Enchorus

by GMBlackjack

The O'Neill (GMBlackjack)

There were legends about the head of Merodi Universalis' Military Division. There were the easily confirmed facts: he came from one of the founding worlds, he saved the world in question on numerous occasions, he was part of leading a base-tech Earth to galactic influence, and he was a tactical genius. But then there were the whispers - that he was immortal, that his most impressive feats were pushed under the rug because they would make the minds of lesser beings explode, that he had punched out gods, and that he was the incarnate of badassery itself.

There were even stories that suggested he was responsible for killing an entire pantheon of gods. But that was absurd, right? The Goa'uld were just little parasites, there wasn't anything else...

Colonel Jared really hoped so. Because he was about to meet the man - Overhead-General Jack O'Neill. One of the most powerful people in Merodi Universalis.

It didn't matter that Jared was here to receive a mission and commendation for his previous work for the Military Division - three top-secret ops, one of them instrumental in the Battle of Farpoint. All went off without a hitch. Well, at least no hitches that compromised the mission.

Of course Jared had seen the man before - his face wasn't a secret, and he made plenty of public appearances. But people always put on visages in front of the camera and crowd. There was no way O'Neill was really that flamboyant. Behind that exterior he cultivated was a harsh, tactical legend, Jared knew it.

But at the same time, he also didn't know what to expect. He stood tall, and opened the door labeled ENTERPRISE OFFICE.

The office was large - but also a rather impressive mess. The only place that had any semblance of order was the desk with it's neatly stacked tablets of paperwork. But O'Neill wasn't at his desk - he was somewhere in the mess of furniture, paintings, and dimensional memorabilia laying around. He was in one of the reclining chairs, watching a TV - the Spirograph Channel. Jared was struck by the unprofessional appearance - the man was in uniform and well groomed, but he was slouching, half-asleep, and his old face sagged.

"Uh... Overhead?"

O'Neill let out an old sigh - and then a smirk crawled up his face. "Ah, you must be Colonel Smith Jared. Welcome to the Enterprise."

"It is a most interesting office, sir."

O'Neill stood up slowly, grunting as he did so. "Most people wonder why I name this place after the old flagship."

"...Because it was the flagship, sir?"

"Nope. Well yes. It was kind of a mobius double reacharound thing. Or it's politics." He sat down in his chair, chuckling. "Who am I kidding, the two things are one and the same."

Jared was a bit dumbfounded - this wasn't the man he had expected NOR the one he had seen in public. He was... A man. That was really all Jared could think to say on the matter.

"Now, I'm suuuuuure you want to know your assignment, but we've got some time to kill before we get into the mess that is the Strands. Right now, you've got to answer me one question and one question only."

"Anything, sir."

"Red or green?"

Jared blinked. "...Excuse me?"

"Choose one," O'Neill said, smirking with the grin of a mastermind who knew he was asking a stupid question. "Red or green?"

"...Yes."

O'Neill's expression flattened. "That is the best answer I've had to that question in a while," he deadpanned.

"...Thanks, sir?"

"Unfortunately the colors were the selection on what your colors were going to be, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to get you a red-green zebra pattern uniform now. I'm going to have to work to get the rations that color as well though..."

Jared blinked. What in... What?

O'Neill grinned. "In case you are wondering, yes, this is a joke. But yes, you really will get red and green striped equipment and you're going to use it in the field from here on out. Unless you want to file a complaint against me, or something."

"...No sir."

"Good. In that case..." O'Neill took a sandwich out of a desk drawer and handed it to Jared. "Eat up. We've got a long briefing in front of us." He stood up and snapped his fingers, causing a large screen to fall from the ceiling. "As I mentioned before you are going into the Strands - specifically, the cluster of universes the Dark Tower physically appears in, like an itch. The hodgepodge smorgasbord of fun there requires someone of your expertise. One of our citizens has elected to hide there among the chaos. Normally I wouldn't give a rat's ass, but she has important information and intel we can't let fall into the wrong hands."

Jared felt his spirits lift - so there really was a good tactician behind the man. "Who is this citizen?"

"A version of Chancellor Fluttershy, Colonel. She's renounced her loyalty to us for the recent events in the Combine/Horrorterror War and objections to the pedestal we give to Agent Vriska Sekret. So, in layman's terms, she sees the screwed up stuff we've done and wants none of it, not thinking of the bigger picture."

"What exactly does she have that's dangerous?"

"You see, that's the fun bit. She has the schematics for our Supergates."

"...You can't be serious."

"I am serious. Or, well, as serious as I can be." He put his legs up on his desk. "The amount of crap I can give for anything has gone down steadily over the years."

"Why are we not sending an army after her?! If the Supergate were to fall into the hands of, say, Valentine..."

"Oh, we are sending an army. You see, you are that army."

"How so?"

"Time clones. Strider and Megido have cooked something up."

Jared blinked. "Are you sure this is a good idea-"

"It's the best idea." A voice that could only be described as cool said. The cool dude appeared in the room with a clockwork effect. "Hey, O'Neill."

"Strider."

Dave Strider snapped his fingers, and a version of Jared appeared in a red-and-green striped uniform. Jared looked at his other self. The two blinked.

O'Neill started laughing heartily.

Jared had a feeling this was going to be a long day.

Author's Note:

GM:
I wrote this before I started writing ANYTHING else. In the original version, there were already references to the Combine war - and an encounter that I've replaced with Valentine here since it hasn't happened yet. I surprised myself with my level of planning.

Anyway, this was written around the time I was finalizing temporal mechanics as well. So, needless to say, I was curious to just have the tiniest amount of fun with it. (I also wanted to write O'Neill since I love the guy.)

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

"No, Jared. You are the army."
And then Jared was a juju.

[RoboRed]

O'Neill would probably get into so much troublemaking if he had time powers.

"Red or green?"

"...Yes."

O'Neill's expression flattened. "That is the best answer I've had to that question in a while," he deadpanned.

I think this was my favorite part.