• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Shadowmane PX-41


Just your average british lad. I write things for a living. It’s the strangest living you’ll ever find, second only to my inability to take myself off of the grid.

E

Keychain lives a simple life alone in his house, pays his bills and taxes, and has a quiet, peaceful rhythm he finds contention with. Nothing really seems special about it at first, but all that is about to change with the arrival of one small little visitor...

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 49 )

Wow, that picture is adorable!

...Okay, yeah... I've got some major issues. From my first impression of Keychain, my first thought was "Oh god, this guy's such a wet blanket." Seriously, instead of complaining about how dull his life is, he should honestly go on and about changing it. Personally, I hope Fluttershy and her cuteness just doesn't carry the story, really I hope it doesn't. What should happen as Fluttershy is cared for, somehow our protagonist should realize that he needs to change his life around and start getting more outgoing.

He shouldn't be a reader surrogate, reacting to how cute everything is. He needs to be his own man in my opinion.

Sorry if I seem unnecessarily harsh here, but I'm just giving my honest opinion. I want to help you do better. Like, I seriously do.

9715502
It's fine, Brick. It's totally fine. I can always make some changes along the way. This is, after all, day one of the fic. Come later chapters, I can give him some changes, make him seem like he has some spine, some backbone, some fight even.

9715505
Yeah, I need to know more about this guy. What are his friends, hobbies, etc outside of being a logger and caring for Fluttershy.

9715507
And we'll get to that in due time. I promise that to you, my friend.

I.....I really want da Fluttershy. I want to adopt her. She be mine.

This is a pretty interesting story so far.

Keep up the good work. :)

I have a feeling that she is saying "oni-chan" like some kind of cliche anime style, not gonna lie this is pretty nice

That's a sickeningly adorable cover pic.

Favorited already. Love the pic as well.

Okay, now this is sooooooooo much better. I'm seeing you took that advice I gave you over DIscord to heart. Our lead's definitely a more than a Barney the Dinosaur character as you so eloquently put it, he's so much more dynamic and quite, quite enjoyable. Can't wait to see what comes next.

I really would like to see this story continue. The idea of Fluttershy as a little human girl is refreshing, and Keychain seems to be adjusting to be more understanding of his new gift.

I am watching this story... So damn cute!!

This is great! Little Flutters Bowling. So cute~

Currently my favorite story on Fimfiction.

Can't wait for the next chapter!

9733980
I’m working on it, don’t worry. I’m just trying to think about how a shopping trip would look without it seeming boring...

9734022
I'm sure you'll find a way. :twilightsmile:

aww.

Don't worry Key, knowing Flutters, she'll probably like them. :twilightsmile:

And so Angel Bunny made an appearance. <3

9734274
I managed to find a way at last.

9721043
Well, it’s been a hectic few days, but continue it shall!

Okay, I like how Key's friends are pushing him into becoming more proactive about his life, god knows we don't want My Little Dashie 2.0 here. ...Though it does worry me about what happened to Fluttershy's parents and what the hell happened to them or why they're not around. Is she that shy naturally, or is there something far more frightening to consider...

So.. cute!! I like this story. It reminds me of My Little Dashie in a way. Loved that story.

...Small steps Key, small steps.

Also, those have to be the most amazingly embarrassing parents ever. Because my god!

9747998
I don't think you need to ask them. If they're tracking this story they probably have. May not have gotten around to it, but they probably saw it at least.

9748121
I know, I know. I just get this constant feeling that the only way to know if people have truly enjoyed what you’ve written is when they leave comments.

I write pretty much every story for comments, as they tell me the best whether or not I’ve done good as a writer or terribly because I’ve made mistakes.

Sorry if it seems like nagging.

9748167
You can't force comments, people will do that on their own time. Least they like the story, am I correct? That should be enough.

9748187
Yeah. So long as I’ve succeeded at putting a smile on their faces, I’m happy.

Glad you were able to continue this story. I was hoping to see more of how Keychain and Fluttershy get along and develop the relationship together

...Key doesn't know it, but he could make a very good daddy.

Lemon tried to conceptualise Cyber Shock with a girlfriend, but her mind was static on that front.

Lemon, for all you know Cyber could be like Egon Spengler or Tim McGee and be very viable to the ladies.

This is cute, but it would be cool if Keychain wasn’t a conventional slice-of-life light novel protagonist. lame.

Interesting little chapter, even if it was mostly filler it did give us some look into Key's insights and his thought processes. Though I must ask, how long is it before something happens. I mean, Fluttershy alone just can't carry the story forever...

9753137
Oh, something WILL happen. Don’t worry about that.

So, this is interesting... I have a feeling there's more to this then what's being told. The way Fluttershy phrased things, and the fact that only now Fluttershy's parents are starting to come to light -seriously if I lost my kid I'd be searching the ends of the earth for her as soon as I lost her- it raises some very uncomfortable questions...

(Also, is it wrong to ship Lemon/Key?)

... those parents have abandoned their child, didn't they?

9812512
No. Not at all. They’ll find them in the end.

Fluttershy’s parents aren’t that heartless.

9812516

*wipes sweat off head* Oh thank goodness.

9812516
See, this I applaud you for. Anyone can come to write an adoption story, with the cliche child abandonment. It takes guts for the author to actually have loving, flawed parents who just lost their child -no evil involved- and the main is just going to give her back. At the very least, points to the unexpected.

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