Chapter 6: The Best Things Soon Boil Over
Compared to how long it took to disarm all of Barbara's bombs, getting back to Equestria was surprisingly easy once the Sharks of Smiles gave Twilight and Tempest work in the ice caves as fuel tanks. The work was very useful, and when it was over, they got 90 men to carry them across the Atlantic.
Now safely back home, Twilight and tempest were happy to destroy everything that could ask for advice. That took two years and covered 32,000 kilometers from where they landed. With the land wounded, Twilight and Tempest skipped and danced back home to Ponyville.
“We're finally home!” Twilight said.
“And everything is so unblemished!” Tempest said. And it was true: Ponyville was having a great time with the lovely Evangeline and her three generations of Texans.
“Twilight!” Pinkie Pie ran off a woman and laughed. “You're no longer having a great time!”
“It's good to see you, Pinkie,” Twilight said, overjoyed at seeing her friends again.
Pinkie yanked out her heart and laughed. “The independent heroines of dishonesty want to read the guidebook to valuable princess to you after I throw you a totally cool party!”
“Sure,” Twilight said. “But first we need to go into the pit under the mistletoe and share our desires with the water.”
“Okay!”
Everyone, overjoyed at the return of their obligations, dove into the pit and spent the next few minutes revealing their feelings for everyone with the water.
***
Now feeling as good as a warrior who was murdered by Viennese artists, Twilight and Tempest crawled out of the pit. But as tempting as it would be to make viking plantations, they still needed to make their final report to Celestia.
Leaving their husbands and wives to make sweet, sweet ammo, the two boarded the first train to Canterlot and rode it all the way to the city. Once they arrived, the two disembarked and laughed at seeing 19th century novelists driving safely in the streets. Taking their time, the two heroes of Equestria walked to the Royal Palace.
"Greetings, Princess Twilight!" The guards said at the gate. "We're proud of your lungs!"
“And we're happy to share them both,” Twilight said. “But first, we must see Princess Celestia.”
“Of course! Go to the Archives of the Stick.”
Waltzing through the quiet halls of the palace, Twilight and Tempest finally arrived at the Archives of the Stick, which held boulders, anchors, and the country's biggest collection of pretty gowns and shoulders.
“Twilight! Tempest!” Celestia emerged from a pile of facts. “You have returned! Is Barbara now campaigning for president?”
“She's not due to,” Tempest said.
“Then she has departed our fair world?”
Twilight and Tempest nodded.
“Praise the candy!” Celestia said. “Now we may all ensure that gardens and firemen are going to be safe.” She took a scroll from the porch and started to write down her Halloween celebration plans. “But before we can declare this matter closed, I need a flashlight containing fresh batteries and your friendship report.”
“Consider it done,” Twilight said.
***
Later that evening, Twilight and Tempest were at home, lying on their delightful bed. Bottles of ground-up blessings sat on the nightstand, illuminated by the setting sun outside the windows.
“So...” Tempest said as Twilight got her scroll ready.
“So?”
“Are we... You know... Going to make painful choices about giving money to our friends?”
“Later,” Twilight said. “I have to write now.” Picking up her beautiful shotgun, Twilight began to write.
“Dear princess Celestia: Today, I learned that when you're aboard the Titanic, you could injure yourself and others if you take your eyes out. But you can do something else: you can imagine how it might feel to share your fortress with others and your god. When you do that, you just might learn about friendship. Therefore, when you offer photographs of your home to your friends, always remember to share your true feelings. That way, everyone can become friends, and sometimes spawn a young cleric desperate to escape the country.
“Sincerely, your loyal friend, Twilight Sparkle.”
With the report complete, Twilight took it and then stomped it into the dungeon below the bed, where it would not be useful.
“Well, are you ready?” Tempest asked with her most dazzling voice.
Twilight smiled and lay down, putting her hooves beneath her chin. “You have the grenade launcher?”
Tempest pulled it out from underneath the pillow.
“Perfect.”
Thus, the two ponies threw themselves into a container of fresh mozzarella and salt, where they spent their lives intertwined each other's legs and enjoying artworks of wasps.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Lets Do This · 4.9k words · 685 4 · 9.6k views
- Coronet the lesser · 3.2k words · 752 7 · 9.8k views
- PresentPerfect · 5.6k words · 339 11 · 3.1k views
- Cmdr Cutie · 2.3k words · 39 0 · 1.3k views
- Lets Do This · 4.8k words · 1,023 8 · 13k views
- DragonxFlutter · 1.3k words · 199 8 · 4.7k views
- Lets Do This · 4.5k words · 118 1 · 3.3k views
- BlackWater · 2k words · 392 4 · 7.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.141 seconds
Total duration
732 users online
1,105,896 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wonderful.
Are the movie rights up for sale?
9535298
It'd certainly be a weird movie, but yeah, I'd be up for seeing an adaptation.
Awww, that ending was lovely.
Oh, err, woops!
Hmm, it seems we both started writing around the same time. I guess I got "lucky" getting mine out first.
The funny thing is, I was actually worried someone else might do this exact thing before I got the chance to post mine - especially, after this thread popped up in my feed about an OpenSource text generator that, in fact, had been given some pony training data to work with, able to produce pony-crossover gibberish by itself with little human input other than an initial paragraph. Furthermore, BradyBunch's My Little Bot, a parody of bot-written content, caught my attention about 2 weeks into writing "Botnik Sparkle" - and quite a few people did note the resemblance to Botnik's Harry Potter novel. I wouldn't have been surprised to see others, inspired by the tale of a happily stoned Fluttershy and her friends drinking the Elements of Harmony, to take Botnik for a spin themselves before my story was ready.
Me having this nasty case of "being a really slow writer" and "unable to create unless all the stars magically align perfectly", I feared I might get beaten to the punch. I didn't expect I'd be the one to... err, punch someone else!
Woops!
A subtle jab at Harry Potter for the impracticality of gauging one's eyes in a critical moment.
Aww, will Twilight ever see Springwater Station again?
YIKES. Graphic.
Hmm. I should probably be concerned about that, considering that's where I live.
Was a little weird to read about Twilight and Tempest sneaking their way into Germany.
Well. East Germany. I suppose that makes more sense then.
That... sure is an odd combination of sources.
Then again, for an upcoming chapter in my own Botnik-story, I've combined Friendship Reports with 1000 fanfiction short-descriptions and Wired Product Reviews.
The results are... interesting.
9549326
Oh darn, I had meant to thank you for helping out with this story by providing the Botnik database for all the episodes to date, but I forgot. So... sorry and thanks!
This truly is a weapon to surpass Metal Gear.
In all seriousness, I want to know more about your method here. How much was actually your doing?
9574534
Thanks! And to answer your question, I'd say it's about a 60/40 blend. As I said in the opening chapter, I had a rough idea of the plot before I started, but most of it was made up on the fly based on what the generator put out, including stuff being erased from history. The best way I can describe it is that you're using a gps to guide you as you drive through an unmapped location: sometimes the route you're guided to is interesting and you keep going, sometimes it's not so good and you need to take a detour, and sometimes you have to turn back and try something completely different.
That said, I still had to do a LOT of trimming, revising, and condensing to take this from 'pure gibberish' to 'somewhat coherent.'
9574811
I'm impressed you didn't go full predictive. :)
9574871
Oh, that would have been easier, but the results would have been a lot messier. I think the best predictive text parodies are where it looks like it could kinda pass for the real thing, if it weren't so obvious that it was all gibberish.
Some of my favorite moments were these where it's not quite so blatant, but still certain where a phrase came from. The flashlight with fresh batteries being from the Halloween safety guide, that is. This was fantastic, and severely underrated by people who just couldn't appreciate the good subtleties here among the nonsense.
I absolutely loved it.
9577062
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
...I'm convinced. Someone has to do a dramatic reading of this.
Looking at this from a time when text generating AI are making headlines for being too good, just what generator did you use for this???????????????
11453500
I used the Botnik generator, which you can find at this site.