Taboo
Like all towns, Ponyville had its natural rhythms. They were bit louder and higher tempo than most towns, and definitely made more use of the sorts of "instruments" only Vinyl Scratch could love, but Twilight had come to learn and appreciate them nonetheless.
One particular rhythm that had experienced a recent tempo shift was Rainbow Dash's nap schedule, but once she'd sorted out active Wonderbolt duty and answering the Cutie Map's irregular call, it had regularized itself once more. As such, all Twilight had to do to find Dash late one spring morning was fly above cloud level and look for a patch of sky blue in the wrong direction.
Her timing was, naturally, excellent. She swooped down just as Dash was waking up. "Rainbow!"
Dash finished her post-nap stretch before answering. "Hey, Twilight. What's up?"
Twilight held up the copy of Long Wind's The Egregiously Unabridged Military History of Equestria, Vol. CXXIV she'd been carrying. "I was unwinding after the incident with Sunset and our human selves with a little light reading—"
That got an eye roll for some reason. "Right. Light reading." Dash sat on her napping cloud, forelegs crossed and expression sour. "Still kinda miffed that you didn't let me meet me, you know."
Twilight smirked. "I don't think any world could handle that much awesome."
"Heh. Yeah, probably. It'd be like the Pinkies meeting."
The smirk stayed, though Twilight's good humor quickly drained away. She cleared her throat. "Yes. That is definitely something we avoided." She focused on the book, flipping through it to the relevant entry. "Anyway, I found a reference to a Wonderbolt that I've never seen anypony mention before. I thought you'd be interested."
That got Dash off her cloud in a hurry. "Must have just never come up. There's no way I don't know the whole roster. Seeing their old stuff at the barracks even got me learning the history that isn't on the exam." She hovered over Twilight. A quick glance showed her trying to find the best angle to read the book through any intervening alicorn crania. "What's this one's name?"
"Captain Thunderhoof. She—"
Twilight cut herself off as she found her vision full of angry blue muzzle. "Rule Seven!"
She flinched back. "What?"
Dash backed away just far enough to jab her hoof into Twilight's ribs. "We do not talk about Captain Thunderhoof."
"But—"
"We do not. Talk. About Captain Thunderhoof." Every pause came with another jab. Dash flew off once she'd said her piece.
Twilight blinked. After a few moments, she realized she'd dropped volume CXXIV in her shock, and it had embedded itself a few inches away from a cowering Lily Valley. Ingrained habits collected the book, repaired what little damage hadn't been done to the ground, and assured Lily that the bibliocalypse was not in fact nigh.
The rest of Twilight was busy planning a way to figure out what just happened.
Twilight had planned on apologizing to Rainbow Dash as soon as possible, but that meant actually finding her. With the pegasus fresh off of a nap and with no prismatic contrails in sight, such a search would've taken the rest of the day, or at least waiting until Dash's afternoon nap. Instead, Twilight arranged an impromptu conference with the rest of her friends.
"Pass the clover," Pinkie said from behind an already heaped plate.
Also lunch.
"It's bizarre." Twilight piled almost a dozen books on the castle's dining room table, moving dishes to accommodate the stacks. "I've looked through the other histories I have for that time period, and none of them even mention Thunderhoof. And this is only about sixty years ago; there are plenty of contemporary accounts, but I can't find her in any of them. Even Long Wind mostly refers to her indirectly. Nothing gives even a hint of what kind of disgrace could make even saying her name get that kind of reaction."
"Speaking as a former destroyer of time," said Starlight, "they probably don't want to remember that kind of disgrace."
Rarity nodded. "Such is the price of fame. With all eyes on you, a truly grand misstep might be remembered for generations unless drastic steps are taken."
Fluttershy frowned into her salad. "I've never heard of Thunderhoof before, but now I feel just awful for her."
Applejack scratched under her hat. "Why's this buggin' you, Twi? So some mare who sounds like a flyin' buffalo was in the Wonderbolts three generations back and nopony's talked about 'er since. What skin is it off your muzzle?"
"I upset Rainbow Dash terribly. I want to understand why."
"Aw, she'll come around." Pinkie turned to face the castle dining room's doors. "In fact, I bet she'll come in for lunch any second now!"
Everypony else turned to look as well. There was a marked absence of entrances, by pegasi or otherwise.
"Aaaaany second now."
"Um, why would she know we were having lunch here?" said Fluttershy.
"Because it says so on her invitation, silly!"
"Pinkie, I didn't send any invitations," said Twilight. "This was a spur-of-the-moment meeting."
Pinkie snorted. "Well there's your first problem."
Twilight rolled her eyes and stood. "I'm going to go track down Rainbow." Her stomach voiced an objection to that plan, and she sheepishly sat back down. "After I finish this sandwich."
After magical scrying, carefully planned search grids, and another aerial survey over prime napping spots all came up blank, Twilight had only two recourses left. That called for another search, since she didn't want to stick a Daring Do novel or a mug of apple cider in a box trap.
Again.
Thankfully, this search proved more fruitful. Once she found her initial quarry puttering through town, Twilight called down, "Scootaloo, do you know where Rainbow Dash is?"
The scooter slid to a halt as Scootaloo surveyed the sky. Moments later, she nodded and pointed, making relief flood through Twilight. "She's in her house."
Twilight followed the hoof. Nothing seemed to indicate occupancy in the cloud mansion. "How can you tell?"
"It's three shades darker than usual, so she's probably pacing and grumbling about something."
"Oh." Twilight cleared her throat. "I see."
"Friendship problem?"
"Possibly. Still figuring it out." She forced a smile for the filly. "I'll let you know if she needs little-sister support."
Scootaloo snapped off a passable salute. "Got it. We'll be at Town Hall, helping Mayor Mare cope with you turning Ponyville into a college town without her input because alicorn."
Twilight blinked. "You know, most ponies would at least hesitate before completing that sentence to my face."
Scootaloo beamed. "You're welcome!" With that, she zipped off.
After a few moments of thought, Twilight shook her head and filed away all the issues that raised for later. For now, she focused on flying up to Dash's home.
The moment Twilight touched down, she could feel what Scootaloo had meant. There was a tingle beneath her hooves, a sense of electrical tension waiting for release. She found her wings fidgeting as she walked to the front doors, and fought to quiet her mind before she knocked.
She realized the futility of knocking on a door made of condensed cloudstuff a fraction of a second before the whole house released an ominous rumble of thunder.
Twilight winced, but pressed on. "Rainbow? Are you in? I'm sorry if I offended you somehow."
Dash all but shoved the doors open, still scowling. "You wanna knock harder? I don't think they heard you in Sacrapinto."
"Sorry. Your house seems... kind of tense."
The frown held up for only a few moments more before Dash sighed and sagged. "Yeah, that's me." Twilight swore she could see the hue of the clouds lighten a bit. "Come on in," Dash said, moving aside to let Twilight through. "You're probably not gonna let this go until you get some answers anyway."
"I don't mean to pry."
"Too late." It was hard to tell if Dash had meant to say that under her breath or not.
Twilight bit the inside of her cheek, trying to think of a way to broach the topic gently. "So, uh, how's your lesson plan coming?" It took all her mental focus as a master of the arcane arts and crafts to not facehoof.
"Really?" Dash gave her a look so flat it was a wonder the cloud mansion wasn't crashing.
Twilight just offered a hopeless smile. "Really. I'm interested."
"Eh, sure." Dash shrugged her wings. "About that. Are you sure about this whole 'School of Friendship' thing? You want us to stay home because the Map grew."
"Well, yes." The familiar ground of an objection several of her friends had already raised made Twilight comfortable enough to slip into lecture mode. "A few ponies can't cover an entire hemisphere's worth of friendship problems by resolving them one at a time. It would be like Pinkie hoof-delivering invitations to everypony in town when she could just mail them or use the bulletin board in Town Hall."
"Town Hall has a bulletin board?"
"Rainbow Dash."
Dash rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get what you mean. Still, you're expecting me to teach. Me. The pony with an actual learning disability."
Twilight moved to her side with a soft smile. "You don't have a learning disability, just a very unusual preferred model of learning."
"Still don't think I'll be able get away with teaching a whole class by flying them past a bunch of skits and placards." Dash snorted. "Especially if some of them can't fly."
"For what it's worth, I basically planned on you teaching gym."
Twilight could practically see the gears turn as Dash considered that. "Oh. Yeah, that can work. But how are we even going to have time to teach? The only reason I don't live on base these days is because I'm fast enough to make the trip there a ten-minute commute."
"Starlight and I are working on that."
"How?"
Twilight gave a nervous laugh. "We might be modifying certain spells devised by Star Swirl the Bearded."
Dash took a few steps back, wings half-spread in worry. "I thought you said time magic was a bad idea. Like, 'destroy the world' bad."
"Nopony said anything about time magic!" said Twilight, perhaps a bit too quickly. She cleared her throat. "Besides, this is for a good cause."
"Okay..."
Twilight took a deep breath. Probably best to abandon this conversation before it really crashed and burned. "Look. Rainbow. You probably know I didn't come up here just to check on your lesson plan."
"No freaking duh. You're the one who brought it up."
"Right." Twilight found herself shifting from hoof to hoof and stilled herself, body and mind. "So, about... the Wonderbolt you'd prefer I not name. I am so—"
Dash held up a forehoof. "It's cool, Twilight. It's just one of the base rules, you know? I don't know why Thunderhoof's equus au gratin—"
"Non grata." Twilight said reflexively.
"That too. All I know is that not talking about her's right up there with keeping the runway clear." Dash shook her head. "And the last thing I need is Spitfire tearing a strip off of me for breaking the base rules any more than I already have."
Twilight nodded as she considered that. "I see." She looked off in the direction of Wonderbolt headquarters. "Well. I suppose I'll have to ask her then, won't I?"
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Corn and Peg are best... um... Whatever they are.
I expect a very Ponyvillian explanation in the future.
"Yes, Captain Thunderhoof was the winner of the First Most Obscure Pony in Equestria contest."
"First Most... That makes no sense, Rainbow!"
Rainbow Dash shrugged. "She vanished in a burst of light during the award ceremony and never returned. They cancelled the award right after for fear of starting some sort of rift in spacetime."
I could not watch very much of that show, so I only have a slight idea of what this character is. Have my curiosity though.
I am now imagining sliced pegasus covered in cheese.
Welp, I'm here! Let's see where this goes.
Well this is certainly going to be interesting.
Yes, I watched it, too. I wanted to yank out my eyes.
Rumor has it that she changed her name from Tinyhooves shortly after suing her parents for emotional naming abuse.
They're so tiny!
We do not talk about the orangutan.
Oh no.
This isn't a oneshot.
Fan, what horrors do you have waiting for us!?
-GM, master of PANIC.
Care to tell me more?
*sees cover art*
media.giphy.com/media/5yuC2vIsQJdoA/giphy.gif
Well. This is now a thing. I find myself disturbingly eager to see where this goes.
Why, Estee? Why did you have to share that abomination with us? I mean, I didn't watch more than 20 seconds, but after Thunderhoof's Sonic Fartboom, I'm glad I didn't. Still, WHY?!
9551078
Go see Estee's latest blog. If you dare.
No. No. No. What are you doing. NO.
Do not conjure by those names.
STOP
Oh dear. somepony actually did it.
I'm not going to be able to look away, am I?
9550945
Good guess, but no.
9550968
Hmm. What wine goes with pegasus?
9551023
She takes after her grandmother.
9551026
9551078
Follow the link in the long description for more information. Just don't expect much.
9551089
Hey, I sat through the whole thing. You all get to suffer some slim fraction of what I did.
9551143
I've already drawn the circle and gotten thirteen demonology postgrads chanting in backwards Horse Latin. And I am not telling that bunch that the summoning's been cancelled. Not after what happened last time.
9551153
I mean, that's ultimately your decision. I'm just the one who put the trains on the same track and sent them on a collision course.
9550945
...Lovecraftian abominations? Crimes against nature? Mistakes of God?
Holy cheese, FOME
.....This is gonna be a RIDE, isn't it?
Woah, this isn't a one-shot.
Lol Scootaloo!
And Fluttershy not knowing... Hmm...
Also, she / he's a Captain... So hmm....
----
Typo:
she could see the hue
Now I am even more curious what the first six rules are?
Oh no.
Oh no.
Makes you wonder how many other 'because alicorn' changes have been made to the town since Twi got crowned. Though up there is probably the zoning nightmare that is her castle.
9551189
You realize, of course, that S.O.P. requires me to notify the Laundry about the summoning circle. They really don't want unsupervised ones this close to Case Nightmare Green.
No Heretics were BLAMMED???
HERESY!!! *BLAM*
Pinkie Pie just complained about Twilight not planning something in advance.
9551517
Also about a lack of invitations to a social event. Pinkie knows you need invitations if you want ponies to show up.
9551525
Pinkie could always send the invitations after the fact and count on Star Swirl getting everypony there at the right time. Of course, that didn’t appear to work so well for Sir Stephen Hawking…
This is going to be hilariously terrible, and/or terribly hilarious.
I fear the Derpies meeting. Rip a hole in the universe, there.
Good story so far!
Damn Twiggles, what's that book made of?
Oh, this is going to be good!
So. I watched a bit of the show before reading this. And honestly? It was the typical level of bad I'd expect from a show for toddlers. Better than some of the stuff I watched when I was five. Like Dora the Explorer, with its constant, aggressive pauses for the viewer, or Thomas the Tank engine, which probably did irreparable damage to my psyche:
*Sees thumbnail*
Oh please...please have mercy
Because they cheesed everypony off?
I've heard of a book drop, but this is ridicu(mu)lous.
We're about to deal with a heaping helping of Deliberate Values Dissonance, aren't we?
I had no idea this Corn and Peg show existed until I saw this story.
Your characterization of Twilight and Rainbow is excellent as always. Love the little details about weather magic slipped in too.
9551246
Strap in, my friend.
9551332
Well, we know Rule One is "Look both ways before crossing the runway" thanks to "Newbie Dash." Beyond that, it's left to your imagination.
9551339
static.giantbomb.com/uploads/scale_small/0/26/9976-koolaidman.jpg
9551412
I can only imagine how many royal pardons Starlight racked up during her remedial friendship lessons. And then there was the jurisdictional nightmare of relocating the town library to a royal palace, appropriating citizens for map mission transportation, dragging the entire town into Canterlot for the Festival of Friendship...
Really, it's amazing Mayor Mare didn't retire out of frustration years ago.
9551475
I'm hoping the sacrifice of Funko figurines will be enough to nudge it to Case Nightmare Pink.
9551517
It's a question of perspective. Twilight sees a friendship emergency meeting that happens to coincide with lunch. Pinkie sees a lunch party that happens to coincide with a friendship meeting.
9551656
I love how you can somehow hear the sarcasm in his voice when he's disappointed by no one showing up.
9551691
I'm aiming for the former, but will accept the latter.
9551803
Eh, depends on the Derpies. Given my stories, some of them all but have water cooler conversations with one another.
9551886
It's not quality of materials; it's quantity. Anything written by Long Wind isn't so much a book as it is a paper brick with a hinge.
9551932
No locomotives, sapient or otherwise, will be harmed in the making of this story.
9552114
... I mean, I'd get mad, but I'm writing a Corn & Peg crossover.
9552633
Oh, you have no idea...
9552808
My apologies for exposing you to that particular memotoxin. As for Dash's house, it helps that we've seen her get clouds to respond to her emotional state on the show. This is a logical extension of that. Plus it was nice to give Scootaloo a chance to show off some of the subtler aspects of the pegasus package. Her ability to see that slight difference in coloration isn't just because she gazes adoringly at that house everyday.
9574338
The question is, is the one in trouble Twilight, or Spitfire?