Much Sense the Starkest Madness

by Comma Typer

Why Do I Humor This Miserable Pony?

The bar has this special pull, attracting just about anyone come nighttime. No one officially designated them as public gathering halls or something like that in Canterlot City. It's what they are.

In a bar, people drink for many reasons. Some look for love, others itch to party, more others just want to relax for good times. Of course, there’re those who don’t have time for fake smiles, so they ask the barman to be their ear to pour out to for the night.

I guess ponies do bars differently.

Here I am, minding my own business, when a pony—a unicorn, actually—sits beside me. The bartender doesn’t notice him; he’s flirting with a lady at the other side of the counter. Sloppy slacking amateur.

The pony doesn’t look happy. Kind of sad from the flattened ears. Means he’s not here for love, parties, or good times. Must have something on his chest. If that's true, someone should indulge him. Without our trusty barman to back him up, though, I step in for him.

“You look a little blue,” I say, inching just a little closer with a glass of dark and tan in my hand.

His ears perk up, dazed face rising into view. There’s that frown, the pout of a battered man—er, stallion. The collar and tie give him that nice touch of white collar troubles.

The horse didn’t reply.

“I said you look a little blue,” I repeat, wondering if he heard me. Wouldn't hurt to try again.

Took a couple seconds, but he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I do. What’s it to you?”

He turned to the side and stared at the collection of booze enshrined behind the glass cabinets.

That's not enough to shake me off. “Well, it looks like you have a problem. Maybe I can help you fix it, you know, Mister… uh, what’s your name?”

“Clean Desk,” he says casually. The table cutie mark on his flank tells all—and he sounds young, twenty-ish. He extends his hoof to me. “The name’s Clean Desk.”

“Nice name. Mine's Sight See.”

I put a shoulder on the counter, try to get chummy with him as I shake his hoof. I’m not sure if that’s working, though, but I say anyway, “So you got a problem at work? Crummy boss, overtime blues, or…?”

“I… I’m new here. Just moved in a week ago, honestly.”

I raise my eyebrows. A new neighbor in town certainly has surprises up his sleeves. “What pushed you?”

He fidgets with his hooves, slowly spinning them on the counter. “… I-I’m taking this internship from my college.”

That gets my attention. I want to butt in, but I let him continue.

“I-I chose this because, uh, it’s new... adventurous. I thought I could handle it, b-but I have two days left until it starts and I feel like I’m surviving by the skin of my teeth!... and I have to rack up two hundred clerk hours here during my stay...” Counting on his hooves, he goes on: “No magic here, talking to new humans daily, home a dimension away… I-I-I just w-want to say something, you see?”

I nod. His plight sounds familiar.

“Just to let you know, buddy," I say, "you’re not the first one to stumble around in a new world.” Pause, my mind shooting blanks for a bit. “I’m sure you made mistakes, hm?”

The stallion blushes, looks away in embarrassment. “Levitating people’s stuff around without asking for permission is one thing.” I grin madly to mess with his head. “What?! I didn’t know! I was just helping a lady carry luggage, that’s all!”

“But we're still not used to floating carriages,” I say, wagging a finger at him, “and that’s what spooked her, right?”

His drooped ears and his loosened tail say his silent Right.

“Still, I can relate,” I continue. “I had similar problems when I went to Equestria.”

Desk rolls his eyes, turning away from me to stare mindlessly at the counter. “Yeah... every human who goes to Equestria makes mistakes. That’s normal.”

That's the cue to floor him with my mediocre job. “You want to know what isn’t normal about me?”

He examines me, scrutinizes me with his skeptic eyes, seeing simple ol’ me with denim jeans and a leather jacket. Faux leather; unsettling herbivores who work with sapient cows isn’t a good idea.

He blurts out, “What?” at my teasing smile.

The moment comes: I unsheathe the call card from my pocket, then hand it to Desk for him to read.

He reads it. His eyes widen before he puts down the card, staring at me mindfully. “Y-you… you’re—“

“An administrative assistant of the Embassy of Earth in the Dragon Lands with specialization in Zebra Federation relations,” I say slowly and smoothly, breaking out into a toothier grin. “It’s less boring than it sounds.”

He isn’t undeterred by boredom since he says, “Wow! I didn’t know you work at an Earth embassy!”

I dismissively wave my hand. “Not really. I do most of the paperwork here. Just that almost all business trips take me to the Dragon Lands.” I flash a smirk. “Since you seem so interested... want me to tell you how I got the job?”

It's Desk’s turn to nod. “Anything to drown my troubles away.”

“Oh, it’ll do anything but,” I say with a sly smile. “But first… you need a drink, buddy.”

I look at the counter. No one's manning the stations. Poor soul this Desk is.

One glare down the far end of the counter and I call out, “Noble Grain! A bottle of Strong Redcap for the nice pony, stat!”

Grain huffs and puffs away from his would-be girlfriend, yanks a beer out of the shelves, and slams it on the counter before going back to his business.

I shoot another glare at him as I pop open the bottle, noticing Desk levitating his glass near me. “Hope you don’t mind something bittersweet.”

Desk grins back. “I won’t.”

Is this guy a heavy drinker?

I pour, catering to a horse’s liking for hops. He watches the beer settle before looking at me and asking—with ears bent, ready to listen—

“So how'd you get the job?”

Comments

[Eroraf86]

Does the portal not work properly anymore? Or did Twilight make a new portal that doesn't transform travelers?