Chapter 2: Development Hell
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production
Chapter 2: Development Hell
By Smoking Gun
Lyra sat dumbfounded as she stared at the mare holding up her title card. “You want to do what?”
“I want to get Only Human on the air. Even if you don’t,” said Bon Bon before taking another bite of the blueberry muffins in front of her.
“What do you mean by that? I’ve put my heart and soul into this!” said Lyra angrily.
“Well, you strolled into the biggest network in all of Equestria with nothing more than badly drawn slides, no financial backing, and no test material or any clue as to what the hay you were doing. I know I’m just the junior executive, but trust me, those are not the actions of somepony who wants to succeed.”
Lyra may not have been able to form words, but her face spoke clearly enough.
She’s right. What was I thinking?
Bon Bon laid the title card down next to her. Her face didn’t look as snarky as it was when she first sat down. Her eyes gave off waves of empathy, lifting Lyra’s spirit a tiny bit. “You’re young. Tartarus, I’m young. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It just means there’s more room for greatness.”
Lyra discovered that Bon Bon had a rather infectious smile. “Wow… that’s very kind.”
“It’s true. But don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ve got a long way to go. First thing’s first—how many followers do you have?”
Lyra’s face was one of utter confusion. “I’m sorry. What do you mean by ‘followers’?”
“Twitter, Facehoof, Friendster. How big of an audience do you have at the moment?”
“I don’t have any of those things.”
“That’s your homework. Get a Twitter account and a DeviantArt page. Post like your life depends on it.”
“Wh-what are you talking about? Why do I need followers?”
“Because as much as I hate to admit it, Only Human has nothing else to go with.”
Is she giving me a pep talk or a beat down?
“What do you mean it has nothing else?” asked Lyra with an annoyed tone.
“Look at the other shows on Pub. Transmorphers, Cuddle Kittens, what do they have in common?”
Lyra’s eyes rolled away from the light-coated mare as she searched for an answer.
Bon Bon continued, “They’re all franchises. They’ve been around for decades. They have toys, movies, and millions of bits in merchandise sales. Why do you think they’re on the air now? It’s because all executives see is a recognizable logo that people will spend money on. Only Human came out of nowhere for them with no names or brands attached. Just some no-name mare with a tear-stained dress.”
“Stop it, you’re making me blush,” retorted Lyra with a deadpan expression.
“Heh, you’re funny. I like that. It’ll make the press junket easier for me.” Bon Bon took on last bite of her muffin before standing up. She placed a business card on the table. “Come to my apartment tomorrow—we’ll talk shop. And I’m gonna keep this, by the way,” she said, nodding towards the Only Human title card.
Lyra shot up from her chair. “You want me to come to your apartment?”
“Yes. Around 12 would be great. Bring any other materials you have for the show with you. We have to knock this out as quickly as we can.” Bon Bon trotted away from the table. “Bring some of those muffins with you too.”
Once Bon Bon shut the door behind her, Lyra sank back into her chair, in utter befuddlement.
Ditzy flew over to the table and picked up the crumb-filled plate in front her of friend. “She’s cute.”
“Oh shut up!” Lyra’s eyes retuned to the business card, which was now in her hoof.
“So what did she want?” asked Ditzy.
“She works for Pub and wants to make Only Human. She wants me to come to her apartment tomorrow and talk about…” Lyra turned her head up to her pegasus friend, who was looking at her with one arched eyebrow and a cheeky smile plastered across her face.
Lyra blushed and looked away angrily. “Shut up!”
The next day, Lyra found herself standing before a tall, dark building with gold ornaments around the top. here and there. She stepped past the silent doorstallion and headed straight for the elevator. She searched the number pad for the number Bon Bon had written on her card, only to find it at the very top of the list. She was in the elevator for a good while before reaching the top. As the door opened, Lyra saw that the door opened directly to a huge penthouse suite.
“Lyra, come in!” said Bon Bon, descending from a staircase that led to what she could only assume was the bedroom. “I’ve got some cider over there,” she said as she pointed to a table in the living room.
“Thanks. I brought the stuff you wanted,” she said with trepidation as she stepped into the penthouse.
“Great. Leave it on the table.”
Lyra gently laid her saddle bag over the table, picking up the cup of cider after her hoof was free.
“Please, have a seat.” Bon Bon sat on the couch adjacent to the table. Lyra made a point to put a good bit of distance between them. The light mare pulled her cider close and took a long sip. “We should probably start by getting to know each other better.”
Celestia, I’m glad I can’t see Ditzy’s face right now.
“Well, I graduated from—“
“I know that part. Tell me about you. Who is Lyra Heartstrings?”
I’m really glad I can’t see her face.
“Well, I’m… I don’t know. I’m not sure what you want me to say. I thought we were here to talk my show.”
Bon Bon silently nodded as she laid down her cup. “I’ll start. I graduated from Canterlot University two years ago.”
That’s just a year before me. Is she seriously only one year older than me?
“I don’t mean to brag… Actually I do. I kind of rose through the ranks quickly. Made a lot of contacts, shifted paradigms. Boring stuff.”
“Actually, that’s something I wanted to ask you,” interjected Lyra. “What exactly is a paradigm?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing. It’s just a word that business ponies throw around to make whatever shtick they’re selling you on sound more professional. You have to give them credit, though; it’s an impressive-sounding word, isn’t it?”
Lyra was too confused to keep drinking her cider. “Wait, isn’t one of the executives named ‘Paradigm’?”
“Yeah… Don’t believe anything he says. He’s one of those fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of stallions. A good one, though, I’ll give him that.”
Wow, she’s really being honest with me.
“You OK, Lyra?” asked Bon Bon.
The green mare had to shake herself out of her daze. “Sorry, it’s just—you’re the first executive that has acted the smallest bit human.”
“Human?”
“Pony, sorry. I’m still in Only Human mode,” she said with a nervous chuckle.
“A great segue if I ever hear one. Give me the full deal on Only Human. Tell me, in your own words what the show really is.” Her encouraging tone helped the smile return to Lyra’s face.
“Only Human is about these creatures called humans. I made them up myself. It’s about three girls and three boys, each of them having their personality and skills. They’re not exactly big fans of each other at first. But over time they learn to become friends, accept each other for who they are, and make each other better.”
Bon Bon smiled and nodded as Lyra finished her speech. “I like it already. Can I see some of your work for it?”
“I guess.” Lyra levitated a large a thick notepad out of her saddlebag. “If you flip the corners, you can see a little animation I did of how they walk and run. I take it by now that you know I’m not an artist.”
“Just because somepony can draw, that doesn’t make them an artist.” Bon Bon flipped through the pages of the notebook, letting the stick figure come to life. She stared at the animated creature with confusion.
“Is something wrong?”
“This is how they run?”
“Well—yeah.”
“It looks like they’re karate-chopping wind.”
Lyra looked away to make sure Bon Bon couldn’t see her embarrassed blush. “I admit it looks weird. But they’re new creatures. It’s gonna be weird to everybody at first.”
“Everypony,” Bon Bon corrected.
“Damn it!”
She laid the book back down on the table. “We’ll have to work on that. Do you have any stories outlines or scripts?”
Lyra grew a sly smile as she levitated a thick leather-bound book out of her saddle bag. “One or two. I’ll have to check.” She opened the book, revealing hundreds of pages of sketches, theoretical scene outlines, script samples, and a few drawings. The thing about these drawings was that they actually looked halfway decent.
“These don’t exactly look like your work.”
“I had a couple of my art buddies from school draw them up for me. It’s the most expensive graduation present a student can give you.”
“Do you still have their numbers?” asked Bon Bon as she looked up at Lyra.
“Well… yeah. I think.”
“I’ll have to grab those off you before you go.”
Bon Bon continued sifting through the book, speed-reading the story and character notes that Lyra had written down. It was clear that the unicorn had been improving them over what must have been years. Detail by miniscule detail, the world of humanity grew with every page, showing Bon Bon an ever-expanding world, filled with these new creatures. “Wow… I can see you’ve been at this for a while.”
“Eeyup! As pompous as this sounds, writing makes me feel like a genius. I just let this stuff pour out of my head and I love every bit of it.” She paused. “Sorry if that was too—“
“No!” Bon Bon closed the book and laid it on the table. “Don’t apologize for feeling good about what you do. You know you can write. Don’t stop. Whatever you do, don’t stop.” Hopping off the couch, Bon Bon trotted over to her office desk near the opposite wall. Next to her computer was a script, which she tossed across the room to Lyra. “Memorise that—we’re going to shoot it and show it to Pub.”
Lyra began flipping through the pages, noticing that the script couldn’t have been more than fifteen pages. “What is this for? All I see are references and blank pages.”
“Only Human will get on the air, I promise. The problem is that you can’t expect the executives to pour millions of bits into something that isn’t a safe bet. And nothing makes people feel safer than nostalgia,” explained Bon Bon, walking to a door near her desk.
Lyra shot up a look of confusion. “People?”
“Ponies!” Bon Bon started to break out into a fit of giggles. “You’ve got me doing it now.”
Lyra joined in the giggling as Bon Bon opened the door, which led into a dark room. The earth pony flipped the lights on.
The two mares were in what looked like a low-budget public access show set. A cheap camera was aimed in front of a small green screen. To the left was coat rack full of costumes. “Wh-what’s all this for?” asked Lyra, staring at the impromptu set.
“We’re going to have to shoot your pitch now. Only Human is still fresh in the minds of Pub. Granted it’s the butt of a joke, but they’re talking about it. And in the end, that’s what matters.”
“Uh huh…” Lyra sifted through the wardrobe, pulling off what looked like a cheap business suit.
If I knew I needed to wear something, I would have brought the nice one that Ditzy bought me.
Lyra slowed down mid–suit-up, looking up at Bon Bon, who was adjusting the settings on her camera. “Hey, Bon Bon. Earlier you said that just because a pony could draw didn’t mean they’re an artist. What does that mean exactly?”
Bon Bon lowered her hooves from the camera, looking back at Lyra with a warm smile. “It means that art isn’t just pretty pictures. It never has been. Art is about a pony taking their creative talent and making somepony else feel an emotion, or several.” She started to advance towards Lyra. “Whether it’s a book, a sculpture, a painting, whatever, art is about making ponies feel something.” She laid a reassuring hoof on Lyra’s shoulder, looking deep into her eyes. “Your story made me feel like I had just seen something special. Granted, I’ve only skimmed it, but the fact that you had put so much effort into making something so detailed and positive was enough to make me feel confident about all of this. Like it or not, Lyra, you are an artist!”
Lyra blushed but didn’t turn away. All she did was return Bon Bon’s supportive smile. She placed her hoof on Bon Bon’s. “That’s,” she began. “I… Thank you.” Using all of her strength, Lyra made sure she didn’t shed any tears. Aside from what she had heard from friends and family, that was the nicest thing anypony had said about her work.
“Don’t mention it. Now come on. We’ve got some executives to impress.”
Ditzy’s Muffins closed at night, complete with a “Closed” sign hanging on the door. Still, that never stopped Lyra from coming in. Using a key from her bag, she unlocked the door, making sure to re-lock it after stepping inside. She ascended a flight of stairs towards the back and pushed open the door at the end to reveal a small apartment. On the couch was Ditzy, who jumped up as soon as she saw her roommate.
“So... How was your date?” the wall-eyed mare cooed.
“There was no date. The business meeting I had, however, turned out just fine, thank you very much,” she said as she laid down her heavy saddle bag. “She was supportive and creatively driven. She was so… so…”
“Beautiful?”
Lyra shot a glare at Ditzy. “I was going to say ‘confident.’ She talked like she knew everything there was to know, yet she can’t be more than a year or so older than me.”
Ditzy smiled uneasily. “It sounds like she’s a bit too good to be true.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lyra, I know how badly you want to get this show made. But she does too. I doubt she has any malicious intent, but she’s in a position to make a lot of bits off you. She might be nice, she might be supportive, but just keep in mind that she might not have your friendship at the top of her priority list .”
The green mare shook her head, still finding it hard to stomach the possibility. “You’re right. Do you always have to be right?”
“Only when I want to be.” Ditzy wrapped her hoof around Lyra and guided her to the couch. “Come on, Desperate Housemares is on.”
“But that show’s horrible.”
“I know, right?” she laughed.
The next day, Lyra power-walked into the Pub building, opting to leave her suit at home with Ditzy this time. As the elevator opened, she found a certain mare inside waiting for her.
“Right on time! Let’s go,” said Bon Bon.
Lyra joined Bon Bon in the elevator as she pushed the button for the top floor. “Not gonna lie, I think we’re gonna kick flank today!
Ditzy was right—she is cute.
“As long as we’re being honest, I should let you know that I’m nervous as all Tartarus right now,” said Lyra, hooves shaking. Bon Bon wrapped her hoof around her, just in time for the door to open.
“Hey, you’re only human.”
Next: Viral Marketing!
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This. This turns me on in ways a fic shouldn't.
1166279
Or presumably if using humanised ponies?
1182822 It turns you on?
1182863 Well written fics always turn me on.
1166268
No, he added a "Human" tag. There is no "HiE" tag. There are humans in the story in some way or another, thusly it should have a Human tag.
new chapter
SG, do you have someone doing spellchecking and editing? If not, please consider enlisting some help on that front. This is a very interesting and original idea that's unfortunately somewhat marred by a
hooffulhandful dammit, now I'm doing it of easily-avoided errors.1182964 ha, and I WANTED THAT POSITION!
i always love to spell/grammar check people's work :)
P.s. BOW DOWN TO ME, MINION!
Desperate Housemares? LOL!
I'm just not sure why this chapter is called "Development Hell" when the show hasn't even entered pre-production, but go on, we enjoy the trip!
Wait. . . the ponies are watching a show about humans and we're watching them watch it?! The next thing to happen would be a show about ponies in the show about humans being watched by ponies being watched by humans! HOW MUCH DO THEY KNOW!? Wait. . . is something watching us right now?!
1185306
Yo Dawg
1185308 AAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!! -Jumps twenty feet straight up and through the roof-
img33.imageshack.us/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
But seriously... get a proofreader.
1197433
Your comment warmed mine
...
I'm so sorry.
img33.imageshack.us/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
Seriously adorable fic.
“Hey, you’re only human.”
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
...
Anyway, as good as this fic is, it looks like it's heading for some serious Lyra/Bon shipping, and fast. Maybe it's just me, but it seems a little bit out of place (but it's probably just me).
People reading a story about ponies watching a show about people
MEMECEPTION
1245467
Yo Dawg
1245611
Ohoho. Tracking this and reading it sometime I can actually read.
This story is good! There are some grammar issues, but that's about all that is wrong. Also I c wat u did in the picture!
1185306 Go read the infinite alternate universe theory.
You can't ever unhear it. Ever.
On another note (the story's note, that is), I think this is good, and your 101 likes straight seem to think so too.
You know the comments people give sometimes that consist of just the word 'more (sometimes MOAR) and a bunch of exclamation points? Yeah, I think I am starting to understand why they do that. This fic is just so charming and yet, there just isn't enough of it yet. So...more please.
New follower here!
1329614 Its just what I do.
1329481
Forgetting the whole "LyraxBonBon is fanon" thing, sometimes relationships...just happen.
GIMME MORE.
I likededed this.
"Bon Bon took one last bite of her muffin" That's the only error I caught.
Hey look, it got on EqD!
Question: Will Fausticorn make a cameo in this story? Since it seems to be a bit of a parody is of Friendship is Magic's development, that would be awesome.
At any rate, great story so far! Not too much yet, but I can see how this got on EQD.
When I saw my name as one of the humans, I nearly fainted.
Oh lord, I want to see how this turns out
This is really shaping up well, I can't wait to see more!
Personally, I thought the Lyra = Human thing was dead as soon as it sprung up. But this actually makes it good, and original. It's a bit mispelled, but, either way, I think it's awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time there was a story, comic, animation, drawing, or <i>anything</i> made in the brony fandom with one little thing in it that ruins the rest, I'd be as rich as Romney, without all the hard work. I mean seriously, <i>why</i>? It's like a tall glass of warm milk with a little piece of scum in it. It would be as perfect as the show without the stupid F/F shipping, the needless vulgarity, etc. I suppose I should just expect it so I don't get so disappointed.
And the theme song! She'll need a theme song! Lessee, just, off the top of my head, totally original melody, use your imagination...
I'm only human, I'm only human
Dah dah dah dahhh…
I'm only human!
I used to wonder what was wrong with me
(I'm only human)
But then you showed our commonality!
Building futures
Living fast
Becoming mature
Learn from the past
Solving problems
Nothing's ever free
But by defeating fear I see
That we're only human
You know we should maybe start our own band!
Perfect.
1332943
Someone give this man a sandwich!
1332956
Someone give this man something he wants!
Hmmm, this has potential. A lot of it.
Consider yourself tracked, sir.
are u going to give the humans pets?
bwcause if you are maybe you should do a poll
but that can wait till later
HumanDaily?
That site would be good..... Seriously, this story is epic. I like the way everything is portrayed and I...just...
img33.imageshack.us/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
1185306 I am a sapient jellyfish, and I am watching you watching ponies.
1341433 . . . -Snaps fingers and multiple mid air glowing green spell circles form- BURN IN HELLFIRE WITCH !!! -Releases sea of green fire-
Get behind ye Satan, you are not thinking as god thinks but as ponies do.1341433
BTW
oh crud I put the quotes in the wrong order
1245467 way to pull an abed
Loving this so far, definitely looking forward to more!
The more I read the story the more I liked it! Keep it up!
Gratz on EQD!
This is shaping up to an interesting story. And seeing the future chapter titles in your last blog post, I can take a guess about the direction this will go from here, and I think I'm going to like it. It's definitely unique, and it benefits from its faster pace. Also a very different take on Bon Bon's character, which is a good thing.
Eagerly awaiting your next update.