• Member Since 19th Jul, 2018
  • offline last seen Wednesday

Jay Watson

Fan Writer of My Little Pony


Princess Twilight is throwing a party for her family, friends and their families too at the Castle of Friendship for Hearth's Warming. She and Pinkie have been planning this celebration for a number of moons; getting everypony on the guest list committed to being there. This will be the first time they will all be together under one roof with their families; a tradition Twilight would like very much to continue.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 11 )

I like this -- it's a solid start, and you're doing all the characters really well, in particular Starlight, who always seems to be hiding something, even when she shouldn't need to. Keep at it!

“Oh no I’m not suggesting, I’m telling the three time champion cake baker of Sire’s Hollow’s Summer Sun Festival’s bake-off he’s incapable of making enough for this party.” She pointed a forehoof at him, as if daring her dad to pick up the gauntlet being thrown down.

Now that is a Starlight Glimmer comeback -- very much in keeping with her hidden "no nonsense" confident side, which only comes out when she's not stressing about things. Nice!

Actually, the lost friend that changed her life for the worst is a call back and tribute to a previous character Kelly Sheridan played.

If you ever watched Ranma 1/2, Kelly plays Ukyo Kounji, who has an identical backstory to Starlight Glimmer . Ukyo and Ranma were close childhood friends, but he ended up having to abandon her, which sends her down a path of vengeance where her goal is to kill Ranma and his father.

And her old mane style is based closely on another of Kelly's past characters, Sango from Inu Yasha.


Thank you for the helpful input, I have made the corrections to the manuscript and will update the first two chapters once more gets finalized and posted. I was hoping somepony from fandom would take kindly to reviewing my work and give feedback. I do so hope to impress more with later chapter postings. It's a little hard to gage if what I'm writing is anything anypony would like to read or not.

I don’t think anyone has a floor map for Twilight’s castle.

Very engaging. The scene at her mother's grave made me tear up. Love Firefly and Starlight's playful dialogue.

Still very engaging. I can feel a storm brewing between Sunburst's parents. Could you describe Sunburst's father and sister?

Nova is the OC that I came up with; I wanted Sunburst to have a slightly bratty little (but still loving) sister. Like lots of other fillies her age, she's fangirl of Princess Twilight, longs to have an 'awesome' cutie mark and really hasn't given much thought to magic even though she's a unicorn. She thinks magic is 'cool' but hasn't a clues about it; believes her brother is 'bookworm' and wishes he would just tell Starlight Glimmer how he feels about her. She's young but not clueless.

Sunspot is, by most accords of the fandom, a successful businesspony of some kind (I made him a venture capitalist and local real-estate developer who finances start up/struggling businesses). He has a more 'hoofs off' approach to foal-rearing; allowing Sunburst to find his path in life, unlike Steller Flare. A caring father who, perhaps, spent too much time in the office and not enough with the family at home; success has a price.

That scene at the graveyard made me tear up. Very impactful.

“Yee-haw! Time to celebrate!” Apple Bloom shouted, eager to start having a good time after so much hard work in preparation.

You don't need to comment on how your characters are feeling. Let the dialogue tell us that.

Sunspot was/is seen in the season 5 finale when Starlight takes Spike and Twilight back in time to show them Sire's Hollow and she and Sunburst as foals. Nova, my OC for this story, looks something like a mini version of her mom except the hair is long and she wears it in two pigtails.

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