• Member Since 9th Nov, 2015
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Crackshipper par excellence


Comments ( 140 )

Don't have time at the moment for the detailed sort of stuff I've been doing with Featherfall, but these stood out to me:
"a light voice chirped next to her."
"a light voice chirped next to me."?

"the final word left her lips Aria"
"the final word left my lips Aria"?

...Apparently this is also the first comment? Huh. Well, anyway, looks like a pretty good start to the story. :)

yeah, we'll see how people react to it, like I said this is mostly just me practicing something relatively new. Thanks for the aid though. :twilightsmile:

"Alcohol consumption"

They gettin' drunk?

In one of the chapters

You're welcome, and good luck. :)

Hoo boy, I can tell this is going to be a good one...

I dig this, a lot. Great job doing a new spin on the sirens while keeping them in character.

The Sirens are some of my favorite characters, they have very distinct personalities that I love bringing out. :twilightsmile:

This, this right here is how you do romantic erotica. This isn’t clop this is two characters “making love” even if they say they aren’t. We need more of this kind of writing on this site, not the vulgar messy no plot tripe that is constantly flooding the feature box. Well done.

I'm flattered, and very glad you enjoyed it. It only gets gayer from here, though :twilightsmile:

This, this is like Punk Rock said, romantic erotica, not that trash we get in the featured box every damn fucking week. This is love-making, not just sex. And for that, I applaud you.

Also, what is it with you with Sunset and bad girls? Who next, Sunset/Tempest?

That... that already happened in Dead by Sunset

Also I think my thing with Sunset and bad girls is because Sunset is, herself, a bad girl on the path of reformation but is still drawn to that part of her life.

True, there is that. She can empathize with them really.

Ah, I never read that, but I am not surprised in the slightest really.

I'll start this by admitting that, overall, this isn't really the right story for me. I don't care too much for sex scenes in writing--nothing against them, they just don't usually do too much for me--and looking at the second chapter, I get the impression that it'd just be too much of the story I'd be skimming through to really assess it fairly if I were to read more. Between that and a handful of pet peeves of mine this story checks off--which I'm not going to criticize you for, because there's no reason you should cater to anyone's tastes but your own--I'm not sure how much more I want to read.

That being said, a few remarks on the first chapters:

The grammar's a little bit iffy in places, especially with semicolons. The rule there is that a semicolon separates two independent clauses, which means each bit should be a complete sentence in its own right. To use some examples from this story:

I went to move but my arms protested loudly; I was so tensed up that I’d been gripping the arms of the easy chair until my knuckles had gone white, and a distinctive warmth between my legs told me that I was definitely in need of some female company at some point soon.

This is correct, since the semicolon divides two chunks that could both be sentences in their own right.

“The good kind, too; a real upscale sorta place.”

This is wrong, since "a real upscale sorta place" doesn't have a verb and so isn't a complete sentence. And there is, I would say, more flexibility for grammar in dialogue than elsewhere, but I think semicolons are already rare enough that they stick out, so I'd shy away from using them in dialogue where possible.

I'd probably also consider dialing back the italics a bit. That's a lot more subjective, so I don't know exactly when they're good, but they started standing out here, and not in a great way. I think they lose their impact a bit when they're overused.

Some positives next!

Aria. Pole dancing.

Oh my god yes. That alone makes me happy this story's a thing, seriously.

And, on top of that, as far as situations the sirens end up in post-Battle, this one is nicely positive in a way that really suits them. I've always liked the idea that Adagio's got enough cleverness and dedication that she'd excel at just about anything given adequate time and motivation, so seeing her and her sisters running a successful establishment is just such a great image. And it works well with Sunset's situation to give them a reason to meet each other.

In this chapter, it's a small thing, but I do adore how Aria's putting up her rules as being so not up for discussion--I can only assume the sirens would find out pretty quickly that they can set their standards outrageously high and still get a date by clicking their fingers, so it makes total sense to me that they'd be picky because they know they can get away with it.

So, overall, I love the idea, I think it's great to see more of the ship, there are a number of nice little touches, and I think there's a fair bit to like in how you're characterizing them, but I'm just not sure this story's for me. I really hope you keep writing it, though.

Sorry for the ginormous comment :twilightsheepish: I hope there's something helpful here!

Was a little concerned this was going to devolve into just porn, but instead I was pleasantly surprised by smutty character development! Looking forward to the next chapter.

There’s an adage about writing that I follow to the letter, which is that every part of the story that’s written must do one of two things: advance the plot or explore the characters.

I genuinely don’t think I’m capable of writing ‘just porn’ because a simple sex scene doesn’t really advance the plot nor does it really explore what makes the characters who they are.

This story is sort of my challenge to myself to use sex in a relationship to explore the characters themselves and the plot. To write a story that’s, like any romance, about the character’s relationship, but making it specifically about their sexual relationship.

You’ve definitely handled it well. All my stories just use sex as punchlines :rainbowlaugh:

I appreciate the criticism, as I’m fond of telling people: I am a storyteller not a writer. My technical writing skills aren’t what you’d call exceptional but I can weave a narrative like a motherf*cker.

I completely understand your reticence on continuing, not everything is for everyone obviously, and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. I’m never put off by long comments as they just represent the fact that someone took a substantial piece of their time to talk to me. As for continuing writing this?

This story is actually done. I’m just taking a bit of time to edit it post-writing but the story is finished and loaded on fimfiction unpublished while I edit. So it’ll all be up soon, two chapters per week, tues/thurs.

Does Sunset have her empathic powers in this universe?

The answer is technically yes, but as in the show she would need to actually use her geode to use her powers.

What the hell was I doing?

No, I decided, Aria had the right idea. A one night stand: mutually fun sex that was good for both of us, and that was all it was. No need to make it more complicated than it had to be, and no need to read into something that wasn’t there.

I was just overthinking things. What had happened had happened and it was fun, but it was over.


Yeah, sure... Keep telling yourself that Shimmer and you might believe it.

I-A-M? Once again you show your talent! This first chapter was sexy and comical as all hell! Poor Sunset, she doesn’t fully know just how lucky she is. Also, not sure if it is or not but nice nod to your other stories with “Marexican” Tempest lol

Ah, I see you've got some cover art now; nice.

I’m in love with this story

It's a wip at the moment, but yeah, That's Aria's punky green cap and she'll be wearing her black cut-off vest. As per usual, that's Rhealm's art, the same who did the art for Featherfall.

I'm glad to hear it, this story was a lot of fun to write.

Ah, I did wonder a bit if it was partially complete or if that was just the style; it seemed good enough I could believe the latter. If it's the former, though, even better. :)

Now this is some delicious A+ SunAria content right here!

Please sir, can I have some more :twilightsmile:

I’m glad you enjoy it :twilightsmile:

More to come tomorrow!

I swear to God you're in my head, because you write Aria pretty much EXACTLY the same way I write her. Like, not like you looked at my work and took notes and replicated the style, but like you're just stealing the words straight out of my brain and putting them on paper.

That's probably my favorite part about this whole fic, is just seeing someone else who just kind of sees Aria the same way I do, and making it all that much more enjoyable for it. Your writing alone makes this an enjoyable read, but the execution of the characters, all who have been in it so far but ESPECIALLY Sunset and Aria's, has been top notch quality!

I'm gushing over how much I love the chemistry between Sunset and Aria here because its everything I've always wanted and more, and literally how I always pictured the two of them. Like the smut is amazing no doubt, but its amazing BECAUSE of who is involved and everything they're going through while it happens and I just, I can't even.

This is easily one of my all-time favorite fics now and I'm eagerly excited for more because it is just that perfect~

So this is sort of a reverse gushing now because Silent Ponyville was one of the first fics I ever read on this site and remains to date one of my favorite series of horror fics I’ve ever read.

I’m really flattered you enjoy this story so much because I really enjoyed yours as well.

To say those words over and over.

Oh… this was bad. This was very bad.

Is it Sunset?

(Also, love the new cover art!)

Nothing in particular to say, but I enjoyed the chapter. :)

Always happy to hear it :twilightsmile:

Adagio's version of the big sister talk... shudders Despite the fact that Aria may very well be choosing Sunset as her lifemate so to speak, why am I worried? Like very worried? Like Life in the Fast Lane Eagles worried?

Ooooo, that sweet, sweet Siren lore~ I love it!

Though I have my doubts that this story is purely about the heated romance of Aria and Sunset (I could be wrong and it could be!), but it definitely feels like there's an inferno waiting to happen and the two of them are gonna get caught in. And I can't wait to see how hot the first burns~

this is largely about Sunset and Aria, the story is already complete. It's not going to be a huge, insane epic like Featherfall ended up being. It's mostly just cute, fluffy, and smutty with some nice meaty conflict and drama thrown in to keep things real.

That works 200% for me all the same! I'll enjoy the ride because its been amazing so far :twilightsmile:

Most stories that have the sirens in them have the trio as little more than mortals hating the world after they lose their powers. Mostly just angry teenagers that they appear as.

This story though. This fucking story IS HOW YOU WRITE THE GODDAMN SIRENS!!!

As though they are the immortals they had been/still are. The amulets made them demigods but without them, they are still otherworldly and alien. Sure they wear the skin of a human, but their hearts are that of a creature at the top of the food chain. Personal headcanon has it that the amulets made them evil, but it's not what made them predators. This story hits all the right notes for me when it comes to how characters should/would interact in the situations presented to them.

And to top it all off, you have an amazing portrayal of Sunset. Lots of authors focus on her weaknesses or make her vulnerable for the sake of making her vulnerable. Everyone forgets that she was so ambitious as to try and defeat the GOD OF THE SUN for not deifying her. Ambition can be negative and so many people focus on that, but ambition can be a boon when focused. And this Sunset has the will and drive to tangle with an immortal, because Sunset Shimmer is nothing if not stubborn as fuck and ambitious as hell.

I’m really glad you approve of my portrayal and characterization of the Sirens and of Sunset. I deeply enjoy writing the Sirens, they feature in most of my stories, Dead by Sunset and Featherfall both feature them as main cast somewhere in there.

Portraying their immortality is important to me because, you’re right, very few people seem to bother with giving them that nature as creatures who have seen ages pass them by. I enjoy making the effort of giving people the sense that Adagio, Aria, and Sonata have lived for a long time and seen many things, and how that has left an imprint on them.

I treat them almost like elves or other long-lives races, with a kind of melancholy about them. The last chapter of Featherfall I posted had a lot of that from Adagio.

I'll be 100% honest, I love Featherfall but a combination of me getting busy with life and you updating like a madman have caused me to be quite behind. I'm only between a fourth and a third of the way through it. I'm just waiting now for it to finish so I won't have to wait on any cliffhangers haha.

But back to sirens, yes yes yes. Those are my thoughts exactly. I like the concept of immortals and long lived beings. There are many routes to go portraying them but it is a definite core of their character that helped shape them. Lots of stories tend to forget that (especially with Celestia, Luna, and Discord).

On a completely random note, since you are an excellent crackshipper, what are the chances of a Sunset x Tempest fic in the future? The small Tempest cameo put the idea in my head haha :pinkiehappy:

I may be forgetting something, but I can't seem to dredge up the memory or find it anywhere previously in the story: what prior blackmail (or leverage) are Adagio and Sunset talking about near the beginning of the chapter?

Also, this one stood out enough to me to note:
"You think you can you keep me?"
"You think you can keep me?"?

Oh, and I'm low on time at the moment, but as I noticed it mentioned in the comments, I'll remark that I also like the expression of the age of the sirens. :)

While it wasn't a romance, Tempest x Sunset happened in Dead by Sunset, lol. As for a Tempest x Sunset standalone fic? I'm not really sure. I only ever write a story if I feel like I have a story to tell. That is to say, I don't just write to make a ship, I write because I have a story involving the two characters that I want to explore. Rules was born from the multiple stories I'd written where Sunset and Aria had really fun interactions and conversations, even if they were short, which led to me wanting to give them their own love story. Featherfall came from a desire to see Gilda written as something other than the painfully one-dimensional thug-type villain she always is in Anon-A-Miss and other stories, and make her a real, and interesting character.
So it wasn't blackmail, but it was 'leverage'. In the first chapter Adagio orders Sonata to basically bribe Sunset with free stuff, and then has Aria get her a free invitation to her performance, where Adagio herself comes out and essentially announces to a lot of their wealthiest patrons that she and Sunset are besties. This makes Sunset recognisable and would make any move that Sunset made against the Sirens painfully obvious. Adagio did it because she knew Sunset wouldn't trust her and wanted to make anything Sunset did against her and her sisters more difficult if it came to it.

Totally understand. Write what you feel and I'm incredible likely to read the shipping fics because I'm a sucker for lesbian horses (or their human equivalents) apparently haha. Speaking of Gilda, she's one of my favorite characters in the whole series and there are sooooooooo few fics that do her any justice. I'm pretty sure Featherfall is the best Gilda fic on this site. No, I'm positive that Featherfall is the best Gilda fic period. Random Gilda fact: Her VA is also the voice of Revy from the anime Black Lagoon, which is one of my favorite shows of all time. Also super violent and lots of swearing. Odd note about Black Lagoon is that a lot of the VAs usually do kids shows and not violent anime. Which is interesting when you realize that Rainbow Dash is also one of the most creepy kids I've ever seen in a show, Rarity is a terminator maid basically, Twilight Velvet is an uber badass Russian, and Spike is a kid that gets wrapped up in many insane things (which isn't so different from MLP now that I think about it).

But yeah, if it wasn't already obvious, I think you're a great writer and I like your stories. I'll have to check out Dead by Sunset since it originally didn't fall across my radar (mostly because I haven't played more than a couple hours of Dead by Daylight).

Ah, thanks! :)
...Though I am now wondering what else they have contingency plans for. :D

Some say you can’t fight fire with fire, but as my old pyrothurgy professor used to say: ‘Of course you can fight fire with fire! You can fight everything with fire!

I'd like to meet that professor.

And that whole introduction... I lost it at Aria's joke.:rainbowlaugh:

So the quote is actually from one of my favorite characters in fiction: Jaya Ballard, a pyromancer from the Magic: The Gathering universe. As for Aria's joke, yeah, that was me lampooning all of the 'Sirens starve without their gems' storylines. Not that those stories are bad, just sort of giving that narrative a little nod.

Ah yes, there's the drama~ Sweet, sweet nectar of life. And it makes sense that AJ would be the one to push back the most, and I love how you made the hurt feel real for her realizing that Sunset would choose Aria over them. Not that any of them want that, but I do love seeing it at least brought up~

And yeah, I've seen this a lot, where from an outside observation a relationship doesn't necessarily appear the most healthy, but when you break down how the people feel and the moments between those tensions you find that it can just be how their dynamic works. And Sunset is just living up to her words from the start of this fic, she's fighting Aria's fire with her own fire, and it's obvious that its driving Aria's own passion to stay with her. It might seem like toxic jealousy to an outside observer, but for their relationship that's how they are.

I am absolutely in love with Aria in this fic, my favorite siren is done justice and I both love and fear seeing this fic reach its conclusion. Fear it ending, but I know its going to be oh so satisfying when it does <3

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