories I dislike reading! And yet, I keep reading for God knows why. I just...I don't know man.
I think it says something about my priorities when my most burning question at the initial posting was "what happened with Spike?" and now with this next chapter my most burning question is "oh man, who did Rarity have a kid with?" rather than anything particularly relating to Twilight and her brewing crisis.
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I get that feeling. I continue reading because I feel like the sadness and darkness is more understandable, more human. These stories rarely have happy endings, Light is the only one I think became happy, but I think that the darkness comes from real mistakes being made. It's not a outside force creating the darkness, it's themselves and their mistakes. I think that's what draws people in and keeps them here. The mistakes are relatable, and it's different. Stories like this aren't written very often. Light is an asshole, but for very real reasons. Double Time is a complex character with human issues. Cheval has a troubled life, but one filled with mistakes that we can understand. And Twilight is a tragedy. Not a horror tragedy, but like a Shakespearean tragedy. She continues to live her life with events still happening, but the darkness is there. It's not explicit, but it's the drive.
GaPJaxie is writing real stuff. Maybe I understood wrong, but I think that's why people are staying with these stories.
The most prevalent comment on this story seems to boil down to "Why Jaxie why?"
There's a huge amount of unfixable mess, but one part that does seem actually fixable is Celestia or Light or someone finding a full-time assistant for Twilight ASAP. Princesses get staff, right?
Chapter 3 is making me feel even more sad and horrified than Chapter 2.
Great work!
The Third Wheel takes place a couple years after Twilight becomes a Alicorn and she seemed considerably more mature back then. Bit confused at how she regressed so much if she's "stuck" at certain age.
Oho, I think I get it. It's a metaphor for the episodic nature of television, and how the show sometimes has to revisit friendship lessons as its target demographic ages out and is replenished. That's what you were going for, right?
The answer is so obvious Twilight. Fall in love with a stallion whose name, special talent and cutie mark most likely peg him to learn a new type of magical power which manifests an intangible ideal vital to the emotional well being of Equestria and become the next ascended Alicorn. Teach him about problem solving, magic, and other necessary things, though not always in direct ways he is consciously aware of. You know, grooming.
Wait.
Don't do that.
Die alone I guess.
wait
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It's been a long time since then, and that's a lot more sticky notes. That's entire binders of notes taken to keep track of what her thoughts are about family and friends and the romances that she can never, ever have.
Basically, her system is more effectively at the earlier stages when she didn't need nearly as many notes, but now it has reached an unsustainable state. It probably reached that years ago, honestly, but ponies don't notice because she still acts the same way she did when they last met... which is the problem.
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(GaPjaxie poops in your punch bowl, runs away giggling)
Clearly, what this situation needs is some de-alicornification. Where's my bone saw?
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S T O P
MY BRAIN
TEEN PONY SQUAD!
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It's quite possible that Celestia can't regret...
I kind of have to wonder "Why don't Celestia, Luna, & Cadance have this problem?"
This implies that there IS a solution & I wonder "Why didn't the others share it?'
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They do, they're just better at hiding it. Cheval said about Cadence
It seems like she was able to learn a few things (husband, children) but that's a small enough set of information that it never needs to enter long-term memory for the indexing that can never happen. She ascended mature enough that it's not overly obvious, but she too will never change emotionally beyond adding more ponies to love. She too can learn new information, but she has to keep it in mind at all times or else have a periodic reminder (like seeing pictures of her family every day so it never leaves her working memory).
We've never seen Celestia or Luna onscreen so we don't know what they're like, but I wouldn't be surprised if they're both effectively figureheads given useless sidetasks to work on and things on an extremely small scale like teaching new apprentices. They were likely effective rulers back when they ascended, but the world's changed and they can't change with it.
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Actually, in Courtesans, Cadence says the exact same thing about herself. She ascended when she was a young matchmaker and can never age out of just wanting to be a matchmaker. In Foreign Education it's stated AGAIN that Cadence can never reach the mental state of being older than she was when she ascended. It's starting to sound like the old "Immortality isn't a gift, it's a curse."
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When you are an immortal being the issues of age difference as well as grooming go a bit out of the window... More over you have another issue here... It's a bit incredible that in all this time a smooth player has not tried to take advantage of sixteen year old Twilight... This situation is SO easy to abuse that is really really implausible that it's been stable for a millennium and change... IF Celestia and Luna HAVE some counterbalance they SHOULD have implemented those also for Twilight and Cadance.
After that I'm wondering what is Discord doing...
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So, except perhaps for Flurry Heart, Alicorns are like the Struldbruggs in Guliver's Travels? (Book 3)
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i.imgur.com/nOBVsdw.gif
Holy fuck, this is shockingly dark. I've never even imagined this could happen. +1
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I have a feeling it'll be addressed in a book or 2.
God, Twilight is living a hell I wouldn't wish on an enemy and I feel like the only cure is becoming a regular unicorn again. That filly (not mare it seems) is suffering so badly, death almost feels like a mercy.
This is a fantastic look at the dark twists of alicorn immortality that I have never seen explored. I can't wait to see where this one goes!
Is it just me or does there seem to be a shift between the first half of this verse and the second half of this verse? In regards to the concept of an alicorn and some other stuff.
"though she did wonder where so many questions had come from"
It is a complete mystery. :)
So Twilight's now comfortable enough with her wings to do a pegasus dominance display thing, apparently. :)
"I should not have run off for this long without telling Double."
...Yeah, that not-a-couple has significantly more reason that usual to worry about that sort of thing.
"And in any case, that’s not what this story is about."
Heh.
And, yep, Double sure is just perfectly fine there...
"Any pony who falls in love with you will eventually get bored. No matter how good the act is, the show never changes."
I mean, look on the bright side, though: a relationship with a mortal wouldn't last anyway, so at least they'll still be alive when they leave you!
...That's a bright side, right?
And Twilight's just fine too, clearly. :)
(Oh, and that explanation of her indexing issue was interesting, I thought.)
I wonder if Celestia feels guilty for helping trap Twilight in this living hell.
How to describe Hell in twelve words.
Seriously, I don't see how this story will have a happy ending without making it either incredibly Pyrrhic or so bittersweet that it's like chugging honeyed castor oil. And yet I still want to read more.
Also, I do hope you come back to Double Time's ongoing crisis.
Hell of a rabbit hole you're digging here.
This is easily the most horrifying pony story I have read.
Well. This universe is fucked and needs to be put down. 'cocks shotgun and leads the entire reality into the barn . . .'
This is the saddest Twilight I've ever seen. It's like she has Alzheimer's but it never ends. If she's having this much trouble remembering basic things now, how will she ever adapt several hundred years later when the amount of memories she'll have could encompass a library.
I think it’s sadder still thinking on who she could have become. If she had not ascended Twilight would be one of the most powerful mages in the world. Sure she’d die eventually but at least she would have lived!
I wonder do Celestia and Luna have similar problems? Just stuck in the moment of ascension forever, unable to learn, unable to change. Never to be truly be complete.
damn
This whole series has been extremely bleak. I find it strange anyone could say any of this could have a happy ending.
This is premium quality dark, everything is fine, life continues, and is even enjoyable but... everything is so not fine.
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I don't think Celestia sees it as doing anything wrong to Twilight.
I know this is a bit of a crazy theory but what if Celestia wanted this for Twilight not because she wanted a permanent Princess of Friendship but because she wanted an eternal daughter-like figure.
Celestia is the eldest of the alicorns and she seems to have ascended when she's most mature, so like in her 40's. Considering the lore on alicorns in this story, when you ascend you're trapped in the mental state you were at when you ascended. So it's likely when Celestia ascended maybe she had wanted kids. Since it seems Alicorns are infertile, bar Cadence and only once, maybe that desire never left her.
So maybe Celestia takes on all these young faithful students over the years to make up for the fact that she can never have children of her own but still dote on them like her mental state perscribes until they grow up and pass away. Maybe that's why she ascended Twilight so she can have her faithful student forever.
Or maybe she's just extremely self centred and scheming. Dunno just speculating why she would do something like this to Twilight.
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That is exactly what I have thought at first. But she may have decided to ascend her sooner because being a teenager prevents her from properly processing the darker aspects of immortality (that is still screwed up).
In this story Celestia was the one who ascended Twilight, but in canon it is very unclear, it looks more like she had only helped her to ascend. Also in the canon Twilight is a young adult by that time, in this story she is very much a teenager.
I love how "Courtesan" and "Foreign education" were about changelings doing horrible things, war, enslaved creatures, betrayal, death, and so on... And yet this 'slice of life' story is so much creepier. Chapter after chapter the unsettling feeling really grows, and I'm loving it!
I'd dare to say, this is the best one in this series so far. I 'm really looking forward to seeing how the situation will develop!
With Love,
The Marshmallow.