• Member Since 20th Feb, 2019
  • offline last seen Oct 23rd, 2019

venelopi


reality is a lovely place, but i wouldn't want to live there.

E

pinkie pie feels a little stressed out about growing up, and it came on the worst time posibble: camp everfree. but luckly, she's got the perfect girl to help her out with that right here with here in the tent, and they could talk about something that has been long overdue: for the both of them.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

The idea was pretty good, but there are a few major issues that need addressing.

  1. Characters’ names must be capitalised. Always. The main heroines, for example, are:
    * Sunset Shimmer
    * Pinkie Pie
    * Rarity
    * Applejack
    * Rainbow Dash
    * Fluttershy
    * Twilight Sparkle
  2. Titles (be it for the whole story or a chapter) have to be capitalised as well. Thus, you should change the story’s title from “childish” to “Childish”.
  3. There are a few typos and homophone confusion. For example:

    Something stupid was bothering me, and she helped me get threw it.

    It should be:

    Something stupid was bothering me, and she helped me get through it.

Login or register to comment