chapter 3
Little Colt in Big Everfree
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
...III...
As it turns out, there was no need for Dipper to do anything. The Mane six were so horribly injured, they had to call it a day and be rushed to the hospital.
After several intense weeks of healing, they finally got well enough to try again...or Twilight did in any case...the rest were too injured...but more importantly they had to have their fur shaved off thanks to the dozens of stitches and Rarity would rather have her other 3 hooves chopped off then go outside 'furless.'
"Okay...let's try something else..." Said Twilight Sparkle, currently wearing a long cloak to conceal her now hairless hide. She turns to several hundred royal guards she'd called down from Canterlot.
"Right...so you are all the best of the best when it comes to forest assaults, trap removal and siege-laying?" Asked Twilight Sparkle.
"Yes, mam! Princess Celestia said so herself!" Saluted the most senor guard proudly.
Twilight smiles, "Well good to hear! I need all the help I can get to breach that fort!"
"You heard the mare lads! CHARGE!" Screamed the guard as all the guards begin to shout and run forward...while Spike experienced a strange hacking cough...
...Meanwhile...
"Seriously, again?!" Snapped Dipper as once again his shower got interrupted. He got out just in time for yet another of Celestia's misdirected missives to find it's way into his hoof.
Twilight! Don't use those guards you summoned!
All of my guards are either sycophantic fanatics who'd gladly take a dagger for me or 'lesser' family members the nobility bribed me to take under my wing!
In other words their completely useless for anything that doesn't involve menial tasks or being a meat shield!
I just told them they were good soldiers to make them feel better about themselves!
If you use them, they'll be hurt or WORSE! You must stop them at once!
Dipper smirked. "Well, either I prove Celestia dead wrong or I'm completely safe AND get front row seats to one hell of a show! It's win-win!" He then trots to the surveillance monitors to watch the fun...and he wasn't disappointed...
...
BOOM!
GAH!
BOOM!
MY LEGS!
BOOM!
MY EYES! WHERE ARE MY EYES?!
BOOM!
NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!
BOOM!
I CAN'T FEEL MY SPLEEN!
MOMMY!
BOOM!
LOOK OUT!
BOOM!
OFFICER ON FIRE! OFFICER ON FIRE!
BOOM!
MY PANCREAS! MY BEAUTIFUL PANCREAS!
BOOM!
NOT THE THROAT!
BOOM!
MY PENIS- ER, I MEAN MY SWORD ARM!
BOOM!
GRACE WITHIN ME! IT'S KILLING CINDY!
BOOM!
Twilight watched in horror as 'Celestia's finest' was reduced to a pack of frightened children...and then a bunch of mangled corpses...
Spike- having finally finished vomiting -shrugged, "Well, we tried." He said flatly as he tried to turn around and casually walk back toward Ponyville.
"Get back here." Said Twilight annoyed as she used her magic to drag him back.
ZAP!
Princess Celestia appeared in a blast of light. "Twilight Sparkle I- Celestia's eyes widen in horror at the carnage before her. "Twilight! What have you done?! Didn't you get my letter?!"
"What letter? You haven't sent my anything since I came to Ponyville!" Asked Twilight confused.
Celestia was equally confused. "No letters? What about the Grand Galloping Gala tickets?" She asked baffled.
"What tickets?" Asked an increasingly perplexed Twilight.
Celestia's eyes narrow in suspicion. "Twilight...have you sent me Friendship reports?" She asked in a way that was more probing then accusatory.
"Er...yes? Every week...why?" Asked Twilight, unsure of this line of questioning.
Celestia frowned and zapped a spell over Spike, startling him. "HEY! What's the big idea!?"
"Hmmmm...it SHOULD still be working properly...what's going on here?" Asked Celestia to herself as her analysis spell is completed. She shakes her head, "Nevermind, it's a problem for later. Twilight, you said the person behind my Sister having a bomb attached to her is here?"
Twilight confirms that and they both cautiously go forward with Celestia creating a powerful shield to envelop them...
...
"I'm starting to think that when I bought this, I was just throwing my money away!" Groaned Dipper as he was once more forced to get out of the shower, he'd accidentally spilled nacho cheese over himself while laughing at the guards 'attempts' to get through his traps and so was forced to take another shower during a break in the action.
His eyes widen at the sight of Princess Celestia herself walking through the 'battlefield' unopposed, those morons had sprung all his traps!
Dipper groaned, even if by some miracle he could reset his traps in time...well, this was Princess Celestia they were talking about...he'd have to be careful how he played this...
Seeing them literally at his doorstep, he's forced to immediately yank a lever and stand on the platform as it ascends...
'Time to meet the neighbors...'
...
Twilight and Celestia had just shown up at the fort and were about to decide what to do next-
KLUNK!
They look up to see an opening at the top of the fort to pop open. Allowing a platform to rise, showing a sopping wet, blue, little colt wearing just a towel?
But what REALLY got to Twilight was the intense glare he was giving them both.
Before Twilight can say anything- "Yes, hello there little one! Could you kindly tell us where your designated mare is?" Asked Celestia nicely.
The colt gained an expression on his face that troubled Twilight, but he immediately gave a more neutral expression and said; "Sure, I know her coordinates and can give them to you so you can teleport there at once."
He gives them and before Twilight can protest; Celestia politely thanks him, assures him that whatever happens he won't be held responsible for his mares crimes and teleports them both away.
The moment they arrived at what appeared to be a cave complex, Twilight immediately turned to Celestia. "Um, Princess Celestia? Are you sure it was a good idea to take his word on that? What if he lied?
Celestia smiled, "Not to worry Twilight, I've had centuries of experience telling if foals are lying to me or not...well, that and I cast a lie-detector spell before we talked. Needless to say, he was telling the truth when he said 'My designated Mare is at these coordinates'. Now enough dilly dallying, we need to arrest this mare! It was bad enough to threaten my sister, build up all those horrible traps to maim and hurt so many innocent ponies...but to bring an innocent little colt into the middle of this mess!?" She gave an enraged snort so profound, steam came out of her nose. "I tell you, she'll be lucky to only be in Tarterus when I'm through with her!" She snaps as she trots off...with Twilight reluctantly following...
She was getting a bad feeling about this...why did that expression that colt made before they left bother her...and why did it seem so familiar...?
...Many years ago...
I built an entire model of Canterlot city!" Squeaked a filly Twilight happily to the teacher aide who was judging her entry.
The mare snorts, "Well, that is impressive. I'm sure you and your MOM had a fun time building it." She said derisively.
Twilight looked hurt, "What? But I made it myself!"
"Whatever you say kido." Said the mare dismissively as she walked away...
Twilight just glares after her...
...
Twilight frowned, why was she remembering that after all this time...?
"Huh, now who would leave a perfectly good Ponykin in a place like this?" Twilight looked up from her musings and saw that indeed, there was an abandoned Ponykin lying on the cavern floor...
With words spray painted across it:
Property of Dipper Pines
As well as a nametag that said: 'Hello! My Name is Designated Mare.'
Twilight's eyes widen in realization why that look that colt gave them bothered her so much...it was the same look she'd had as a filly everytime people assumed...someone else did HER work.
"Oh, buck me-
BOOM!
Ponies from miles around would marvel at the firestorm that destroyed the local cave system...
...III...
TO BE CONTINUED?
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10888369
Next chapter is up! Enjoy!
HAHAHA
assume and get wrecked
i been asking this question for awhile now you have Dipper labeled as a Colt which is a child but shipped with Twilight who is an adult. Im curious on how that would happen in the first place
10903053
this is a Reverse Gender Role Equestria (RGRE) as far as I can tell
so this isn't a ship, more of the stallions for 'reasons', are usually doing the cooking, cleaning, raising foals, and sometimes wearing dresses cause their sissies
also for more 'reasons', they are rare and need to be 'protected', usually assigned to a filly at birth or to a mare to keep them 'safe'
10903165
Ah gotcha thx
10903413
You're Welcome~
I want to see more
I wonder how long it'll be until the other mares accept that Dipper did the work? In my opinion, it'll go like so.
Fluttershy
Pinkie Pie
Rarity
Rainbow Dash
Applejack
Is this about right or are they going to be stubborn idiots?
10905508
Eh...actually, after this, Twilight will accept Dipper is responsible...and a BIG moment for her will be to tell the mane 6 to stop being stubborn idiots and just accept that Dipper was responsible...I haven't worked out all the details yet...
10903165
10903053
Well...yes to the first and third...but no to the second...that's just weird...
As for primo's question, they will be shipped together...mostly because I'm annoyed at how my favorite ship didn't pan out just because the guy was 'too young'....they had great chemistry, they made each other happy, they were great friends...he nearly DIED for her...but NO apparently, because he's 'too young' all those other reasons are apparently irrelevant....it's aggravating...
Well, that and let's be honest all the 'normal' shipping types have been played out...but not this one, it's been barely touched. Let's do something new and exciting I say!
10905786
Well, if the rest of the Mane 6 had to discover it one their own, do you think the order I had is about right?
Also, I'd like to see Dipper and Spike interact, I even had a fun little idea for how they meet each other, if you're interested.
10905871
eh....sure, why not?
sure, lay it on me.
10906227
I made the list by their overall attitude, understanding, and overall stubbornness.
Anyway, Spike, like Twilight, believes that Dipper is the one responsible for everything. So, he goes into the Everfree, using a path shown to him by Zecora. And before he gets into the 'danger zone', he pulls out a white flag and waves it around asking to meet, male to male.
Dipper lets him in and they talk, with Spike finding out that Dipper is somehow receiving Celestia's letters. They talk about how annoying it is being looked down on just because of their age and gender.
Also, is this Designated Mare thing only for ponies or is it for other species?
10906595
Oh...well...too be honest I had something else planned...but this is good! I'll try to add it too!
Gee...I don't know, I only planned for ponies...but I guess it could maybe change in the future?
10906821
Glad you like it!
Honestly, I was just curious. Come on, you're saying that Dipper wouldn't go nuts wondering about the various species, like Dragons, Griffons, Changlings, Kirins, etc?
10906839
Oh, defiently, that's why I said it was a good idea...
10888369
Okay, new month! would you like to pay for a new update?
I love this
Pls update. This is soooo goood.
11264459
Sorry, a lot of my updates depend on commissions theses days. My rent went up, what can you do?
11264689
Save about 55% of your income put the rest of it towards your food and bills and living expenses you can actually pull this off don't buy unnecessary snacks or foods that you can otherwise make at home there are actually a couple of great YouTube channels that show how to make food on a budget I might actually show these to you if you really need help
11319999
wow...thanks..that's some solid advice...
11320067
Always happy to help and I love your story it's hilarious and I want to see more so if anything I can do helps the process of making another chapter I'll suggested it
11320075
Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.
11320459
https://youtube.com/c/strugglemeals here's a YouTube channel that does delicious meals from cheap ingredients they even teach you ways to save money on ingredients
11320469
wow, thank you.
Good story, would like to know if or when it gets finished though.
11615182
This was a commission....but for some reason the guy never contacted me again after the third chapter...so your guess is as good as mine...
If you or someone you know, wants to pay to finish it, I'd be okay with that...