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Applejack discovers one morning that her precious apple trees are being targeted by apple thieves, and she and Big Mac are not pleased. After an incident with Rainbow Dash and a flying monster, Fluttershy is eager to come to Sweet Apple Acres and lend a hoof, but she's acting a little oddly, and the investigation causes some strain between the two as they try to figure out who - or what - the thief is.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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5 stars. Hard to follow at some points and very long compared to what I thought it was but a great story nontheless.
1st: ...how big was the frickin wyvern? For that matter, was there a party being thrown for it, and why?
2nd: My favorite quote from big mac in this story is, "At least let me finish this drawing."
Well done my fine friend
Hello, and thank you for your kind feedback. I always like to receive helpful comments and constructive criticism, as it improves my writing style, so I'll respond to what's up now:
Comment 1 (Sorry, I can't see names from where I am. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong): Thank you for your feedback. In future, I think I'll cut down a text if it's too big and post it in smaller chunks. Long fanfic texts are quite intimidating, now that I've seen what one of mine looks like on a webpage.
Comment 2: [SPOILER WARNING]
1st: I imagined the wyvern as being about the same size as the manticore. I didn't bother too much with describing its size because I didn't think it would matter too much how big it was. The idea was that the stuff it regurgitated would simply be ridiculous, like it had hammerspace or a Tardis in its stomach. And the whole idea was that the wyvern had stolen Ditzy Doo's birthday party because it wanted one and it was also it's birthday - there wasn't a party being thrown for it, so it stole hers. I had hoped I'd left enough little clues around for the audience to piece it together, but perhaps I didn't. Hope that's cleared up?
2nd: My favourite's the last one he gives in the story. $smiley
[END OF SPOILERS]
Comment 3: Thank you!
Starbuck hit the nail on the head, I think. Quite a lot happens in this story, and it's easy to get a little lost as a result. But it's a good kind of lost; I can see and feel exactly what you're aiming for, and in the final analysis, I love it. You just gotta work on efficiency and conciseness in storytelling, which can only be solved by continuing your career as an artist. And in no way will I complain if such exercises yield even more brilliant pony fanfics.
I would probably split this into two chapters, since it runs into fimfiction's usual problem with long text and starts repeating at the end.
Otherwise this is a solid effort! Nice work.
Comment 5: I will do that: I'm already managing my other stories to try and keep the pace flowing without readers getting lost in all the details. I've also added a bit more detail to one of the scenes in this one because, after rereading it, I felt it went a little too quickly.
Comment 6: I've just done what you recommended - I split up the text, which is why there are two chapters now (sorry to anyone else for any confusion about what chapter 2 could possibly be) rather than keep it as one long one. I must admit that it's a lot easier on the eyes now - long texts are just intimidating. Glad you liked the story anyway. pinkiepie:smile
Ah yes I really liked this story.
Other than RD being a little too much of an insufferable twat, I found everything quite enjoyable.
"Yeah. Bear traps, cat traps, rat traps, bat traps, pressure pads, revolving blades, arrows in the wall, swinging nets, pitfalls, spitfalls, falling cages, bottomless pits, spikes, trapdoors, dykes, Winona, hot tabasco sauce, and a carrot under a box wedged open by a stick. Oh, and Granny Smith's used horseshoes nailed to the barn door."
the apple family surely loves their apples