The End of The End
The End of The End
Rarity and Twilight sat across the table from each other, Rarity stabbing into her pancakes with the kind of tenseness that spoke of violent thoughts. Meanwhile, Twilight was just enjoying the chance to bask in the radiance that came from sitting next the princess of the sun. As the fluffy texture of the pancake rolled over her tongue, Twilight’s mind began to wander back over the events of the last ten days.
Her initial introduction to the wasteland had involved being shot, and then having battlefield surgery performed by a complete stranger. Her second day she’d suffered a mental breakdown. It went on like that for ten days straight as she battled horror after horror with Ethan and his many friends. She’d seen things that would put most of the ponies in Equestria into a shock induced coma. And yet, she couldn’t help but wish that she was still there.
Deep down, Twilight Sparkle felt a deep longing to return to the land of radiation and monsters, if for nothing else then she would like the chance to spend more time with Ethan. That was probably the strangest thing.
At first Twilight had disliked the man. His sense of humor was crude and at times completely incomprehensible; he was callous and occasionally rude, but above all that he was a killer, and nothing that anyone could say or do would stop him from killing someone that he truly hated.
Despite all that Twilight had grown to like, (and in a non-romantic way) love the man for those very qualities. While he was crude and incomprehensible, he was also good humored and approachable. He was callous to the point of indifference about things like a raider dying, but if you laid a finger on his friends he would drive a railroad spike through your chest without a moment’s thought, and then comfort you about it. He could kill in an instant, but he was also regretful; and he’d occasionally done great acts of mercy, some of which ended badly but it was the thought that counted.
All and all, the man was an oxymoron that Twilight’s mind just couldn’t wrap itself around.
“Twilight, are you alright?” Celestia asked suddenly, breaking off Twilight’s train of thought.
“Hmm? What was that Princess?” Twilight asked, shaking her head slightly to clear it.
“I asked if you alright. You had the same look on your face that Luna gets when she’s envisioning what her night with Bluestreak will be like. Well, minus the drool of course.” Celestia told her with a smirk.
“So I looked horny?” Twilight asked with a chuckle, which caused Rarity to spit the milk in her mouth out in surprise, where it was caught in a ball of magic by Celestia, who hadn’t even been looking.
“Not horny exactly, more like longingly.” Celestia replied with a wider smirk as she noticed Rarity’s mouth opening and closing without any sounds escaping from its depths.
“Sorry, I’m just thinking of a friend that I made.” Twilight said with a chuckle.
“What was her name?” Celestia asked.
“It was a stallion, well, really it was a man, but for our purposes let’s just call him a stallion.” Twilight replied with a shrug.
“I see. So, what was this stallion’s name?” Celestia asked interestedly.
“Ethan Smith, aka the Lone Wanderer, aka that Crazy Son of a Bitch.” Twilight says as a smile slowly crept across her face at the thought of the man’s moniker.
“He doesn’t sound like a very refined person.” Rarity said with an indignant sniff, now that she’d recovered from hearing the Princess say the word horny.
“He’s not. Hell, I’m pretty sure that if he ever met the word refined he’d shoot it.” Twilight said with a chuckle.
“He truly sounds like a gift to the world.” Rarity said, rolling her eyes.
“Rarity, please don’t insult Ethan around me.” Twilight said calmly.
“Or what, you’ll kill me like you did the hydra?” Rarity asked with a slight sneer.
“It was a monster!” Twilight shouted, slamming her hoof into the table, causing her empty plate to jump. “A monster that was trying to eat you to be exact!” Twilight added.
“Stop it both of you.” Celestia said calmly interrupting. “Twilight killed the hydra; I would’ve killed the hydra (albeit with less bloodshed) but I would’ve killed it none the less.” Celestia said with finality that made Rarity gap openly. “My little pony, I know that you’ve been through Westhoof. What did your commander there tell you about monsters?” Celestia asked.
“I hated that place.” Rarity said while she sent a glare off into the distance.
“But.” Celestia said.
“But Commander Vimes would’ve stabbed that hydra through the heart and then taken a puff of his cigarette.” Rarity said with a disgusted look on her face.
“Yes he would’ve. That’s because Vimes knows what a monster like a hydra can do if left unchecked. Look at your friend Rarity. Underneath that eye and the scars is she any different than the mare who disappeared ten days ago?” Celestia asked Rarity piercingly.
Rarity turned to look at the now alien face of her friend. The normally purple mane was stained a slightly red color after repeatedly being drenched by blood splatters. A spidery group of mostly healed scratches traced over the right side of her face, giving it a kind but hard appearance. The left side of her face however, was still covered in scars that appeared to be much more significant, and her normal left eye had been replaced by a steel encased, shining blue orb that sparked with an unnatural life which sent a slight shiver down Rarity’s spine. Then, she looked into Twilight’s eyes, past the metallic and blue glow and she found herself looking into the eyes of her friend.
“Twilight, it’s really you.” Rarity said softly, before the tears began to leak from the sides of her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah it is Rarity.” Twilight replied with a smile, as she got up from her seat and walked over to Rarity so that the white unicorn could wrap her in a tight hug. Rarity began to weep, and Twilight squeezed her friend tightly with her nonmetallic hoof.
“We looked everywhere for you Twilight, and Dash started going out with Gilda, and then you came back in such a dreadful fashion, I just didn’t think that it was really you!” Rarity said around small ladylike sobs.
“It’s okay Rarity, I don’t blame you. The way that I made my entrance wasn’t all that well thought out.” Twilight told her with a blush.
“But I’ve been an utter shrew since you got back; I tried to take Spike away from you!” Rarity added with another sniff.
“Rarity, if you disappeared for ten days, then returned and made your entrance by cutting a hydra to bloody ribbons with a bunch of diamonds then I’d be afraid of you. Hell, I’d probably try and have you locked up for your own protection.” Twilight replied with a dry chuckle. Rarity laughed and let go of Twilight with a smile on her face.
“Twilight darling, I’m going to go and smooth things over with the others, Celestia only knows what crazy theories they’ve thought up while I’ve been here.” Rarity told her with a chuckle. “In the meantime, and I hope that this doesn’t make me sound rude you should take a shower. No offense dear, but you smell like you haven’t taken bathed in days.” Rarity added while scrunching up her nose in disgust.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Twilight said with a wink.
“Alright then, I’ll leave you three here. Meet us all at Applejack’s farm in an hour or two.” Rarity replied with a nod before gracefully walking out the front door.
“Want me to go and start the shower for you?” Spike asked.
“That would be great Spike.” Twilight replied with a smile.
“Okey-dokey.” Spike said, heading off towards the shower.
“You know, you’re pretty dirty Twilight, perhaps I could help clean you.” Celestia whispered in Twilight’s ear. Twilight squeaked in surprise at the unexpectedly lusty voice next to her ear, and turned a bright shade of pink.
“I-I” Twilight began, but her brain was suddenly full of very stimulating imagery.
“Of course, I suppose if you don’t want my help I could just let you clean yourself.” Celestia added with a wink that made Twilight stutter a little more before her eyes hardened.
“NO! We’re doing this together!” Twilight said forcefully, and Celestia smiled down at her with a smirk that quickly disappeared as Twilight’s lips met hers in an impassioned kiss.
“You two know that I’m still here, right?” Spike asked from where he stood at the top of the stairs. Neither answered, apparently too caught up in their makeout session. “Alright then. Twilight, keep making out with Celestia if you say that it’s okay for me to borrow a hundred bits from your wallet.” Spike called down. Twilight let out a deep moan as Celestia picked her up in her magic, and began to carry her upstairs.
“I’ll just take that as a yes and leave now.” Spike said, shaking his head as the two walked past him without noticing that he was there. Spike retrieved Twilight’s wallet just before the first impassioned screams started. “Gah, I hope I’m never like that.” He muttered as he closed the door and Celestia’s sound spell prevented him from being exposed to the two mares’ sounds.
Spike walked into Sugar Cube Corner and saw Pinkie cheerfully placing a group of baked goods on the counter. She looked up at him and smiled.
“Hi Pinkie, do you think you have any of those gemstone covered cupcakes?” Spike asked.
“Yep, that’ll be twenty bits Spike.” Pinkie replied with a smile as she deftly grabbed one from a shelf behind her with her tail and lightly tossed it to the dragon, who caught it easily. “So, are you glad to have Twilight back?” Pinkie asked as Spike counted out the bits.
“Yeah, it’s great; I didn’t realize how much I missed her until she got back.” Spike said with a wistful smile.
“Tell me about it, things have been so quiet here without her! Well, except for the hydra and the zombies, but they don’t really count.” Pinkie said with a shrug.
“Zombies?” Spike asked in surprise. He hadn’t heard anything about zombies.
“Don’t worry, I stopped them. Turns out that all you need is a sunflower.” Pinkie replied with a shrug.
“Okay…” Spike said, trailing off uncertainly.
“So how’s Twilight doing?” Pinkie asked, easily switching over to a more relevant topic.
“She’s good. Rarity came over to try and protect me from her, one thing led to another, and now Twilight and Celestia are making out.” Spike said with a helpless shrug.
“You sound strangely unsurprised about this.” Pinkie said, giving Spike a raised eyebrow.
“I’ve slept in the same room as her for years; this isn’t exactly news to me.” Spike said with a slight grimace. “It’s why I wear earplugs.” He added.
“Well, I hope things are going well for her.” Pinkie said with a shrug.
***
They say (very quietly) that of the two alicorn sisters Luna may be the more adventurous of the two, but Celestia is the one who brings the most passion to everything that she does. Being the alicorn of the sun this is to be expected, after all the sun is much more expressive then the moon. Throughout history there is only one pony who has managed to bed both alicorns. According to Clover the Clever, having sex with Luna is like lying on a moonlit beach as the ocean slowly caresses you. Having sex Celestia is like diving into a raging volcano head first while you scream in fear (or in this case passion). Twilight Sparkle, who had never read Clover’s secret memoirs, had just discovered this.
***
“That was…incredible…!” Twilight exclaimed breathlessly as Celestia telekinetically poured another bucket of warm water over her head, in an attempt to un-dye her mane.
“You weren’t so bad yourself my dear.” Celestia replied with a chuckle as a small amount of Twilight’s mane returned to its natural purple color. Celestia knew that they’d never truly wash out the blood stains, but every little bit helped.
“I thought Luna was the goddess of sex, not you.” Twilight told Celestia with a wry grin.
“My sister is the goddess of sexual fun, along with the night. I am the goddess of the sun and passion.” Celestia said with a chuckle as Twilight instinctively flushed at the tone of her voice. “Besides, I have a lot of built up sexual tension.” Celestia added.
“What do you mean Princess?” Twilight asked.
“I haven’t been with anything, even my own hoof, for a thousand years; ever since Luna was banished I just haven’t felt the urge.” Celestia said with a shrug. “Well, at least untill lately anyways.” Celestia added while her eyes twinkled and her ethereal mane flowed around her face, looking significantly pinker then before for some reason.
“Wait, it’s been a thousand years since you last had sex?” Twilight asked in shock as she moved a sponge up and down her body in an attempt to remove more dirt.
“Yes, it’s why I may have seemed a bit rusty this time.” Celestia answered, looking slightly embarrassed.
“If that’s you rusty, then I can’t wait till you’re all greased up.” Twilight said, leaning over to kiss the alicorn on the cheek from where she was standing beside the tub. Celestia’s face was warm, warmer then it should’ve been; it almost felt as if she was on fire. Strangely, that didn’t affect Twilight any more than it had when she’d been exploring the alicorn earlier. Instead, the heat brought a smile to her lips and provided Twilight with a sense of familiarity and security.
“Was that a figure of speech or a suggestion?” Celestia asked with a smirk.
“Either or.” Twilight replied with a grin before shutting her eyes as a stream of conditioner flowed down her face.
“I had no idea you could be so forward Twilight.” Celestia said. “What happened to ‘yes Princess’?” She added
“I killed someone and then watched my new friend torture information out of another.” Twilight replied with a shrug. Celestia’s eye widened in surprise, and her jaw fell; Twilight missing both of these events thanks to her eyes being closed.
“Who was this friend?” Celestia asked, her voice tightening with slight malice.
“It was Ethan.” Twilight replied with a shrug.
“I thought you said that he was an honorable, kind, and dependable person, even if he is a total ass.” Celestia said with a hard tone entering her voice.
“He is; it’s just that the wasteland doesn’t allow him to be those things very often.” Twilight said with a sigh. “If it makes you feel any better Princess, he was trying to find out why the group of mercenaries was after me specifically. They’d also taken me captive a few minutes earlier and had a gun pressed against my skull.” She added with a low growl. It was a sound that Celestia had never heard Twilight make before, and she was momentarily stuck speechless by the sheer malevolence of it.
“I’m sorry dear.” Celestia said as she bent down to kiss Twilight’s forehead, sending a wave of heat rushing over the purple mare’s body.
“It’s not your fault Princess.” Twilight said with a sigh. “It’s a fact of life there. Kill or be killed, fight or die, slay or be slain, and yes I know how redundant that is. What really matters there is how much good you can fit in between the death.” Twilight said with another sad sigh.
“Twilight, please call me Celestia or Tia. It’s what those I love call me.” Celestia told Twilight as before giving the mare another kiss. Twilight let out a low hum that could’ve been mistaken for the purr of a cat as the heat washed over her body.
“Alright Tia.”
***
“So what you’re saying is that the one who showed up is actually Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked as she flew in place at Rarity’s eye level, with a slight scowl.
“Yes, I’m positive of it for several reasons. One of which is the fact that Celestia is there endorsing her, another is the fact that she reacted just the way that you would expect her to if someone tried to forcibly take Spike away from her, and the last one… well let’s just say that there is something about her that just screams Twilight Sparkle.” Rarity replied with a shrug.
“So you’re sure?” Rainbow asked.
“Dash, I’m pretty sure that Rarity’s already answered that.” Applejack said while she scratched her chin thoughtfully with a forehoof.
“Yeah I know, I just wanted to make sure.” Dash replied.
“But Twilight would never have killed the hydra that way, how could she?” Fluttershy whispered unsteadily from where she sat in an armchair, drinking a glass of tea.
“Ah don’t know sugarcube, but I’m hankering to find out.” Applejack said, rising from her sitting position on the couch and walking towards the door.
“Wait! Hold on, what if she’s dangerous?” Dash asked as she quickly flew in front of Applejack, blocking her path.
“Then I’ll deal with her like I deal with unruly cattle.” Applejack answered with a significant nod towards the lasso attached to her belt.
“When did you start wearing a belt darling? If you’d told me I would’ve loved to make you a nice leather one.” Rarity asked, looking at Applejack’s belt with interest.
“It’s not mine, ah’m borrowing it from Big Mac.” Applejack replied.
“Can we worry about Applejack’s belt later?” Dash asked, and got a nod from the others before continuing. “Anyways, AJ you saw what she did to that hydra, do you really think that your rope will stop her if she wants you hurt you?”
“It’s worked before.” Applejack said.
“Okay, whatever. But if she turns you to ash because your rope got disintegrated, don’t blame me.” Dash said, crossing her forelegs in front of her chest in annoyance.
“You can come to you know.” Applejack said with a grin. “After all, I know ya missed her just as much as ah did.” She added.
“Awesome! And if it is really Twilight then I can show her my new moves!” Dash exclaimed.
“Were you even scared of her earlier?” Rarity asked, astonished at the cavalier attitude that her friend was displaying.
“Nope, there’s nothing in Equestria tougher than me! I was worried about you girls, especially Fluttershy.” Dash said, shooting Fluttershy a worried look.
“So then why did ya try and talk me out of going?” Applejack asked, giving Rainbow a raised eyebrow.
“Just because I’d be fine doesn’t mean that you would be Applejack.” Dash replied with a shrug.
“Are ya saying that you’re tougher then me?” Applejack asked, narrowing her eyes and getting in Dash’s face.
“Um, girls? I hate to interrupt what I’m positive would be a very predictable argument before it can get going, but aren’t we going to see Twilight?” Rarity asked.
“Oh right, we were going to Twilight’s, weren’t we?” Dash asked as she flew away from Applejack’s face.
“Yes we were. Are you coming Fluttershy?” Rarity asked, turning to the timid yellow pegasus.
“Umm, oh, hmm, maybe.” Fluttershy answered uncertainly.
“There’s nothing to worry about darling, I promise you that it is Twilight Sparkle.” Rarity said, giving Fluttershy a comforting look.
“Oh, well, I don’t know, she was very scary yesterday.” Fluttershy said softly.
“We’ll protect you if she does anything scary Shy.” Applejack told her reassuringly.
“Well, I guess if you three are there it won’t be as scary.” Fluttershy said tentatively before getting up from her chair and joining the others at the door of her cottage.
***
Pinkie suddenly began to grin wildly.
***
Twilight and Celestia had moved downstairs and were preparing to leave the house in an attempt to track down Twilight’s friends and make amends.
“Would you like a kiss for luck?” Celestia asked with a grin.
“How could anyone say no?” Twilight asked. She stretched her lips towards Celestia’s and the two melded together, tongues intertwining in a passionate embrace, right as the door opened. The sound of four jaws hitting the ground simultaneously was surprisingly loud in the midafternoon air. Twilight was jarred out of her lover’s lips by the sound, and she turned to find that four out of her five best friends in Equestria were staring at her and Celestia in open mouthed amazement.
“Humina, humina, humina…” Applejack said, her eyes quickly sliding back and forth between her friend and the Princess.
“I must be dreaming…” Rarity offered before passing out on the ground.
“Eeeeep!” Fluttershy said, before she joined Rarity on the ground.
“Twilight, you were just making out with Princess Celestia!” Dash exclaimed.
“Yep.” Twilight replied with a grin.
“Right on Twi!” Dash said with a wide grin before she swept her friend into a hug.
“Wait, aren’t you scared of me?” Twilight asked in surprise before leaning into the hug.
“Twilight, I routinely have sex with someone who by her nature should want to kill and eat me, there’s almost nothing that you could do to legitimately scare me after that.” Rainbow replied with a shrug.
“Oh dear, I just had the oddest dream, Twilight was kissing Celestia.” Rarity said as she staggered to her feet.
“I was.” Twilight told her with a smirk.
“Oh my. I must still be dreaming, please excuse me.” Rarity said, before she fell backwards into a couch that had magically appeared behind her.
“Twi, what are ya and Celestia doing kissing?” Applejack asked in confusion.
“Our tongues were getting to know each other better.” Twilight replied with a smirk.
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Celestia inquired with a grin.
“Actually no, we call it making out; your majesty.” Rainbow Dash replied with a smile as she hovered in midair.
“And here I had no idea. Thank you Rainbow Dash.” Celestia replied.
“Could we go inside please?” Fluttershy asked from the ground where she lay (she hadn’t fainted, she’d just temporally lost control of her legs.)
“Sure, come on in.” Twilight replied with a grin. “Oh, and would one of you mind dragging Rarity in, can you imagine what she would say if we just left her out there?” Twilight asked her friends. Applejack easily grabbed the white unicorn and brought her inside the library.
“So Twilight, will you tell us your story?” Pinkie asked from where she was sitting in an armchair.
“Pinkie, how did you get in here?” Twilight asked in confusion.
“They ran out of syrup on the wall.” Pinkie replied with a shrug.
“Do I even want to know?” Twilight asked flatly.
“Nope.” Pinkie replied with a grin.
“Alright then, moving on. I woke up on a blood stained…”
***
Ethan looked at Cassandra, who was lying next to him on the bed reading some prewar book.
“Do you think that Sparky is doing okay?” He asked, breaking the silence.
“I’m sure she’s fine dear.” Cassandra said leaning closer into him.
“I hope so; I did my best to keep her safe while she was here, but I failed.” Ethan said with a sigh. Cassandra rolled over onto his chest and gently cupped his chin in her hand before leaning up to kiss him on the lips.
“Ethan, you’re the best man I know. If you say that you failed then it means that there’s not a god dammed person in the world that could’ve done a better job.” Cassandra told him forcefully after she broke away.
“Do you really think so?” Ethan asked with a sigh.
“Of course I do, I’m the Courier.” Cassandra replied.
“Well then, that’s good enough for me.” Ethan said before he reached over and turned off the light.
***
And so things returned to what qualifies as normal in both Equestria and the Wasteland.
That is, until Ethan received a letter
Credits
Chief Author: Ed2481, I thank him for his dashing good looks and charisma.
Junior Author: Ed2481, I thank him for being dependable and never tiring in his crusade for good literature and fanfiction, he is a true inspiration to all of humanity, if a bit of a blowhard.
Chief Editor: TacoTown, thanks for putting up with my shit, you rock bro.
Junior Editor: TacoTown, seriously, this guy is a life saver.
Cast
Ethan: Seth Green
Sparky (Twilight Sparkle): Tara Strong
Cassandra: Jennifer Hale
Inspiration
Gyvon: the story was originally going to be a complete rip off of OtWoA and Twilight would’ve been telling it the entire time. Then my brain hit me (I still have no idea how it managed that…) and it became what you see before you. To make a long story short, thanks for being awesome.
On a final note, to all those out there who are reading this, thank you so much for making this my best known fic, and for staying with and posting all of your awesome comments. I hope for the first chapter of the sequel to be out in around a week if not sooner, so stay tuned.
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Awesome
single word to describe this
Edit: OMG ksjfklhaeohaosdmfklds First
...Okay...your Wanderer is voiced by Seth Green...?
Heh, now I keep picturing Joker...
SEEEEEQQQQQQUUUUUAAAAALLLLL HOOOOOK!
That story was AWESOME! Hope you write more stories soon!
Thank you for the story.
Longest. Ending. Ever.
Too much mushy stuff but still a brilliant end to an even more brilliant story.
All good things must come to an end. Also, if Ethan does go to Equestria (almost certain he does) then I hope to God there's a scene where he has a mental breakdown because he left all of his precious guns, his 'babies' back in the Wasteland. Good job, although I never did like Dash x Gilda I won't let it detract from the awesomeness of the completed story that lay before me. Bravo
1468769 You're not the only one to think that, and Jennifer Hale? FemShep. That explains so much XD
A great fic by the way ed2481, I rarely comment on ANYTHING unless I thoughly enjoy it. I cannot wait for the sequel to begin, for it will be awesome as well I assume. Can't wait to see what trouble Sparky and LW can get up too next.
i remembered th' song that was stuck in my head that fits this chapter perfectly. "A Friend is a Friend" from that one classic Spongebob episode.
Fuck yes! This was an amazing story! Cant wait for the sequel.
dammit, now i need to watch you so i know when the sequel comes out
on a side note, this was a great story
That sequel better be coming soon.
Wouln't the cast imply Sheperd/Joker shipping?
Also, how long till we get the sequel?
Does he ever get a letter that DOESN'T end in some kind of adventure?
1470115
Not really, it's just the voice that i picture him with
Although if you want to look at it that way that's fine too
Hey you. You fucker. You better be planning a sequel. If not the wrath of a thousand dicks shall rape your ass with cacti.
I want a link to the sequel as soon as it comes out dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
1470551
Cue the trip to Paul's Razor Blade and Lemon Juice Emporium.
1471488 Eeyup.
I wonder how the next would turn out. Not exactly much left in the Wastes (story wise anyways) so could the Courier and the Lone Wanderer end up in Equestria? Sure it's been done before but I would like to see the two there, maybe do battle with Changelings and Griffons
This fits all too well
ftcstrong.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/anchorman_2_sequel_in_the_works.jpg
Anyways....SSSSEEEEEEQQQQUUUUUEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/75/Samuel_Vimes.jpg/200px-Samuel_Vimes.jpg
There is a ponified pic somewhere but I am not going to find it
A letter...
And so it ends...
Can't wait for the sequel!
1474468
Would you mind giving examples, I want to know which you mean so that I can correct it in the sequel if I deem it necessary
1474367
I was wondering if someone would catch that
This fic deserves a sequel.
& 
Strikes Again!
Also,
ZOMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png 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1493770
Yeah it started off a bit rough while i found the right way to protray Ethan and Twilight together, i think by the end that they're much better so please keep reading
I'm trying to remember what Vimes is from cuz I recognize the name.
Now I have finished this story, I have to go read the sequel but first, bravo. You have written a story that I now count among my favorite fanfictions. In the few hours I read this story in, I have come to love Ethan, Sparky, Cassandra, Arcade, Sarah, Dusk, Veronica, Shining, Luna, Celestia, Discord, Wadsworth, Elder Lyons, Rothchild, Dominius and others. Thank you for the ride. I shall begin the sequel tomorrow. For now, I need a few hours of sleep before 9:00.
This seriously needs more views. Excellent work!
1499783
Thank you don't forget to read the begining of the sequel
1499799
Lol, I'm actually currently reading it, got the little beep 1/3 of the way of chapter 1 :D
Review Time Wastelanders!
To start off, I like this fic. It is honestly rather well done and I do want to see you continue with Light Wanderings. That said, there are quite a few errors in it, some are serious, while some (most) are probably a matter of preference or some other thing. Now, to begin!
First off, I'm going to start with what I feel was your greatest flaw. Grammar. When you first started this story your grammar was simply atrocious, no offense. Luckily, ever since you picked up TacoTown about halfway, most of my concerns have been more or less removed. He's doing a hell of a job; you're lucky to have him on your team. Other than that, you didn't have many terrible problems with your grammar, but if I could put in one teensie weenie little recommendation, it would be to stop putting brackets in dialogue. Not a serious concern, certainly not one many people share, but every time I saw one I cringed. Either way, your grammar skills get you a 6.5 out of ten, but I would also like to say that this is your weakest score, don't let it bring you down.
As for your story, there are a few things I would like to bring up. First off, I kinda like how you approached Twilight getting sent into the Capital Wasteland. As far as crossovers go, this one is actually the freshest I've seen in a while, at least as far as that goes. However, I can't really say I felt the same for your overall story arc. In my opinion, which is just that, an opinion, I think it took a little to long to settle down on a single point. You were kinda just tossing plot points for numerous plot lines out at a random pace, and I didn't really feel as if the main one you chose was any less deserving than the others. Also, to say the ending with Octavian and the legion was anticlimactic would be an understatement. I think it was solved a little too easily. But fortunately, most of these are minor concerns when it is realized that it isn't about the major conflict, but about Twilight's involvement with the wastes and how she deals with it. Going back on target, your story gets an 8 out of ten. Flawed, but very forgivable in the larger scheme of things.
Now for a big point. The characters. I'll be honest, this is a bit of a mixed bag for me. I will say that I loved how you managed Ethan, seriously he carried the story for me, great job with him. He was exactly what I imagined the Lone Wanderer would actually be like, good damn job ser! However, the same cannot be said for your depiction of Twilight, at least in my opinion. I'm not saying she is badly done, as an original character, I'd like her, but at the same time, I feel that if Twilight actually did go to the Wasteland, she'd act very differently. Also I do not think she'd be so obsessed with sex (but I will touch on that later
) and she'd probably not take such a liking to violence. Still, the rest of the characters were handled pretty damn well, with the exception of a few that I won't bother mentioning. You're characters get a 7.5 out of ten, with Ethan being the best done of the bunch.
One more minor thing I would like to add, is that you update damn near constantly. Good job, I don't much to say here, but that gets you a 9/10 for simply being badass enough to write that quickly, I wish I could, I left my readers hanging for about a month now
.
So, what shall I pull up next? Well....sex. Yes, this is more opinionated that the rest of the review but I feel as if I should mention it just because I can't think of any other place of putting this, so get ready.
Sex. When handled right it can be quite a useful plot tool. When handled wrong, it can simply feel unnecessary and forced. When used to the extent you do, your story may every once in a while be confused for a clopfic. Seriously, it feels as if someone or pony did the nasty with another person or pony in every damn chapter. When people weren't plowing the hell out of each other then, they were talking about plowing the hell out of each other. It almost seemed bland and forced, and I feel as if it wasn't really needed if not for a few occasional happenings. For example, I like your plot line about how Twilight likes Celestia, that is a good damn idea. I do not like how she talked about having sex with Celestia every five damn minutes (exageration, obviously). However, your use of sex didn't bring you down or up a point, I simply feel like mentioning it. I hope you don't feel offended by it
Well, I can't think of much else to say, so I guess it;s time for my verdict. Lets count up all the points now shall we.
Grammar: 6.5
Plot: 8
Characters: 7.5
Update Speed: 9
Total: 31/40
Or, as I like to write it, 77.5 percent.
I give this story a straight up B+.
I like this story. Despite it's many. many flaws, it is a very worthy read. I hope Light Wanderings is just as good if not better than this. Good job. I'll definately be checking up on the sequel.
Until then, this has been a blackjack review, and I bid you well.
1500654
Why thank you sir, that was the first real review that I’ve ever received and I’m very grateful for it.
My grammar is terrible; actually let me say that again. My grammar is terrible. Trust me I know, but that's why I picked up Taco and I now have Furta E working on it so that should be improved from here on out
I'd definitely agree that I also need to work on my characterization especially of Twilight because she kind of fell flat when compared to Ethan who as you said "carried the story" on his back, through a pack of deathclaws.
Ah plot. The reason that it feels a bit disjointed at first is because of the way started out writing it. Like I said in the credits this was going to be a shameless copycat piece of Gyon's halo fic. Once I realized that that wouldn't work or feel natural at all I had to change a few events but I’d unfortunately already written in a few plot points such as Burke hiring Supertramp.
On that note Supertramp was never going to exist period. In my original idea Twilight had gotten pulled through by Burke who was planning to use her as a weapon. needless to say that I couldn't just leave that there so i had to invent Supertramp as a way to make that scene make any sense whatsoever and i think that if you go back and read it that it is fairly clear that they are talking about Twilight without saying her name.
As for the battle against Octavian and Burke being anticlimactic I have to agree i probably should've just stuck with Supertramp or hell maybe even Dominus as the last major battle and had the rest be falling action but at this point it's a little pointless to think about
I already have a very clear view of what the plot of Light Wanderings will be so that kind of thing shouldn't be a problem, hopefully
And finally sex. Yes I put way too much of it in and it did distract from the overall story and there will be much less of it in Light
Anyways thanks again for the awesome review and I hope you enjoy the sequel
1500835
You're very welcome. You can expect a review for Light Wanderings when you finish it. Keep it up.
*Salutes
1503197Did he reference Baird? Cuz he(probably) referenced Carmine.
1504548
It's on her other leg, i just forgot to mention it much except for when Ethan checks her radiation level
1506645
She doesn't, it's trite, overused, boring, and extremely hard to do right, so I chose something much better
1507331
It's a reference in name only, he's not like Tavi at all
1508001
That little rant along with the one in the comments expresses my exact feelings on the matter
When done well it can make a story incredibly awesome and deep
When done badly (I've been guilty of it myself) it can destroy everything a story was trying to do
1508023 my god this...when i get the money im printing out four books including this one /)
You got me back into playing Fallout. For that I thank you dearly.
Also, I'm going to go and read Light Wanderings now. Awesome work Ed!
Well, it was amazing 3 days of reading this story. Thank you. It is one of the best FF i have read from FiM universe. It has EVERYTHIG that is awesome, badass and cool combined. Im looking forward for sequel.
1522620
At this point I’d say it would be more of what I 'did' with it, oh and sorry if the first few chapters are a bit messy, on the bright side I picked up an editor around half way through and things got better
1531491
I still don't understand how you're the only one who seems to have seen that...
1535947
Well you're at chapter 13 out of thirty something, that's a lot of time for references...
1564657
That's okay. I understand that some people didn't appreciate it and really it doesn't become important for a while anyways so it's not that big of a deal.
Dude I am SO HAPPY and impressed with how you have taken a different take on a fallout-crossover fic and how you tied all the different elements in.
Grammar could use a fine combing over but you've nailed the plot and characters and that's what makes a good story in my books (Puns everywhere).