Twenty years have passed in Equestria. Old friends have moved on. Old foes were laid to rest for eternity. And new friends have found their way to Ponyville.
One such friend is Twilight's second assistant, Paper Quill. Driven, hardworking, and professional, she tries her hardest to keep up with the tasks assigned to her, from giving tours to filling out forms.
But all is not well in her world, as she finds herself plagued by questions. Why has she been having such terrible nightmares recently? And why does Twilight seem obsessed with getting her to open up about them?
Much thanks to Snow Quill for pre-reading, advice, and the amazing cover!
Chapters (1)
Enjoy what? It was fine until you made Starlight a villain for no reason that I can see. Then you lost what good I was going to give to this.
9804100
Thanks for your comment. I do have my reasons, and whether or not she is the true villain is a matter of perspective, in my opinion. I will keep your criticism in mind for the future, though.
9804100
Because of her relationship with twilight. In the story they seem to be secret lovers and twilight ‘abandons’ her. She’s already been abandoned before, by sunburst as a foal. She can’t understand why twilight doesn’t marry her, the political and social nightmare isn’t what she’s thinking of because she’s *hurt*. Starlight is a very emotional mare, take ‘All Bottled Up’ or ‘The Parent Map’, hell her whole town of equality backstory as examples. She is a very powerful unicorn who never really grew up from that scared little foal who’s best friend left her behind.
until I get details on why starlight did what she did. I can't find myself liking this story, yet what is here is good enough for me to not dislike this.
9804168
That is no less stupid of a reason now than it was in season 5, and I love Starlight Glimmer as a character. Just not that.
9804239
May I ask who you would suggest as an alternative villain? You seem to have an idea of what you dislike, but I'd be interested to know what you think would have worked better.
9804265
I honestly don't see why there even needed to be a villain in the story in the first place. Wars in Equestria are a cheap tactic I feel.
Paper Quill's revelation about her connection to Starlight I do like. But I felt it would've worked better if she had been like this because Starlight had made a tragic mistake.
Heck, even keeping what happened to Luna, but have it been an accident that, no matter what, Equestria could not let go without some punishment. Hence Starlight 'dying' and Paper Quil existing in her place.
9804272
Hmm, an interesting point, and not one I'd considered before. Thanks for the suggestion. I suspect I personally just enjoy the larger war-type conflicts myself, which may have led to me going a bit far. It's good to know the base concept is sound, but some of the execution needs work.
Hi, I'm writing to let you know that I've selected your story from the MLRF group's main folder. If you would like to select a different reviewer please let me know. I also offer the option of a scoreless review, which is just a review that doesn't have a number attached to it. If you would prefer this type of review let me know. If not, I look forwards to reading your story. Deuces!
Hey, this was reviewed here. Thanks for submitting and I hope you find what I had to say helpful. Deuces!
Okay, first of all, the characterizations were the strongest part. I really loved how each character felt really solid. Specially as we followed Paper's morning routine. There's this sense of simpleness that slowly gets interrupted with each sing that things aren't quite right, until the 'wham' comes out. So, full kudos for the introduction and set-up.
Secondly, when the break actually happens, it hits with enough to piece together what was going on, yet keeping just enough for a remaining mystery. That last piece that we only slowly get to see taking shape and falling in place with everything else. I really loved the tension in particular when it's all about to fall in place.
Finally, on the conclusion, it's a really haunting one. The sadness on one party, and the melancholy left on the other, with also how it lays out the recursiveness. It was all great. Specially in how the mayor reveal, along minor details, work specifically by how the story is built and paced.
Good stuff, overall.