- Member Since 6th Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Sunday
Sapare
I write, sometimes. Hurting but never dead.
Sapare
Joined 6th Oct, 2011 ·
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It's an interesting concept, even if thus far Ocellus has only caused way more trouble.
I'm also intrigued by what exactly it was the Ocellus took from Gallus.
The writing could do with serious editing though. There are a lot of instances where the wrong word being used and speech tends to be clipped, without natural contractions. In practice people usually only speak like that when they are emphasising a point (or are Data from Star Trek).
The story itself is good the events though are fucked like how in the name of hell is this gonna get fixed Ocellus you horny bastard.
9589137
It was probably the perception of virginity she took from him assuming he is one in this story
Thankyou both for the comments. As for what Ocellus took from Gallus, I will go further into that if the story is continued.(I wrote it to either serve as a start of something bigger, or just be a standalone oneshot. For now I am tinkering on a continuation but can not promise it will come to flourish.)
But in general terms, changelings inherently drain essence from their mates, part of the magic that makes up all living creatures. It doesn't always have to be out of ill intent and changelings can live without doing so(Changedlings) but their natural response when given the opportunity is to do so. This is a headcannon I have held ever since we first witnessed the royal wedding and the effects long term changeling influence can have on a creature like Shining Armor. In the short term it is not prohibitively harmful but leaves the subject exhausted and long term exposure could leave them as a husk of themselves.
And yes, the events of the fic are a little messed up and if I continue the fic they will likely require a dark tag. My goal is to write a sour tale while keeping the characters that we know as recognizable, if you look at my past work you can see that I often enjoy exploring the possible downfall of well intended characters.
I took the critique to heart and will attempt another minor editing pass on the chapters out so far, but sadly there is only so much I can do when it comes to the quality of my writing, some quirks are hard to overcome.
all the foalcon
Very pleasant surprise to see this blow up my inbox, just a shame the ending wasn't pleasant
I loved how seamlessly you integrated Ocellus's empathic senses and how they gradually clouded her judgement. Just wish we got a chance to see her story continue
Now I'm curious as to what happens to all of them now. I'm guessing Gallus will eventually make it back to the school but what will happen between him and Silver stream, is there any chance at them reconciling or will Gallus never be able to solely commit to a single partner?
I appreciate the comments and interest, honestly wasn't sure if this would garner any attention considering it was just new chapters to an long ago posted story.
I had thought about what happens after the events in the story, jumping ahead some time with a new perspective and continuation. Realistically however, considering how long I was stuck writing this, I likely won't find the energy to ever turn it into anything. I am content with the open ended way it leaves off, but personally my inclination and believe was that there was hope at the end of the tunnel.
I genuinely love these characters so I don't see them doing anything with evil intent, even if Ocellus was clearly wrong in this story, and the good nature would eventually bring around reconciliation.
As for Silverstream and Gallus, they are my OTP, I see them as meant for each other, so I am sure they would find each others heart again, eventually. There might be differences for them to work through though, Ocellus wasn't all wrong.
If I ever do write it, pat yourself on back, I likely wouldn't if comments didn't get me to reminisce on it again...
11504334
Just realized that this reminds me of the Zootopia fanfic Cultural Shock over on AO3. Two beings from pretty much opposite views on relationships and commitment (Gallus obviously loves Silverstream but also he was raised in a culture that doesn't believe in serial monogamy) and how if they want things to work that they need to TALK it all out and possibly come to compromises they can both agree on.
And so it ends. I don't usually comment on stories but I feel like I need to get some words out of my chest.
Honestly, I wish I had more answers about the story. Obviously Gallus is gonna make it back to school but I am sure he has been affected by this experience for the rest of his life. No idea how are people like Silver or Yona gonna deal with this. I can imagine none of them are ever gonna be the same.
And I have to say that this was a really good character study of Ocellus. Always felt like the show barely gave the Student 6 enough room to grow but Ocellus was always my favourite. Seeing her go from being genuinely concerned for the relationship of her friends to becoming the very thing she was always scared of becoming felt both tragic and natural. I can imagine it takes her people a lot of willpower and effort to not slip back into what they were before.
I know this story has been finished before and continued from that and I would love just one more chapter, an epilogue maybe, about what happened to Ocellus. How did Silver and Gallus cope after this experience.
But anyway, this was a wonderful read. Not just as a clop story, but as a tragic story of romance, racial culture clash and probably the most natural corruption of soul I have ever seen in a fanfic. Amazing work. This story needs more eyes on it.
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I am not exaggerating when I say that must be one of the most endearing comments I have gotten in my decade+ of creating things. Been as while since I wrote this fic so my own thoughts on it are likely less defined but the fact that it meant something to someone and they enjoyed it so much means the world to me.
I do want to clear up that it being finished before and later continued was a little different, i released it "as is" as a standalone clopfic(just the first three chapters) but even at the time had written more and was planning to make it the story it is today, I just wasn't sure if I would finish it and have a personal rule against leaving stories unfinished.
I have a general idea planned out for what the rest of the story would be if I wrote it out, with the current expectation of making it a trilogy(and this being the first of 3), and ending on what I would expect a somewhat happy note. But realistically I likely wont find the time and even if I do its going to take years.
Still, that comment was wonderful to see and made me once more glad to have spend the time finishing the story when I did, thank you.