Journals of the Royal Alchemist

by Ashfur

Entry 10: The Itch

February 20, 38 ANM

I wonder if I can convince Celestia to call this month Febrewary.

Anyway, I've got a problem. And… I'm not sure how to describe it. The castle's been quiet for the past couple days, since we're having some water issues I haven't been able to make any potions. And I feel… itchy, for lack of a better word. Really, really itchy, but not in a physical sense. I can't scratch it. It has no physical spot.

No, I'm not having an allergic reaction, believe me, I checked.

So, I went to see Celestia. Usually in these kinds of situations, she has experienced something similar, so she has some sage advice. Note to self: stock up on sage. Anyway, the meeting was very informative. I learned a lot of things.

---

The door to Celestia's room creaked open in the late evening. Celestia sat up, it wasn't like her guards to walk in unannounced, so she had to be prepared for anything.

In this case, 'anything' was Arcane Catalyst, who was shivering slightly and actively seemed sick. Some of his color had faded, he was sweating a bit, and there were bags starting to form under his eyes. "Princess-Boss? Do you have a moment?"

"Arca!?" Celestia was on her hooves in an instant. Here was one of her smartest and closest friends, despite his antics, and he looked like he was about ready to pass out. "What happened? Are you alright?"

Arca looked up, his movements slower and less erratic than normal. "I… I don't know. I can tell that something is wrong, but I don't know what. I haven't been sick in decades, and my spare dose of Grand Panacea didn't even work, so it's not an illness. I just feel so…"

"...itchy?" Celestia asked, finishing his sentence for him. Arcane's eyes went wide, blinking a few times.

"How- how in Tartarus did you know that?"

"Frankly, Arcane, I'm surprised it took you this long to start feeling it. Come here," she patted her bed with one hoof, quietly casting a soundproof spell on the room. "And take off your lab coat. I need to speak with Arca the alicorn, not the Arca my subjects know."

Arca looked around the room warily. It broke Celestia's heart to see him so scared about something he should have been proud of. Seemingly satisfied that there was no other creature in the room, Arcane Catalyst removed his lab coat and hung it on a nearby hook, revealing both his cutiemark, a shimmering red gemstone with a spiral pattern, and a pair of wings, which were horribly unkempt and in need of preening. Clambering up onto the bed, Arca let out a dejected sigh. "I hate this. I hate these," he remarked, flaring a wing out. "But, for you, I will reveal these… deformities."

"And you know I couldn't care less about what tribe or even species you are," she replied, nuzzling him. "Anyway, you said you were itchy, yes?" A nod. "Luna and I have the same problem. It's because we're not doing what we're supposed to do."

"I don't follow. Did I break a rule?"

Celestia wanted to jokingly point out that he'd broken at least a dozen by walking into her room unannounced, but this was a serious moment. "No. Why don't we test that brain of yours. I get itchy if the sun isn't in the sky by the time it should be, and it gets worse the longer I delay. Now, why do you think that is?"

Arca pondered for a minute before the answer fit him. "You're the alicorn of the sun."

"Indeed I am."

"So if you don't raise the sun…"

"It's like a warning system, Arca. It is my duty to raise the sun every morning and set it every evening. When I don't, my body lets me know, the same way my body lets me know when I'm hungry, or tired, or sore. For Luna, she got antsy when the moon is off-schedule. To this day I make sure it's on time, if only to make her time on the moon a tiny bit less painful. So tell me, then. What duty is Arcane Catalyst, the alicorn of innovation, ignoring?"

"Potions?"

"No."

"...bloodletting?"

"Bloodletting isn't the answer to everything amd you know that."

Arca placed a hoof to his chin in thought. If it wasn't either of those, it had to be something recent. Something directly correlated to when his 'itch' started. "...the rockslide. It redirected the river and caused the water shortage."

"And Canterlot will be in danger if somepony doesn't invent a solution." Celestia smiled. Already she could see the negative effects reversing as the gears turned in her alchemist's head. By the time he was done, he wouldn't even realize the 'itch' was gone.

"What if we built an aqueduct? No, that would take too long. Clearing the rockslide would cause too many problems logistically, so the best solution would be to try something with the river itself, but that wouldn't be good either because then we'd need to UNdo that once the rockslide is cleared." Arca was off the bed and pacing about. The solution was right there, his magic was nudging him in the right direction, he just needed to-

"THE MELTWATER!"

"Elaborate?" Celestia hadn't gotten off the bed, but she was smiling. This, this was the Arcane Catalyst she knew.

"The snow on the peak of the mountain drips down through the ground and into the caves under Canterlot like a natural filter. There's a lake down there! Remember? We used the island in the middle of it for the ritual to make the Philosopher's Stone and oh my stars I just realized how I can reuse that spot because the leylines are still twisted there. Be back later, Princess-Boss! I'M GONNA GO SOLVE A DROUGHT!" Without a further word, Arca was back in his lab coat and out the door.

Celestia got up from her bed and trotted over to the window to lower the sun. She didn't let it show, but her conversation with arca had taken her past when sunset was supposed to be, and she had been getting 'the itch' as well. Hers happened a lot faster, too. With that settled, she poured herself a glass of wine.

And then a knock came at the door. "Your Majesty?" A guard called from the other side. "A geyser just erupted in town square. The guards have already called a code Orange."

"Oh, buck me."

---

…So it turns out that if I'm not following my heart by making potions, especially NEW potions, my destiny is to innovate. To create. My cutiemark is pushing me to move the technology and magic of this world forward. Sounds like a fun hobby! And it gives me an excuse to cause explosions, since the biggest part of innovation is learning from your mistakes in experiments.

And I solved the water problem! See, the spot where I kinda-accidentally made and fused with the Philosopher's Stone has some REALLY potent magic as a side effect. Enough to let me mess with gravity. So I set up a permanent enchantment on the ritual site. There's a reverse waterfall, kinda like a geyser, shooting up to the roof of the cave, which is right under town square! A bit of digging and boom, fresh water for everypony. Celestia said she was proud of me, and we're gonna make a structure to help hold the water so the market isn't soggy all the time. She called it a 'fountain', and I bet it'll look great in town square.

On a side note, I'm itchy again. But this time it's because I accidentally invented itching powder.

Author's Note:

And once Again Arca simply does a science and innovates a (helpful) disaster.

Celestia should know better, but she also knows how hard it is to stop 'the itch'. It's part of why she lets Arca go wild on his experiments.

"Continue testing." -GlaDoS

Comments

[MLPMekarm]

why is glados here? she's a bot. not a pony. arca. get the thing.

[Ashfur]

11313351
Because Glados has the same 'itch' programmed into her, she explains it in portal 2.
It was the inspiration for this chapter.

[MLPMekarm]

11313356
well i'm still gonna sick Arca on her.

[Iron Comet]

Arca will invent Gunpowder eventually. At that point things will really get interesting.

[FrostTheWolf]

Something tells me that in the present day, if Razzle learns about 'the itch' without context, she'll definitely take it the wrong way.

[Ashfur]

11313447
Luckily for Arca it only happens when something needs inventing ASAP. If somepony else is already on the right track, he doesn't feel a thing.

But if you need a hoverboard McGyvered in 24 hours or less to save the world, Arca's on it. He has no choice. He loves it, honestly.

[Emtu]

The concept has been done to death, but I can't help thinking Arca visiting Aperture Labs would be entertaining. (Or at least playing the games.)

[Ashfur]

11313559
"JUNIPER GET THE CAULDRON WE'RE MAKING COMBUSTIBLE LEMONS"

[Lorddarkrai2000]

11313570
that will be added to the list of things never to see the light of day or made by anyone, especially Arca. By order of her Royal highness, Princess Celestia.

[Tatsurou]

...that author's note...
After recalling several different takes on Portal in Equestria, I am now picturing Glados trying to "test" Arca.

[reader238]

The last thing Arca with ever invent, when pony kind reaches the absolute pinnacle of innovation, is a potion that permanently cures the itch

[Ashfur]

11314034
Are you kidding, Arca and Gladis would likely get along swimmingly once Glados got used to keeping an eye in the explosion-prone, neurotoxin immune quadruped. His obsession with science would probably lead to him helping design the tests!

[Da Fennec]

Wonder what the range is? It would suck for Acra if the issue causing the itch is on the other side of the planet or maybe it would suck for everypony in between Acra and the problem

[theillustriousq]

I wonder how many… inventions can unintentionally be attributed to Arca.

Like, for instance, dynamite. XD

[Ashfur]

11315489
I feel like dynamite would be a downgrade from Arca's usual creations, tbh. Like buying the store-brand cola insteas of Coke or Pepsi.

[theillustriousq]

11315495
Nowadays it would. But someone had to invent it first. :P

[Ashfur]

11315598
"Your Majesty, the rocks are too tough to mine any deeper. Not unless we had a controlled explosive. But we NEED to reach the ore vein."

Celestia: "...Equestria will never recover from this, but somepony call Arca and tell him I have a request."

[Cheshirek4t]

11314331
Imagine if the cutie mark started dragging him by the rump, plowing through everything in the way

[Cheshirek4t]

11313351
Where?
Edit: nvm

[Bookwurm666]

"Frankly, Arcane, I'm surprised it took you this long to start feeling it. Come here," she patted her bed with one hoof, quietly casting a soundproof spell on the room. "And take off your lab coat. I need to speak with Arca the alicorn, not the Arca my subjects know."

called it

[MLPMekarm]

(a portal opens up in Arcane's lab with a man in a lab coat wearing an all to well known medallion)
Dr.Bright: pist. Arcane. you there??

[Ashfur]

11653153
Yes, I keep the site open all the time actually

[MLPMekarm]

11653215
Dr.Bright: great. here. (hands bright a cup with a strange potion)

[Draco Dei]

<SNIP> since we're having some water issues I haven't been able to make any potions. And I feel… itchy, for lack of a better word. <SNIP>

I wonder if he is going to invent the field of vegetable oil based potions?
Also, I wonder how Celestia's negotiations with the rain production and delivery Pegasi are going? Since they have something.to.do with how.she.met Arcane, I suspect she passed some laws decades ago, but apparently there is still room for problems. Or perhaps it is a LEGITIMATE snafu?

"Frankly, Arcane, I'm surprised it took you this long to start feeling it. Come here," she patted her bed with one hoof, quietly casting a soundproof spell on the room.

Ah... So she I'm as the symptoms of C.M.F.I.S. (Cutie-Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome)?

"And take off your lab coat. I need to speak with Arca the alicorn, not the Arca my subjects know."

Oh... I guess Alicorns have a worse version of it than normal Ponies? That would help explain NMM, and a related effect could explain why Twilight flipped from 'run' to 'fight' when Tirek destroyed her treebrary.

"Bloodletting isn't the answer to everything amd you know that."

and

Arca placed a hoof to his chin in thought. If it wasn't either of those, it had to be something recent. Something directly correlated to when his 'itch' started. "...the rockslide. It redirected the river and caused the water shortage."

Ah! So the Pegasi are probably doing their job and may even be the reason why Canterlot hasn't had to be evacuated.