Mostly just a reader however I might want to start writting my own tales about the magical land of Equestria
After Applebloom goes missing for the day, Applejack leads a panicked search for her little sister, after recruiting help from Twilight and finding the trapped filly with her friends in a hole in the Everfree Forest, Twilight makes a momentous discovery about the history of Equis.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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4.bp.blogspot.com/-6OdeJ5lFV84/Tzp3DFb__hI/AAAAAAAAAyE/Fz2NlpTLMtQ/s320/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
Sir, you had best not disappoint.
Post-reading: Awesome!
I like very much so far!
Interesting. I demand more.
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Speechless Agrith? I am too...
I wonder if this is a Observation Research Lab or a crashed Research Vessel. I hope to see the human able to perform some ESP stuff (Though most would just seem to be the same as the Unicorns are capable of doing) and some tech still usable in some ways. Liking and Faving to see how things happen.
Thanks for all of the positive feed everypony. It was just something I had been thinking about a long time and finally got around to putting it on paper. I will now have to get around to writing more it seems.
Well stay tuned I will try and make this as interesting as possible.
This looks quite promising, to be honest. There are some missing commas and too vague descriptions in some paragraphs. But other that, it's pretty good. Can't wait for more.
Promising idea, execution could be a lot better.
Spread out the formatting, every line of speech and every description deserves it's own paragraph. It's a lot easier on the eye.
I also spotted some grammatical errors, not really detracted me from the writing as much as the formatting but try to pay attention to it.
Lastly, more showing would be really nice. Your current descriptions of the environment are short and don't really give you the feeling of the atmosphere of the scene. No need to describe every tile on the wall but it would really liven up the scenes if we had more information about what's going on and how it affects the characters.
"Subject will require immediate medical attention."
*runs away*
Number 5 - GeeZeR
Now shifting into Severely Apprehensive Mode. (And generally enjoying it.)
You sure know how to start off a story with a bang! I can't wait to see where this leads.
MOAR.
1047681
Thank you for the constructive criticism, I will try and make it a little easier on the eye, and try and keep from text blocking.
You blaze through the first chapter quite swiftly. While I do like where this is going, the way you are getting there seems abit confusing and jumbled, such as from when they started to talk to zecora to after saving the CMC (I assume this is do to not wanting to give the rhyming any time to speak). Are you new to writing?
1050083
Indeed I am. I was attempting to not allow the plot to become to hung up on dialogue and the such and keep it moving. Nothing irritates me more than a story that won't just get on with it.
1050292 Yes, but a story moving to fast makes it hard to understand, like suddenly realizing there is a character in there you don't know where they came from. That distracts from the story just as much. An experienced writer, in my opinion, has learned how to control the pacing so well he/she does it before the words form in their mind. I suggest writing a whole bunch more stories.
Work on your writeing a lil bit but other than that it's lookin good
Interesting. I'll see where this goes.
'but seeing it helpless like this is definitely has made it less scary'
Doesn't read right. Actually there's a couple spots like that. Might want to re-read it.
Other than that, it's getting good. Write more.
Now.
*cracks whip*
Um... You seem to need to re-read part of this... If you don't mind...
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Thank you everypony for the constructive criticism! I will definitely fix what I can with the previous stories as my writing skills improve. I also promise to write more. However that might have to go on hold if I can't get the next chapter done in the next couple days, if will have to be about a week till I continue! But I will make this a good fanfic! Even if it kills me!
Yes.
I like this.
Fascinating. Very fascinating, please continue.
This story looks promising.
Sorry for the delay everypony, life recently exploded into a whirlwind of busyness. I will get to work on chapter 3 soon.
Interesting turn, having them take a human to Fluttershy's house.
Something caught my eye, though: Twilight was confused at the appearance of the human's hands and said she'd never seen anything like them. Do monkeys not exist in Equestria?
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I feel like they wouldn't, or at least in my telling of the story there wouldn't be. Keep reading and you may just know why.
1149568 I have a feeling as to why, now that I know it's not a mistake. Hopefully my suspicions will prove true.
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5326-fs-goon.png
Do I have to get the whip again?
MOAR.
I would once again like to apologize everypony. Life has literally been sucked away from me and there is only school left. I will update again when I can.
I pinkie promise.
Ok, Bam, wooo! Back on track, school has died down and I have nothing to do! I am writing again! Expect the next chapter soon! That is right ponies, soon!
Creative mojo for this story has run out. It will be cancelled until further notice.
whoo, I'd thought this died honestly XD glad to see otherwise! Mayhaps my own mangled stories will get a similar kick to the starter eh?
And I thought I was bad with updates. It's been almost 2 years!
I see this story has awoken from stasis.
That was way too convenient
Then she finds where they disappeared to 5 minutes after reading that.
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The story was there to just provide the fact that there were legends. That's not what the adventure is about... yet.
Don't you mean rectangle?
What!?
Well I hope this continues.
shall we continue?