- Member Since 17th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen April 17th
FabulousDivaRarity
I'm a Proud ABDL mommy. Writer of padded pony fics, a lot of fics about Shining Armor and his mom, several about Rainbow Dash and her family, and far more mom stories than you can imagine.
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FabulousDivaRarity · 3.6k words · 31 11 · 1.2k views
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Great job on this story!
This opens up lots of possibilities for the future and I tend to like stories like that.
Not bad but a lot more telling than showing with this one.
9536375
Eh, sometimes I feel like telling it needs just as much attention as showing it. There will likely be more showing than telling in the next installment.
9536368
Thank you! It wouldn't have happened without you!
9536391 Except one of the golden rules of story telling is "Show, don't tell". You need to be able to convey more and state less, otherwise the audience is less likely to feel connected.
9536406
I conveyed what I wanted. There wasn't a single word in here that I did not want said, or that I regret saying. I'm proud of where it went, and how it happened, especially because it happened so unexpectedly. How anyone else takes it is out of my hands. I released what I wanted into the world, and that's what matters to me.
I liked it a lot, not as much as the last two though.a lot of plot holes like why didn't Ocellus just transform into a dragon? Why didn't Yona just smash the tree? Why didn't they get Twilight? Where was the mention in harmony in this one? Why when Ocellus knocked didn't Smolder run to the bathroom or hide? I liked it as stated but I did have a lot of criticism. I look forward to seeing how this continues.
I can see how this story was easy to allow to write itself. It's quite natural and Ocellus is definitely an obvious choice for not only being the next to discover the 'secret' but also be level-minded about it.
Silver Stream and Ocellus are actually quite complimentary. Ocellus not only wants to learn all she can, but she also goes super-duper over-the-top to learn everything and anything. Perhaps her studying of Psychology could be best explained as going with her fear of becoming like Queen Chrysalis? That was her biggest fear and, knowing knowledge is power, Ocellus would learn how to make sure she didn't turn into the next tyrant queen of the Changelings.
In this case, her studies allowed her to approach Smolder's situation a bit differently than jovial Silver Stream. Silver Stream just likes making things as happy as can be while going over-the-top when it comes to being a great pal. So, given her enjoyment of caretaking, she's certainly more of a mommy than Ocellus could be. However Ocellus will be able to do one thing for Smolder that Silver Stream can't. this being to provide her comfort in knowing she's not alone in having such needs and, in all likelihood, she isn't the only dragon who may wish for this to be an okay thing.
Shame is a terrible emotion. Silver Stream provides ove while Ocellus provides information to turn shame into "It's just me and I love being me.".
Smolder, for her part, is struggling most from being a dragon who came to like cute things. This evolved into wanting to see what it is like to be loved and not treated as a brute who follows the dragon stereotype set forth in the culture of The Dragon lands.
Each character also had genuine cause to not find sleep easy that night. Stress, fear, and anxiety filled each of our characters respectively. However, as is well written here, once all those worries were put to rest it allowed Silver Stream, Smolder, and Ocellus the ability to feel at ease, get sleepy, and feel better about the coming day.
I'm enjoying this series i love a good fluff story every now and then. I was thinking about who else in the young six that would've discovered Silversteam and Smolder's secret and not be weirded out or tease them about it and i came up with a second character who could've found out and that would've been Yona. She could've found out and much like Ocelius would've accepted it with little question. She is a surprisingly understanding yak. All she would do is question why and support them blindly because despite her outword appearance she would never mock or tease them. In fact i'd guarantee she'd want to join them and support them because that is one of Yona's strongest characteristics she cares very deeply for her friends (moreso when it comes to Sandbar if the series finale is anything to go by). That is why i think Yona could've also been the one to find out their secret
so freakin cute!