The leaves had begun to settle from an early fall, littering the cobbled streets of Canterlot to form a motley brown and yellow fall blanket. Many ponies bundled up in cozy attire to combat the cold chill that had arrived with it early in the morning. Celestia herself numbered among those ponies as well, wandering the streets in the early hours of the day, donning her guise of a regular unicorn by the name of Sunflower Daze, with an appearance not-so dissimilar to that of her normal self. Though, with the help of some crafty spell work, instead of the towering six-foot figure she normally struck, Sunflower Daze was a mere five feet and a few inches. She bore the same pure white fur, but her hair and tail were simply a light shade of pink rather than its usual resplendent rainbow. Her cutie mark, although concealed under several layers like everyone else’, was instead a simple sunflower rather than the very sun itself. The attire she had chosen for today was a loose sweater, jeans that complimented her larger figure well and a large-knit beanie on her head, through which her shortened horn poked through.
A thorough disguise indeed.
She walked alongside the other ponies as they went about their morning routines. Unlike those beside her, however, she had no particular destination in mind. She was content to simply watch her little ponies pass by, enjoy the after-scent of last night’s rain which still lingered in the air, and to admire the rustic neighborhoods of the lower districts, the true heart and soul Canterlot, where centuries of character coalesced into close-knit communities. Suffice to say, Celestia was sick and tired. Not just of the castle she resided in, but of the overstated opulence displayed by the 'nobles' that lived in the upper districts - who improved their homes in eccentric fashions in a bid to outdo said castle. A grimace crossed her face, the mere thought of nobles causing her head to ache. Celestia let out a long sigh, rubbing her temples. However, this was why she took these walks in the first place; to escape from it all.
For it was Sunday, her day off from court and a day of rest for the other ponies as well. This was her day to unwind from all the pent up stress from court. As her tradition went; she purchased a few Parisian pastries at her preferred Prench patisserie, munching on the confections while watching life in the city roll onward, only to eventually end up browsing whatever she found interesting on Market Boulevard, one of the main roads where colorful shops of all kinds had settled; not only the shops, but in the many stalls lining the street as well, placed by ponies and other species from lands abroad. The boulevard crowded with customers, all buying the fall trinkets and treats as they passed through.
Being long lived, Celestia could safely say she had seen most of them before. So, as time passed, it became harder to find novelties that were actually, well, novel to her. Instead of giving it up, she decided to turn it into a game. Her goal; to find something special before she went home and bring it back as a souvenir. As she walked through the crowded boulevard, she decided to head down an offshoot street off the main boulevard. She glanced up at the sign as she walked past its post, it read 'Elder Street'.
Now there was something peculiar about this particular passage, and it hadn't struck her until this very moment. There was a rather... “unique” resident living in one of the shops. She remembered reading the report about it some years ago, despite the many strange documents that crossed her desk. Something about a tall creature who had come from a foreign land seeking to immigrate. She had left the decision to the officials there, as she had been busy with more dangerous matters and ultimately they had deemed him safe to enter. She recalled that when he had filled out his paperwork, he had called himself a human and had a skilled craft of some sort. Some rumors had spread about the new immigrant - the usual diatribe of scary nonsense that her subjects are susceptible to whenever something unknown comes along. Though one inkling of truth had shifted to the top, that he had decided to live in Canterlot, just off of Market Boulevard.
Celestia knew where her next stop was.
She continued at the comfortable pace down the now smaller and less crowded street. She noticed that this street was in a bit of disrepair as the cobble became more uneven to walk on. The buildings sagged in their old age, their colors more muddled and muted in comparison to the bright boulevard she had left. Even her sun did not fully reach into the street as the tall buildings choked the light to a small sliver that provided only a muted glow like blinds on a window.
She neared the middle of the street and noticed that some ponies seemed to give one small building in particular a wide berth, the most likely suspect for his residence. As she approached, a sign came into view, it read 'Cliff's Crafts'. She walked up to the display window and peered at the wares. From there she saw many works of beautifully engraved leathers, from saddles to satchels and belts to holsters, all with delicately detailed floral engravings. Next to them were silver spoons that were crafted just as well with silver plates that had engraved depictions of the desert frontier. Behind the display in the shop were wooden chairs, tables, and even wagon wheels, some adorned with silver. Celestia was a bit overwhelmed by the expert crafts before her, and wondered why this shop wasn't more popular; especially among the Canterlot elite. She decided that she was going to buy something from here and entered the shop.
The door gave a jingle as it opened, and a gruff voice from the back of the store called out. "Gimme me a moment I'll be right with ya." Celestia continued to browse while humming a little tune to herself. She picked up one of the silver tea spoons and admired it carefully. "Can I help you?" Said a deep male voice from behind her. She yelped and dropped the spoon on the floor, but quickly recovered.
She picked up the spoon and turned towards him. "Ah, my apologies, I didn't mean to desecrate your craf-" But stopped partway through to gaze at the creature. He was a bit taller than even her original towering height, he had little hair on his body, save the loosely combed shock of brown on his head. He had a sharp jawline like marble and a large frame to match. He had blue eyes that held an intense gaze, that was entirely focused on her. He wore a simple white button up shirt and blue jeans, both were worse for wear with stains from his work.
"Don't worry too much about it miss, just bring that spoon over so I can give it a look." He held out a large hand, rough with callouses and weathered by years of work. She gingerly passed him the spoon, his hand gently grabbed it from hers and, for a moment, she felt his warmth and wiry strength. He took the spoon and gave it a quick look, then he pulled out a thin cloth and gave it a wipe. "Looks alright to me, you didn't cause no harm to it."
She nodded, though internally wondered why she was so meek all of a sudden. Something about him was decidedly different, even though they both stood on two legs and he had the same form as a stallion, something tugged at the back of her mind about that foreign aura he exuded. Perhaps it was his lack of expression, the way he carried himself, or the nakedness of his bare skin. It all coalesced into an enigma of an otherworldly stallion, one which she could not readily place her finger on, but it was there and it all made him seem completely alien to this world.
"The name's Cliff, so what can I do for ya?" Celestia shook her head and gathered her wits. She's a princess for goodness sake! So she steeled her resolve in the face of this oddity.
"I was thinking about buying that for my tea set." She said proudly.
"Sure thing, that'll be thirty bits." Cliff stated as he went behind the counter, upon which a register stood. Celestia was happy with the price; it was on the lower end for something this excellent but not bad for only one spoon. She pulled out the required amount and placed it on the counter, with a smile.
"Deal."
Cha-ching
The mechanical register rang out as it displayed the thirty bit total and the box opened. He placed the bits inside and closed the register. "Let me just grab the set real quick." He disappeared behind the counter with the spoon. Celestia wondered what he meant by-
He reappeared from the counter with an engraved box which held two silver spoons. " There ya go, set of silver spoons, you have a good day now." Celestia was shocked, did he not value his work highly? This was some of the best craftsponyship she has seen in Canterlot, yet, it was being sold at such a discount. No, this was not right, on her honor she would not allow him to get cheated like this.
"O-oh, it's a set? Is it possible that I pay more then?" She asked.
"Uh, Miss?"
"Sunflower, just call me Sunflower."
"Miss Sunflower, all sales are final. My prices are non-negotiable." Cliff leaned with his elbow on the counter. "And I'm aware that it's on the cheaper end, but I don't mind. I do this for the hobby now more than anything."
"Are you sure?" Celestia asked with a touch of charm. She batted her eyelashes and gave him a slightly bashful look. She was sure this would work, most stallions would falter at the sight of her feminine wiles.
"I'm sure, I appreciate it miss." He said without a second thought, before he disappeared to the back of his shop. Celestia huffed in annoyance - she wondered why he wouldn't just accept her gratitude, but stallions are a bit bull headed in her experience after all.
She wandered back out onto the street and began heading home towards the castle. With souvenir in tow, she looked forward to tea tonight with her sister. She promised herself; next Sunday she would visit again. The next time though, she would pay him properly, and she would figure out this strange anomaly that is Canterlot's only human resident.
*<>* only had to swerve a few grammatical mistakes and wrong word potholes but other than that this is a good start to a nice casual fic . surely Princess Celestia could make a visit to tbe shop to garner attention to his shop of wares
🤔Interdasting, do go on.
9515342
Anyone's advice is appreciated.
I likehow celestia uses her feminine wiles to pay more instead of less
How very interesting. This certainly seems worth watching.
Nice premise so far, definitely want more :)
Should there not be a 'the' between comabt and cold?
Otherwise very nice chapter. nothing given away and im eagerly awaiting more.
Moar!!!!
9515707
Well, instead of Earth Cliff could be from a world with magic (not necessarily D&D), just to spice things up.
*<>* This ... Sounds similar to a broken record ..~descriptive timing is off along with flow iz choppy and loose.
Pony anatomy consistency...
~cough lives in a castle cough
*<>* all these shes sound lik t.t turbo läg and its a recurrence throughout th tune
"Looks alright to me, you didn't cause no harm to it."
~double negative
Something about him was different, and alien to this world.~ reeally
*<>* Hahahahaha
Leather, silver and wood. Mhm.
9516476
Noted, I made some minor changes for now. Appreciate the feedback!
Nice little fic, going to follow to see how this works out.
Some things I noticed.
"only a light" or "was a light".
Remove the first "herself".
"and a large".
Remove first "that".
"hers and for".
Should be a comma at the end of the sentence, to denote a pause in speech but not an end of the statement.
Or a hyphen before those closing quotation marks and another one after the opening quotation marks of the next part. I can't remember which is "grammatically correct" and I am failing at Google.
Also
Rather sure that comma needs to be a period.
Finally
Either a period or a comma after "mind". Unless he's the sort for full run-on sentences in speech. (I know a few people like that.)
9516629
And for the record I vote to not remove the double negative that 9516476 pointed out. It was a character speaking and people use double negatives in speech all the time.
It fits if you are going for a more "down to earth" slash "country" type of personality for Cliff.
9516680
*<>* eh whadda i kno bout grammar im just a truck
Well this is an interesting start. I hope the rest is just as interesting as this.
9516672
Thanks for all the help, as for how he speaks the double negative was intentional. I am going for a more down to earth manner of speaking.
Now this is an interesting story, I wonder what's gonna happen next. ;)
While this was a nice read, there was one, I guess I'd call it an inconsistency with the setup. You made Celestia out to be someone who goes out fairly regularly looking for interesting new things she hasn't seen before, but also established that this human has been around for years. Those two things don't quite fit well together. If he has been around as long as was stated, and Celestia is as driven to find new things to discover as she seems, then there isn't really any reason for her to not have been to this shop before. It's not like she just heard about it either, she remembers down to the street he lives on from a report she received years ago. If you were trying to make it out that the rumors of where he had settled down were more recent, than it didn't come across very well. Aside from that it was a pleasant little tale, and I very much liked how you portrayed Celestia's character, well done.
I like this. I’ve always enjoyed stories where Celestia develops an interest in a human of humble social standing. I’m definitely going to look forward to reading future chapters.
I really liked it and am looking forward hopefully to more! I like how Celestial was portrayed although i did think it odd that someone deliberately looking for something new hasnt gone to see a truly one of a kind being. Definently worth a follow keep it up: D
I like this. That is all
I got a feeling im going to enjoy this
Lo and i do gaze upon thou creation, and it was good u_u
9516905
Call it chance or creative license. I honestly just got tired of the trope when a human shows up within the public eye, they are immediately the main center of attention. Even though Cliff drew some attention obviously, he was treated like any other strangeness that decided to show up in Equestria, this was amid a background of much more important events to be fair.
9517430
You know what that makes sense most of the stories do that and seeing it in that light it works. Still looking forward to the story you are planning to continue it I hope?
Is it weird that this story title reminded me of a song?
*she
9517445
Of course! I'm just shocked it was well received.
9517584
Lol you shouldn't be it was very well written and despite just the one chapter you captured the characters well. Im interested in getting to know them better.
9517632
well said
9517430
Honestly, I'm tired of the human in Equestria plot device in general. Especially when it's not from a second person perspective but they still call the character "Anon". Be it mysterious merchant at a cosplay convention, a unicorn (90% Twilight Sparkle) summoning them; accidentally or otherwise, or the ones where they literally wake up in Equestria for no goddamn reason. It's FiMFiction's take on the trashy Isekai genre. There are some good ones but a lot are just too cliche to be enjoyable. At the very least, you've named your human character and the whole world doesn't suddenly revolve around him or his junk.
Pretty good start so far my dude
9517984
Have some cancer.
Oh wow I've suddenly been dropped into this wonderful place called ponyville! Hello ponies my name is anon and I am immortal and have super sexy powers and am the best at anything ever and this and that and one of those and blah blah blah
Hello anon my name is Twilight Sparkle
I know! I'm a brony m'lady, shall we have sex now?
Right this way anon! Oh fancy that, all my friend's who've never met you before are all suddenly madly in love with you! We should ALL have sex! Together!
9518268
9518459
He ripped his eyes off! Oh well, he's a lobster. They'll grow back... unless that cauterization prevents that.
This is a really solid start. Cliff seems interesting, he isn't the generic "socially awkward young man". He clearly works hard, has set everything up, and has firm but sane ideas on the world. Like Celestia, I'm rather intrigued to learn more about him. Writing wise, your descriptions are vivid, your pacing is sound, your grammar/spelling are fairly solid, and nothing jarred me out of the flow.
Lovely work, looking forward to seeing more!
9516774
I disagree, in real life this happens all the time. There are tons of interesting things I have heard about in my area that I have never been to yet. Many have been around for years, and I am the type that likes to explore.
Keep in mind that I am just an average schmuck and I haven't been to these semi interesting places. Now consider a Extremely important and royal Schmuck. hey tend to have far less free time and have to ration it wisely.
I don't think its unreasonable at all.
The Monk
Might have been interesting, if it wasn't anthro. Fuck anthro stories.
I rather like this story. It is perfect. I wish that more Authors would simply start the HIE stories with the human already integrated. Like many here have read, the typical HIE intro is far too over done. Stories like yours and "The Whittler by ROBCakeran53" are vary vary rare, and are a treat to read.
Personally I want to see more of your interpretation of the world and would love to read more. However, please don't follow the general advice given in this comment section to damage this story by adding to it. This is a gem and should be stand alone. HOWEVER, nothing says that you can't add a book2. Or even several vignettes or small "slices-of-life" stories like this one. This could simply be one of a dozen short peeks into your version of Equestria.
Oh, and if it hasn't come across.......WELL DONE!
The Monk
9518725
I'll promise at the very least to not overdo it, ultimately this is a story I am using to explore and practice my writing. With the ultimate goal to publish a large novel (a separate story I have in the works).
I'm very interested to see where this is going. I know you're basically using this to test your skills, or hone them more, but do you know what kind of update schedule we're looking at for this one?
This is a HiE I like to read, It has more real life tributes and more in depth perception, I like how the human is already there and not just tossed in, course other HiE storys are good but this is a great treat to start with, and I like how hes just a normal worker and not just some super human,and i love how you interpreted Celestia in this as well, my advice: please make more of this and maybe turn it into a series sense its this good!
9519620
Once a week updates at the very least.
An intriguing start. Seems a little odd to me that only two spoons would be considered a set, but then I've never gone shopping for cutlery. I noticed several areas where your writing is a bit choppy, or doesn't flow very well, such as your excessive use of "she" when describing Celestia. I feel like you have a lot of talent, though, and that sort of thing tends to dissipate as one writes more and gets better at writing; in short, as you cultivate that talent.
You have an interesting premise here, I particularly like the way you portrayed the human as seeming to largely blend into the background of the world. It feels very realistic, and it's refreshing to see. While the new may create a stir when it arrives, only for those who come into contact with it regularly does it remain relevant. Everyone else tends to forget about it. Exploring the human from the perspective of a pony is also something I like, and would like to see more of.
Just personal preference here, but I would have appreciated a phrase or sentence referencing the average height of the residents of Equestria. Obviously six feet is quite tall, but in pony form Celestia towers almost two feet over the average pony, and her "incognito" form here is only a little over five feet. Again, just a little thing that caught my attention.
Also, if you are trying to improve your writing I highly recommend this blog by Max Florschutz. His Being a Better Writer posts are excellent, and his books and fanfictions (which he posts here under the name Viking ZX) aren't half bad either.
I'll certainly be following this story, and I look forward to seeing you continue with it.
I'm hooked!!!
This is good and I want more.
I shall follow this story.
That is all.
This was an excellent beginning, but your 'said tags' need some work.
This Guide will help.
9520455
Do you talk just to hear yourself speak?
9521204
Frequently, though not when others can hear me. What, did you think my comment was too verbose?
9521416
Yeah you are long winded.