Alicorns, an Orangutan, and L-Space

by Honey Mead

Prologue

Alicorns, an Orangutan, and L-Space
Written by: Honey Mead
Pre-read by: Doomande and Ponky

Prologue 1

Enter Great A’tuin, The Star Turtle. So massive is he(1) in size that meteors are minor annoyances. Riding on his back are four gigantic elephants who carry an entire planet resting across their backs. This planet is almost unique(2) in that it is flat. This is Discworld, as it is known by all those born on its flat surface. It is also unique(3) in that its ‘Creator’ decided to use magic, rather than the more conventional laws of physics, to run things.

The surface of Discworld is composed of three continents. The second smallest is known simply as XXXX. And will hence never be mentioned again in this story. The smallest is little more than a collection of islands that sit on the far edge of the disc, opposite the rest of the continents and is known as the ‘Counterweight Continent’(4). For many generations the existence of this continent was no more than a theory(5).

Our story, however, begins in neither of these places. Rather, it starts where all good stories start.... Ankh-Morpork.

Ankh-Morpork, The City of Cities. Center of trade and culture(6). Where everything is for sale for the right price(7). Where the Trolls walk next to Dwarves and a Zombie runs the largest law firm in the history of law firms. Where anyone can walk on water(8). And where anything is possible, because as far as the wizards of the Unseen University are concerned impossible isn’t even a word(9).

That is correct, Ankh-Morpork is the home of The Unseen University, the center of all magic and learning on Discworld. It boasts a history that stretches back to a time before there were histories to stretch back to(10). The greatest of wizards have all walked its prestigious halls, many of them never stepping outside said halls again. Of all the tall towers and grand halls that fill its walls none are more treasured or dangerous than the Unseen Library.

There is an old saying that ‘Knowledge is Power’. This is very true. Unfortunately, most people forget that books contain knowledge. The offshoot of this fact is that books contain power and when you stuff enough power into a single location, well, strange things can happen.

The two most important side-effects are the “Restricted” section and L-space. The “Restricted” section is where all the most knowledgeable--therefore powerful--books are kept. These books contain so much knowledge--read power--that they have to be chained to the shelves, lest they find unsuspecting wizards and force them to read their very dangerous pages. Indeed ‘Ge Fordge's Compenydyum of Sex Majick’ must be kept inside a bathtub filled with ice, lest it burst into flames.

L-space is only slightly more dangerous. The sheer number of books, and therefore power, that has been collected within the walls of the Unseen Library has had the unintended side-effect of warping space time around itself. Indeed, this warping occurs in any sufficiently large library, thus connecting every library to every other library in every plane of the multiverse.

The offshoot of L-space is that every book that has ever been written, or ever will be written, is readily available to anyone brave--or dumb--enough to tempt Fate by entering L-space.

}{AOL}{

“OOK! OOK!” Long arms covered in thick orange fur flailed through the air as the Librarian chased the young wizards out of his Library.

The soft shimmer in the air faded slowly as the squat form shuffled back to the front desk and the bushel of bananas that awaited his attentions. That was the third time in as many days that the newest class of fledgling wizards had tried to sneak past his watchful gaze to steal a copy of the next year’s test from the future.

“Oook, ook ooook ook.” he muttered.

Snagging the brass wrung above the desk he pulled himself up until he could grip it in his right foot. Doing so he hung upside down and began the delicate process of peeling a banana(11).

With supreme restraint, he lifted the pale yellow fruit to his eagerly awaiting mouth.

SCREEEEEEEEECCCCHHHHHH!!!!

Muscles contracted and the banana flew out of its peel, and in conformity to the unwritten laws of comic relief, splattered messily across his face.

“OOOOK!” the librarian screeched in rage.

A massive brown hand wiped the mashed fruit off his protruding jaws and flung it angrily to the floor. He recognized that sound. L-space was being violated.

“Ook ook ook ook!” he grumbled in annoyance.

As the Librarian the library was his domain, even the Archchancellor stepped lightly around the Librarian and his books, and woe to the wizard who returned a book late. He took great pride in making sure that every book was kept in its proper place(12) and the protection of walls of reality that were constantly under threat. He was the only inhabitant of the Unseen University with authorization to fiddle around with L-space, and even he treated it with due trepidation.

SCREEEEEEEEECCCCHHHHHH!!!!

Swinging mightily he launched himself from the rung and began to swing from bookshelf to bookshelf with amazing speed. Years of practice enabled him to avoid the rather irate books snapping at his fingers. Clearing half the library in a matter of seconds he came to a large open space with a few tables and chairs set up for wizards to use while studying.

A great rend in reality floated above the central table, edges glowing with ethereal light.

Dropping to the floor he looked around for the culprits.

“Ook?” he asked in a kind voice. “Ooook? Ook?” No matter how he called or where he looked there was no one here save for himself.

SCREEEEEEEEECCCCHHHHHH!!!!

The tear widened. The Librarian gazed through the rift in wonder. In all his years the Librarian had never seen a world quite like the one he was now witness to through the rupture in L-space.

“Ooooook,” was all he could say.

The colours were, for lack of a better word, bright. Pastel in nature, they looked more like a painting than a real place. Curiosity overtook years, knowledge, and discipline as he stepped closer to the rift in L-space.

SCREEEEEEEEECCCCHHHHHH!!!!

Light filled the cloister temporarily blinding the books unfortunate enough to have eyes. When it dissipated the rupture in L-space was gone. The Librarian was gone. The library was truly quiet for the first time as all its literary inhabitants took in the newcomer.

}{AOL}{

Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic, Protege of Princess Celestia, and, most importantly, head librarian of the Ponyville Library, glared angrily at the tome resting on the table before her. This was not a common practice of hers, she genuinely loved most books. This particular book, however, was causing her a migraine to worsen.

It had started when Ditzy Doo made the latest delivery of books to the library, an event normally met with joyous exuberance. Twilight had been on a spending spree and ordered almost five hundred new books to fill the library’s shelves(13). She had been busy reorganizing the entire library to fit these newest books when a rather loud and angry screech tore through the usually quiet tree(14).

The sourceless noise blared three more times and drove the poor lavender unicorn to curl up in a corner with her forelegs wrapped tightly over her ears before it stopped.

Finally deciding that whatever had caused the offensive noise had stopped, Twilight stood up and immediately spotted the out of place book.

Lifting it in a haze of telekinetic magic she floated it to her podium. Thus we return to the events of the current time stream with Twilight reading the book’s title for the fifth time, speaking the words out loud for the first, “The Joy of Tantric Sex with Illustrations for the Advanced Student,by A.Lady.” Twilight grimaced, “Now I know I didn’t order this book.”

Unable to let a mystery sit, she promptly decided to read said book. The cover peeled back revealing another cover page that did little more than repeat the cover. The next page began to pull back, the next page coming with it. Twilight groused a moment about the mistreatment of books before casting an appropriate spell to separate the pages without causing undue damage. The pages easily fell apart.

Her eyes barely touched the first page before the cover slammed shut. For the first time in her life Twilight considered committing the most grievous sin a librarian could.

Her soul was saved when, in accordance with the laws of dramatic timing, a great cacophony of breaking wood emanated from the adjacent room.

“Oh, no. What now?” she bemoaned, before sprinting across the library to the still unexplained new room.

}{AOL}{

The definitively orange Librarian gripped his head with his rather large hands and groaned, “Ooooook.” Managing to open his eyes again he moaned, “Ooook.”

His precious library was gone. Instead he found himself standing in a very colourful, very pastel library. Worse still, this particular room seemed to be completely devoid of any books whatsoever.

Keeping one hand on his head he used the other to help balance as he loped to the only door in evidence along the walls.

Gripping the odd looking knob with his free hand he gave the door a pull. Nothing happened. Frowning, and in defiance of standard practice, he immediately tried to push. This, however, did no more good than pulling had. Being in no mood to deal with such nonsense the Librarian lifted both mighty hands above his head and swung.

}{AOL}{

Twilight skidded to a halt in the middle of a pile of wooden debris. The shattered remnants of a door--that she was certain hadn’t been there last time--were strewn about the floor of her library. Standing in the doorway--that she was certain hadn’t been there last time--was a rather large orange ape holding its head.

“Orangutan!”

“OOOOK!”

Comments

[Honey Mead]

OH Celestia! What have I done?
Please leave your thoughts. I love comments! Good and Bad.

If you don't like it please tell me why.

Hope you enjoyed it!

[EDIT] All Footnotes have been moved to a G-doc for your viewing pleasure.[/EDIT]

[Abel DuStable]

I think the only word I can sum up my reaction to this story is...

Ook.

*Chuckles* Sounds like a good start to me. I can hardly wait to see what happens next.

[Barrel-of-fun]

Sorry, but I found the over-use of notations a bit annoying, I know Terry Pratchett does it in his books but all things in moderation. Many of your notations would be much better if you simply split a sentence with a comma like this:

"It is also unique(3) in that its Creator decided to use magic...
...(3) Relatively speaking"
would become,
"It is also unique, relatively speaking, in that its Creator decided to use magic"

This improves the flow of the story greatly as the reader doesn't have to look down to where the notation actual is and can instead just keep reading. I would reccomend that you reserve notations for when you want to make a remark that is so long that it would ruin the flow of the sentence that it is in, such as your first note.

If you find that you've used 15 notations in a single chapter then you've probably gone too far

[Honey Mead]

1052586
Thanks, I will keep that in mind for the next chapter.

[Kereldrek]

...I would actually say that reducing the number of notations would be a detriment to the story; it's one of my favorite features of Terry Pratchett's works. Maybe you could try organizing them slightly differently? If you group them together more instead of putting them directly after the paragraph they refer to (maybe every time you change scenes), the flow of the story would be preserved. Changing their color is a good idea by the way; it makes them easy to distinguish from the rest of the text.

[Andy-025]

1052745 Agree with this guy now to read

[Andy-025]

Right now that I have read the story my advice keep the foot notes but move them to the bottom of the page

also the Librian is going to be happy noone ever refers to him as an organtang they make a mistake and use the m word

[Honey Mead]

1052835>>1052745
I will play around with them some more.... What would you say to having them in a separate Gdoc that is linked at the beginning of the chapter?

Barrel-of-fun has a point, I will make sure that the notes are noteworthy.

[Andy-025]

1052903 that'll work just do the great man justice

[FanOfMostEverything]

Well, it could've been worse. Twilight could've said "monkey." Then she'd really be in trouble.

In any case, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where you go with this. The Discworld is always entertaining, and the Librarian doubly so.

[Zhanuzi]

I'm sure a lot of fun can be brought by this
Discworld ftw~

[Honey Mead]

1052939
Right, so no pressure.

[Andy-025]

1056261 no presure just be glad I don't have the personality to trak you down and suicide you if screw up

*absolutely not a suspiciously specific denial*

[Masterweaver]

Are you going to be putting this in the Binkie Pie/Starswirl in Discworld continuity? Because if you are, I'm pretty sure Luna, Celestia, and Discord all started out on the disc.

[Honey Mead]

1057572
Um, no. If you are referring to that other story... I have not read it, and now that I have started this one I do not wish to cross contaminate.

[Loki]

Ook!

[Doomande]

Hey fun that you also know the anthem of Ankh-morpork. It's nice to see it in the description. It's so long since i saw it last time. And is always a good laugh

And to all of you that is to lazy to go op to the description again, here it is

[Marzipan Twist]

Where is the link to the doc with footnotes for Prologue 1? I can't figure out how to get to it.