• Published 6th Mar 2019
  • 1,892 Views, 121 Comments

The only fanfic that asks the Question! (or, How Twilight Sparkle learned to stop worrying and love to Vomit) - Rockstar_Raccoon



Everypony starts vomiting, and they're going to vomit forever. The end. (What more do you want from me?)

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Twilight Puke-le

It was a day like any other, except that it was Tuesday, and Twilight was currently stressing that nothing insane had happened, even though it was late afternoon.

In a place called “ponyville”, something insane was always bound to happen on Tuesday.

So there she was, flitting between the windows of her castle and going over her calendars, diaries, and almanacs, all with a frown. Spike was out of town for the week, and Starlight was spending the day with Trixie. She was all alone, and her stomach was starting to feel uncomfortable. This was when our thoughtful hero asked the first important question...

Why does my stomach feel weird? Am I going to Vomit?

The answer was yes.

Twilight began to retch as she dropped her book on the table. “No... Not now... Oh nooo...” she gargled, rushing over to the nearby wastebin, mouth already beginning to fill with that taste that only made you feel sicker. (good job evolution) She opened her mouth, and the vomit collecting there promptly gushed into the wastebin, followed by a steady stream of more vomit.

Dangit, there goes my lunch... She thought, not realizing the gravity of her situation as she noticed that the yellow-green substance she was suddenly producing didn’t look like what she’d had for lunch, prompting the second question for the ages...

What is this stuff I’m vomiting anyway?

She didn’t know. It was like no vomit she had ever vomited before, and she kept sputtering and gagging, her body now shaking, but the stream kept coming, and that was when she asked the third question...

How long is this going to last?

Whatever the answer was, it was clearly longer than the bucket could hold. The neat-freak pony watched in horror as the vomit finally spilled over the sides of the wastebin, spilling onto the plush carpet of the floor.

Oh no! Is that going to leave a stain?

This wasn’t a question for the ages, because yes Twilight, of course it’s going to leave a stain. That’s what vomit does. The truly important question was the one that came to mind as she stumbled into the hallway, splattering the shiny crystal flooring with her unending spew.

Where is this stuff even coming from?

She walked towards the front of the castle, hoping to perhaps find aid in her plight, but it was slow going: vomiting was an arduous task, and it didn’t help that she kept slipping in it. By the time she got to her front door, her entire front-end was dripping with ground-in vomit. And still, the vomit kept coming, as well as the questions.

Will this ever stop?

She wondered, if she went out in public like this, if the papers would publish photographs of her. Perhaps they’d come up with a headline like “Pukey Pony Princess” or “Pony Princess of Puke” or “Twilight you dumb Pony, Puke in the Potty!” All of those were even worse than the idea of vomiting for another few seconds, as she had now gotten used to the taste in her mouth and the feeling of stuff spraying out her food-hole. That was when she glanced back down the hall, noticing the constant trail of vomit behind her as a pool formed around her. She found it odd that she’d managed to walk all that way with her mouth entirely busy with its own problems, which begged another question...

Do I not need to breathe anymore?

Apparently not, as she wasn’t feeling at all winded, despite the fact that she had been vomiting for several minutes straight. In fact, she didn’t even feel a need to breathe, as if her lungs were just unnecessary. The only thing she needed to do was vomit.

Anyway, contemplating this had given the pool time to grow, and she figured she should walk out and face the paparazzi before the entire front area was vomit-central. When she opened her door, she was met with a sight that prompted yet another great question...

Who else is vomiting?

The roads were all covered in vomit, which oozed across the ground away from the epicenter that was the town of Ponyville. She rolled her eyes, and would’ve sighed if she wasn’t vomiting constantly.

She really hated Tuesdays.

She walked down the steps, the puke gushing from her mouth splattering against them and running down to join the rest of it. She stepped out onto the road, her hooves splashing in the vomit of other ponies, which was kinda gross, she thought, but she realized that if she was going to keep vomiting like this it would be rude to judge other ponies for it.

As she walked through the town, she saw ponies everywhere, standing on the street, just vomiting, their faces having turned to mild annoyance as the initial shock of the non-stop spew wore off. Lyra gave her a wave with a vomit-covered forehoof from a bench where she sat next to Bonbon, both casually vomiting. Twilight waved back with her own vomit-covered hoof. Overhead, several pegasi flew by, and she had to slip under an awning to avoid the shower of vomit coming down from their mouths. It was kind of rude, but then again, she was already mostly covered in vomit, so it wasn’t like it’d be much worse if one of them had hurled on her.

A wetness on her rump made her realize her mistake all too late: she’d sat down. On the ground. Which was covered in vomit. She rolled her eyes as she stood back up, continuing on down the street. After all, she wasn’t the only pony covered in vomit. Other ponies looked like they’d been full on showered in the stuff, but none of them seemed too perturbed, only annoyed that this was what was happening.

It was Tuesday after all.

She kept walking, not even bothering to be careful about sinking her hooves into the puddles of vomit which splashed against her legs. The vomit-level of the vomit-flood was slowly rising now, as the ponies kept adding to it with their own contributions, and it forced her to wonder...

Is there anypony who ISN’T vomitting?

The answer was no, but she didn’t know it was no, so she kept looking around so she could know. She splashed through sugarcube corner, where the Cakes had exhausted themselves with worrying about the mess and had resigned themselves to just having a puke-bakery, while Pinkie Pie, who was completely coated in the stuff, had turned their dining area into a slip-n-slide, and was now sliding around with the Cake Twins and some other foals who had wandered in. (school was cancelled due to it being a vomit-day.) They would’ve been giggling with glee if they weren’t busy vomiting.

She walked back out, only to see Fluttershy leading a group of ducks, who were also vomiting, through town. The ducks basically floated along on top of the vomit, finding it easy to just swim. It made Twilight wonder if the fish would also be able to swim, or if they’d die because they were swimming in vomit. Hopefully Fluttershy wasn’t too upset about that. After all, it’s ok to eat fish ‘cause they don’t have any feelings.

She walked past Applejack, who was looking dejectedly at her apple cart as the vomit lapped at the bottoms of her apple-baskets, which were going unsold, as nopony wanted to buy food while they were vomiting. If it didn’t stop, Applejack would need a new profession.

Above her, she could trace a vomit-fall up to a cloud, where Rainbow Dash was napping while vomitting. Of course, Rainbow would be the pony to find it easy to sleep while the stuff was pouring out her mouth, but at least her coat had stayed clean.

She walked along, passing Trixie, who was casually brushing her mane, and Starlight, who walked grumpily along, her entire backside covered in Trixie’s vomit, much to her frustration. Twilight considered figuring out some way to ask, but was a very smart pony, and could put two and two together to make four, and could also piece together enough to know that this was a question she’d rather not know the answer to.

Finally, she made her way to carousel boutique, the door of which was hanging open, but there was no pony inside. She found it strange, so she walked towards it, only to trip over something squishy, like a vomit-covered marshmallow, lying in the wakway in front of the door. Her body splashed down in the vomit, becoming submeged.

Great... she thought, So much for keeping at least my mane clean. At least this stuff is warm...

She lifted her head from the vomit, glancing back behind her as she stood. Another pony, also covered in vomit, lifted her head from the ground. Her horn lit up, creating writing in the air...

Leave me be Twilight! If vomit is to be the new life, then I have nothing to live for!

Twilight rolled her eyes, of course Rarity would be the only pony to not be able to handle this new, vomit-filled way of life. She was about to reply by telling her that vomit wasn’t forever, but then a new question, greater than all the others she had asked this day, came to her...

Are we going to be vomiting forever?

She glanced up in the direction of Canterlot, and that was when she saw it... A constant flow of vomit, flowing over the sides, running in rivers of puke down the side of the mountain.

Everypony was vomiting, Everypony everywhere was vomiting. There was no pony that was not vomiting, and no place that wasn’t covered in vomit.

Finally, Twilight had come to terms with the one answer to the one question that she needed to know the answer to...

Is this the new normal?

Yes Twilight, but that’s not what you should be asking...

Are we going to have to change our lifestyles to accommodate this sudden need to vomit constantly and without end? What would that Equestria even look like?

That’s right Twilight. That’s the Million Dollar question. And the answer is yes. Yes you are. Welcome to your new life Twilight Sparkle, you are now the princess of Puquestria, first among puking ponies. You’re a Pukey Pony Puke Princess, in a Pukey Pony Puke-World!

WELCOME TO THE VOMITVERSE!

Soon enough, ponies were redesigning their homes. They needed to be on stilts, with drains in the floor, so that the vomit wouldn’t pool in them and seep out the doors constantly. Roads were raised and canals were dug, so that ponies could walk around without having to constantly wade through vomit.

It smelled horrible, like nothing before it, but everypony got used to it on the first day, so they didn’t mind.

All the crops died, because the fields were flooded with vomit, but that was ok, because somehow the ponies didn’t need to eat anymore: they just vomited eternally.

New communication methods were invented to cope with the loss of the mouth, mostly of ponies writing things on whiteboards while holding them away from the steady stream of vomit spurting from their faces.

One day, many months later, Starlight walked up to Twilight as she was studying. She kept her book behind a pane of glass, so the vomit wouldn’t get on it on its way towards the drain in the floor. After all, vomit was her new life, but vomit-proofing books was still a work in progress. Starlight tapped her on the shoulder, pulling out her whiteboard and quickly writing with her bright blue marker...

Hey Twilight, you remember what it was like before we started vomiting?

Twilight nodded, writing back with her own violet one, “Yeah, but I don’t really think about it anymore.

This was their new life after all, and even looking back, there wasn’t anything she’d change.

And so everypony lived Happily, Vomiting Ever After.

THE END

Author's Note:

THERE'S MY FANFIC EVERYPONY, DON'T FORGET TO RATE AND REVIEW! :V

(No, seriously, hit the like button: imagine this story making the front page!)