And now this is happening
It was another beautiful day in Ponyville!
The sun was shining, the breeze was nice, and everything was covered in vomit, because all the ponies were constantly vomiting...
Because that’s what this story is about: a world where everyone vomits constantly.
Twilight and the girls were out enjoying the sunshine, vomiting all over the ground and each other, just having a good time like good friends do, in the way that good friends have to when living in a world where strange puke streams constantly from everyone's mouthes, when suddenly, the sickly-yellow-green ground began to shake! It shook so hard, in fact, that there was puke coming off of the trees and buildings where it had just kinda gotten lodged and was sitting around.
A big chunk fell off and landed right on Rarity's head, covering her mane and turning it from bright purple to sickly brown. She just rolled her eyes though, because after several years of this stupid concept, she was used to it.
They heard a loud rumbling across town, as Spitfire flew over the horizon (the wonderbolts were in town), and began quickly pointing in that direction. She couldn't do much more than point, because, like everypony else in the world, she too had a constant stream of vomit pouring from her mouth, meaning she couldn't like, shout or anything. They'd all learned to communicate through gestures though, so it was all good: the girls could clearly tell that she was trying to get them to run towards it, and they were on their way at a fast canter, though not too fast, as they had to be careful not to slip in all the vomit that covered the roads.
As they got to the other side of town, they slowed even more, shocked by the sight of what was happening.
From beneath the lakes of vomit which covered the ground pretty much everywhere now, a massive structure was emerging! From beneath that puke-covered ground, a dread citadel had apparently risen. Looking upon it, they knew not what it was, but they could tell it was bad news. Not like, regular friendship problem, "Rarity lost her ribbon in the vomit again" bad news, more like, villain problem level, "There's a new supervillain showing up to try and kick Twilight's flank!" bad news!
They all steeled themselves, knowing they were in for some serious hoof-biting action this episode.
Twilight looked at her friends.
Starlight held up a sign, on which she had written, "I'm guessing movie night is cancelled?"
Twilight nodded gravely, and they all nodded back. Slowly, they walked towards the horrific structure... a citadel from which they could now see fountains of puke flowing. It was like... Destiny 2: The Witch Queen. (which you've gotta play if you haven't. You fight glam-rock moth-people in a white citadel thing or something, it's totes cool. ....ANYWAY)
Before they could get too close, they found themselves taking a step back, as those massive, menacing doors creaked open.
From the darkness within, they could see the massive hulking form of a strange, bulbous creature, which slowly drew forward. It was a sickly yellow-green color, the color of puke... actually, it looked like some sort of giant puke monster, made of the very puke they had been puking for the last few years!
Slowly, the gross-out creature emerged, its voice gurgling and echoing.
"Long have I waited..." it intoned, "Long have I slumbered... Long has it been since my return was prophesized... but now... the inevitable has come... and now I, Ipekaka the terrible, have come..." it looked like it was about to say something, but it stopped, it's many, odd-numbered eyes blinking out of synch, "Wait... this is a lot more vomit than I expected there to be."
The girls looked at each other, then stared up at it, all with eyebrows raised.
"...no matter, it seems my curse has been more effective than expected! You cannot even clean your own houses of it!" it let out a deep, bellowing chuckle, "You cannot even communicate, while the use of your mouths has been so coopted by my spew!!"
The girls looked even more confused, with Twilight finally just holding up her whiteboard, on which she had written... "Uh... Yeah we can?"
The horrifying monster blinked, out of synch again, completely taken aback. "Oh... Right... Mortals have written language... I... I guess I didn't think about that..." It cleared it's gurgly throat, "No matter! Your society has no doubt been brought to its knees by my most foul spew! Brought to its pony knees by the horror that is Ipekaka!!"
Twilight and the girls tilted their heads, all clearly confused.
"I mean... it's like... collapsed right?" it asked, "I mean... it's at least, like, services are breaking down and all that, right?"
They all just shook their heads.
Ipekaka just stared at them, then a thought seemed to occur to it, as it raised one of it's many amorphous arms, "Oh! I get it!" It began to chortle again, "You may have survived these past few days, but soon, everything will collapse! Collapse under the weight of all this vomit!" it gestured to the town, "In such little time, I can see the vomit has already covered everything the eye surveys!!"
The girls looked at each other, confused again.
Twilight held up her whiteboard, finishing another note, No dude, it's been like, years.
Starlight held up her own whiteboard, her own message written, Yeah, everybody's totally adjusted to this
Applejack held up a sight where she'd written, in incredibly elegant letters, We have installed a state of the art drainage system, systematically channeling the inevitable flooding away from Ponyville.
Rainbow held up a sign beneath hers, It's Fillydelphia's problem now.
Pinkie Pie held up a sign, I still miss cupcakes though
Finally, Rarity finished the angry message she had been taking all this time to write...
U RUIND MY DRESSESSESSS!!!!
Ipekaka blinked, it's many mouths opening and closing, not in unison, but in surprise as it looked for a response. "Wait... Wait... seriously?" it stared at them for a moment, then raised one of its amorphous appendages to smack it against its head, "Did I set the spell to go off three YEARS before I woke up instead of three DAYS?!"
Twilight shrugged, holding up her sign, Looks like it, dude.
Ipekaka raised several fist-like things to the sky, letting out a most horribe sounding multi-scream from its too-many mouths, "NOOO! NOOO!! IT CAN'T BE!!! DEFEATED BY THE AUTHOR'S INABILIY TO FINISH WRITING HER STORIES IN A TIMELY MANNER!!!"
Twilight just shrugged, changing her sign, Sorry dude, I don't know what to tell ya.
Rarity held up her sign to Twilight, WE SHULD KILL IT!!!!
Twilight shook her head, writing on her own whiteboard, No, let's just talk it out.
Ipekaka sobbed where it sat, as a plan which had been formulated before the beginning of time itself was foiled by nothing more than time itself, the most humiliating defeat a being from beyond space could suffer, especially considering space and time are like, the same thing.
Rarity finally finished scrawling another message, IT RUIN MY DRESSESSES!!! I WANT DEDED!!!
Applejack held up a sign with a quickly written message, Please, Rarity, contain yourself. Surely there is a better way to handle this than senseless violence.
Rarity just gave her a fuming look, and would probably be grinding her teeth were there not a constant stream of vomit pouring from her mouth.
Fluttershy held up her own sign, I agree with Rarity. It is a worthless and ugly thing, devoid of all value. It is better for the world that we kill it now.
Twilight shook her head, holding up her own sign, No, no, let's try talking to it a bit more. She turned to Ipekaka's strange and writhing mass, which would've been a color not of this world, were it not for the fact that the puke they'd been constantly puking for the past three years was that very same color. She stepped towards it as she wrote out another message, holding up her sign to it... "Ipekaka", was it?Can we talk?
Ipekaka, for its great and terrible part, let out long, gurgling sighs from its multitude of mouths, "Yeah... Yeah, ok..."
Twilight nodded, writing another message out. I'm sorry but, I don't understand. What exactly was your plan here?
Ipekaka let out another multitude-sigh, holding up some hand-like things as it explained, "Well, ya see, I'm an Eldritch Horror from before time and space, and attacking planets like yours is kind of our thing. So, as a primordial vomit-based entity, my plan was to make every living creature vomit for a while, then dominate the world while all the major factions were distracted with the crisis... I mean, it was like, a major crisis, right?"
Twilight looked at it, uneasy.
"...It was a serious problem at least, right??"
The wincing in Twilight's eyes got more intense.
"...Oh come on! Did it cause a problem at all?!?"
Twilight shrugged, holding up a sympathetic note on her sign, It was confusing, and it took a couple hours to calm everyone down?
Ipekaka threw what passed for its head back, and let out exhasperated groans from its multitude-mouths, "Oh come ON!! You mean I made everyone on your planet vomit with elder magics from before time itself, and it wasn't even a big deal?!?"
Applejack held up a sign of her own again, I don't know what you expected: you just made us all vomit. It wasn't painful, or life-threatening, just inconveniently messy. We aren't fragile. We are a strong and proud people, who will bounce back from anything, even if it means we can no longer grow and eat delicious apples.
Starlight stepped up too, holding up her sign, Also, the nature of your vomit spell means we don't need to eat or breathe. I consider that a plus.
Rarity held up her own sign which she'd been writing on this whole time, TWI LIGHT WE KILL IT NOW
Ipekaka moaned a multitude of moans, its blobby mass leaning against a wall... it perked up though, "Oh... Oh! But that's still ok! Even if you haven't been laid low by my spell, I am still..." it took on that horror-intonation again, "Ipekaka the terrible, conquerer of worlds and unworlds! My vomitous forme is timeless and invincible... nothing short of a rainbow laser can defeat me!!" It laughed a great and terrible laugh.
Twilight held up her own sign again, Uh... I can summon a Rainbow Laser at will.
Ipekaka looked down at the sign, and it's laughter was immediately cut short, "Wait... Really?"
Twilight nodded, holding up her sign, Yeah. Sorry Dude.
Ipekaka winced, or at least, gave some expression with its many eyes and mouths which passed for a wince, "Ah... Well... I don't suppose I could at least press for some sort of appeasement, could I?"
Fluttershy held up her own sign, You are a worthless waste of space. Why would we do anything less than do the world a favor and kill you?
But Twilight put her hoof on Fluttershy's sign, lowering it down and shaking her head. If the literary masterpiece of "Tails gets Trolled" had taught her anything, it was that violence was not the answer here. She held up her own sign, What do you have in mind?
Ipekaka thought, "Oh... geez... I dunno... How do I even go about making demands? I wasn't ready to negotiate..."
Twilight nodded, writing another message, What were you going to do after you conquered the world?
Ipekaka shrugged, "Well... I dunno, I never really planned that far ahead."
Twilight's eyes widened, her vomit-stained mane starting to curl.
Ipekaka held up some of its almost-hands, "I mean... I just figured 'World Domination' was a good life-goal."
Twilight stomped a hoof, stepping forward, holding up her sign as she hastily scrawled out words, Are you KIDDING ME?!
Rarity held up her sign, TWILIGHT WE KILL IT NOW
Twilight kept scrawling, YOU'RE TELLING ME WE'VE BEEN VOMITTING FOR THREE YEARS STRAIGHT, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE AN END GOAL?!
"H-hey, take it easy, it was a rookie mistake..."
I SPENT TWO YEARS CLEANING VOMIT OUT OF MY BOOKS... it had taken her that long to realize she could laminate them ...AND YOU CALL THAT A "ROOKIE MISTAKE"!?!
TWILITE WE KILL IT NAOW
IT IS A USELESS, WORTHLESS THING, DEVOID OF ALL MORAL VALUE. BY ALL MEANS IT IS A JUSTICE TO THE WORLD IT IS MADE UNALIVE.
I am beginning to come around to Rarity and Fluttershy's position. I may have saved the orchard, but never again will I or another pony know the taste of its wonderful apples, because of this terrible creature that, if you think about it, doesn't even belong in this universe, and forfeited its ethical rights to life the moment it tried this.
Same.
I WANNA HAVE A PARTY IN ITS CORPSE! WHEEEEEE!!!
Twilight looked over at Starlight, as if to plead for her moral guidance as a reformed villain.
Starlight shrugged, holding up her sign, I don't mind it, but they got a point...
Twilight turned to Ipekaka, horn lighting as she held up her sign, Sorry dude, looks like you die. She started powering up the rainbow laser.
Ipekaka held up its many not-hands in front of its not-face, "WAIT!! I CAN MAKE YOU STOP VOMITTING!!"
Twilight stopped her laser at half charge, looking over at her vommitting friends, then back at the edritch horror they were bargaining with... Go on...
"I can make you stop vomitting! If I do that, will you let me live??"
Twilight sat down in the puddle of puke, not even caring that she'd just soaked her own butt, which was already puke-stained brown. She tilted her head from side to side, weighing her options...
Return the world to its pre-puking state, or get revenge in one act of friendship-powered violence...
Stop puking... or get revenge...
Ohh... It was such a hard decision to make!!
Finally she rolled her eyes, holding up her sign, Ok, fine. Stop the puke, and we won't kill you.
Pinkie hopped over, pushing her sign forward pleadingly, But Twiiiliiiight!! I wanna have a corpse-party!!!
Twilight pushed her aside, holding up her own sign in response, I know, I do too, but vomiting is inconvenient and gross.
She turned to the great horror that was Ipekaka, the terribly inconvenient and terribly outmatched. With a nod, she held up her sign, Do it.
Ipekaka nodded meekly with its massive not-head, and just like that, they all felt the vomit pouring from their mouthes slow down to a trickle, and finally, abate. All around them, the vomit dissolved into a softer fluid, seeping into the ground, leaving nothing but well-fertilized soil in its wake.
Twilight coughed for a moment, then took a deep breath, "Oh... OH! Wow, I... totally forgot how nice it felt to NOT be vomitting all the time."
Pinkie Pie began to bounce up and down, "I GET TO EAT CUPCAKES AGAIN!!!"
Fluttershy smiled brightly, "And I get to see the smiling faces of all my cute little animal friends again!" She fluttered up into the air, doing a happy twirl.
Applejack reared up, kicking the air in front of her, "HOT DIGGITY! Ah can go back ta farmin' mah apples y'all!!"
Rarity nodded, "And I can go back to making dresses without having to account for the constant expulsion of foul substances!"
Rainbow shrugged, "Eh. I could take it or leave it."
Off to the side, Starlight just mumbled sadly, "...but I kinda liked vomiting all the time..."
Twilight sighed happily, looking across the open countryside as she enjoyed the simple pleasure of closing her mouth and not constantly vomitting...
...the world was one again, as it should be.
"I'm uh... I'm just gonna go..." Ipekaka muttered, sliding away, back into the depths of the dread citatel of spew, closing those massive doors behind it.
Twilight gave them a funny look as they shut themselves, tilting her head as she wondered why he'd bothered with the dread citadel, and what he was going to do with it now that he had suffering a complete, utter, and totally embarrassing defeat.
Her thoughts were broken as Starlight tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey... Twilight? Won't the fact that most of the fields would've been drowned in vomit, and the global food supply has been halted for three years straight cause like... I dunno, some sort of international food crisis?"
"Eh, I'm sure the writer will resolve that plot-hole off screen... It's not like she cares about this story anyway."
And so, the food-shortages were quickly resolved offscreen, with no perceivable consequences.
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Horses don't have a gag reflex.
What a perfect ending to a perfectly weird and random story
11199587
Actually, I think I got one more in me, in which Ipekaka is Twilight's annoying neighbor.
11199569
Ye of little faith, appreciate the brilliance of my art or vomit and be done with it!
11199626
Oh, well let the puking be doubled! Hazaa!
Sure why not
11199626
OK.
Like this progression of plot. Speaking of plot: the follow up story could be where everyone is shitting all the time.
11200763
1) I dislike shit jokes even more than I dislike vomit jokes (as in, they're only good if they tread new ground)
2) I don't want to write about shit, or really more along the lines of this concept
3) I'm 99% sure I've already seen that story.
That was also one of the best endings I've ever read.
This has got to be the most vomitous story on Fimfic.
Just, I don't know, the fact that they were magically vomiting for three years until it just suddenly stopped is kind of more surreal and mind-boggling than them continuing to vomit for all eternity, like it's just such a random bit of history forever plastered in the past of ponykind.
I can now imagine that years in the future, ponies are telling their kids about the Three Years Rein of Puke. "Yeah, for three years, just vomit everywhere, it was crazy Haha! We redesigned and structured homes and whole cities, it was completely unrecognizable from what we have now a days, everything is just completely back to normal like how it was before we puked!" And their kids are just like "Yeah right whatever mom, that's the dumbest story I've ever heard, like as if that could actually happen 🙄"