• Published 3rd Mar 2019
  • 3,168 Views, 7 Comments

Discord the Critic - MetalBrony20

When Fluttershy tells Discord to get a job, she couldn't have know what sort of consequences would occur as a result.

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Making a name for himself

Author's Note:

Wow, has it really been almost 3/4 of a year since I last uploaded? Sorry for that, but I've had a sort of writers block, where I would start a story, get 2-3k words in, then lose enthusiasm.
Hopefully you enjoy this one I whipped up over a week or so of on and off writing.

It was a normal day in the town of Chaosville. The sky was boiling and shifting like wet clay, a vortex of chaoic energy that hurt the eye to look at for too long. Land floated and drifted as freely as clouds in real space, disgorging thick, viscous fluids that span and danced with colours and patterns as they drifted into void. Plants too came in a range of colours from brown to neon blue, from green to a, well, glowing green. Affronts to sensible biology swam and flew in the crazed space, seemingly with no purpose, as a group of winged ovals with dangling tentacles latched onto random objects.

In amongst the collection of bizarre, shifting features was one piece of land that seemed somewhat normal, sans the floating wooden path that drifted off into space. A brick red house with a thatched roof and a white picket fence that sat on a well-kept green lawn. The one relatively normal thing as far as they eye could (dare) see.

This was the house of Discord, the one and only Draconequus of the realm. If one could get close to the abode, they would notice odd noises. Well, odd is relative of course. When the noise in the environment can be completely noiseless, to an almost frightening cacophony of bizarre sounds, then a strange sound can hardly be noteworthy, surely? Well, it would be, if it had been continuing for many weeks and even months on the trot. You can’t see through the windows, of course, they don’t show what’s inside, rather acting as a window out of a random house or apartment somewhere in real space, but you can still see large dark shadows cast upon the glass, giving odd silhouettes to whatever bizarre thing was inside.

‘Munch, munch, gulp…mmmmmm….BUUUURRRPPP!!!’ Inside the house was what could only be described as a pile of flesh. A great blob of fat, flowing upwards and outwards, trying to drown every surface. This was Discord, a far cry from his once lanky, serpentine appearance. Where once there had been a cylindrical middle, now was replaced by a mound of brown, wobbly lard, larger then a beach ball. It was split into two juicy rolls, ringing his sides and connected around the back, forming thick love handles that squished readily to the touch. It was almost always making noise, with loud groans and gurgles of overfilled satisfaction emanated from the wobbly pile of fat. On top of this, his once flat chest had ballooned into a pair of oversized moobs, larger then watermelons, as they rested on top of the top roll of his belly.

His long neck had absorbed considerable portions of lard, thickening and sagging down from the weight, forming two prominent neck folds, each groaning with a spare tire’s worth of adipose. Likewise, his chin and face had fared little better. His once thin and angular features had been bloated outwards. A jiggling pair of chins sat prominently below his beard, each sloshing with each chew and bite. Each cheek was as large as a deflated football, subtly growing and shrinking with each mouthful of food. Indeed, his mouth was completely covered in a myriad of sauces and condiments. His mouth was dripping a mixture of bread crumbs and garlic butter, his tongue trying to lazily lick his lips for the last drops

This tied in with another notable feature of Discords blimping, the degradation of his hygiene. His body seemed to be dripping with sweat, flowing readily along his expanded tracts of flesh. A veritable patchwork of stains dotted his body, most notably on his front, where a collection of different colours from virtually every dish spattered his belly and moobs. His hands were seemingly in a state of half cleanliness, as the bloated digits were plunged into a new piece of fattening cuisine, only for it to be sucked greedily off them after each. He couldn’t help but rattle off a loud belch at odd intervals, resulting in his body wobbling in turn, sending waves of motion through his soft wobbly lard.

Above his hands were his arms. Mismatched by nature, sure, but both equally took up a good portion of flab, turning the two into heavy bingo wings, resting on the his upper fat belly roll in-between meals. Behind him, his once unnoticeable bottom had ballooned up into a pair of wrecking ball sized butt cheeks. Each was splayed out as the weight of his upper body squished them outwards. These were supported by fleshy, folded columns of blubber, with a hoof/claw at the end of each, the fat beginning to suck them in.

Lastly, his once muscular tail had become a heavy log of fat, which partially disappeared between the titanic ass crack, the rest laying limply against the floor, too heavy to be picked up now, acting as just another store for his pudge. He sat in his living room on a supersized mattress, surrounded by mountains of opened and unopened boxes, containers and packages of food. On the top fold of his impressive gut, he had a pizza box, the bottom of it stained with grease.

Lifting up the lid of a box of pizza, it revealed an 18” monster. It was loaded with different cheeses, sauces and toppings galore. Not to mention the cheese stuffed crust. Drooling slightly, the glutton levitated it over, resting the box on his moobs. Inhaling deeply, he smelt the delectable mingling of the different ingredients, causing more drool to pour out of his mouth, tricking down his chins. With a little effort, he grabbed a slice, his claw already being soaked in a mixture of grease and cheese. He proceeded to eat it in a few, loud, obnoxious bites. He chewed sloppily, letting sauce and grease drip down, adding to the stains present. Not satisfied, he grabbed the rest and consumed them with frightening voracity. “UUUUURRRPPPP!!! Mmmmmm, these Neightalian dishes get better and better with each one I have! I’d better get a couple of hundred more, just to be certain of their quality.”

Beside his stinking blob shaped body was a note pad, floating gingerly in the air, managing to just escape being splashed with each mouthful the Draconequus took. “Pizza, I think, is one of pony kinds greatest dishes. The Neightalian Stallion is one such restaurant that takes great pleasure in its work to craft such wonderfully filling and delectable concoctions. This is to not discredit their other beautiful dishes, such as their pasta of all kinds, my favourite being their pasta Bolognese. Along with other such delights as their Garlic bread stuffed to the gills with garlic butter and some wonderful Calzone, I do believe this restaurant is one of the best for authentic and delicious Neightalian cuisine 4.5/5.” Pausing briefly, he considered the next course to sample, eyes falling on a selection of Mareixcan cooking from a place called ‘Rustlers Respite’.

Yes, the once terror of Equestia had become a food critic. At the suggestion of Fluttershy to be more productive instead of sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing, he took a job. One with inevitable meant he sat around, eating instead. He decided when looking for work that in the criteria they had to be fun and different, not sitting in an office all day. Then he saw an opening at the Manehatten paper, ‘The Moon’ with an opening for a food critic. So he snapped up the opportunity in a heartbeat, and after some slight panic on the papers end, he got the job.

What the paper found out was that Discord had certain traits gave him a distinct advantage over a Pony in the same field. For one, his stomach capacity allowed him to eat huge quantities, allowing him to sample entire menus without breaking a sweat. Secondly, his memory allowed him to critique with great precision and could remember each flavour that passed his lips. Soon, he was writing reviews for days, gaining attention nationwide. As a result, most places he visited experienced an increase in customers, boosting his reputation. In fact, his reviews were so popular that many local papers in other towns commissioned him to review their local eateries, further boosting his fame.

However, his eating habits caught up with him rapidly. His body seemed to pack on the pounds as easily and rapidly as he turned in reviews. One review a day at the start quickly turned into 4, and then into 16. Soon enough, even with his chaotic powers, he found it harder to get anywhere. Doors were getting too narrow for his ballooning belly, seats too small for his yoga ball sized ass, and tables too crowded, simply overflowing with food and chaotic flesh. As his body blimped from skinny to morbidly obese, he began to request deliveries to his house for restaurants nationwide, unable to properly visit the eateries without the possibility of crushing furniture and smothering the many patrons, of course, for such a prestigious creature in the food world, they obliged. And so here he was.

Over a tonne of wobbling, jiggling flesh, opening up a huge package of yet more food. Fajitas, burritos, chili con carne and lots and lots of nachos, slathered in cheese, with plentiful of guacamole and salsa dips. Flipping over to a new page, he eyed up the savoury selection, deciding on the burrito first. Grabbing the tinfoil wrapped delicacy, which was over a foot in length, he began to tear off the foil, letting the rubbish fall to the floor.

He then took a bite. His eye’s widened as he chomped through tortilla and into a mass of rice, cheese, beef and beans. With how thick it was, it was like biting into a pillow, a decidedly beautifully prepared pillow at that. Sluggishly he chewed the huge mouthful, sending his jowls and chins wobbling from the motion. Excess sauce dripped freely from his mouth, coating his mouth a deep red colour. “Firstly, mmmm, the Burrito’s on offer come with a, UURRPP!, good range of fillings, very filling and delectable. Spices are subtle, not overwhelming and complement the other flavours well. The rice and wrap are soft and fluffy, containing, Gulp, well prepared and well-seasoned goodies.”

Continuing on, he ploughed through the rest of the box, cramming steaming cheesy nachos, slathered in salsa into his mouth, crumbs erupting between each bite. He decimated the fajitas and lastly came upon the Chili. Holding it up with his magic, he brought it just above his head, before tipping it, letting the rich dish flow into his mouth. His throat visibly bulged as huge globs of the cuisine descended into the roiling pit known as his stomach, swelling the organ out even further as several regional dishes worth shared the same home. With the last few nachos, he wiped the rest of the pot clean, before letting the box fall onto the rest to the packaging below.

Gasping for air a little, he let out a deep sigh, his hands trying to rub the his stomach, which was now making audible gurgles and groans, trying to process the extra calorie bomb he had dropped into it. “Oof, I think I may have to slow down a little, I’m positively full right now I…” He was cut off by a sloppy gurgle below, then a few moments passed, he felt a build-up of gas move lower. ‘Frrrrrbbbbpptttt!!!’ His ass cheeks violently wobbled and shook as they slapped together from the force of the eruption. From this, ripples of motion travelled through his bloated mass, sending almost every part of his enlarged body jiggling from the force. After a good minute, the last part of his adipose stopped moving. He let out a deep sigh, giving his lizard cheek a pat, his hand easily sinking into the good meter and a half of butt blubber. He watched in satisfaction as ripples flowed across his rolled, dimpled flesh like waves on an ocean. “Ooh, that was a loud one, I must be really full now.”

However, a sudden knocking at the door interrupted his musings. He frowned, not expected anypony, or anycreature for that matter to come knocking at this hour. The only time someone knocked was on Mondays was when he received his food delivery for the week, and it was a Thursday afternoon. Grunting, he began to get up after days of sitting down. His ass cheeks were almost fused to the mattress, and as he slowly got to his feet, two huge divots were left there as he peeled his flesh from the material, now wet with sweat. If anypony was to get as fat as Discord was, they would have no chance of walking. Even with his chaos powers, that didn’t stop the force of gravity pulling down on every overfilled roll, fold and slab of blubber, trying their level best to immobilise the Draconequus. Pretty soon, if he got lazier and larger, a good possibility, then it was likely that would be the case as he simply couldn’t be bothered to get up. For now though, he began the short trek to the door, every foot fall sending hundreds of pounds of flab undulating like an odd coloured jelly, with audible slaps sounding as parts of him, especially his butt, clapped together juicily. His moobs in particular seemed to have mind of their own, swinging like pendulums as they collided with his belly and each other.

Grasping the door handle, he opened it, letting the overwhelming smell of food out. Looking down his noticed a short yellow Pegasus, gazing up at him in turn. “Fluttershy? Whatever are you doing here?” The shy Pegasus looked up at the bloated form of her friend, which completely filled the doorway. His belly was significantly wider than the frame, and his butt even larger than that.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks! I was so worried about you! The only thing I ever saw from you was the reviews in the papers!” Looking past her curtain of hair, he noticed that her concerned face seemed rounder then normal.

“Well, I have been busy with my job after all, reviewing all those eateries is rather taxing work, I can assure you. Well, seeing as you are here, why don’t you come in? I’ve plenty of room inside.” Motioning with a flabby hand, he about faced, his expansive tush squashing into the doorframe, giving Fluttershy an eyeful of the two gloriously large moons wobbling around, folds and dimples marring them. Following the Draconequus inside showed how much the house’s condition had degraded. Almost every surface had been covered by some full or empty box, the remains of which were piling up around him. Despite this, there was a clear gap in the litter showing a picture of the two, though much, much thinner. Waddling over to his spot, he sat back into the depression, whilst simultaneously using his magic to clear away some of the detritus, leaving a spotless armchair for Fluttershy, who was staring around at the mess, shocked at how much there was. Slowly, she walked over to it, before sitting into it, surprised that there was no stains on it.

Now that she was sitting, Discord noticed Fluttershy’s weight gain more prominently. She almost filled the chair, her plot seemingly doubled in width since he had last seen her. These were complimented by a round pair of thunder thighs. Partially resting on them, her belly had rounded out to the size of a pillow, sagging between her legs. On her sides, a set of love handles had formed, creating to butter like slabs. She had positively ballooned!

“Discord, I’m happy that you got a job, I truly am. But, I’m concerned that your, erm, activities are bad for the sake of everyone.” Discord raised an eyebrow, puzzled at the statement.

“Why ever is that my dear? I’m just writing restaurant reviews, no biggie, right?” he said nonchalantly, idly playing with a fat roll he hadn’t noticed before. “It’s not like everypony has suddenly became addicted to food or anything, right?” Fluttershy, with an exasperated look on her face gave a small nod, sending her budding double chin quivering.

“Yes, everypony is now into food! Ever since you started to be published, everypony who reads the reviews seems to eat more and more with each passing day. I read them every day, and I would always feel hungry at the end. With everyone I read, I almost have a growing urge to eat and eat!” She took a deep breath, her once model thin body shaking a little. “And it’s not just me either. My other friends are eating more and more, the whole towns eating more. Hay, everypony I saw on the way here was eating more. Everypony’s getting, well, fat.” She gestured to herself, her hoof sweeping along her body, pointing out her generously proportioned body. “I used to weigh 115 lbs, now I’m over 250!”

“Do you hate it?” Discord said simply. In a moment, the Pegasi’s train of thought had been interrupted. She blinked owlishly, a little confused at the question. “Do you hate being fat?”

There was a few seconds where she said nothing, in though as conflicting ideas flowed inside her mind. “Erm… well, no, to be honest. I don’t really don’t mind being this large. In fact, I kind of like it. I’m still active and I can still care for my animal friends just as much. Trying out all these different food is so much fun! As well, I think lots of ponies are enjoying it too. Pinkie has never had so much work! Rarity is designing more plus sized outfits and more tailoring, so she’s rolling in bits. Applejack’s demand for apples has skyrocketed, and Twilight has been sorting out magic to help make transportation and food delivery easy. I guess Rainbow is the only one who isn’t really on board with gaining. She’s still pretty skinny, as are the Wonderbolts, but getting a little pudgy.”

Discord nodded slowly, sending his battened neck rolls wobbling. “So, everpony’s getting fat, with lots of ponies benefitting from it, and your worried about the safety of others. Logically, ponies are doing even better with a little meat on their bones, so there should be nothing to worry about, right?” Fluttershy considered his words, then nodded back.

“Yes, well, erm, yes they are. I guess I’m just worried over everypony’s sudden change, but I didn’t really consider the good parts that much. I’m sorry I yelled.” Her face fell a little, blushes highlighting her expanded chipmunk cheeks.

“Aww, not to worry Fluttershy. Your just concerned with the wellbeing of other’s and that’s not like it’s a bad thing now, is it? Now, let’s have something to eat, I’m sure your dying to try some exquisite delicacies.” Her face lit up as in an instant a groaning tray of steaming, packed burgers, greasy, salty fries and thick creamy milkshakes were plopped down on her lap. Discord too had a similar meal, only it was at least triple the size, with a cup the size of his head. “Oh, this is just something I whipped up myself. Surely, a critic ought to know how to make food too?”

Fluttershy gave a small nod in agreement, as she wrapped her lips around the sandwich, before taking a bite. Her mouth exploded with flavour. Her chewing sped up, becoming a little sloppy as her eyes glazed over a little. Flecks of sauce and grease tricked out as her only concern became filling her stomach with fat and carbs. Chuckling, Discord lifted one of his own creations up, taking a good bite of it. The same explosion of flavour occurred, only he was used to it, though his manners were still poor.

“Oh, I forgot to mention, I may have added a few extra special ingredients to the meal. I hope you don’t mind.” He got no response, save a piggish snort as she kept ploughing on, seemingly unaware of her current situation. Letting out a rolling burp, her hooves grabbed the milkshake, firmly inserting it between her lips and gulping down mouthfuls with abandon. “I may have added a little weight gain formula to the shake, burger and fries along with full fat ice cream. It’s all so addictive and fattening, I hope you don’t mind?”

Evidently not, as the only response he got was the sound of noisy slurping of her continuing to consume to chocolatey goodness, not minding the thousands of calories filling her stomach. Discord again chuckled. If Fluttershy, a pony who actually came to him to discuss obvious changes could be so easily entranced and persuaded by food, how many more reviews did he have to publish before everycreature became nothing but wobbling blobs of lard, addicted to having just one more mouthful of greasy, delicious food? Finishing his third burger with a handful of fries, he got to work planning his next article.