Vacant

by Marcellus Jones

Peer Pressure

Author's Note:

This is my first time writing any sort of fanfiction, I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think, be real with me. Honesty is the best policy.

Thanks

-Marc

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were huddled in their clubhouse, plotting another strategy to finally discover their cutie marks. They looked at the list they had crossed out.

Cutie Mark Crusaders:
Beekeepers
Stand Up Comedians
Tandem Swimmers
Flash Dancers

"What haven't we tried?" Sweetie Belle stared at the list.

"I dunno, I reckon we done tried everything. I'm fixin' to just give up and go home," Apple Bloom looked dejected.

"Wait, girls, we haven't tried everything. I just thought of something wicked that'll totally get us our Cutie Marks," Scootaloo pitched.

"What do you have in mind?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Alright, hear me out on this one, you ready?" Scootaloo asked melodramatically.

"Yeah, we're ready," Apple Bloom nodded.

Scootaloo flipped her cape up over her head, "BOO! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS: GHOST HUNTERS! I've been keeping an eye on that abandoned house on the outskirts of town, I heard it's haunted. If that doesn't get us our cutie marks, I don't know what will."

"Have you lost your apple pickin' mind?" Apple Bloom scoffed.

"No, we should try it. Come on, don't leave me hanging," Scootaloo begged.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to at least try," Sweetie Belle reluctantly agreed.

"Why do y'all always come up with the most dangerous ideas?" Apple Bloom sighed.

"Don't be a buzzkill, AB, this'll be fun," Scootaloo jumped down the ladder.

She forgot that she couldn't fly yet, and so flapped her little wings helplessly, but they didn't break the fall at all. She hit the ground with a loud thud, but jumped back up and played it off like nothing happened.

"Ya see what I mean? You could've killed yourself, you maniac," Apple Bloom sighed.

"I'm fine, let's go!" Scootaloo led the way.

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom followed.

---

The Cutie Mark Crusaders trotted through Ponyville. The streets looked eerily empty at night. They felt as though they were being watched, but they tried not to pay it much mind. After around fifteen minutes of trotting, they were now on the front porch of the abandoned house.

"This is the place! I'm excited, my heart is racing and I'm sweating bullets already, we haven't even gone inside yet!" Scootaloo jumped up and down.

"Scoots, you need to take it easy," Sweetie Belle coaxed.

"Nah, dude, this is about to be so cool," Scootaloo tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Hey, it's locked," she pointed out the obvious.

"Of course it's locked, it's an abandoned house," Apple Bloom sighed.

A gust of wind blew and the trio shivered. They pulled their capes tighter around them like blankets. When the wind slowed back down, they were met again with silence. It was so deathly quiet, you could hear a pin drop from across town.

"I guess there's no way in," Scootaloo sighed.

"Let's go before the next gust of wind sweeps us away," Sweetie Belle said.

"It's about time y'all came up with a sensible idea," Apple Bloom smiled.

When the three of them turned to leave, Scootaloo felt something tap her side. She turned to Sweetie Belle, "Was that you?"

"Was what me?" she asked, a bewildered expression on her face.

"You tapped me, didn't you?" Scootaloo raised an eyebrow.

"No, that wasn't me," Sweetie Belle shook her head.

"Alright, I'm taking your word for it," Scootaloo shrugged it off and the three of them turned to face the direction of the clubhouse.

Scootaloo had barely taken a step when she was tapped again, "Sweetie Belle, I told you to quit poking me."

"I already said that wasn't me, we've had this discussion already," Sweetie Belle sighed.

There was a sound of creaking wood that stopped the three of them dead in their tracks. They turned to face the direction the sound was coming from. The locked door to the abandoned house had been flung open somehow.

"Now I done heard enough scary stories and read enough horror books to know that we need to get the hay on up outta here," Apple Bloom said to them.

Scootaloo smirked, "No, it's finally open, let's go have a look inside."

Sweetie Belle was apprehensive about it, she stayed back with Apple Bloom. Scootaloo took a few steps toward the porch. When she realized her friends were not following her, she stopped and turned around, "Don't be chickens, come on!"

"I tend to some chickens. You ain't never been in that coop, but them chickens ain't afraid of nothing. Them birds are vicious," Apple Bloom shared the random anecdote.

"Just come on!" Scootaloo leaned against the wall next to the open door.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle gave in to the peer pressure and followed her inside. They left the door open to shed more moonlight into the room. Cobwebs were everywhere, everything was dusty. The parlor looked like it hadn't been touched at all in the years it has been vacant. There was a wooden rocking chair in the middle of the room. The wind from outside was making it rock seemingly on its own. This freaked the girls out a little bit.

"Why is it so cold? It's April, it wasn't nearly as cold at the clubhouse," Apple Bloom complained.

"All you've done is complain since we left it, you're being a serious buzzkill. Let's just go and have a look around," Scootaloo sighed.

Sweetie Belle looked down, "Scootaloo, maybe Apple Bloom is right. We really shouldn't be here. Nopony should be. The house is vacant for a reason. Nopony lives here anymore because the place is just creepy. I knew it looked scary from outside, but now that we're inside, it just confirmed in my mind that I want to go home."

Apple Bloom patted Sweetie Belle on the back, "Good idea, let's get out of here. It's getting late, we need to get some sleep. It would be better to investigate during the day, it'll be easier to see."

Scootaloo sighed, "Okay, Apple Bloom, fine, let's go home and we can come back here another time."

The trio finally came to an agreement and they turned and headed for the open front door. Just as they were about to leave the house, the front door slammed shut in front of them.

Comments

[The Blue EM2]

This is good so far. I'll be following.

[Marcellus Jones]

9565000
Thanks, I'll try to keep it up.

[The Blue EM2]

9565006
Very good.

[Marcellus Jones]

9565009
I'm open to suggestions as well

[Tekket]

Not bad. Much better than my first story. There's tiny things that could be fixed with sentence structure.
e.g.

She forgot that she couldn't fly yet, she flapped her little wings helplessly, but they didn't break the fall at all.

Could also be written;
"She forgot that she couldn't fly yet, and so flapped her little wings helplessly, but they didn't break the fall at all."
Tiny little things like that, but honestly that's just the grammar nazi in me being nitpicky. You did say you wanted to know what we thought, and to be real.

In all honesty though, I like the premise, and everyone starts somewhere, plus you managed to capture the feel of the CMC's from the earlier seasons, and I especially like the fact that Apple Bloom has enough sense to not want to go near the obviously haunted house

Good job, and I'll be keeping an eye on you.

[Marcellus Jones]

9565046
Thanks for the feedback! I'll fix that real quick. I love the profile picture as well. Scarface was a dope movie.

[Tekket]

9565049
Thank you, but yours is better.

[Marcellus Jones]

9565085
Oh, I appreciate that. Means a lot.

[Tekket]

9565088
Not a problem my good sir.

[The Blue EM2]

9565018
I see.

[Marcellus Jones]

9565153
Just about to release the second chapter. I'm proofreading it before I release it though.

[Acadians6545]

"I tend to some chickens. You ain't never been in that coop, but them chickens ain't afraid of nothing. Them birds are vicious," Apple Bloom shared the random anecdote.

We had a hen named hennifer we were fattening up to eat once, the other chickens ate her instead. They are very much vicious little shits.