• Published 22nd Apr 2019
  • 841 Views, 86 Comments

Enchorus - GMBlackjack

Stories set in the Songs of the Spheres multiverse written by a variety of authors.

  • ...

Class 3 Diplomacy (GMBlackjack)

The meeting place was the cueball universe, designation S-CUE0. The universe had an 8-code as well but Twilight Sparkle H6, "Dual Horn Twilight", could not remember it off the top of her head. All she could think about was how empty this universe was - a cueball the size of a planet suspended in empty space. There wouldn't even be any air here if they hadn't brought it with them. She looked to her companions, both other Twilights. One was a standard Twilight who had no nickname and was just called "777" for reasons Dual Horn Twilight was not privy to. To the other side was Twilight Sanchez, sometimes known as "Rick Twilight," whose presence on this mission was of the utmost importance.

Sanchez burped. "...When are they going to get here?"

"Patience," 777 said.

"Okay, look, Triple Seven, fuck patience."

Dual Horn winced at Sanchez's language. Very few Twilights were swearers - and those that were usually didn't cooperate with the Census. Come to think of it, Sanchez rarely cooperated at all. She was known to be considerably better at it than who she was nicknamed after, but she was still exceptionally abrasive for a Twilight. 777, on the other hoof, was exceptionally bland for a Twilight.

Dual Horn herself? She heard that she had a smaller fuse than most Twilights. But she thought that was a stupid generalization.

Sanchez groaned. "I can't even get a good back and forth going here! Or random science! We're on a cueball in the middle of arse-nowhere! There's nothing to work with here!"

777 raised an eyebrow. "You can experiment with the composition of the cueball."

"Yeah, right."

"You could probably make a nuclear reactor with it."

Sanchez took a drink of her magically-infused whiskey. "Yeah, pfft, sure, I'd make a quantum reactor with a compiler - hey that's actually a good idea... How about I take the magical constant of the natural existential song within this universe to breach a portal and..." she trailed off. Dual Horn smiled - there was her Twilight part going off, bringing a stupid grin to her usually dour face. Dual Horn had never seen a real Rick smile that innocently, and she had seen plenty in her time.

Speaking of, a green portal had opened in front of them. Two Mortys and a Rick stepped out - the Rick was a cop Rick, one Morty had glasses, and the other Morty was in an official suit and tie. President Morty.

Dual Horn smiled and extended her hoof. "President."

He smiled and shook it. "Agent."

"I apologize for the Grand Secretariat's absence, she had a Pinkie problem to deal with suddenly."

"That's an understatement," Sanchez muttered.

President Morty held up a hand. "There's no problem. I understand that sometimes the multiverse calls to you."

Glasses Morty nodded. "We were going to bring Morticia but she had to stop a universe from exploding."

The Rick cop raised an eyebrow. "...You know, I still find that a little weird. Good, but weird."

Sanchez blinked. "Wow, you aren't a regular Rick are you?"

"Had a rough experience in Morty Town," the Rick cop said. "Made me re-examine some things."

"And you are the better for it," President Morty said, adjusting his tie. "Now, should we get down to business?"

777 nodded, producing a large scroll. "It said you wished to discuss our future relations?"

Sanchez raised an eyebrow. "There were relations before? I mean, I traveled a lot between the places and I didn't get the impression we were ever on speaking terms."

Big Horn sighed. "Did you even read the briefing?"

"Nope," Sanchez said. "And neither did Rick over there."

Rick froze. "...I skimmed it you little punk!"

Sanchez raised her eyebrow. "I'm you remember?"

"Yeah, and so's Tall Morty."

"...Who- oh. Oh, I want to meet that one. Like, really bad. There are so many things I could do-"

"Sanchez!" Big Horn chided. "Focus!"

"No need to be snappy," President Morty said, holding up a hand. "We are who we are, and frankly you three have less problems than we do. Sanchez over there may be considered one of your more problematic personalities, but she would have been considered too nice on the Citadel." He smiled. "The point is, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and while we should always strive for more it's better to adapt."

"So what are you here to propose?" 777 asked.

"We are class 3 civilizations, dots on a near-infinite expanse of power. Class 1s don't even draw us on their maps, and the Class 2s treat us like children to be looked after. Day after day, Class 3 civilizations are absorbed into larger federations. The TSAB. The Xeelee - grinding out any individuality the civilization had and forcing it to become accustom to whatever ideal the higher power demands. Their hearts may be in the right place, but they are inadvertently stamping out character. And yet, without joining a federation, the only other way to get influence is by conquest. None of us want to gain the reputation of the Combine."

Sanchez raised a hoof. "Pretty sure the Council of Ricks kinda did that already."

"I meant multiverse-wide," President Morty explained. "We are a small fish in this big pond, and we don't want to 'conquer' anymore, that'd just look bad, and possibly draw unwanted attention. Rather, I suggest something new. A coalition."

Dual Horn raised her eyebrows. "What kind of coalition?"

"You familiar with the European Union of Earths'?"


"Like that. Many nations undergoing a small change to become a single united entity, yet keeping their individuality. When it works, it works well. And it has occurred to me that the Multiverse lacks such a coalition. Civilizations tend to combine, or dominate, or 'adapt into the fold'. There are alliances, yes, but I don't see any Class 2s getting all chummy with each other just lickety-split. They all stand alone. And the Class 1s are about as far from united as you can imagine. I suggest we contact many Class 3s and bring them around to this idea of the Coalition. Slowly, we will rise through the ranks and become a presence - a unified presence that can actually have some saying on the multiversal scale." He smirked. "The University of Doors is already considering it, as well as a few others."

Dual Horn nodded. "I do like the idea... We've been having problems with the Eldritch Embodiment lately being a bit overbearing."

"Ugh..." Sanchez muttered. "Don't get me started..."

President Morty nodded. "Normally at this point I'd ask if my lawyers should start drawing up paperwork, but it occurs to me that should probably be your job."

777 nodded vigorously.

"Well then, glad we could have a reasonable talk without bureaucracy for once. I know it's going to be a mess later, but now... It's nice to be simple." He waved. "Until next time!"

The Twilights waved.

Sanchez and 777 turned and prepared to leave. Dual Horn followed, but only after a short pause.

She thought she had seen something... menacing in that Morty's eyes at the last moment.

...She was probably just seeing things.

Author's Note:

Well, this is a trip down memory lane. I wrote this either before or during the first few chapters of SotS. I had plans to make the Council more important, and already knew the importance of the Census and the University of Doors.

SotS started growing so fast and I grew annoyed with Rick and Morty the more I wrote them, so the whole Council thing was left behind. The above story still happened, sure, but I guess their treaty never went through.

To this day I'm still not sure exactly what happened to the Citadel.