• Member Since 16th Feb, 2019
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Haunter_Rayne


Amateur adult fanfiction writer. I love Fantasy, Drama, Adventure, GrimDark and Eroticism. I sometimes do requests.

Sequels1

Comments ( 868 )

Awwwwww yes I love apple jack

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I'm glad that you enjoyed AJ's part in this chapter. Figuring out a way to flirt with her that would work while still keeping her in character was a lot of fun. Keep reading, there is definitely more for AJ to come. ^_^

<Sips coffee while sitting infront of round table and reading news paper> <looks up from paper and sips more coffee> Hmmmm.... Continue.

Did you mean to make the guy in the cover art look like King Sombra?

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No that's just Rayne, my OC and the protagonist of this story. Any relation to King Sombra is just coincidence but I take that as a compliment. Irl I have been told that I look like Sirius Black, Dave Navarro, Armond from Interview with the Vampire, etc... So the design concept was just how I thought I'd look as a pony.

Great story can't wait for more of it please keep up the good work

Thank you so much for your praise! I really do appreciate it so much! And stay tuned because the next chapter is coming soon!

Great work on the new chapter can't wait for more

This is excellent--but someone ought to be real stern with Twilight and say that - instead of danger to Equestria - it's her that stresses everypony out!

DONT TOUCH IT YOU’LL GO BLIND 👌👌

Im 99.99% sure that it is team work. Great chapter can't wait for more. I wonder if spike would benefit from a bone popping experience and im curious about what the princess's reaction to getting a bone popping experience would be to and why do i have a feeling that it would work maricals on a species that has an exoskeleton

Haha, thank you for the comment. Don't worry, after tonight Rainbow Dash has some ideas that might help the Wonderbolts through the WOTC.

Also Spike and Rarity still have some ways to go still but they'll make progress at their own pace. Thank you for supporting my ships and my writing. ^_^

So his loves r chrysalis and Maud.... not bad.

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You got that partially right ^_~.

To me Maud is amazing. I like her calm attitude, devoted heart, and matter of fact outlook on life. She seems to me like somepony who just hasn't come out of her shell romantically speaking. So Rayne is enjoying taking her to new degrees of romance that she wouldn't have known otherwise. But I will admit that Rayne is taking advantage of her a bit. He does care about her but she is not one of his great loves. Maud started off not wanting to get too intimately involved. Their relationship is based more off of a physical attraction than a romantic one. That's another reason why she doesn't mind Rayne being intimate with other mares.

As for Chrysalis though, yes now she DEFINITELY is intended to be one of his great loves. But despite this, the story has to lead up to her because right now she is still in hiding. Rayne doesn't know yet how to find her.

Yay an update for the epic story please keep on going

Wow Fluttershy's a cunt. :pinkiegasp:

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Hahaha omg! I appreciate your input XD

Interesting how this author can convey such imagery and emotion through dialogue and descriptive words alone. Very interested to see how the next chapter plays out and I hope more of the same will be found within!

Oh my gosh the art is beautiful!!!

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Thank you. I really enjoyed getting to have an art piece for ch 14 here. This is one of my favorite moments in the story so far and I think the picture looks as fun as the scene itself. I like the little details added in as well. ^_^

I haven’t been this invested in a story on FIMFiction in a long time. There’s not a lot of new content being produced on this website that I’d consider to be top notch but this story really made my day. The writing was good, the characters were portrayed phenomenally, and I couldn’t stop smiling at the idea of a brony coming to Equestria trying to play matchmaker with their favorite ships! I know you don’t have a lot of viewers... but don’t let that deter you. A 100k word story isn’t an easy feat to overcome. I applaud you for the determination. You’re doing this out of your free time which is something I truly admire. Thank you so much for this fun story and I can’t wait to see what happens next! 😉

I love the ambiguous title the author has chosen here, and often does. It’s interesting to go back and make these references while the story arc and character development is so skillfully woven. I’m very eager to press onwards as I’m sure any other reader would be if they made it this far in the story. Having a lot of fun trying to figure out this protagonist and their tendencies. Difficult to guess, but where would be the fun of it wasn’t ?

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Thank you for following along with me this far. Trust me, there is plenty more that is coming!

And also thank you to everyone who has been leaving me remarkable comments so far. Your support is touching and it definitely helps to keep me motivated!

This is getting good >:) I hope Rayne doesn't get discovered to soon but at the same time I kinda want him to get discovered :rainbowderp: I love the direction this story is headed. Fantastic chapter :heart:

9646665
I am really glad to hear that you have enjoyed my latest chapter so much. Yes things are really heating up at this point. Lots of conflicts coming together. And don't worry, I don't think that you will be disappointed in how things turn out. ^_~

Rereading woo woo. I recognize those mares on his cutie mark :ajsmug:

TD-

I can not stop reading.
I want more.
Good chapter. \0/

I loved hearing Rarity go into detail about her love for Spike :raritystarry: I hope they save him without starting any world wide conflicts:twilightoops: I'm glad Rayne was able to get Sombra's powers early :yay: but I'm also worried of how this is going to effect the state of his plans :rainbowhuh: poor Hope, getting eaten by a giant panther is never fun :ajsleepy: at least that's what I assume is going to happen:trixieshiftleft: awesome chapter as always:heart:

9650575
Thank you for the awesome comments and the fun emojis lol. Yeah, I worked hard on Rarity's reflection there. I wanted it to be deep but not to seem forced. Yes this definitely threw Rayne off from the schedule he had planned but it still worked out in his benefit. That's not to say that there still won't be complications though ^_~. Yes I left Hope's fate mainly open for reader's interpretation for a reason. Just hold on and this scene will be referenced back to later on in the story.

Yes release all of the creatively that you have for this story for it is glorious

9653515
Haha yeah. In the figurative and the literal sense I guess. XD

Oh shit things are crazy:pinkiegasp: I'm looking forward to seeing what Rayne's dreams/nightmares are like:ajsmug: I hope Rarity and Spike can make it out safely:applecry: sweet chapter, I'm super excited for the next one:yay:

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Haha, that comment is awesome. Thank you for your time in leaving a review.

It’s nice how you tie sentences together. It really does work just fine, but I’ve always been told that when a quote is followed by the writer explaining how the words were said, you make it all one sentence. For example:

“It'd be lovely but it could never happen. Real life doesn't let things from fantasy stories exist, that's what makes them a fantasy.” A disgruntled mind thought longingly to itself behind middle-aged eyes that resisted waking for the day.

“It'd be lovely but it could never happen. Real life doesn't let things from fantasy stories exist, that's what makes them a fantasy,” a disgruntled mind thought longingly to itself behind middle-aged eyes that resisted waking for the day.

I mean, of course if this was actually changed it would definitely be a big sentence. It would then be best to edit it down into separate sentences in a different way... but that’s just for this first example here. Generally, this is the way I and my family do it. We could be wrong, of course.
Other than that, wow. No problems at all, just a couple of tiny nitpicks. Personally, if I somehow woke up as a pony I can’t see myself narrating a bunch of my thoughts, but whatever. Like I said, that’s just me. I’ve also grown used to reading thoughts in italics, so that first sentence tricked me into thinking Rayne was saying it aloud. I don’t know what the proper usage of italics is, but it’s either that or to stress words without writing with caps lock or something. I can’t think of a better way to start though!
Including a map is interesting. I can’t help but wonder what plans you have - and it looks like I don’t have to wait to find out, since you’ve already written 32 chapters!

I’ll keep reading. Thanks for writing.
-DM

Step four, make friends with the only ones capable of stopping me before my master plan begins. And step five... make sure that all of my lose ends are covered. I'm going to have a lot to cover and not a lot of time to work on it."

You get the shovels and I’ll get the body bags.

Alright, alright, now on a more serious note - I noticed you wrote: “lose” and I think it should be “loose” in this sentence.

Oh, also:

And if no stallion around town is going to give you that then I will he happy to oblige."

Needs to be more chapters like that 1.

I hate Spike he's just a little kid come on he's not even a teenager yet

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Hello DM and thank you for this stunning review of my first chapter. It was well thought out and I appreciate the input. So I've found that there are definitely different styles of writing, especially when it comes to the fanfiction form. You will notice that I am occasionally a bit more lax on grammar when it is a character speaking than when it is something being narrated. Also, I very rarely use italics unless it is for something super specific. It may have only happened once or twice in my 32 chapters so far.

Because ponies talking to themselves is a pretty big thing in Equestria I usually try to stay pretty clear about when someone is speaking or thinking. Also, as for my sentance length I usually try to make sure my pacing flows well. I am not a professional writer but I try my best. So if you come across a sentance that is unusually short or unusually long then it was (most likely) an intentional writing decision to control the flow/feel of the scene.

Finally, I sincerely thank you for the free proof reading. I am happy to correct any mistakes that are found. It would be my preference though if individual typos could just me messaged to me in a PM while reviews about my content are posted openly in comment like this. And thank you again for reading! ^_^

9656826
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Not to worry, there is plenty of content like that in my story. ^_~

9657042
This is just a difference of opinion here. I respect that other fans of the show don't agree with me. But the viewpoint that I am taking with this story is that Spike has already reached the point where he had started growing up but then his aging was reserved. Furthermore, he has been stunted from growing ever sense he was shrunk back down

9657777
Now the question is if this could allow him to live forever... *thinking face.*

What does the Wonderbolts have anything to do with this story and where is chrysalis and Luna

9658256
So the initial tie in for the Wonderbolts here is to show Dash's distracting frustration from being attracted to Rayne, and because i thought this sub-arc is pretty cool. But it has a larger purpose that will tie back into the main story later on.

This story begins around the start of season 8 so right now Chrysalis is in hiding and Luna is off in Canterlot. But don't worry, the story is building up to them. ^_^

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